C A D E T H 

The bright early morning sun beamed through my grand windows and into my chambers. If I hadn't been awake already, I surely wouldn't have been able to sleep through it. I sat on the edge of my bed, taking a moment to myself before my day begun. These few minutes were all I found for myself in this new life. The remainder of my day was spent guarding the queen or learning new things with Lord James. I stood to stretch out my limbs, letting out a groan as I did. The room was spotless, always kept clean by the maids unless I requested them not to enter. Rubbing my eyes, I glanced out one of the windows onto the large plot of land. The keepers were already out ensuring every blade of grass was the same height and no flowers held any wilted leaves. I thought it was a bit unnecessary, but as Lord James told me: "The castle is a representation of the queen. Their beauties represent each others structure and poise." I quietly wanted to argue that one only had to look at the queen to see her beauty, but I had held my tongue. 

The keepers all wore faded green and beige clothing with a large sun hat to protect their eyes from the sun. No matter what task, big or small, within the castle; it seemed that all of the castle staff were greatly cared for. Although I could see out, any windows that held some ones chambers were made in a way that others could not peak in without pressing their face to the glass. Royal chambers were up on one of the higher floors of the castle. This was for protection in the rare case the castle was overthrown, but also as a symbol or where one stood amongst the rest. I quickly went to double check my door, ensuring that the lock was fastened so no one would walk in on me. It was courtesy, just as much as it was law, to knock on a chamber door before entering. The only individual who was an exception was the queen herself, the same person I was terrified to have see the real me. 

I opened the dark oak drawer besides the full length that was placed in the corner of my room. Underneath a stack of towels laid a collection of tight ripped white or beige cloths. Most were from old uniforms I tore up that no longer fit me. It was one of the few things I kept with me while moving into the castle. I had told others who found it before that it was a collection of memories, but no one new their real purpose. I pulled off my bed clothes, letting them fall to the floor. Staring at myself in the mirror was always uncomfortable. I had grown so used to armor and tight leather that I commonly forgot what my bare chest looked like. When I was younger, I would wish that I was born a male to make my life easier. Over the years, seeing what I was able to accomplish just the same as the brothers next to me helped me find a new pride in who I really was. My breasts were small from years of constriction, but had always managed to bounce back. As I became of age I assumed my breasts would soon become flat to the point I no longer needed to restrain them, but that had yet to happen. I took the beige cloth and began to wrap it around myself, pulling tight after every turn. With years of experience, I was able to flatten my chest completely within seconds. I tucked the last strand within the folds and secured it with a small fastening pin. The process was never painful, but left my skin numb for a while after. I then donned my usual black fabric. A loose black long sleeve with tight black bottoms and matching boots. 

This morning I was to escort the queen on her walk through the garden. Lord James told me it was one of the few activities Xavier was entrusted to do himself without any other guards and I was expected to do the same. It would also be one of the first few times that the Queen and myself would be alone. I was nervous for that. Tightening my sword belt around my waist I quickly made my way down the long corridor. As I passed the queen's chambers I stopped for a moment, debating on knocking on her door. I was unsure if she was awake yet so I decided not to bother her. 

"Good morning Cadeth." Lord James beckoned, approaching me as I walked towards the kitchen. He let out a laugh and wrapped around my shoulder, joining me as I walked. 

"Good morning Lord James." I responded respectfully, stunned by his sudden forwardness. 

"I hope you slept well?" He continued to make small talk with me. 

"Of course. The beds in my chambers are much more comfortable than any cot I have called a bed before." I replied, both of us laughing in unison. As we stepped into the kitchen, all of the cooks said good morning to James and a few spoke a hello to myself. I began to walk around the kitchen, picking up a fresh pastry with an apple for my morning meal. 

"Are you ready for today?" James asked, raising one of his brows at me as he looked over the assortment of fruit. I knew he was referring to my morning escort with his niece. I wondered if he was questioning my ability or if he was considering to send me with other guards.

 "Of course! I am always ready to protect the queen with my life. To the queen!" I cheered, gaining a cheer back from all those in the kitchen and those passing by. James chuckled, shaking his head as we stepped out onto the balcony. The scent of fresh pastries flooding out, making all those who smelt it stomach's growl. I was quick to learn that the cooks were some of the hardest workers in the castle. The women seemed to always be working and at times I thought they went days without sleep or rest. 

"That is not what I was referring to Cadeth." He told me, biting into the steaming cheese danish. "I do not doubt your commitment nor capability to protect my niece, young Cadeth. You were selected from thousands of men twice your age because of your experience and ability to show dedication to Scotland.  When I asked if you were ready, I was asking if you were ready for the queen herself. She has a tough exterior, one some have been unable to get past the entire time they have known her." James explained to me. 

His words gave me relief and a bit of confidence hearing it from him. I did not know who, or how, I was chosen from all the other strong and brave people I called my brothers. I was unsure if it was the council or Lord James or the queen herself, but I knew it was wrong for me to ask. I would be questioning their decision. "I am as ready as I can be." I told him honestly. I knew it was a possibility that I would never find a bridge to the queen, but a personal relationship was not a requirement of me. Although it would make my duty easier, I would preform it never the less. 

"You'll do great." He told me, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. Meant as a gesture of reassurance, it felt almost as a warning that I did not have a choice but to do so. He then disappeared into the castle without another word towards me. Before I could think too much about it I took a bite into my small meal, enjoying the sweet juices that hit my tongue before the bitter moments I was about to endure. 

The cool breeze pushed my thin hairs across my face that I was unable to secure in my tight bun. Large white clouds painted the sky, shining bright with the sun hidden behind them. Birds flew across the sky, singing out as they crossed over the grounds. I stood at the bottom of the grand steps of the garden awaiting Queen Adelaide's arrival. I rubbed the sweat from my palms against my sides, trying to hide my anxiety. I was unsure what to expect, but took Lord James' words as a gift. I heard the soft metal creak of the large door opening. I turned to see the queen standing beside her friend Katherine who whispered into her ear. The two both smiled and laughed. As a few workers passed by they said good morning and gave a soft bow in her direction. She didn't miss a single one, always saying good morning in return. As she reached the stairs, our eyes met. Her smile fading to a more serious look. Katherine gave her a hug before disappearing into the castle. 

She wore a simple gold and tan dress yet, she always looked elegant enough for a ball. As she walked down the steps, I reached out my hand to assist. She did not take it, she did not even glance in my direction. Instead she began her walk without speaking a word to me, leaving me to catch up to her. I cleared my throat, clasping my hands behind my back as we made our way into the forest. The path was still well within the castle protection, but it was a less monitored path. Occasionally guards would walk it on their routine routes, but there was not eyes always on it. 

"Good morning, Queen Adelaide." I said softly. She was quiet for a moment, debating on responding to me. "Morning." She replied simply, keeping her eyes straight in front of her. "Beautiful day." I continued to try and start conversation with her, but allowing for her to decide if she wanted to speak to me or not. Her eyes glanced to me only for a second before looking back to the path. "It's Scotland, it's always beautiful. Even under rain and snow." She replied. I couldn't help the small smile that crept onto my lips. "Yes, of course." I nodded towards her. We did not speak much more. We continued on our walk in silence, only the sounds of nature and distant horse trots accompanied us. 

Suddenly, Adelaide took a sharp turn on a less known path. Confused I followed after her, not questioning where she wanted to go but following as I was told. She walked down a hill covered in leaves and brush, nearly slipping as she got to the bottom. I quickly moved in order to grab her. My arms grasping around her waist as we slid down the hill. I pulled her atop of me, keeping her from as much dirt and dust as I possibly could. As we reached the bottom of the large hill we sat in silence for a moment before breaking out into laughter. Both of us relaxing for a moment. As she turned her head and her eyes landed on my face, she quickly stood, pushing off of me. Her smile was yet again, gone within an instant. 

"Thank you for breaking my fall." She said, dusting off her dress. I rose to my feet, nodding my head. "Of course, it is my duty to protect you." I told her. My words seemed to only upset her more as she continued to walk off. She began to tell me how taking a different route was a mistake and we needed to find a way back up the large hill. She explained how she didn't know what she was thinking and that she should be back in the castle finishing her duties instead of out here in the woods. She questioned me on why I did not speak up, why I did not redirect her. Every chance I took to speak, she continued on and I did not want to interrupt. "This isn't what we're supposed to be doing Xavier!" She shouted in frustration, stopping in her steps. She stood with her back to me, hiding her face away. 

"My queen. I am not Xavier. My name is C-". "I know!" She screamed, turning to me with tears in her eyes. I felt as though I had been struck through the heart. A sharp pain pierced my chest seeing her like this. "I know you're not him and I hate it! I hate it!" She shouted. I stood feet from her, watching as she broke down. I wanted to help her, but I did not know how. I did not know yet what boundaries she wanted set between us. "I hate that the man I've grown to love as a brother is dead and he's dead because of me!" She shouted. "He should be alive, but because he was picked to protect me he is dead! And instead of him here now it's you!" Tears began to run down her face. I could feel the hatred she threw towards me, but I knew it was coming from somewhere else. From the pain of losing the protector she had known her whole life. 

"My queen, why do you hold such resentment towards me? My sole intention is to protect and care for you just as Xavier had." I questioned softly, unsure if I would regret speaking. 

"Because the only other protector I've known is dead! That's how it works! If I let myself care... If I let myself open up to you I will only be broken again when it happens to you." She said truthfully. I understood now. She did not hate me simply because I was not Sir Xavier. She hated the idea of allowing herself to create a relation with someone who in the end may parish on her behalf. "And stop calling me queen!" She demanded. "It's Adelaide. Just Adelaide." She told me. I nodded my head in understanding as I took my first step towards her since we had fell down this hill. "You are my protector, therefore when speaking to others you shall still refer to me as Queen, but when speaking to me..." she paused for a moment, debating her next words, "It's just Adelaide." 

"Adelaide," I spoke, the name feeling foreign on my tongue to address her majesty in such a manor, "I am sorry for the pain you felt when losing Sir Xavier, but I cannot bring him back." I spoke softly, closing the distance between us. "I can promise you that I will protect you with the same intentions he carried." She took a deep breath, her soft, tear-filled eyes staring up at me. "And whatever fate I will face, I cannot change. It had been stained to me since birth and no one can change that, but until that day," I swallowed, biting the inside of my cheek as I slowly reached up to cup her angelic face. "I promise I will be what you need me to be. A protector. A friend. A mere servant if it be your liking." I whispered, offering a gentle smile. My thumbs stroked the tears from her cheeks. I knew my trained fingers must had felt rough against her unblemished skin. 

She did not speak, her eyes searching around my face. I was prepared for her to yell. I was prepared for her to set me straight, to tell me I shall never touch her again. I was prepared to pay the consequences. But as I ran all the outcomes through my mind, I was not prepared for what happened. Her arms wrapped around me softly and her head nuzzled against my top. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as long as she needed me to. Although she was embracing me, I felt as though part of it was an embrace for Sir Xavier. One last time since she didn't get to say goodbye. 

Slowly her arm released and head tilted back, taking a step away from me. "Thank you um-" she paused unsure how to address me. I grinned towards her, taking a step away and giving a proper introduction. I bowed before her, "Sir Cadeth Marie, my que- I mean Miss Adelaide." As I glanced up, I saw the first genuine smile on her lips since we had met. "Thank you Cadeth. Now, I do wish to find a way back to the trail and towards the castle before it begins to rain." 

The white clouds above had faded to a dark gray whilst on our adventure, preparing to release a rainstorm over the castle. We walked for some time before finding a small hill we were able to scale back up to the trail. By the time we made our way onto the garden grass, the rain had begun to fall. I watched as handmaiden rushed from the castle doors with towels and a umbrella to protect her from the rain. As we waited for them to make their way across the grounds, Adelaide grasped my arm, pulling my attention to her. 

"Thank you for accompanying me on my walk this morning Cadeth." She thanked me, giving me soft smile. I could not help but smile in return. "Of course Adelaide, I hope to do it again some time." I replied. We both knew that I would be accompanying her on every morning walk from now on, but the simple words made us both let out a laugh. "I will have to get back to you on that." She played along. The handmaiden had just reached us as we finished speaking. They were quick to throw towels over her shoulders and hold an umbrella over her head. I watched as she was quickly escorted back into the dry castle. I had grown used to the rain from years of being in the queens guard, it no longer bothered me. As the door closed behind her I watched as she glanced over her shoulder towards me. 

ADELAIDE 

"So besides wet, how was your stroll this morning with Sir Cadeth?" Katherine questioned me, helping try my hair with white towels. I gave a quick shrug, submerging my urge to smile. "It was alright." I stated blankly, standing for her to begin undoing my wet corset strings. I watched as she rolled her eyes in the mirror reflection from behind me. 

"Oh please your majesty. I could see your grin from the windows of the castle it was so big!" She said with glee. 

"It is not a big deal Katherine. We can stop speaking of it now." I led on, walking behind my changing curtains to strip from my wet undergarments. "Besides he is merely my protector, should I not feel comfortable around him?" I questioned her, removing the heavy rain soaked white garments from my skin. 

"Oh you looked very comfortable my queen." She said with a tone. I gasped, quickly throwing my wet clothes towards her. We both could not hold back our laughter. Although assigned as my friend since arrival at the castle, Katherine was one of very few I spoke to as if royalty was not in me. As if we were only two village girls. 

"You cannot deny that he is cute!" Katherine challenged, tossing clean clothing back towards me. I rolled my eyes, ignoring her comments. I wiped my body dry with a towel once more before putting on a fresh set of linen. There was no denying of Sir Cadeth's attractive appearance. His long hair made him stand out amongst the rest of the men who wore it short. He was strong, capable of what many of my men would struggle to do. He was respectful. I had seem him on walks with my uncle. He had always seemed eager to learn and quick to adapt, which was nothing less than expected of him. But I could not deny that there was something different about him. Something I had yet to find out. 

"Besides Adelaide you cannot argue that he is merely your protector. After all, you are your mother's daughter."