𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘢'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝

"Fury told me that you missed your last session with Dr Raynor" Natasha speaks up on the ride home and I roll my eyes.

"Seems like Fury tells you a lot of things" I reply simply and she shoots me a glare.

"Anastasia" She scolds me.

"I don't need therapy, Nat" I huff in annoyance.

"You've been doing so well, Ana" She sighs.

"You wouldn't understand" I state, looking away from her to the window.

"Of course I would understand. Have you forgotten that I was there too? That we were raised together?" She says in disbelief.

"That's not- Forget about it, Natasha" I breathe out.

"No, Ana. You obviously don't think I know how you feel, so tell me. Please explain it to me...because I want to understand" My sister pleads with me.

"You'll never understand! None of you will!" I blurt out before I can stop myself and she frowns.

"How?" She asks.

"You think the Red Room was torture, Nat? Because that was nothing but a fever dream to me" I tell her, my head swimming with only a small percentage of the memories that plague my nightmares "You got out after that. Clint took pity on you and he helped you out. You became a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and you left me behind.."

"I came back for you" She tries to argue, but the way her eyes water and her voice cracks gives away the fact she doesn't want to fight with me.

"But you were too late. I had already been shipped off to HYDRA, and that's when the torture really began" I chuckle bitterly, traitorous tears slipping down my cheeks "You don't know what it's like to be treated like an animal. To have your mind wiped over and over again until you don't even know who you are, left with nothing but a name that you don't recognise. To look in the mirror, drenched in the blood of the innocent people that you've slaughtered, and not feel a damn thing"

"I'm sorry I didn't come for you sooner, Ana" Natasha apologises, guilt written all over her face as she glances at me.

"There were moments that it was okay" I explain, not wanting to hurt her further "Everything felt like it was going to be fine. The voices in my head weren't screaming, and I was at peace"

"Really?" She asks in surprise.

I pause for a moment before sighing softly and nodding.

"After lights out, he'd sneak into my room to keep me company. He didn't like to leave me for too long because he was afraid that I'd forget him, but I never could. We'd talk for hours and he'd hold me in his arms, stroking my hair. We never ran out of things to talk about, always coming up with new topics to distract ourselves from the hell" I talk passionately, my tears drying up as I remember the man "The whole world could be on fire, but I wouldn't be scared if he was by my side. He was my peace"

"James?" Natasha wonders aloud.

"James" I confirm, a sad smile on my face.

There's a short silence before I sigh, tuning my hands down my denim clad thighs.

"Can you pull over?" I ask.

Natasha pulls the car over without any questions and I get out the car, turning to her with a small smile.

"I'll go back to therapy if it makes you happy" I tell her and she smiles softly.

"It does" She replies and I nod.

"See you when I get home" I say and she nods back.

I slam the car door shut and she speeds off, leaving me to myself.

Within the matter of ten to fifteen minutes, I arrive outside the house of Margret Carter and wait outside for Steve. He exits the house and his eyes widen when he sees me waiting for him.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" He asks in confusion.

"Just a hunch" I shrug.

"You okay?" He questions in concern.

"I need to distract myself today, if that's okay with you?" I answer and he smiles.

"It's always okay with me" He assures me.

"Where you headed now?" I ask curiously, shoving my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket.

"I was going to head to the VA. Sam works there" Steve answers.

"You don't mind if I tag along, do you?" I wonder aloud and he pretends to think about it before rolling his eyes.

"I guess you could come with me" He chuckles, throwing his arm around my shoulders and I smile.

‎✪ ‎✪‎ ✪

"The thing is, I think it's getting worse" I hear a woman say as Steve and I listen in on the meeting "A cop pulled me over last week. He thought I was drunk. I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED"

"Some stuff you leave there. Other stuff you bring back. It's our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna me in a big suitcase, or in a little man-purse?" Sam tells the group of veterans "It's up to you"

"I think I need something bigger than a suitcase" I mumble and Steve smiles in amusement, nudging me gently with his elbow.

I shoot him a playful glare and nudge him back before listening to the rest of the meeting.

Eventually everyone says their goodbyes and leaves as Sam walks over to us.

"Look who it is, the running man and the pretty girl" Sam greets us as he sorts out a bunch of leaflets.

"Awe, you think I'm pretty" I coo and he chuckles, shaking his head.

"Caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense" Steve states.

"Yeah, brother, we all got the same problems. Guilt, regret" Sam explains.

"You lose someone?" Steve asks.

"My wingman, Riley" Sam answers "Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op. Nothing we hadn't done 1000 times before. Until an RPG knocked Riley's dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch"

"I'm sorry" Steve frowns.

"After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?" Sam says and I nod.

"But you're happy now, back in the world?" Steve asks curiously.

"The number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell yeah" Sam chuckles "Are you thinking about getting out?"

"No" Steve answers before shrugging "I don't know. To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did"

"Ultimate fighting?" Sam suggests, making Steve and I laugh "Just a great idea off the top of my head"

"Seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?" Sam continues.

"I don't know" Steve replies and I lean my head against his shoulder.

"You thinking about it, pretty girl?" Sam asks me.

"Getting out?" I ask and he nods "I've thought about it...but like Steve said, I wouldn't know what to do with myself after that"

"Maybe you could be a model" Sam suggests and I giggle, shaking my head.

"I tried the modelling thing. It wasn't for me" I tell the man and he raises a brow "I was undercover"

"You both just have to find something that makes you happy" He says.

I look up at Steve to see he's already looking down at me and he smiles at me warmly.

‎✪ ‎✪‎ ✪

We arrive at the apartment that Natasha and I share, and I hop off of Steve's motorcycle. He follows my actions, pulling off his helmet to reveal his messy blonde hair.

"Thanks for bringing me home, Stevie" I say and he shrugs.

"It was on my way" He replies and I nod.

There's a short silence before I turn and walk towards the entrance of the building. Before I can press the buzzer, my arm is gently grabbed and I'm spun around to face Steve.

"Steve, what are you do-" I'm cut off by the blonde man pressing his lips to my own.

I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his cropped hair. He holds my waist, pulling me close.

As much as I care about the man in front of me, the kiss doesn't make me feel anything more towards him.

Our lips part and he leans his forehead on my mine, staring at me in deep thought.

"That didn't feel right, did it?" He asks with a smile.

"Not at all" I chuckle and he pulls away from me.

"Just friends?" He suggests.

"Just friends" I confirm.

"At least now we can say that we tried" He declares.

"But we're just better off as friends" I add and he nods.

"Totally" He agrees.

We both let out a laugh and Steve awkwardly, rubs the back of his neck. I gently grab the collar of his jacket and reach up on my tiptoes to press a light peck to his cheek.

"Good night, Stevie" I mumble.

"Good night, Ana" He sighs, a smile still on his face.