Memories

We are taught two things early on in life.  The first being that life is precious. And that we should treasure every moment we have on this Earth. Secondly, that death is scary. That it's painful. That it's something to be feared. I've always wondered if it really is as painful as they say. Do you really feel anything when you die? Or does it all just vanish and all you're left with is the memories?

-

It was a rare day that Alison didn't have to go into work.  So she decided to take her time getting up and ready for the day as later on she was going on the ferry.  She couldn't wait to feel the wind and the ocean water spritz against her face.

Derek loved ferry's too.

She remembered that if they had an off day together they would always take a ferry and eat at their favorite Mexican restaurant.  She didn't know how it got so bad so fast.

Alison heard her phone ringing and she rummaged through her purse to see who was calling her.  It was her brother James and she smiled slightly before answering.

"Hey," she greeted her brother with a somewhat sad voice.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Well, I have the day off so I'm going to stop at Target and get something for Adam and Katie's baby then go on the ferry in a little bit.  You?"

"That's great but I meant what's up?  You sound sad," he pointed out and she should have known he would ask.  He was always able to read her.

Alison and James were the closest.  She was close with her youngest brother, Adam, but he was closest to James.  With Adam and his wife Katie having a baby on the way, it has definitely made them closer for which Alison was grateful for.

"Derek knows about Mark and I."

"I'm taking it didn't happen when you wanted it to," he pointed out.  "And I'm assuming by the sadness in your voice that it didn't end well either."

"Not really," she said as she left her apartment.  "He called me a whore and basically said I'm just like all the other women."

"Son a bitch," James exclaimed.  "How dare he say that to my sister.  Listen, Ali, you are not a whore and if I ever see Derek Shepherd again I'm going to fuck him up."

"James, you will do no such thing," she said.  No matter how sad and mad she was at the situation she had to come to terms with the fact that she might not ever be friends with Derek again.  "I mean it was basically my fault."

"But did you tell him that you guys are actually dating?  That it's not just sleeping around..."

"I did but uh, he didn't want to listen."

"I'm sorry Ali," he sympathized with his sister.  "Just know you don't deserve this."

"Thanks," she smiled slightly.  "So enough about me.  What's going on with you and Sarah?"

James proceeded to tell his sister that they are just trying to spend as much time with each other as possible before his deployment.  He talked about how they spent the weekend in Pismo and how amazing it was.  James also told his sister that he wanted the whole family to somehow get together before he was deployed and she agreed.  After their phone call she hung up and made her way to Target and then to the ferry.

*

The elevator door opened and Derek stepped in as Addison and Webber were already in there.  Addison could tell something must have happened with Derek but she wasn't sure what as he looked rough.

"What happened to your hair?" He asked Richard.

"Nothing," he said.

"Leave him be," Addison said looking at her newspaper.

"What happened to your hair?" He asked again and Richard was annoyed now.

"Nothing," he said more adamantly this time and the elevator dinged as the doors opened as Mark and Burke stepped inside.

When Mark and Derek noticed each other they specifically ignored each other and Addison took note of how tense Mark looked with Derek and Derek seemed hardened.

"What happened to your hair?" Burke asked Richard as they moved to their spot in the elevator.

"Leave him be," Addison said.

"He died it," Mark commented.

"But why?"

"What happened to you guys?" She asked in reference to Mark and Derek.

"Nothing," they said quickly and ignored each other again.

Addison knew instantly what happened though.

"Okay, but why?" Burke asked.

"Men who have grey hair are noticed less than men who don't," he said.

"By who?" Derek asked.

"By the ladies?" Burke asked and Mark laughed but stopped when he noticed Derek was staring daggers at him.

"Looks good chief," Derek said and the two other men agreed and Addison had put all the men together.

"He's all alone," she whispered but wasn't successful with being quiet.  "Do any of you even know what feels like?  You're with Cristina, dates the perfect twelve year old, man whore who recently started dating my resident.  His wife left him after twenty-five years of marriage so if the man wants to dye his hair for the ladies then let him dye his hair.  Leave him be," she warned the three men who acted worse than children sometimes.

"Did I hear that right?" Burke asked Mark.  "Are you dating Alison?"

"I am," Mark stated proudly.  "We were going to tell people but-"

"But they just wanted screw each other behind my back," Derek butted in and before anyone could answer the elevator made it to their destination allowing them to go their separate ways.

"He knows, doesn't he?" Addison asked Mark as they were walking in the hallway and Mark let out a sigh.  She didn't realize that in her speech just a few seconds she let it slip about Mark and Alison.

"Yeah," he nods his head.  He was slightly tired and needed an intern to get him coffee.

"I take it it didn't end well if you guys are acting like you hating each other more than usual," she pointed out.

"Yeah, Alison was a mess.   Didn't get much sleep last night."

"I'm sorry," she said sympathizing with them.  "I'll have to call her when I get a break to see how she's doing."

"Me too."

*

Mark caught Meredith staring at him as he was looking over a patient's chart before he finally set it down and turned to her.

"You heard?" He asked her.

"He was pretty mad when he came home."

"Yeah, well, he has no right to be," he huffed.

"I'm sure you can understand him being angry though," she said in defense to Derek.  "Alison was his best friend and you guys slept with each other behind his back."

"I can't see his point of view.  Not when he calls my girlfriend a whore and says that he can't even look at her with the most disgust that I have ever heard a person say.

"I-I'm sorry," she said to him.  "I didn't know that part.  I'll have to talk to Derek about because I thought he learned after calling me a whore before we went official.  Apparently not."

"It's not okay for anyone to call women a whore.  Besides why are they called whores when men get off the hook?   It's a double standard that shouldn't be allowed in man's vocabulary," he said and Meredith agreed with him.  She hated it when Derek called her one and hates it still that he called his best friend one.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked her and she nodded her head.  "Am I a bad person?" He asked Meredith and she stopped to look at the man she used to think was such an awful person.  Now, she looked at him entirely different.

"You did a bad thing but that doesn't make you a bad person.  Just like I did a bad thing with Derek but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person.  And I mean with both Addison and Alison.  If you truly care about Alison and I have seen a difference in you, then you should be with her.  You shouldn't let Derek's hatred of you two dating get in the way.   I would hate to see two people who are clearly meant to be together split up just because a best friend doesn't agree.  I've seen a change in you, Mark Sloan.  A good one.  Don't mess this up," Meredith said with a smile.

"Thank you," he told her with a smile.

*

Alison loved traveling by ferry's.  She was already at Bainbridge Island and because she had been there before, she left her car back at the ferry site.  It had arrived in the town of Winslow which was more of a beach town.  Alison loved the feel of it and she was now on her way back to Seattle.  She saw the seagulls not too far from the ferry and she took pictures of them making sure to send them to her family.

She could feel the water from the ocean spray slightly against her cheek.

Alison couldn't remember what happened after that.  She remembered that there was commotion at the front of the ferry as she was making her way up there.  When she opened her eyes her head felt a little dizzy at first, but then she took in her soundings.  She felt a searing pain in her left leg and felt it even more as she tried to get up as she sat back down.

Okay, so no putting pressure on that leg.  Damnit. How was she supposed to walk?

She could feel something warm and thick running down her forehead and she reached up to see what it was as the red liquid was now on her fingers and she wiped it on her pants.  She could hear sirens in the distance as she began checking on people around her making sure they were okay.  In her purse, she was thankful she had at least a small first aide kit in case something ever happened.  Alison had a little bit of everything and it came in this desperate time.  She cleaned wounds that weren't too deep, she was able to at least keep some of them stable until they got checked on by the medic.

*

"People, I'm sorry," Chief Webber said as he made his way rushed into Bailey's free clinic.  "I have to interrupt this session for a moment."

"Chief, I really like your new hair," Sydney said giggling as she laid on the bed.  "Really brings out your eyes."

"Do you need something, sir?" Miranda asked him.

"We just received word of a mass casualty incident near by.  All available Level One trauma centers have been asked to respond.  I need to send a team into the field immediately."

"Is this apart of the exercise?" Cristina asked not taking it seriously yet.  "Are we supposed to act appropriately? Intense?"

"This is not an exercise or a drill, Yang," Webber said.  "This is an emergency situation and I need all hands on deck."

"Seriously?" Izzie asked.

"What happened?" Miranda asked concerned.

"I don't have details, just orders."

*

Alison was eight years old when she first went to Disneyland. She remembered that because her parents were actually wanting to take her when she was four or five but had begged them to wait.  It wasn't that she didn't want to not go when she was younger, but she wanted to be able to remember her first time there.

By then her parents, Madelyn and Gabriel, already had James who was three years old.  Her parents were able to take off a few days from work to take their children to California for this special day.  Alison couldn't be more excited.  Their parents had even booked for them to stay at Anaheim Camelot Inn and Suites because they had heard it was a direct view of the fireworks at Disneyland.  But they had every intention of staying at the park until closing, unless the kids were complaining that they wanted to go back.

This was an experience that Alison wanted to remember.

Alison was bouncing on the balls of her feet, holding her dad's hand, as she was wearing her Peter Pan shirt and she had paired it with some of her pink shorts and some Converse.  Her mom had french braided her blonde hair and even let her wear glitter on her cheeks for the day.

"What ride do you want to go on first, Ali?" Her dad asked her as they awaited their turn to get on the trolley to take them to the park.

"I get to pick?" She asked as she looked up at him with the biggest smile on her face making him smile too.

"Of course."

"Can we go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride?"

"Adventureland it is," he said in a dramatic voice making both of his kids laugh so loud and his wife smile.

The night before they spent their time looking up the rides and lands of the park to get familiar with it.  Both parents had been before but they wanted their daughter to know the land before going.  They figured it would get her even more excited and they were right.  It was finally their turn to get on the trolley and Gabriel helped his wife with the stroller they brought as they took their seats.

"Does that sound good to you, Jamie?" She asked her younger brother and he smiled at her.

"Yeah."

"Alright then," Madelyn spoke.  "Pirates it is then.  Remember Alison you and James are allowed to get souvenirs from the park but make them good ones, okay?  Don't just ask for anything."

"I will momma," she smiled.  "Can I get Mickey mouse ears?"

"We can't forget the ears," her mom said after she took a sip of water.  "I know just the area to find one.  We all have to wear them."

"Even me?" Gabriel asks wincing slightly.

"Yes, Gabe.  Even you," Madelyn teased back making Alison laugh.

"You'll look funny in the ears dad," she said laughing and the family who was sitting next to them smiled at them.

"I'll look funny?  Okay then, I guess I just have to prove you wrong."

They made their way to the park and got off.  They asked a couple if they could take their picture in front of the Disneyland sign with a Mickey face that was placed into the grass.  Alison tickled her little brother to get him to smile and she turned around to smile into the camera.

"Can we get the ears first, mom?" Alison asked pleading with mom.

"Of course," she nodded her head after they stopped at will call to pick up their tickets and headed in the gates.

Madelyn led her family to stand that had the best and most ears to choose from and Alison's eyes lit up with excitement.

"There's so many," she exclaimed with her hands.  "How do you people expect me to just choose one?"

The cashier woman laughed at her dramatics.

"She's so cute," the cashier cooed.  "Oh and he is so handsome," she said gesturing to the three year old who was now in the stroller.

"Thank you," the parents said.

"How old are you?" She asked Alison.

"I'm eight," she perked up.  "And my brother is three."

"Well we have lots of ears for you to choose from," she said gesturing to the all of them.  "Let me know if you all need help," she said and they thanked her as they continued to look.

It was a couple weeks after Halloween time that they had decided to come and because of that, there were a lot of Mickey Mouse ears that were themed Halloween.  Alison decided on The Nightmare Before Christmas theme while her mom settled on a Minnie Mouse Polka Dot Ear Headband that was designed from BaubleBar.  They bought James a Chewbacca hat ears and her dad the Disneyland themed one.

They had now been in line for the Pirate's ride for forty minutes and were now making making their way inside.  Alison's eyes lit up as she took in her surroundings.  It was dark and she noticed over to the right that there was a restaurant and she smiled as she saw the boats that they would sit in.

"Mom can we eat at the restaurant when we are done?" She asked her and her mom nodded her head.

"We can do that," she smiled.  "Any time you want something to eat just let me know."

Madelyn and Gabriel had talked before coming to California that this trip they would eat in the park.  Normally, they probably wouldn't because it was pretty pricy for the food, but with two little kids it would have to do.  Besides, she knew the food in the park was so good.  The doors opened for them and as they made their way onto the boat the person on the speaker spoke.

"Remember to keep your arms and legs inside the boat at all times," the voice said and they then took off after everyone was situated.

"It's so dark in here," Alison said as she looked around and could hear the birds chirping and the frogs croaking.

"It is," her dad agreed as she sat next to him.  "Ali, look over there," he pointed to the wooden house that was lit inside.

They had the best time that day as they went to Fantasyland, Adventureland and New Orlean's Square.  When it finally turned dark, the family stayed to watch the fireworks and Alison decided right then that this was one of her favorite days.

*

"This just doesn't make any sense," Derek said as he was writing in a patients chart talking with Burke and he looked at the neurosurgeon.  "Ferry boats don't get in accidents.  They're safe.  They're reliable."

"What?" Burke asked noticing a small bit of nervousness in Derek.  "What's wrong?"

"I just hope Alison wasn't on it.  It's her day off."

"Does she like to go on ferry boats?"

"We have a thing for ferry boats," Derek said as he felt something in the pit of his stomach.  "I tried to ask Meredith if something was wrong.  She tried to drown herself this morning in the bath.  Well, I guess not really.  And then last night she tried to grill me with asking all of these questions on what happened last night with Alison and Mark."

"Something happened between you three?"

"You didn't hear?" Burke shook his head.   "Yeah, turns out my best friend was lying to me and sleeping with my best friend behind my back.  She was acting like such a whore," he said with a scoff.

"Well did you ask why?   I know Alison wouldn't do something like to hurt you if she didn't at least feel something for him.  Don't ever call Alison a whore again because she is anything but and you of all people should know that. Cristina and I are engaged."

"Congratulations," Derek nodded his head at the cardio surgeon.  "Your probably right about Alison but I'm too pissed off at her to even think straight.  This is what these women do to me," Derek exclaimed and Burke gave him a small smile.

"Don't be too mad at her.   I know Alison.  And you definitely know her.   I'm certain she was thinking about you this whole time and not wanting to tell you too soon because this was how you would react."

"Now that you and Cristina are engaged you'll have a lot of work to do," Derek said to Burke just as Mark came up.

"You and Yang are getting hitched," he exclaimed and the two men just stared at him.

"There's a mass casualty incident rolling in," Burke told the plastics surgeon and the two left.

*

"We've got a Jane Doe here," the medic explained to Derek.   "She had no I.d on her so we can't identify her.  She passed out not too long ago.  It was probably due to her rescuing someone from the ferry mixed with her own injuries, it was too much for her to handle."

Derek glanced down at the woman on the stretcher and realized immediately that it was Alison.  His breath was caught in his throat at he looked her over.  Her blonde hair that was now matted with blood at her skull, cuts on her arms and lip and a laceration on her forehead.  He also noticed that she was starting to have a second degree burn on her right forearm, just where it was starting to meet her wrist and he winced at that.  But then he noticed her left thigh looked particularly more swollen than her right and he knew that it wasn't good.  He wasn't able to fully assess the injuries as she was wearing jeans but he was almost certain she would need surgery on it.

"That's not a Jane Doe, that's Alison.  Doctor Anderson I mean," he replied shocked.

"That takes care of that then," the medic said.  "If you have a phone on you can you call her family?  Let them know what happened?"

"I don't," he shook his head shocked at his best friend being in the state that she's in.  "I mean I don't have a phone."

"Oh here, you can use hers if you want.   I just found it in her front pocket sticking out."

"Thanks," he replied taking it from the medic as Derek told him to take her to the hospital immediately to be checked out while he called her family.  "Oh and ask for a Doctor Torres and Doctor Sloan," he told him hating that he had to ask for Mark but he knew she needed him for the burn to be looked at.

The medic nodded his head and wheeled her away to an ambulance.

*

It was Alison's first date.  She was sixteen and so incredibly anxious as she waited for him to pull up.  Her mom had finally let her wear makeup that year and had caught the attention of a few boys, which her father obviously didn't like.

They were going to the movies with a few other friends so it wasn't a date where it was just the two of them.  She had been waiting ten minutes already for him outside since the time he was supposed to be there.  Ten minutes was okay though.

Fifteen.

Then when twenty-five minutes later hit, she assumed that he just wasn't going to show up and she was no longer excited.  Opening the door to their house, she rushed upstairs to her room not even bothering to answer her mom who was questioning why she was still here.

She had been stood up.

Tears were running down her cheeks as she laid on her bed.  She heard a knock on her door and but Alison didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Go away," she yelled.

"Alison, it's your mom.  Please open up," she pleaded with her daughter and eventually she got up and opened the door before going back to her bed.  "Oh Ali I'm so sorry."

Madelyn didn't have to ask what happened as she already knew.

"I should have known he wouldn't be interested in someone like me," she said as she hiccuped.

"What do you mean someone like you?" Madelyn asked as she laid next to her daughter.

"Nobody likes military kids, mom," she whined.

"Says who?" Her mom asked.  "Because from what I can see you are an amazing young girl.  You're smart, talented, and when you put your mind to something you give it your all.  And you have good friends..."

"Your supposed to say that," Alison said with a huff.  "Your my mom."

"I actually don't," Madelyn said.  "At least that's what my mom told me too when I used that same line on her when I was your age," Madelyn said laughing and Alison cracked a small smile.  "I don't know why this boy stood you up but what I do know is that it's his loss.  In life you'll have many disappointments.  But don't let that discourage you from being kind. Your kindness and hard work will get you far in life.  What do you say about having a family movie night downstairs and we can make Snickerdoodle cookies?"

"Sounds good," she smiled more and brought her mom into a hug.  "Thank you, I love you mom."

"Your welcome and I meant every word.  I love you too, Alison.  Never forget that."

"Do you mind if I wet my face first with cold water before going downstairs?" She asked her mom and she understood, letting her.

Despite this being her first heartbreak, it was the best night with her family.

*

"Patient Alison Anderson, age 30.  Passed out in my arms possibly due to exhaust and her injuries.  Left thigh is swollen, second degree burn on her right forearm.  Laceration on the forehead," the paramedic told the doctors and at first they stopped and stared as one of their own was injured in the Ferry accident.  They knew they had to pull it together as they saw Alison with an oxygen mask on her face.  "Bp is 126/72."

They took Alison to get an MRI first to see what they were dealing with since she still hadn't woken up.

"What's going on chief?" Callie asked as she and Mark walked into the room as they watched the patient going through the X-ray room.

"The paramedic said that Doctor Shepherd said Alison might need you both for her injuries," he told them as he nodded his head in the direction at the patient and they both looked at who it was in shock.

How could this have happened?

*

James and his wife Sarah made it out first.  It was so damn expensive for the same day flight but it was worth it to see his sister.  He was placed on temporary leave for the time being so that he could be with his family.  James was still wearing his BDU's as he had just gotten off work when he got the call.

"Hey James," Derek started to come up to James but then was surprised when James punched him right in the nose making him fall backwards while the other doctors watched in shock, not knowing who this man was.

"Fuck you!  Fuck you!" He screamed while Burke rushed over to try and control the situation by taking hold of James.

"No, it's okay," Derek coughed out as he held his nose as he was now on the ground.  "It's her brother."

"Sorry," Burke said as he brushed the man's uniform with his hands, as if he had messed it up.

"It's okay," he said in a deep voice.  "You didn't know.   How's my sister?"

"Is any of your other family here?" Burke asked the soldier and he shook his head.

"My wife, Sarah, and I are the only ones here so far.  Our mom and dad and my brother's family are on their way."

"Good," Burke let out a breath.  "Follow me. Derek - I think it's best if you don't come."

"He's not allowed," James said with a huff and Burke nodded his head. He knew it must have been about how Derek reacted to the news of Alison and Mark dating now.  But he didn't even think to question it because right now was about Alison.

James didn't technically fuck Derek up.  He could have done a hell of a lot worse but he respected Alison's wishes while also wanting to defend his sister at the same time.

*

"Are you Doctor Mark Sloan?" James asked as soon as he saw the older doctor tending to his sister's right forearm and he looked up finding a man in a military uniform with a woman along with Burke.

"I am," he nodded his head.

"James Anderson," he said and nodded to his wife who stood beside him. "This is my wife, Sarah."

"The younger brother in the Marines and the sister-in-law who teaches ninth graders," Mark said as it clicked with him now.  "It's nice to meet you both, wish it was under better circumstances."

"Us too," Sarah spoke up.  "How is she doing?"

"She just here not too long ago," Burke spoke up.  "Doctor Sloan is tending to her burn and then she will have to go into surgery."

"Surgery?" James asked worried.  "Why?"

"She fractured her femur on her left leg.  But don't worry, we have the best orthopedic surgeon to work on her.  Doctor Torres will be in a little bit to go over things with you."

"Why hasn't she woken up yet?" James asked.

"She had fainted possibly due to exhaustion and her injuries wearing her so thin.  People who were on the ferry said she was one of them was helping people get off and she was tending to their wounds before medic and the other doctors got to the site. She's a hero," Burke said as he gave a gentle smile.  "Just like our Wendy Darling to do something like that."

James and Sarah smiled at the comment as he made his way over to her other side, careful not to disturb Mark at his work.  He pressed a kiss to her forehead where there wasn't the laceration.  James sat down and held her hand as his wife put a hand on his shoulder and he watched the plastics surgeon work on her.

"Will it heal?" He asked nodding her to burn.

"It should," Mark said as he looked up at her brother.  "It's a second degree which typically can take one to two weeks to heal."

"Why is that one blister so huge though?" The biggest one was about 0.5 inches in width.

"It happens, unfortunately.  But because of the size it should hopefully pop within the next couple of days.  Right now I'm just applying silver sulfadiazine which is the best ointment to treat second and third degree burns.  I'm prescribing her this to her as well mupirocin," he said.  When Alison first got here, right away he put the burn in cool water to get rid of the warmth.  He got up and rummaged through the drawers to find gauze as well as an anti-stick pad to apply first and he then wrapped her arm around it.  "I want her to clean her burn twice a day with a sensitive skin soap, Dove is fine.  Then when it's dry I want her to apply the ointment.  She can mix both of them, that's okay."

*

He was like fireworks whenever Alison was with him.  It was like he kept getting brighter and brighter every time she was with him.

Maybe this is what death feels like.  Or maybe it isn't.  Who really knows?  What I do know is that it's okay to disappear for a little bit.  Just as long as you come back to the people you love.  And come back with the memories.


--

So this is my longest chapter yet with 5,000 words. Hope you guys don't mind but I wanted to put in some flashbacks (or memories) that Alison had while she was passed out. Thoughts?

Filled with so much drama!

Also the site novelhd will never have my permission to post my books on their site but unfortunately they are still doing it.

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