𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘈𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺, 𝘈𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘝𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

"Aish! Jaehan! You're doing it wrong! From the top, this time get the lyrics right. We don't have all day!" The stern voice of the old man lectured.

Jaehan's heart dropped. His eyes were heavy, dark circles underlining the passionless look that matted his Iris. Fatigue washed over each and every one of his limbs again; exactly how it did minutes, hours, and days before. The lack of sleep was finally getting to him, taking a toll on his body, as well as his mental health. It was no secret, however, that his mental health was bad.

Although, that wasn't going to spare him from the harsh criticism he was bound to face.

Jaehan moved closer to the microphone, preparing himself to sing the same verses for what felt like the millionth time.

"All these scenes to me are unforgettable,

And I'm already into you, Bae~

You know that it's-"

Jaehan stopped singing abruptly until the sound of the instructor cut him off. "STOP!"

The idol sighed. He pulled the headphones down to his neck. His ears had been red and in pain from having them on for hours without end. With a swift movement of his arm, he brushed his hands through his hair. All Jaehan wanted to do was close his eyes, even though he knew that he'd get yelled at even more.

"What do you think you're doing!? You've messed up your part too many times now! Your tone is wrong, you keep forgetting the lyrics, and you just keep-" The man scoffed, "Screwing everything up!" It was sudden, but his tone dropped dramatically, making his words sound of disappointment. "You shouldn't be an idol if you can't handle this!"

The tears jerked inside of Jaehan's eyes. His heart began to pound harder and harder, blood circulating violently through his veins. It didn't take long for his heart to stop beating, time standing still for what was too long to be a minute.

"Yah! Kim Jaehan! Focus, we need to get this done! You've already messed this up enough as it is. Stop being lazy! Don't make me get the manager!"

Those last six words sent Jaehan into a spiral of emotions. His breath now quickened as memories flashed in his mind. His hands began to shake, the tears behind his eyes trying to break through and run away. The idol's thoughts ran wild, a tornado of questions swarming his mind like bees in a beehive.

"They're trying to hurt me- No, calm down," He thought to himself, attempting to calm his racing thoughts. But, it was to no avail.

"That's it! Get the manager," One of the other men shouted out of anger. It didn't take more than two minutes before one of the guys in the recording studio whipped out his phone, holding it to his ear as he spoke.

"We've got a situation with Jaehan. I'd recommending getting down here ASAP, Sir." The guy on the phone spoke. His expression looked somewhat troubled as he replied. "Oh... Yes, I understand,"

The call hung up abruptly. The man looked around at the crew before going over to Jaehan. A sigh left his mouth before he spoke to Jaehan. "Head to the manager's office," he told the idol in a despairing tone. "Try not to get everyone else in trouble,"

To Jaehan, it felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It felt to him as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest, yet somehow still beating faster than he could keep up with. His anxiety had gotten so bad ever since the first encounter with the infamous Kang Seonghee, and quite frankly dealing with her husband- or in other words, the manager, was not on the top of his to-do list. There was and had always been an unspoken rule at Spire Entertainment:

"Fake It Until You Make It"

It got all the members through a lot of difficult times. Even the stickiest of situations they could pry themselves out of with a little bit of charisma. However, Jaehan had always been bad at doing that. He was too honest, too soft, and was far too kind for his own good.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The moment Jaehan stepped out of the recording studio, a tear streamed down his face. He didn't waste any time wiping it away. For every tear he wiped though, two more would run down his cheeks. This caused him to go into a state of anxiety where he felt trapped. Everything started to blur, but he lied to himself saying he could make it through.

"A deep breath and I'm good to go. Don't cry or they'll see your weakness," He told himself in a hushed voice aloud. If anyone heard him, they'd think he's crazy or over-dramatic. If the members heard him, they'd pity him or feel bad. They all already knew about his anxiety, though they chose not to say anything.

"Some things are better left unsaid," They would all tell themselves.

They weren't wrong though.

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Jaehan's fragile hands knocked softly on the manager's door. "I-It's Jae-''

"Get your ass in here. Now." His voice was firm and unforgiving, which felt a hole of fear in Jaehan. He knew what was coming next. He knew nobody could stop it.

Cautiously, he entered the office, carefully closing the door behind him. When he turned around, the manager had already stood up. The idol's blood was now surging vigorously through his entire body, pulsing with anxiety. Jaehan closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself for the impact that was bound to come.

He had only expected it to be a burning slap, maybe even a punch to the gut- no amount of mental or physical preparation could prepare him for the heavy, weighed, black tape dispenser that was chucked at him. Seconds later, a stapler followed, hitting him point-blank in the head.

Jaehan hissed in pain, hunching over in pain as his hands made their way to the newly forming bruises on his face. The manager scoffed at Jaehan's humane reaction as if it were some sort of sin.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF TRASH! YOU WASTED SO MUCH TIME JUST SCREWING AROUND LIKE THE LITTLE LAZY BASTARD YOU ARE! I SCARIFIED SO MUCH FOR THIS COMPANY!" With every sentence, the man struck Jaehan. Each time harder and harder, carefree of leaving bruises. "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STAND THERE AND LOOK PRETTY! BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT, YOU PATHETIC FAG! IT'S 5 A.M. GOD DAMNIT, AND I'M STUCK HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!"

By now, Jaehan had already collapsed on the floor completely. He curled up in a ball, his limbs barely tangled together in order to protect his head and face from any of the agonizing blows. Tears streamed down his face, his voice cracking as he wept in pain. The older man began to kick him, stomping on him with all his might.

The physical abuse stopped quickly. The manager took a loud, deep breath. Confused, half of Jaehan wanted to peek and see why he had stopped. The other half, however, was too scared to check. That half turned into thirds when the new part of him was slightly relieved for not looking, because the manager had grabbed an empty Soju bottle and smashed it over Jaehan's head. The shards of glass cut deep into his bare arms.

"GET UP! NOW!" The irresponsible manager shouted.

Jaehan struggled to get up. He pushed himself up with all the strength he could, but his limbs were too weak. Frustrated and short tempered, the manager kicked him back down.

"Screw this. I'm done. I'm out of here. And don't think I'm going to excuse you from practice or anything because of this," The (very clearly) exasperated man followed up in a mono-toned voice. He had already begun making his way to the door. "You speak of this to no one. If you do, I'll kick you out of Spire and leak all of your screw ups. No label will want you. You might as well kiss your dreams goodbye," He added seconds before disappearing into the hallway.

There, Jaehan was left in a puddle of tears, trauma, and regret. He never came close to fathoming that the abuse would become this bad. "I guess his anger just built up," He tried to convince himself.

The cuts, bruises, and every muscle in his body felt like they were on fire from the burning sensation of the aches. It would take weeks for him to make a full recovery without feeling sore. How could he perform or do choreography while feeling this awful? Lord knows that if he did anything slightly off from perfect he'd never hear- or feel- the end of it.

And to think this was all over his fatigue and imperfect singing? Absurd.

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Months passed and life came crashing down. It started with Jaehan, but slowly the rest of the members started to catch on. It wasn't long before them, too, had experienced the same traumas. It wasn't until one day that everything changed.

Xen walked into the dorm late at night. It was about 11 p.m, and there was a huge thunderstorm outside. All the members were on edge about the disappearance of their fellow member. Relief filled their hearts when they witnessed Xen enter their dorm. However, that relief didn't last long when they saw the broken look on his face. Devastated, if you will.

Each and everyone of the members had been verbally harassed and abused by the manager, as well as his wife and the CEO of Spire. But all of them had gone through other things too that they kept a secret from each other: the sexual and physical harassment.

"Yah! Jen, why are you so late!?" Hangyeom asked his friend with a concerned tone.

Tears poured down his face with more speed and quantity than the rain outside. It was hard for him to bring himself to finally confess, but little did he know this would lead them to a long postponed discussion.

"Hyung..." Lee Jinwoo cried, shifting his gaze over to the rest of the members that crowded around him. "G-Guys... I-I'm s-sorry... I'm being a-abused...." 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞! 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩! 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨!

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏𝟕𝟕𝟑 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬