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❝ seeing me how i see myself ❞
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𝘚𝘺𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘦'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝

I wake up to the sun shining in my face and JJ laying asleep on top of me, his head on my chest. A sleepy smile tugs at my lips and I close my eyes again, softly running my fingers through his mop of hair.

I feel the blonde stir in his sleep and my eyes peel open in confusion. A whimper escapes JJ's lips and the look of distress forms on his face.

He abruptly starts thrashing around and my eyes widen in worry. My boy rolls over and I sit up, grabbing his shoulder gently. He kicks and whimpers, flinching as I touch his face.

"JJ, wake up" I snap, worry pulsing through me.

He screws his eyes shut tightly and clenches his jaw in what looks to be pain, making my heart drop.

"Wake up, JJ" I plead, straddling him and grabbing his wrists to stop him thrashing around.

His eyes snap open and he looks around frantically before relaxing into my touch. He looks at my worries eyes and he frowns deeply, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

I let go of his wrists and push myself to sit up. JJ follows my actions and softly grabs my face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry" He chokes out and my heart breaks.

I pull his hands away from my face and wrap him in a tight hug, the Maybank boy immediately breaking down into tears.

"Stop apologising" I demand, holding the back of his head and laying my chin on his shoulder "You have no reason to be sorry right now"

His arms snake around my smaller frame and he buries his teary face in the crook of my neck. He holds onto me so tightly I almost question whether he's cut off my circulation, but being here for him seems more important right now.

"I've got you, babe" I assure him, gently rocking him as he quietly cries on my shoulder.

I hug him as tightly as I can and whisper sweet assurances in his ear, his sobs soon turning into light sniffles.

He turns completely still in my arms and I rub his back soothingly, pressing light kisses to his head.

"Have you fallen asleep?" I mumble curiously.

"No" He murmurs, his voice just above a whisper.

JJ sits up straight and I cup his cheeks in my hands, wiping away his remaining tears with my thumbs.

I open my mouth to say something but he pulls my hands away from his face and smashes his lips onto mine aggressively. I'm completely taken aback and before I can even kiss him back, he flips us around and starts roughly kissing down my neck.

He pulls up the oversized shirt I'm wearing, bunching it up around my waist and then places his knee between my legs, making me gasp in surprise at the contact.

"Babe, no" I tell him, wriggling under his body but it causes friction between my legs making me let out a breathy moan.

He harshly sucks at my skin, his hands roaming my body with a desperation that almost scares me.

"That's enough!" I snap, flipping our positions and pinning him down.

He looks up at me in confusion and I stare down at him with wide eyes of worry, my heart hammering against my chest.

"JJ, I said no. That means you stop" I tell him firmly and his confused expression melts into one of guilt.

"God, I'm so sorry" He apologises worriedly and I brush his messy hair back with a sigh.

"I'm not upset with you, I'm just confused" I explain, gently tracing his jaw "Every time you show me a little vulnerability, you feel the need to cover it up by fucking me into remembering you're the alpha"

JJ hesitates guiltily before calmly talking a hold of my hand and intertwining our fingers, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

"I'm just scared..." He admits in a low voice "Scared that you'll start seeing me how I see myself"

"How do you see yourself?" I ask with a deep frown.

"Weak" He answers simply.

"Babe" I breathe out and he looks down at our joined hands in shame.

I lift up his chin, making him look me in the eyes and he visibly gulps, squeezing my hand.

"Hey, I don't care how many times you cry in front of me. I don't care how many fights you lose. I don't care how many break downs you have. You never ever have to prove yourself to me in any way because I'm never gonna stop loving you. You're not weak, baby. You're the strongest person I know" I smile lovingly and he tears up emotionally "Stop trying to prove you're the alpha and just let me love you, asshole"

"Thank you" He nods.

✯¸.•'*¨'*•༻❁༺•*'¨*'•.¸✯

"How's it feeling?!" I hear Pope shout and I slightly turn my head to see Kiara sat in the bucket on the pulley system that the Heyward boy is working on.

"Feels good!" The Carrera girl replies.

"John B pullin' a Houdini" JJ declares.

"Yeah, where is he?" Pope asks curiously as he lowers the pulley for Kiara to get out "I got my scholarship interview tomorrow. We gotta get this done!"

A fast walking figure catches my eye and I turn my head fully to see that it's John B walking towards us.

"Look at what the cat dragged in!" I declare in amusement.

"Hey! Dude, I set up the entire winch to pull up the gold and everything!" JJ hollers at the brunette.

"No, he did not! I did that!" Pope counters but John B ignores them both, storming towards the chateau.

"Hey, Johnny!" I shout but he ignores me too, entering the back door.

"Okay, that's it?" JJ scoffs.

"Uh...what's that all about?" Pope asks.

"I was gonna ask you the same question" JJ replies.

I share a concerned look with the Pogues and enter the chateau with Kiara by my side, the boys right behind us.

As we walk in I see John B frantically trashing the place as if he was searching for something and he starts to scare me, the angry look in his eyes making me nervous.

"You all right, man? What- what's up?" Pope asks but John B continues raking through the living room.

"What are you looking for?!" Kiara snaps.

"Bro, what's going on?" JJ asks worriedly.

"Johnny, talk to us!" I demand.

Chills run down my spine as the Routledge boy pulls JJ's gun from the sofa bed and stares at it in silence.

"John B, what do you need the gun for, man?" JJ asks, walking towards the brunette "Talk to us!"

JJ tries to take the gun from the manic boy but John B throws him onto the sofa bed and my eyes widen.

"What the fuck, Johnny?!" I snap, rushing to help the boy up.

"John B, chill!" Kiara shrieks.

"What do you think you're gonna do, huh?!" I yell as he storms away.

"What, are you JJ now?" Pope snaps, blocking the boy's way.

John B impatiently throws Pope at the table and my annoyance quickly morphs into pure rage.

"Will you chill the fuck out?!" I scream at the brunette's retreating figure.

"Shit- Are you okay?" I hear Kiara ask Pope as I storm outside.

"John B, what the hell are you doing?!" Kiara shrieks, running out after me.

John B jumps onto the motorcycle in the driveway and I make a move to yank the boy off the bike in anger but Pope grabs my arm, giving me a warning look.

"What the hell is going on?!" I shout at John B.

"Ward knows about the gold!" John B stresses before turning to me "He killed my dad"

My blood runs cold and I freeze up at the accusation. The muffled sounds of Kiara screaming his name as she runs down the driveway with Pope get further and further away as though I'm drowning at sea.

I'm brought out of my daze by JJ who grabs my arm and gives me a worried look. I brush him off and stumble down the porch stairs, walking down the driveway.

Kiara tries to grab me but I shake her off and break out into a sprint, my hear slamming against my chest like a drum.

"Sylvie!"