'How many times do I have to tell you to stop being a kid?! You're an adult now. You have to take matters seriously. You're no longer a child.'

Beomgyu pulled the covers over his head, trying to block away everything as he was too tired to listen to his older sisters complains.

'No like seriously. Grow up-'

'O my fu-freaking god- Noona!! Stop! My head is pounding!!' He snapped at the dark haired woman, his voice groggy from just gotten awaken from deep slumber, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown.

He let out a pained cry as a pillow made contact with his shoulder harshly.

'Watch what you're saying you brat! I don't want my daughter to learn the cuss words from you! Eun-yoo is here you dumbo!' Se-kyung rolled her eyes at her brother.

'Mommy...you're so mean to uncle Beomie!' A pout appeared on the 7-year-old girls face as she crawled on her uncles bed, wrapping her tiny arms around Beomgyu as if shielding him like a mother bird being protective of its child. The action made Beomgyus heart melt. He had always been so fond of his niece. I mean, who wouldn't be? She was the definition of the cutest and loveliest child.

'Wha- I am not-'

'Touché...' He tsked as he wrapped a strong arm around the small girl.

'Yah shut up and I'll go find some meds for you. Stay here and do not move.' her firm voice rang through the room as she turned on her heels towards the door.

'dO nOt MoVe..' Beomgyu mimicked his sister, ignoring he glare he was shot from the doorway.

As the sound of the door slamming shut reached to his ears, a huff left his mouth. His annoyed expression softened as he looked down at his niece. 

'Hey sweetie.' He patted her head to get her attention.

Eun-yoo hummed as she looked up at her uncle with her puppy doe eyes.

'How have you been? How is school going?' Beomgyu asked, gently caressing the 7-year-olds silky dark hair.

The little kid frowned as she answered, 'I have been fine. But at school, there's boy who's always so mean to me! I don't get why he is like that....' A pout adorned her baby face which made the adult chuckle softly.

'Mean to you? Who's this little boy who is mean to my precious, cute, lovely niece?'

'His name is Ha Eun-gyeol. A classmate of mine.' Eun-yoo pushed her lower lip upwards, her pout deepening.

'Ah really? Don't worry. He'll stop when he sees your kind side. Be kind to him and he'll maybe stop being mean. He will eventually warm up to you.'

'I really hope so....' the little girl seemed thoughtful for a moment. 'Okay! Uncle Beomie! What about you? How have you been and how is your school going?' she asked with a big smile on her face.

'School?...it's....it's going fine I think?' he tilted his head so he could see the little one properly.

'Only fine? Not amazing or great?' she frowned, mirroring Beomgyus gesture.

The brunette sighed, 'You know....the project things and people.'

'Project? What project? Is it that hard? People? You don't like people? Why?' Beomgyu shook his head as she bombard him with her questions.

'You won't understand now. You will when you're older. Okay?' he spoke in a soft tone, pinching her cheek who nodded in response.

After a few moments of silence, Eun-yoo asked, 'Uncle Beomie....how long do I have to wait to be an older sister? When is the baby coming?'

A small smile appeared on Beomgyus face.

'A few more months I think?'

The little one nodded with a thoughtful expression.

'What do you want to name the baby when they are born?' He asked with the same small smile.

'I don't know? Can you suggest a few names please?' She tapped her cheek.

'Well if it's a girl then you can name her "Eun-kyung" which means "Respectful kindness" and if it's a boy you can name him "Eun-woo" I forgot the meaning but I know it has a beautiful one.' Beomgyu explained as much easily and shortly as he could for his seven year old niece to understand properly.

Eun-yoo made an "ah" sound in response that she had understood before flashing her uncle her bright smile who mirrored her smile as well. He pecked her forehead lovingly, cradling her  in his arms tightly, not wanting to let go just yet.

'Beomgyu? Have you had lunch yet?' Se-kyung entered the room with a glass of water and a few pills in her hand.

'Me? No?' Beomgyu shook his head.

'What?...Beomie...it's past 3 pm right now. Didn't Annie come today?' She sat down on the edge of the bed carefully, still holding the glass and the pills.

'Nope. Her son got sick so I told her to not come back to work until her son is all fine.' he shrugged with a nonchalant expression. 

'I hope the little boy gets well soon. I should cook something then. You can't take the pills without eating anything.'

'Hey no. You don't have to. I can cook some instant noodles. I know how to make it.' the brunette shook his head, not wanting his sister to get inside the kitchen as she was pregnant. Being the protective brother he was, he wanted her to just rest.

'You can cook? That is something new.' She shot her eyebrows up in surprise. Because her youngest brother was not really the person who would cook something without putting the kitchen or the food on fire.

'Hey! I can cook noodles! I know how to do it!' he protested with a slight frown on his face while the other two just giggled.

+x+

'I can't make it today. Noona and hyung are here today and I'm also feeling under the weather.....unfortunately.'

'They're there?'

'Yup.'

'But-'

'Hyuka..'

'Aww man....then how about we go there on Monday? We have the day off. Soobin hyung has been whining to go.'

'Sure. Monday's perfect. I'll get better by then.'

'Alright....also hyung! I'm taking Ningning with me~'

'Eh wha- did she say yes?'

'Yuppiee~'

'She must be really out of her mind then...'

'What do you mean?!'

'Nothing nothing...you guys playing fortnight tonight?'

'Yes.'

'Alright then. I'll join after eight......if I feel better.'

'Okay then. Get well soon. Take medicines on time and eat healthy. Take care. See ya.'

'See you...'

Beomgyu stared down at his phone as the line went dead, a small sigh left his mouth.

Wanna live a new life, but I'm a bit lazy

What is my existence? Give me аn аnswer

I think rocks are good too-

'Beomgyu!!'

'Eh?' the brunette abruptly flinched at that.

'Bloody hell.....Yeah coming!' cursing under his breath, he carefully placed his guitar back to its original place before bolting out of the room. As he was going, he hit his pinky on the corner of the bookshelf which made him jump as a painful yelp left his lips.

'Fucking stupid bitchass shitty bookshelf!! Can this day get any fucking worse??! Aw fuck-' He let out a series of curse on everything in front of him in frustration, pain written all over his handsome face. His pinky was throbbing seriously-

After dealing with the painful encounter with the bookshelf and his toe, he sluggishly made his way towards the kitchen area and soon the aroma of freshly cooked delicious food hit his nostrils making his empty stomach growl lowly. He placed a hand on his tummy and sat on a high stool. His eyes wandered, searching for his niece. 

'Where's Eun-yoo?' he asked as his gaze settled on his brother.

'Ah Eun-yoo? Noona sent her home with Sung-hoon hyung.' Taehyung leaned against the table with a small smile.

'Aw man...' Beomgyu pouted.

'You know, Noona knows about the beef you have with her husband.' he chuckled ruffling the youngers already messy hair.

'He....I don't like him.' A frown appeared on his face.

'Alright. I get it. You don't like him. By the way, how are you feeling now?' Taehyung reached out to put his palm on Beomgyus forehead to check the temperature who dodged the attempt which made the older grab his neck to keep him in place.

'You are burning up still. Did the meds not work?' the black haired turned to look at his sister who was busy rinsing the dishes.

'Huh? I don't know. I gave him the meds he needed. I guess he just needs to eat something and lay down a bit.' the older woman shrugged putting down the dishes neatly at one side, drying her hands on the kitchen towel. 'Not my fault. I told that rat to be careful. But did he listen? Nope. Bear with it.' she sighed, pulling the kitchen apron off her, hanging it on the hook.

'Blah bla-ouch- Hey! What was that for??' Beomgyu rubbed his shoulder with a frown on his face, shooting daggers at his brother.

'Served you right brat.' Taehyung rolled his eyes and took a seat next to him on another stool.

'You guys are so mean...' the youngest mumbled with a pout.

'Hey Beomie?' Taehyung nudged the addressed males shoulder who hummed in response. 'Do still....play that guitar?' he asked carefully.

'I....do? Why?' Beomgyu asked with no expression on his face. But his eyes held a hint of sadness in them at the mention of the guitar. He has so many memories with that guitar, happy and painful.

'No like....just asking.' He gave him a small smile and looked down at his phone.

Sekyung sat down on the stool as well and leaned on her palm looking at the pictures on the door of the fridge. 'You still miss him don't you?' she tilted her head, staring at Beomgyu.

He looked up with a confused expression, 'Who?'

The older woman pointed her chin at the little boy with a young smiling Beomgyu in the pictures. He looked so happy and bright, a stark contrast to the now cold, closed off Beomgyu.

His expression softened with nostalgia as his eyes traveled to the pictures, 'I do...I can never forget him....' he glanced down at the bracelet on his left wrist with a painful smile, remembering all the bitter-sweet memories.

Both of the older sibling got up and pulled him in for a big hug.

'We're really sorry Beomie. You didn't deserve that. None of you did.....' Taehyung held back tears, 'Wherever he is now, I hope he's happy. You're so strong Beomie. Just don't break yourself.' he stroked his baby brothers hair lovingly.

'You need to let go off him....I can't bear to see you like this. You changed Beomgyu. You changed.' Sekyung wiped a tear  from her cheek.

Beomgyu looked down with a bitter expression, 'I can never do that....'

'B-but you have to.'

The brunette raised his head, 'Can you let go of the things or people that made you happy? Even for once?' he choked on the last sentence as a single tear rolled down his rosemary cheek. His eyes bloodshot red with anger.

The other two stayed quiet just looking at him. It tugged at their heartsrings seeing their baby brother like this. So broken. So miserable. They wished that, what had happened in the past never happens to him again. Not ever.

Trigger Warning: Mention of SH (Self Harm)

The younger stormed off to his room, locking it from inside before slumping down on the floor with his back pressed against the door. He clasped a shaking hand over his mouth to suppress a sob. It hurt. It hurt so bad. He wanted to scream his lungs out. He wanted to hug him but he was not here. His soul ached for the other. His heart ached for the other. He wanted to be held by him even for just a little. He wanted to hear his voice, feel his warmth. But he knew it wasn't possible anymore.

All the heartache, pain and guilt he thought he had buried deep inside, started to resurface. Loneliness seeped through him, making his soul bleed once again. The familiar heartache came back. No matter how many times he was told that what had happened two years ago, was not his fault. It was never his fault. But he wouldn't listen. He still blames himself for everything that had happened. 

Why did you have to leave me?

Why did you do that to yourself?

You could've just come to me.

Why did you have to leave me alone in this world?

Why didn't you take me with you?

What happened to our promises of staying right by eachothers side? 

Why did you have to give all of your love when you had none left for yourself?

My sweet boy

He slowly got up, standing on his wobbly legs and slowly made his way to his bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the blankets over his head, covering up his body. He pulled his legs up as another single tear slipped down his chin.

I failed

I failed to protect you

I'm a loser

I'm a sore loser

I'm a failure

I hate myself

It happened all because of me

I should just die

If I wasn't a coward, nothing would have happened to him

He got up with the blanket still covering him and made his way towards his attached bathroom. He felt like he was trapped inside his mind and couldn't get out of it. All the knocks and bangs on his door faded into the background.

Entering the bathroom, his eyes fell on the mirror. He stared in the mirror and leaned on his palms against the flat cold surface of the sink.

Beomgyus chocolate brown eyes roamed over his reflection in mirror. His eyes fell on the razor lying on the side of the sink. With shaky hands he reached for them and held it in front of him. He looked down at his already scarred left wrist while his other hand slowly reached for the flesh with the sharp blade. He heard a voice at the back of his mind telling him all sorts of awful things.

I absolutely hate myself...

I'm a loser...

The sharp blade fell on the tiled floor along with a few droplets of crimson red liquid as Beomgyu slumped down on the floor on his shaky knees, looking down at his wrist. He stared at the thin red lines, those liquids pooling around the sides of it.

It happened

Again....

__________+x+__________