𝟏𝟏𝟐.                    𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬, 𝐢𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬

beautiful things ──── benson boone

☀︎ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝖫𝖮𝖵𝖨𝖭𝖦 𝖲𝖮𝖬𝖤𝖡𝖮𝖣𝖸 𝖶𝖧𝖮 𝖣𝖮𝖤𝖲𝖭'𝖳 𝖫𝖮𝖵𝖤 𝖳𝖧𝖤𝖬𝖲𝖤𝖫𝖵𝖤𝖲 𝖨𝖲 𝖧𝖠𝖱𝖣，𝖡𝖴𝖳 𝖨𝖳'𝖲 𝖭𝖮𝖳 𝖨𝖬𝖯𝖮𝖲𝖲𝖨𝖡𝖫𝖤．It's why, not even forty minutes after having my heart ripped out and stomped on, it still remains alive and beating for the boy who continues to drown himself in this notion that setting me free from him is what's best for me and my safety.

I call bullshit, I do, but I can't find another thing to say to him, not in the state I'm currently in. I'm angry, I am. So fucking angry. Mix that with the upset and tears, and you've got yourself a wreck of a human being.

Despite JJ not explicitly saying the words, "We're over", hearing "I'm not going to marry you" seems final enough, doesn't it? It also feels like having a knife embedded in my heart even though I have no clue how that feels exactly, but I can only imagine the searing pain.

I keep hearing the words in my head, repeating over and over again as if to taunt me. I keep feeling his hands holding my face so delicately in contrast to his cutting words. I keep feeling his lips against my head, sealing the heartbreak he just dealt me. I can still feel him. I can still hear him. He's in my head, he always is, but this is the one time I need to have a minute to myself without thinking about him.

I think Emory is with him right now, I don't know. I figured she'd talk to him, sister to brother, but I don't know if she'll be able to get through to him, not when he seems to be insistent on travelling down this self-destructing path and sabotaging himself.

I want him back. I need him back.

On a happy-ish note though, I've stopped crying, so I guess that's a bonus, but now I find myself faced with two options on how to assure that I don't breakdown again── at least not for the rest of our trip to Morocco.

Option one: drink.

But then I'd be no better than JJ, and the thought of drinking makes me feel more sick than if I were to actually drink. I won't even tell you who suggested I drink, you can figure it out as there's only two people on this boat that turn to the comfort of a bottle when things hit rock bottom.

Option two: talk it out and distract my mind.

Sitting before me is my best friend who, of course, suggested the option of talking over a game of fucking Snap because we're children. I suggested Go Fish but that would apparently "distract me too much into not talking", so that's why I'm currently losing at one of the easiest games ever.

"This is why Go Fish is better," I utter, hitting one of my cards from my tiny pile against the table, following on from Kiara who is beginning to accumulate too many cards. Though, that is the point of the game── to have all the cards.

Kiara offers me a gracious smile that is not reciprocated because I'm not in the smiliest of moods, not right now. "You're just a sore loser."

"You would be too if you grew up with John B."

Any game John B and I ever played as kids, or as teenagers, or hell, even now as adults, it's safe to say that either somebody would end the night in tears or some kind of injury. Monopoly with the entire group was the last game we played, and I didn't say it before but I threw top hat piece at his eye. In my defence, I didn't mean to, it just went that way, alright?

Speaking of my brother, I haven't seen him since he and JJ fought. Then again, I haven't looked for him either as I know I'll have to talk to him which is something I so don't want to do even though the conversation is long overdue── like, three years overdue. If he wants to find me, he'll find me, though I'm afraid of just how harsh he's going to be with me after the fallout he just had with JJ.

"Snap." Kiara slaps her hand over the pile, that previous smile now much wider and cockier.

I tilt my head, dropping my pathetic stack of cards on the table. "You know, winning doesn't look nice on you, Kie."

"Ooh, you really are a sore loser."

She goes to take the pile of cards from the middle of the table, her win already evident, and I lean back against the wall, peering over at her, noting how relaxed she seems. God, what's that like? It's refreshing to see her like this── to see anybody like this, to be honest. Everything has been so tense lately, but Kiara's visible calm is literally a breath of fresh air.

I wish I could feel the same.

She catches me staring, her eyebrows pinching together as her smile softens. "You okay?"

I shake my head slowly. "No."

Earlier and immediately after having my heart crushed, Kiara was right there to pick up each individual piece, embracing me tightly and holding me in a way I so desperately needed.

I didn't realise how much I just needed a hug.

She brought me inside, forced me to sit down and drink some water, and she just let me continue to cry for a good twenty minutes until I cried all the tears I could, instead left a blubbering and incoherent mess in Kiara's arms. She then suggested Snap, and while Go Fish is better than this shit she just beat me at, I appreciated the distraction.

Now she's just watching me, and I know exactly what that look in her eye is asking.

Talk. She wants me to talk.

So, naturally, I do what she's silently asking because, like I've said, she's my best friend and there's nobody I'd rather talk to than her.

"Do you ever wish we could go back to..." I sigh, dropping my head, suddenly finding fascination in the ace of spades card before me. "...before?"

"Before?"

"Like, before, before," I clarify, though I still make little to no sense.

"Oh, totally," she replies, her tone sarcastic which forces me to bring my narrowed, unamused gaze back to her. "Sorry, go on."

"Do you ever wish we never found that boat in the water? That we'd just... I don't know, gone right over it?" She blinks at me, eyes seeming to widen like she can't quite understand why I'd ask such a thing.

She shakes her head slowly. "I-I don't know. Why?"

"Sometimes I wish we could go back," I say, tapping my fingers against the glass of water beside me. "Sometimes I want to be anywhere but here in this life, now more than ever." I look away again, head falling downwards. "Things just suck lately, I guess."

"I know, but it won't be like this forever, Brooke." I huff out a laugh, wishing that could be true, but this may be our fate forever. "We're going to get the crown. We're going to save our home. We're going to get Groff locked up. We're going to be fine."

"You don't know that, Kie. Everything's just..."

"Brooke." There's an urgency in her tone that attempts to encourage me to look to her but I stay put, unmoving and silent. "Brooke, you and JJ are gonna be okay. He is going to come around, he's just... I don't know, but he's going to realise that he made a mistake, that he──"

"He said he didn't want to marry me," I interrupt, feeling pressure behind my eyes. "Eleven years, Kie. That is how long I've loved him, and it took him less than eleven seconds to break my heart." I exhale a shaky breath, really not wishing to cry for the umpteenth time. "I-I know he's going through a lot. I know that, but I just want him to let me in, you know?"

I feel her hand come to rest over mine, and I'm forced to lift my head and meet her gaze head on. "There are no two people better for each other than you and JJ, okay?"

"No two people?"

"Yes," she assures, hand squeezing mine. "You two, for as long as I've known you both, have always been right for each other."

"Really?"

"Really, really, and I am the one saying this," she says, chuckling softly. "I mean, once upon a time, I didn't like you two together because I was..." I fill in the blank, nodding in response as I know what she's thinking. Once upon a time, there was the consideration of us── of Kiara and me. Now, we've grown and separated from that idea of us, instead remaining as best friends which is what we always should've been.

I swallow. "Yeah."

"But I know now that you two are perfect for each other," she concludes, and I just hum, unsure what to say. "He's going through something, Brooke, but he is going to make it right." She says it like she knows that for certain, and I want to believe her, I do, but I'm afraid she won't be right this time. "He'd be a fool to let you go."

"Well, he's a fool then."

"A damn fool."

She smiles, and just as I go to reciprocate the smile this time around, a voice that I so don't wanna hear just yet speaks from behind me. "Hey." Looking over my shoulder, I find my brother to be leaning against the wall, eyes on me. "Can I talk to you?"

I nod, aware that this was bound to happen, but I was afraid nonetheless as I don't know how this will go. I say a goodbye to Kiara before moving to follow John B, going to the scene of the crime── the deck where JJ and I argued for the first time in... well, ever. If you look closely, pieces of my heart dot the floor from the impact of JJ's words, and I can't bring myself to collect them.

I love that my brother chose to bring me out here to talk.

We stop in front of one another, a good arm's length between us. He stands with his arms crossed over his chest, looking like a pissed off dad which is... fitting given that he's months away from being a father.

"You okay?" he asks which, I won't lie, is surprising as I expected a bloodbath of harsh words from the get go.

I nod slowly, watching him carefully. "Yeah."

"Okay." He sighs loudly, and I feel the hurt before it comes to smack me in the face. "Okay, I'm mad at you."

I click my tongue. "Yeah, right back at ya."

His head rears, a puzzled expression on his face. "Why are you mad at me?"

I scoff, eyebrows pinching together because he cannot be that stupid and oblivious to all that's happened over the past few days. "For all that shit you said to JJ," I clarify even though he should know why I'm mad. "For blaming him for shit that wasn't his fault."

"It was his fault," he insists, a snap in his tone.

"No, it wasn't."

"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him, Brooke," he argues, waving his hand to emphasise his point. "We wouldn't have lost the last of the gold if it wasn't for him. Hell, your face wouldn't──"

"Hey!" I yell, jabbing my finger at him, dealing him the same snap that he gave me. "You do not get to blame him for that. Groff hurt me, not JJ."

"Because JJ decided to trust him."

"I'm sorry, what the hell is this? Why do you hate him all of a sudden?" I ask, genuinely surprised by his behaviour. While he can be mad at JJ, there's no need for him to be so harsh because JJ is his best friend in the entire world, or so I thought. "He's your best friend, John B, and he's going through something and y-you're just... you're just blaming him for everything. You're barely giving him a chance."

"I don't hate him," he scoffs, head shaking.

"I beg to differ."

"Brooke, I've given him a lot of chances── too many chances, but he doesn't listen, and I'm done trying to help." I look away from him, shaking my own head as I really don't want to fight, not with John B.

"He doesn't deserve to be blamed," I speak, attempting to remain calm as one of us needs to be right now.

"I'm blaming him because you nearly died, Brooke."

I snap my head back to him, my previous five-second calm being replaced with agitation once again. "I said that wasn't──"

"I'm blaming him because we wouldn't be here right now if he hadn't bet the last of the gold on that race, if he had just listened," he interrupts, cutting me off mid-sentence which I do not appreciate. "We'd still have money, Brooke, do you not realise that?"

"Yes, I realise that we could've still had money, but blaming him is unfair, and you know it because we all contributed to spending the money."

"He spent over seven hundred grand in, like, five minutes," he argues, making a fair point, but that is ancient history at this point.

I shrug, fucking sick to my stomach from arguing. It seems I'm just going from argument to argument, and I'm so tired. "Well, he wanted the house," I say, unsure on how else to defend that as, at the time, JJ spending all that money on the house was a little careless and stupid, but we then each continued to spend money after the fact without another care in the world, so it's not his fault every penny of ours is gone.

"Why are you still defending him?"

My mouth gapes. "Excuse me?"

"He broke up with you."

"No, he didn't."

"Oh, so him saying he wasn't going to marry you anymore was you guys not breaking up?"

"I-I don't── Were you listening in on our conversation?" There's no way he could've known about JJ saying such words when it's literally been an hour, so the only plausible explanation to how John B knows such a thing would be that he listened in, and if he did, fuck him.

"He said he wasn't marrying you, right?"

"W-What are you── I'm sorry, but my relationship is none of your business," I snap, hoping I'm making myself perfectly clear to Mr. Eavesdropper here.

He steps back, dragging his hands through his hair, looking just about as mad as Dad used to be, though I know John B wouldn't jump to drastic measures to get his message across. "You're not marrying him, Brooke," he states firmly, only worsening this argument.

"Again, my relationship── mine and JJ's relationship is none of your fucking business." My voice raises an octave, hitting a range that is deathly similar to that of earlier when I fought with JJ. "I don't need permission from you on who I marry, thank you. Why are you──"

"When did Dad hit you?"

There it is.

There is what he wanted to actually discuss, only speaking about JJ because he wanted to agitate me by the looks of it. Really, the only reason we're out here is to talk about the fact that Dad hit me. While it feels like a million years ago since Dad hurt me, this is all new to John B as I didn't tell him when it happened.

And for good reason.

"Why does it matter?"

"Why does it matter?" He scoffs, a laugh falling past his lips that is both breathless and manic. "Why does it matter?" he repeats, head shaking vigorously. "Brooke, I just overheard that our dad fucking hit you, so I think I have every right to know when it happened. Was it when he came back? Was it before he went missing? When the hell did he hit you?"

"It doesn't matter." It does matter, obviously, but it's clear to me that John B is going to overreact. It's clear to me that he's going to turn this into something that so isn't worth discussing anymore, but not telling him will only delay the inevitable, and I don't wish to do that.

Annoying him is all part of the Brooklyn Routledge package.

"Bullshit," he curses. "I want to know when the hell Dad laid a hand on you. I want to know why you never told me."

"Because as far as I'm concerned, I'm the reason Dad left without a second thought."

His face scrunches. "What?"

"That night before he left── before he disappeared for a whole year..." I step forward, holding the eyes that resemble mine. "You ran off, I went to follow, Dad grabbed me and we continued to argue and argue and argue, and then..." I shake my head, hating to be reminded of something I definitely could've prevented if I had just not fought with him. "He left the next day, but maybe if we hadn't of fought, if he hadn't of hit me then maybe he would've..."

"That's ridiculous, Brooke."

"Is it?" I exhale a breath, sniffling. "Had I ran after you after he did it and told you, what would you have done?"

"Gone back and hit him myself," he answers without even considering it because that's just the kind of guy my brother is.

I click my tongue. "Exactly."

"What?"

"You ever think that I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think bad of Dad, not when he disappeared straight after he yelled and hit me?" I step back, tucking hair behind my ears as the wind is beginning to pick up out here. "I mean, I was perfectly willing to forgive and forget the next day but he was gone, and I felt... I felt horrible, even more when we thought he died."

"It was not your fault that he left, Brooke."

"Just like it's not JJ's fault that I'm hurting."

"Brooke──"

"No," I fight. "JJ did not hurt me, John B, but he's blaming himself enough, so he does not need you to jump on the bandwagon."

"We're not talking about JJ right now, Brooke."

"Oh, my God," I exclaim. "What more do you want me to say about Dad, John B? Yes, he hit me, okay? He slapped me across the face for talking back. There you go!" An exasperated laugh stutters out of me as I begin to find this argument utterly pointless, especially when these events occurred three years ago. "I've chosen to forget it. I've chosen to forgive Dad because he's dead, John B. He's dead. He died in our arms, so I've forgiven him. Now, I don't want to look back at the past. I want to stay in the present."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Did you not just──"

"Yes, I heard you, and I don't care, Brooke,"
he bites out, the same snap in his tone from earlier. "How could you not tell me that Dad hit you? And save the bullshit on you not wanting me to see him differently. Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't need you to fight my battles."

"Have you ever considered the fact that I want to help you fight your battles?"

All my life, for as long as I've lived, John B has attempted to fight each and every one of my battles. While he tries to be protective, jumping into action for the sake of me, it's damn annoying when I'm more than capable of fighting myself, when I don't go down without a fight, and he knows that.

He knows I'm more than capable of fighting.

I'm a Routledge, after all.

"I don't need you to fight my battles," I repeat, voice remaining stoic.

"Yeah, that's why you nearly killed yourself earlier, right?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing he'd bring that up sooner or later. "Oh, my God."

"To prove a point?" he adds, apparently wanting to make the situation worse.

"What the hell is your point?"

"You could have died!" he yells, his tone at a dangerous volume that probably has everybody on this boat, including Rafe, listening in. "If that cop wasn't tackled, that bullet would've hit you, and you would have died, Brooke, but you don't give a shit. You don't give a shit that, if you had died, you would've been leaving me, you would've been leaving JJ, you would've been leaving all of us, but you don't give a shit."

I just stare at him with a blank expression, unsure on how to defend myself as I know the consequences had I been shot earlier, but I was willing to accept them either way, almost unafraid of leaving this world because at least I protected JJ from being shot. Though, for him to say that I don't give a shit, that I don't care about leaving the people I love, he is wrong in that sense.

"I need you, Brooke, do you not realise that?" John B continued, and I feel an unwanted tightness in my chest as an unsuspecting pang of guilt smacks into me. "You are literally half of me. If you go, half of me goes, but you just don't care."

"You know me, John B," I utter, shoulders lifting in a shrug, my head shaking slowly. "you know I'd take a bullet for any of you because I do care. Of course I fucking care."

"Well, I don't want you taking any kind of bullets for us, Brooke, okay?"

"But you're fine to watch JJ, your best friend and the closest thing you've had to a brother, kill himself slowly?"

"It's always about him, isn't it?" I could laugh at such a comment, but I hold my tongue for the time being, letting him continue, allowing him to fight with me over something so wrong. "You never even stop to consider anybody else, do you?"

My eyes widen, appalled that he'd say that. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, because I have nearly lost you so many times, Brooke, and you just──"

"And I've nearly lost you!" I shout, growing more and more agitated with every passing minute we spend arguing over nothing of importance. "You talk about losing me, but you have no idea what it was like when I thought you were dead at sea for two whole weeks, John B."

"Brooke, that's ancient history."

"Maybe to you, but I fucking remember what it was like, John B." I suck in a sharp breath, the tightening in my chest worsening as I think back to ancient history when I was told my brother and Sarah had been lost at sea. "You're right, if you go, half of me goes too, and it did, and I never thought I'd get it back because you went to prison and I felt so fucking helpless because I'm supposed to be the one who helps you."

He opens his mouth, going to speak, but if he wants to shout at me, he's going to have to hear me first as I am done fighting over something he can't begin to understand. "So when you stand there and say that I don't stop to consider other people, you forget that I have thought about you my entire fucking life. From the minute I was born, you have always, always been a consideration."

He brings his eyes off me, likely hearing the crack in my voice as I speak with such fury, with such emotion. "You are a fucking idiot if you think that I don't care. You know me, John B. You know me better than most, so you know that I care. Hell, I think I care too fucking much."

I push my hands into my hair, feeling like I could rip out every strand until I feel satisfied. "God, the fact that you don't think that I consider you... that I don't care about you..." I shake my head, the back of my eyes burning, threatening to unleash ugly tears. "That really, really hurts."

I hear him step forward, and then I feel his hand on my shoulder but I shrug him off, refusing to let him just hug me and make up for how fucking horrible he was a moment ago. "Brooke..."

"I care too much," I insist, jabbing my finger at his chest, my eyes refusing to meet his. "I care about you, about JJ, about everybody on this stupid ship. Well, not Rafe, but you get my point." I sniffle, swallowing down the emotion chewing at my throat. "I'd do anything for any of you, you know that, so don't you dare say that I don't care or that I don't consider anybody else when that's all I've ever done. I don't even have time to think about myself anymore because I'm too busy thinking about all of you."

He clears his throat, wiping a hand across his face. "I'm sorry, alright, but..." I drop my head, knowing there'd be a but as, of course, we can't just come to an agreement. "...you cannot help JJ, Brooke. He won't help himself so you can't be in charge of helping him, it's not fair on you."

"Well, somebody needs to help him because everybody seems to have just given up on him, and that is not fair."

"Brooke, you heard him earlier."

"Yes, I did, and I'm sorry he was mean to you, but he's doing his very best to push us away, John B, and you're just letting him," I fight, my voice much calmer than it was before, though it still has that Routledge bite to it. "He needs us, John B, because he is this close to letting himself give up, and I cannot..." Tears collect at my eyelids as I think of the worst case scenario. "...I won't lose him."

"You've already lost him, Brooke."

I look up at my brother, unsure on who I'm facing right now because there is no fucking way this guy is my brother, that this guy is JJ's best friend. "You're a great fucking help," I spit.

"I'm trying to help you, Brooke."

"Yeah, by yelling at me and telling me I don't give a shit and──"

"I said I was sorry!"

"But you meant it!" I yell back, shoving at his arm, wishing I could shove harder but then he'd be falling off this damn boat, and that would just be cruel of me. "You meant every word you just said to me, and you can't take it back, and that's fine, alright? That's fine, but if you really want to help me, you'll help JJ because he is your best friend, and he needs somebody. Why does nobody care about him?"

"Because he doesn't care about anybody else."

"That is a lie," I say, refusing to accept such a harsh comment. "He cares, John B, he does. He cares about us so much that he's doing everything possible to push us away because he thinks he's going to hurt us more, but why should that mean that we just give up on him? Why should we just walk away and accept that?"

"Because he wants us to."

"Well, I don't want to. I want to help him."

"He doesn't want help, Brooke."

"Why are you just giving up?" I step back, not understanding what I'm facing right now. How can he, of all people, not want to help his best friend. I mean, I know he said some things but I also know that JJ will realise all he's said and done very soon, he just needs some support. "He wants our help. He just doesn't want to ask for it because he feels like he has no one."

"Why should I help him when he won't help himself?"

"Because he is our best friend," I fight, though I feel like I'm saying the same shit over and over and over again. "He has always been there for us when we've needed him so the least we can do is be there for him and──"

"No," John B interrupts, head shaking.

"No?" I scoff, stepping back. "No? Really? Wow." I need to leave. I need to leave right now. "God, I-I don't know who the hell you are right now or why you're acting like this, but screw you."

"Brooke..."

"Screw you," I bite out, turning away before I literally shove him off this boat.

──────────────────────────

𝖠 𝖥𝖤𝖶 𝖣𝖠𝖸𝖲 𝖧𝖠𝖵𝖤 𝖯𝖠𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖣，𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 𝖧𝖠𝖵𝖤 𝖭𝖤𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝖡𝖤𝖤𝖭 𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖤 𝖳𝖤𝖭𝖲𝖤．On top of John B and I not speaking, Emory and JJ are not speaking, a rivalry brewing between siblings, it would seem. Therefore, as a means to distract myself and Emory, we've been working together to map out significant locations in Essaouira, Morocco which is where we're hoping to dock. We've noted places to stay, places to get food, places to get medical assistance.

Sure, we have little to no money but we make note of such places anyway, making sure to recall any hospitals in the area as, of course, if something goes horrendously wrong, we need to be prepared even if we have no idea how hospitals work in another country, though I imagine we'll receive aid either way.

On top of the tense atmosphere, there's a storm brewing overhead as we inch closer and closer to Morocco. The wind is howling, causing the boat to rock, and the rain is hammering down, bothering each and every one of us as we attempt to stay upright in the control room.

I'm in the control room with Pope, Kiara and John B, looking out across the water that is dark and rapidly moving against the harsh waves. Sarah, Cleo and Emory are down below while JJ is God knows where, likely on his own which bothers me, it does, but he won't talk to me, and hasn't done for the past few days, still insistent on this fact that I am better off without him.

If Emory couldn't get through to him either, it's only clear that he is not going to accept a single thing from anyone which explains why he's drinking on his own again.

While I should check on him, I'm forcing myself to stay put and focus on the current situation that is the storm.

"The swells are only getting worse, and we're making a beeline for it," Pope explains as he and John B switch places in taking control over the boat. "So much for smooth sailing."

When do things ever go smooth for us?

"Why can't we just go south?" Kiara asks.

"Because the current's gonna be up against us."

"We could try to go north," Pope suggests, shrugging. "We could try to get lucky."

"Pope, we can't go right into the face of it, alright? We've gotta turn towards the coast," John B says, but I'm barely paying the boys any mind, utterly lost when it comes to handling such problems.

"Doesn't sound like we have any options."

"We're running on fumes as it is," Pope tells. "We're just gonna have to blast through it. We're not that far from Essaouira."

"Alright, so give me some juice."

Pope pushes down on the lever that kickstarts the engine, bringing a loud revving sound out of the boat as it attempts to push over the heavy waves that hit at us, only seeming to grow larger and stronger, and I hear some kind of crack down below from where the girls are.

Now, I don't know a lot about boats, but the sound that is coming from the engine does not sound healthy. It's spluttering, likely unable to match the pace that John B is trying to steer. "Okay, something's going on with the engine," Pope says, looking to John B. "Can you handle it? I gotta go check downstairs."

"Yeah, go. Go," John B urges, his eyes remaining on the choppy sea ahead.

"I'm gonna go help Sarah," Kiara offers, nudging me gently. "You wanna come with me?" While going to Sarah would be useful as she's pregnant and definitely not in the right state to be on a boat that is capsizing into a storm, I can't leave my brother, not alone.

I shake my head, deciding my fate. "You go. I-I'll, uh, stay with John B, okay?"

Kiara nods, beginning to move away. "Okay. Stay safe. Batten it down, John B."

"Yeah. I got it. I got it."

Once Kiara leaves, I go to hold on for dear life as John B does his very best to keep us steady, obviously not wanting us to succumb to the terrifying ocean. He looks to me, but I keep staring ahead despite seeing him in my peripheral. "You're staying?"

"You're still my brother, jackass."

Meaning I won't be leaving till he does.

It doesn't matter how mad we are at the other, we've got each other's back. For life.

"Okay, can you keep hold of the lever?"

As per his instructions, I steady the lever as he focuses on steering us, driving us forward and straight into the thick of it. The engine continues to grind loudly as the waves smack at the boat, sending us up and down rapidly, though we do our best to stay where we are.

Still holding the lever, I stumble ever so slightly, back crashing into John B. "Come on," he utters, guiding me back upright as he turns the wheel as fast as he can, noticing that we're coming to a much larger wave than we've seen before. "Come on, baby. Come on."

"Don't treat it nicely!" I yell over the furious smack of each wave.

"It's not the boat's fault, B!"

"I don't care!"

I stare forward, noticing lightening cracking ahead along with the rumbling thunder, and a worry crosses my mind. "John B..." Obviously and because we're so fucking unlucky, the lightening suddenly comes bolting down, knocking into the boat and rocking it at a more forceful pace. Then, because the world hates us, the lights that were guiding us blow, leaving the sea a complete abyss.

"Fuck!" I shout, not seeing a damn thing up ahead, never more afraid of the dark than I am now.

"No, no. Shit, I'm flying blind." The radar begins to beep above our heads, the orange light flashing, reminding us that we're fucking screwed which is so not appreciated right now. "I can't steer," John B realises, grasping the wheel tightly, and I curse God. "Shit!"

"Hold onto something!" I shout, stumbling back and crashing into the wall, my hand grasping the lever tightly regardless as I find it's the only safe thing in here to grab. "John B!"

His grip not tight enough on the wheel, we find ourselves tilting upwards, rocking rock into a wave that climbs up, bringing us upright which forces the water to smash through the front window.

The impact at which the water gushes through and into the control room has John B hitting the wall behind us. "John B!" I slip, falling right down and letting my knees dig into the ground as I crawl, moving to reach him as he lays on his front, coughing and spluttering. "John B!" I shout, hands grabbing at his shirt.

He lifts himself up slowly, breathing heavily, and I grasp his face, relieved that he's breathing. "Hey, you're okay. Hey." Another wave hits us hard, bringing another gush of water into the control room, soaking us which is just fucking fantastic. "It's okay."

"Are you okay?" he asks, grasping the doorframe while his other hand falls around my shoulders so I can help us up and off the ground.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Are you? Did you hit your head? Are you──"

"B," he mutters, coughing.

I clear my throat, leaning us into the doorframe so we don't fall again as the boat rocks violently. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," he breathes out, though I don't see how now is the time for apologies.

Regardless, I reciprocate as we're currently in one of those life or death situations that we are so very fond of, and we only have each other right now. "I'm sorry too," I say, keeping his arm around my shoulders as I'm afraid he's hurt from how hard he hit the wall.

Before either of us can say another word, we hear screaming just outside. "John B! Brooke!"

I recognise the voice, and that is the worst part. "Sarah!" we scream, unsure why she's out here in such a storm when she's the one who's pregnant, and it's absolutely unsafe for her to be out here.

"We gotta move," John B urges, beginning to move us away, both of us stumbling out of the control room and onto the deck, spotting Sarah down below through the rain and darkness.

"Sarah!" I shout, finding her on the ground, likely having fallen over from the continuous rock of the boat and flush of water.

"Sarah! Hold on!"

Another wave comes battering down, knocking John B and myself over, forcing us to the ground just as it swoops over the dock, clearing it entirely. I cough, falling away from John B and tumbling backwards, head knocking into the rail.

Slowly, I begin to bring myself back up, looking forward as I watch the water force Sarah off the boat and straight into the water. I grip the railing, screaming out to the water. "Sarah!"

No, she didn't just fall in. No. She's pregnant and she's in the fucking water. She could drown. Fuck. We need to get to her. We need to save her.

"Sarah! No!" John B is bringing himself back up, hands also holding the railing. "No!"

"Sarah!" I scream again, seeing her waving from the water, the waves continue to rock into her as she attempts to stay upright.

I can't lose her. John B can't lose her. We can't lose her. We need to get to her now.

I look down, wondering if I can jump down and fall onto the dock. Maybe I can grab the life ring and save her before something happens. Though, just as I bring my eyes back up, realising I can jump down if I go now, my eyes clash with very familiar ones── with ones that have brought me comfort, love and sadness all at once.

I stare forward at JJ, finding that he has grabbed the life ring and is throwing it out to the water. "JJ," I exhale, gripping the railing tighter as I know what he's going to do. "No, no. No, JJ!"

"JJ, what are you doing?" John B shouts, also realising what our best friend is doing. "JJ, no!"

His eyes hold mine for a moment, and a cry rips out from within me as he begins to back away, the water in the deck moving him. I love you is what I think I can read in his eyes from over here, but I can't be sure. Instead, I choose to tell myself that he's saying such words because he's turning away and throwing himself off the boat, diving expertly into the angry water.

"No, JJ. No, no, no!"

"JJ, no!" I scream again, another sob wrenching out of me. I'm just about ready to jump over the railing so I can save him, save Sarah, but I feel arms wrap around my waist, yanking me back harshly and away from the rail. "No!" I thrash, fighting as another wave comes to land upon us, flushing us and the dock again. "No, JJ! Sarah!"

As the boat steadies for a single moment, John B and I stare forward, holding onto one another, and we no longer see JJ and Sarah.

"JJ," I cry, head falling into John B's chest as his arms encircle me. "No!"

──────────────────────────

❀ soph speaks

i got lazy at the end and i had very little motivation writing this chapter but i hope you enjoyed either way lol

ah john b and brooke arguing ofc

it rlly pissed me off how nobody seemed to care about jj, not even his own girlfriend like huh it was just so out of character for everyone, i was so annoyed, but at least in this, brooke has got her man's back even if he broke her heart

uni is kicking my ass lately i'm fed up but i'll be finished very very soon and i can't wait for the summer bcos i lowkey hate school and exams

nearing the end of this act is also dawning on me which is why i think im more unmotivated than normal bcos i rlly don't want it to end if that makes sense

also, on a happier note ig??
i've decided i will be writing season five so this story won't end after this act, i promise :)

thankyou for reading!!