Myunghee didn't respond to that, all the adrenaline rush and overwork in the past few days got her desperate for a smoke and so she gave in, standing beside him with her arm hanging loose on the railing, she pulled out her packet of cigarettes and a lighter that she always carried. Lighting up that white stick, she took a deep puff to calm her nerves after all that happened, the sky resembled the color of the smoke that left her light her lips and Jaemin stared at her profile, wondering what it was that drew them together. They were in a way, poles apart.

Jaemin sighed from not having received an answer to his question, he looked forward into the abyss for a few seconds before he raised his head to look up at the aesthetic view of the sky. He was disappointed in himself, he didn't want to hurt Renjun.

The smell of smoke neared him and Jaemin looked down to see the cigarette, halfway done and standing between her fingers. The winds around them were slow and chilly as the nightfall began, Jaemin looked at the burning cigarette before taking it out of her hold and pulling it closer till it was between his lips. He never expected nicotine to calm him before, he wasn't addicted either but of course, every drug has its side effects. He disregarded those thoughts, wanting nothing but to forget the events from a few hours ago.

Jaemin quietly took deep puffs, finishing the half of a cigarette while Myunghee had been fighting with her thoughts, she didn't want to say anything that could anger him further.

"Are you okay?" She bit her lip ring out of habit as the tension set in, her finger nails pinching her own skin as she looked straight ahead, waiting for his response.

"No, but I know I will be," he said, his calm and soothing voice appearing after the chaos from earlier, calming the girl further.

"Why did you run away?" She asked next. Jaemin looked down at his feet, moving them around and it was obvious he felt uncomfortable.

"I just, couldn't, I," he stuttered and Myunghee realized just how vulnerable he was behind that strong character he showed the world outside.

"You felt bad for punching Renjun," Myunghee said it for him, thought he felt a strike in his chest at her blunt honesty, he nod his head.

"I didn't mean to, I don't even know what I was thinking," Jaemin said, guilt clear in his voice.

"It's okay to break out sometimes Jaemin, it's what makes us human," Myunghee told the boy and finally found the confidence to turn and face him. Jaemin did it too and looked away only momentarily to breathe out his last puff, he then dropped it to the other side of the railing.

"But what if I had a choice, of whether or not to break out like that? I could've avoided all of that," Jaemin complained.

"You still can by apologizing, you know that too," Myunghee said, shutting the boy up.

"Were you mad too?" He asked.

"Do I have the right to be?" Myunghee asked, catching the boy offguard and he looked at her with a confused look. She always made him want to think about things he never considered adequate before.

His eyes went down to that piercing, lids blinking as he looked at the stainless steel.

"Did that hurt?" He asked. Myunghee breathed out a little chuckle.

"For a first time, kinda did," she said.

"What made you want it?" Jaemin asked after a small pause.

Myunghee felt her smile die a bit, she had been asked that question one too many times, she always brushed it off with a, 'thought it was cool' or a 'wanted a change' but with him, she didn't want to lie.

"I had a scar, so to cover it up," she said, for the first time, sharing the little detail with someone and Jaemin noticed the mood change in her.

He looked away for a bit, biting his lip in anxiety before speaking up.

"That was my ex- girlfriend," Jaemin said and felt the weight push down in his chest, he couldn't believe it himself, that he was about to open up to a person that wasn't one of the boys.

"Was it a fight?" Myunghee asked softly.

"More than that, she cheated on me and her excuse? That I wasn't expressive enough, that she couldn't 'feel' the love that I had for her," Jaemin spoke.

"I did all I could, shared every detail and aspect of whatever happened in my life but that wasn't enough, then one day she stopped complaining, i wondered what got her changing her mind but she brushed it off, saying that she learnt to accept me and love me regardless."

Jaemin's voice cracked and Myunghee felt her breathing go harder just by looking at him feeling so down.

"Then later, I knew why she was so okay with me being the way I am all of a sudden, she had her fuck buddies all over her, why would she need me then," Jaemin said, a single hot tear falling down his eye.

"I tried, I really did," he said, voice breaking once again as his tone got more and more raspy.

"Renjun was the one who told me about it, he saw her while he was leaving his workshop, with another man, he helped me get over someone like her but I, I ended up hurting him," he spoke, hiccups following after every few words from how hard he tried not to cry out loud.

Myunghee pulled him closer, her arms hugging the boy, his head resting on her shoulder and she felt her shirt go damp little by little but that didn't matter.

"She always went out and came back drunk, that was when she was the most honest, when she cursed at me and how she wanted to have nothing with me anymore, and you know what hurted more? That the very next morning when she was sober, she would pretend it never happened, why?" Jaemin cried. His shoulders shaking from how often his breath hitched and a hiccup followed, Myunghee rubbed his back to comfort him.

"Don't cry for her Jaemin, you're better than that," Myunghee told the boy who winced in her hold, he pushed his head further into her embrace to feel some warmth. His own arms going around her waist, hugging her back finally as he sniffled.

TBC