*Warning: chapter contains one of Cadeth's memories of physical abuse as a child - skip past italic writing to skip this memory.*

C A D E T H

My skin burned as a fierce hand was struck down across my face, my cheek buzzed rough horse brush ran across it. My knees sunk into the mud as I dropped down, the pouring rain beating onto my back. My salty tears disappeared into the stream ice rain that soaked over me. I held in the cries that pushed against my lips to be set free, but I knew too well of the consequence if they were released. My body was sore and weak from endless training and torture. I've pushed and fought as long and hard as I could, until my body gave out and wouldn't stand anymore no matter how hard I tried. Through my blurred vision I looked down at the mud that slowly seeped past my hands. I could feel the soft tingles as it flowed over reopened bleeding cuts and sores across my hands and arms, but that small sting no longer phased me. I saw the reflection of my eyes in the gleam of the blade of my fathers old sword in front of me. My eyes were swollen, red, and begging for sleep. Numerous small scraps and bruises were in different phases of healing across my skin. 

"How many times must you be told. A solider is only as strong as his stance. If you let your stance fall, then you will fall, then Scotland will fall." My father's scratched voice spoke as he walked in circles around me. The endless smoking had made his voice almost as horse as nails on a wooden board. "If you ever wish to be a soldier, you must learn to hold yourself above the other men." I don't know if it was the insanity or the sleep deprivation that made me laugh at his statement. He froze in his place, certainly surprised by my outburst. He turned to me, standing besides me. I glanced up to him, squinting through the rain that poured down on me. "But I'm not. I'm not like those men, father. I'll be a soldier, but I will never be your son." I spoke, emotionless and ready for any retaliation he forced onto me. Instead of speaking he stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "I am your daughter. No matter how you force me to bind my chest or how I stand, at the end of the day I am not your son. I am your daughter. I will continue to train, I will act as a man, fight, and suffer under your hand and those who train me after you, but don't ever think I did it for you. For your approval or to make you proud. You may be my father, but deep down you are truly nothing more to me than a man who slept with my mother and burdened with my presence. I can't wait to be sent off to camp, because after that day I will never have anything to do with you ever again. You will gain nothing of my success... Sir." I spat through my dry mouth. I may have only been eight, but through years of this treatment I matured quickly. 

I could see his hands slowly balling into fists of anger, but I did not break my gaze with him. "Your mother is dead because of you, if you weren't born she would still be alive. Even after stealing my wife's life, you couldn't even be born a man to bring honor to this family" He coughed out. "I should have killed you when I had the chance, thrown you in the river and no one would have ever known." I did not phase from his words. I was used to the degrading and constantly being blamed for all misfortunes that came to our little family - if you could even call it that. His words no longer phased me, he no longer had that power and he hated that. He raised his knee, connecting it with my jaw. The force knocked me onto my back. I could taste the blood spill into my mouth, but felt no pain. My body only knew pain, therefore none of it affected me any more. My father stood over my body, his large fist grabbing my shirt and pulling me upwards to him. "If you ever tell anyone you are anything other than my son Cadeth, I will kill you myself. If you decide to tell someone once you go to camp where I can no longer reach you, then they will kill you. You're alive because of me, so why don't you be grateful and show me some god damn respect!" He threw me back to the ground, the soft mud breaking some of the impact. 

"Get back to training!" He shouted walking towards our small cottage and slamming the door. I laid there, staring into the dark sky above me, the only light in the darkness coming from the moon and flickering torches that stood upon our fence. I turned my head, looking to the sword that laid besides me. I could end it all, take this sword and take my life. Maybe I would be reunited with my mother. I had dreams with her. That she supported me as who I was, as what I wanted to be. She would tell me that I am not a burden, but a gift that will change the world. The only image I had of her was from an old sketch my father kept at his bedside. I gripped onto the handle of the sword and wiped the blood from my busted lip. It was that moment I decided that I would do this for me, to prove that I could beat my father, I could beat anything thrown my way. I will continue to train, always striving to be better and never let anyone show that they can break me. I would continue to hide who I truly was since it was the only way. Weakly I stumbled to my feet, gathering my balance. My small, shaking hands gripped on the slippery metal handle of the sword, staring at myself once more along its blade's reflection. Taking a deep breath, huffing from the slight sting of a bruised side, I continued with my training against the stack of hay in the pouring rain. 

The treatment of a queen requires was nothing less than I could have expected, it was what went with being her protector that I have failed to predict. In a simplistic sense, the tasks were easy - well the were ought to be with the cooperation of the queen. Protect her as her life is yours, watch over her as she was your own, and speak to her as she is your last. Since our night of first glance, I felt as though Adelaide has put out every lasting effort to keep me as distant as I was allowed to be. We had yet to uphold a conversation that entailed more than Yes your majesty and no your majesty. All interactions were those that were forced and merely required between us. I urged to have that first talk, the first conversation with her in order to grow our relation. As Lord James had discussed with me privately, it is much easier to protect someone when you want to protect them. I urged him that I wanted nothing more than the safety of the queen, but that was not what he meant. It's different when you want to protect her, not because she is the queen, but because she is your friend. I had always been told further relations than a protector to the queen were strictly forbidden unless you wished to be beheaded. 

My sole purpose was protecting the queen, but I was also allowed time away from her and the second in command for the position would take over, commonly this man was randomly assigned to follow the queen for the time being. The guard was not allowed to speak any word to the queen unless she addressed him first. The room I had been provided with was in close distance from Queen Adelaide's room, a few hundred feet down the hall, but in eyes view. I was supposed to be able to hear any sounds of struggle in a moments notice, but shielded from any conversation she wished for me not to hear. Eventually when Queen Adelaide finds her king, he will too join her in her quarters; my position and room would not change. I would remain under the queens direct order first and the kings second. At this time there were no planned marriages set, only prospect husbands for the queen that she may one day marry. Under order of the noblemen, a select group of twelve wise and elder men, Queen Adelaide must be married by age twenty-one or provide evidence of why she is best fit to rule Scotland alone without a husband. This was due to the fear that having a virgin queen, much like her second cousin Queen Elizabeth, would result in the same demise of Scotland.

The noblemen did not have any royal power, but many decisions and official actions ordered by the queen were required to be approved and seconded by the noblemen. There were a few things the noblemen could do without involving the queen, but she had command to trial and argue all actions of the noblemen she disagreed with. Not much was known about how people became noblemen or how they were selected, all that was known was that they were there and always have been. I had never searched out answers, we were trained not to ask questions that didn't concern us directly. It made life as a soldier easier when you accepted to do as your told, especially when you knew questioning things did nothing. It was one of the first things you're ever taught. In camp, which lasts from age ten to fifteen, or elected maturity, we were not only taught the basics to fight, but we were taught how to think like a soldier.

The dried leaves and loose rocks crumbled under my boots as I walked out of the forest and onto the perfectly cared for fields of the castle grounds. The woods were heavily patrolled even outside the castle walls to ensure maximum security. It had been years since there was a true threat upon Scottish land, but we were always ready. Banners of red and yellow swung from the highest points of the towers and flags stood tall in the ground where they had been planted. Symbolling to all that passed you were walking into royal land and nearing the castle. Workers tended to the grounds and stablemen walked the horses through the fields as a form of relaxation. From the few weeks I had already spent in the castle, I had made it a duty of mine to begin to know all the workers I could by name and help them when I was able. 

Miss Coraline was the head sheets washer for the royals and high positioned staff in the castle. I would regularly see her when she brought new sheets for Adelaide and I had to check them for any differences or poison. Mr. Francis was the head chef of the kitchen; although I didn't run into him much during my day, I would casually swing in and say my hellos. Maribeth was Adelaide's room tender and mine as well. She would straighten our sheets and tidy any messes left about. She was the one I could relate the most too because she was generally new to the position and under much stress like I could be at times to preform perfectly. The only familiar face I recognized around the courts was Sannuel, he was one of the commanders of generals and was the man who gave my brother's generals orders. We had no direct relation, but he was a familiar face from outside these walls. My rank was no higher than his in war, but I carried more importance being that I protected Adelaide at all times. Even if any harm was to come to Adelaide at times when she was not under my watch, I was still held responsible.

Numerous guards stood around the castle field, enjoying the fresh air from their rotations of watch within the castle. Some stood and spoke to one another, others hid below trees or behind walls resting their eyes, and a few took the time to train with each other. As I approached, I gained the attention I was growing used to. It only took one look to my all black, tight attire to know who I was even if they did not know my name. "Hello Cadeth" Jeremiah spoke. He was one of the higher guards that supervised others. The deeper within the castle you guarded, the higher ranking you held. Jeremiah would commonly guard the doors to the royal chambers or outside the throne room. "Jeremiah" I answered with a gleaming grin, embracing him. "How are you? How are you adjusting to your new life?" We both laughed. "It's quite different from life within the barracks, a lot to learn." I answered truthfully. As we spoke, others would gather around interested in getting to know me or know more about what I do. "So I hear you are allowed in the queen's chambers?" one asked nudging my side. I did not recognize him, but from his demeanor I could tell he was new. "My apologizes Cadeth, he's new and still learning that he is not to speak of the queen in those terms." Jeremiah glared at him, the boys face washed white in fear. I chuckled looking to my friend, "No worries, we are all still learning." 

"If you are in no rush, why don't you join us in a sparing session?" Jeremiah asked. Although it seemed harmless to ask, Lord James had warned me of this moment. He had taught me that there will be moments when some of the staff will challenge me, see if I was worthy of the job. He said there will always be those who will try to prove themselves as being more fit at the queen's guard over myself, even if they are thought to be my closest friends. I stared at Jeremiah's expression, I had no way of knowing if this was one of those moments, but I knew I must treat it as such. Returning a large smile, I nodded "Well of course, I'm in no rush." I shrugged.  I removed my black corset like over garment passing it to one of the men standing by. Beneath I wore a dark black blouse that was tied together along my right side. "So Mr. Jeremiah, how shall we go about this?" I asked as we walked down the field away from the men who all watched with excitement. "First to kneel?" He asked, I grinned facing him. About five feet of distance stood between us, "My favorite" I smirked towards him. 

Our swords clashed under the bright sun, our bodies danced around each other attempting to force the other to their knees. It was purposed simply as a friendly training game, but we both knew what this would show. Not only would it show who was stronger and a better fighter, it would suggest who was more fit to protect the queen. My years of feet work and training gave me the edge I needed in close battles of strength. It brought back nights when as a young girl I would balance on slippery wet, thin beams in the barn while preforming sword stances. It reminded me to training blindfolded to listen for footsteps in the gravel and react on what I heard or when my father would have me practice flexibility while bending me past my bodies limits. Many times I would knock Jeremiah causing him to stumble, but as long as his knees did not hit the soil or his back strike the earth, we were still in battle. I could watch as his expression changed from a playful grin to a serious focus, he wanted to win this. 

With another strong swing, I nearly knocked Jeremiah out. His friends cheering us on, hollering as one outstepped the other. We stared at one another, the blades of our swords resting against each other. We were both breathing heavily, sweat beading on our skin, waiting for the other to make the next move. It was then I noticed, just past Jeremiah, was Queen Adelaide higher up the field. Behind all the other guards, closer towards the castle. Her close friend stood besides her along with the knight who had been appointed over her while I was gone. Her bright, white dress had caught my eye. Her dark brown hair rested over her shoulders, coming to a soft curl at the end. She watched intently, having the usual emotionless expression on her face. I was unsure how long she had been watching over us. In the moment of distraction Jeremiah had taken his chance, he swung towards me. My reaction time saved me as I quickly turned. His sharp blade slid across the skin of my check bone, cutting it. I felt the fresh sting of my ripped flesh, but I had suffered far worse injuries than this.

In reaction I spun, rotating around Jeremiah, I rose my arm and landed my elbow directly into his chest. The strong force knocked him straight down onto his back. I grinned, spinning the blade handle in my hand and resting the tip of my blade against his throat. "I win" I mouthed to him before sheathing my sword and offering my hand to help him up. The other knights cheered for my victory, but I gave them little attention. Jeremiah took my hand and lifted to his feet, "I couldn't think of someone better to protect the queen. My apologies for the scratch." He winked towards me. Retrieving my outer garment from the men I laughed, "What's training without a little blood?" I asked him. Jeremiah nodded, but I could tell some of the other guards reactions they did not face the same training I had. 

Looking back towards I queen with a smile, our gaze met. She stared at me for a quick moment, ignoring her ecstatic friend beside her. She glared towards me before turning and storming back within the castle walls. Sighing, I nodded towards the guard who stood besides them, signaling to him I would take over the queens watch and ran off to catch up with her.