THE GUILT STARTS to eat Jeongguk away at around 9:30 that same night.

Yoongi's head is in his lap, the movie about a half hour from being over, but he's not paying attention. Hasn't been for an hour now. Not with the distraction of the rain pelting his window. And his eyes keep flicking over to the coffee table, half hoping that the airplane mode will switch itself off so he knows if Taehyung messaged him again asking for comfort.

Please don't let that be the case.

But maybe Taehyung has someone else to turn to as well as the boy he'd met only a week and a half ago. Maybe Jeongguk's selfish attempt to rid himself of the stress that comes with addressing what happened between him and Taehyung will all be forgotten tomorrow and they can go back to doing like he wanted to; getting to know each other and learning the other's boundaries.

Deep down he knows it's not true. All he can think about is the way Taehyung had flinched, cowered — yelped at every crash of thunder, despite being in his company. Had clung to Jeongguk as though he were a lifeline, looked at him with those helpless eyes that told him nothing would be okay if he wasn't there.

He remembers how Taehyung had asked to hear absolutely anything comforting from him over message just to calm his nerves. Remembers the way he'd told him he's the only one who makes him feel human.

There's no one else, is there?

When Yoongi leaves after the movie the pressure becomes too much. Every rumble of thunder makes his mind go back to Taehyung and never once does he think of the uncomfortable things, only the times the boy had made him laugh and blush and melt inside and he can't believe he's let him down like this. He's not even sure that he can bring himself to message him now, because what does he say? How could he weave an excuse to justify this?

But as he turns his wifi back on, it doesn't feel like he has much of a choice anymore. Not when the desperation hits him like a slap across the face.

taecum has sent you a message!

hi jeonggukie are you busy? i miss talking to
you... i hope you still want to talk to me.

sent at 5:30

have i messed up really bad or are you just
busy?

sent at 5:53

please let me make it up to you if things are
wrong

sent at 5:57

i don't mean to be clingy but you're the only
person i can speak to and i really need you
right now

sent at 6:23

please

sent at 6:40

taecum has started a live!

The last notification is the only one that fills him with hope instead of shame, his fingers clumsy in their movements as they try to swipe across on the live, knowing that he'll be able to see Taehyung's face and determine how much damage he's caused, but he only finds that it ended twenty minutes ago.

"Fuck," he whispers, clicking on the boy's story instead to find the live for replay.

But even when it's open he can't manage to watch more than a minute of it. Taehyung breaks down in the first few seconds, his breathing so laboured that he can't form proper words, tears staining his pretty cheeks and this look of desperation etched across his features as he attempts to seek comfort from the people begging him to take off his clothes.

Jeongguk watches him skim through the comments that are gradually becoming more vulgar — asking him to cry a little louder and do things to himself as though they didn't care that this was a raw emotion, not something to satisfy their fetish — and he hears Taehyung's voice break as he says "not tonight" with a hand slapped over his mouth afterwards to suppress his sobs.

God, the way Jeongguk's heart breaks when a particularly loud strike of thunder makes him yelp and he fumbles to hold the phone, eyes red and puffy, helpless and alone as he shuts off the camera with a shaky cry that he just can't stop from surfacing.

And Jeongguk takes that as his cue to respond to Taehyung immediately, his hands trembling against the keys as he thinks of anything appropriate to say.

@ JEONGGUK
blossom i just saw your live

i'm so sorry i wasn't there to
speak to you when the storm
started

sent at 9:48

i'm not mad at you i promise.

sent at 9:48

text me when you see this?

sent at 9:49

please get back to me tae, i know
it's so hypocritical for me to say
but i need to know if you're okay

sent at 9:58

please let me know that you're
okay

sent at 10:02

And even when Jeongguk's messages stop, the speed of his heartbeat doesn't. It stays so fast that he feels out of breath just sitting there, helpless, half tempted to keep rewatching Taehyung's live as some form of punishment for himself. But instead he just stares at the sent message, waiting for it to turn to read so he can finally get some closure on the situation.

But it never comes. He's left to wallow in the sound of the rain, he hears each and every drop fall to the concrete and the glass like a million bullets, each God forsaken pelt and rattle shakes the blur he has on reality until it all just hurts. Because he's messed up. Fuck, he's messed up.

@ JEONGGUK
please just let me know
when you see this, tae

sent at 10:13

He stands in the wake of the light cascading through his sheer curtains, silhouette blasted across the walls like a spectacle for the whole of Seoul to see — the shadow of a man so lost inside his own conscience that when he hears the three knocks at the door it all merges together with the thunder and he suddenly feels so sensitive to every sound.

There's another knock, another bellow, and so much rain. And the whole of his mind seems so set on being angry with the intrusion of his guest that he doesn't notice himself storming over there, swinging the door open, and knitting his eyebrows together. Not until his eyes widen, his breath hitches, and the world— it all just stops.

Again, it all stops.

All in the wake of a sight that makes his limbs feel heavy and every thought he'd had about being cold to the boy in front of him wash away.

Jeongguk falls to a crouch, hands stretching out ahead to brush sodden strands of dark hair from the face of the boy fallen to a slump in his doorway, skin pale, lips nearly blue with cold. And he's frozen, he's shaking so bad, dressed only in a thin shirt and his pants to spite the winter's tempest.

"S-So— I'm so— so sorry," brown eyes doused in pained hues of red meet Jeongguk's own and he melts, tear ducts succumbing to the sight before him as he pulls the boy's soaked body close to his own, the most comfortable discomfort coming with the wetness against his clothes. He picks him up, supports his weak legs for him.

"Don't it's— it's okay. Everything's— it's okay," Jeongguk stammers, allowing Taehyung to curl into him, face buried in his chest and arms trapped between. His fingers do so weakly, but still, they manage to cling on to Jeongguk's shirt like he'll never let go. Like the world is falling apart around them and Jeongguk is the only thing he has to cling on to.

The only thing he wants to cling on to.

And Jeongguk's lips feel heavy as he forms careful reassurances, falling on the deaf ears of the boy he hauls onto his couch, trembling and shivering like all the toils of his precious bones finally made obvious their impact on the brunt of his mind. Careless, unlike the whispers of the boy shaped from the stars that go vacant from the twilight's clutches.

"I didn't know— know where else to— to go. I just had to l-leave and I thought I... I thought I was going to the coffee— coffee shop but my legs wouldn't stop and I—" Taehyung begins to cry some more, Jeongguk's hand sliding up into his hair out of instinct, sheltering him from every sight and sound that could possibly make him afraid. He wants to warm him up, keep him safe. "I just ended up at your door— I thought y-you hated me but I— You're the only p-person who hugs— hugs me a-and—"

The thunder claps against the heavy clouds, sending more rapids of raindrops to fall from the sky, and in their wake Taehyung holds on tighter than he had before. And it's almost like his hands push even through the barrier of Jeongguk's chest, clutch his heart along with his waist, because he can't feel it beating anymore.

"I know things aren't right but I— Please dont leave me alone, Ggukie. We— We don't have to talk— You dont need to look— look me in the e-eye just— I really need you to hold m-my hand and—"

"Blossom," Jeongguk coos in that soft tone that makes warmth run up Taehyung's back, shaking his head in a gentle motion as his free hand rubs circles into Taehyung's cold hip, trailing it over his side to reach between their chests, taking one of Taehyung's hands in his own. "You'll always be welcome here when you feel afraid or alone or if there's a storm or if you want someone to talk to. Seeing you cry on your live— looking to them for help... it broke my heart."

Taehyung only manages a small frown, his fingers loosening on the material of Jeongguk's shirt, not that anyone notices.

"They're always there," he whispers, chest already infected by the cold as he coughs, the pain raw in his throat, and his voice sounds like he'd been smoking all day wordlessly. His chest feels like that's the case, too. "They're reliable, they never— never leave me alone."

"But... Blossom. Can't you — Can't you see that you're worth so much more valuable attention than that?" The brunette asks in a whisper, soothing his younger counterpart— like a fraction of his soul worn away by the coursing waves sent corroding at the strings of his heart— on the couch. Part of him has this estranged sort of longing to dance the pads of his fingers along the jawline of the honey boy, but something stays him. Something catches him gormless in the blushing light.

He's so beautiful. Why do beautiful things always have to be so unattainable?

"Please," Taehyung breathes, the words vibrating against Jeongguk's skin. "Don't tell me to see things you don't even see in me yourself."

Some part of the brunette can't come to dispute with the boy's tone — even if it were true, something about the way Taehyung says it makes him sure that he'd never believe him.

Even if it were.

"You need to get dry," Jeongguk says quietly, arm wrapped around the back of the frail boy hanging by the last thread of a tether that has just been pulled and pulled at. But Taehyung whimpers when he tries to part them, flexing his fingers to hold onto Jeongguk's waist tighter. "I'll just go and find you some clothes and a towel, okay? Just a few moments. You'll freeze like this."

The blonde nods softly, grip loosening as Jeongguk finally separates from him, leaving Taehyung to jump at every noise that shakes the large glass windows that show too much and echo every small noise made in the absence of anybody else. But when Jeongguk passes by the front door Taehyung's head whips around all too soon and it's all too much to ignore. This sinking feeling on his chest — the weather, nothings in his favour.

"W-Where," Taehyung jumps up, hands on the back of the couch so he can watch Jeongguk carefully. "Where are t-the— where are you going?"

The younger of the pair stands confused, wondering what's gotten Taehyung so mistrusting all of a sudden. "My bedroom, then the bathroom."

Taehyung's eyes flick over to the door and all of a sudden the dependence, the paranoia, the fear in his eyes, it all crashes over Jeongguk's head and for a moment he's speechless at the way the boy that had been so self assured and bold and confident is now afraid to let Jeongguk walk past the door in case he leaves him.

The same boy that had smirked and made him flustered and feel things he'd never felt before — he's now begging for Jeongguk to take control. He needs him to forget all about every anxiety in his mind and be strong enough to make Taehyung feel safe again.

"I'm not going to leave, blossom. I just... I just want to take care of you," speaks Jeongguk, voice barren of anything but care as he watches Taehyung peer back at the window, and in the crack of lightening, his eyes glow with worry and he scrambles over the sofa and sticks to Jeongguk's side instead, coming with him to get two soft towels and some warm clothes.

"Let me know when you're decent." Jeongguk mumbles as he hands the boy a towel for his hair, his eyes too heavy with guilt to make contact with Taehyung's gaze. So he distracts himself by slipping aside instead, busying himself in the kitchen with feeding Twix and tidying away the empty pizza boxes on his counter.

Nothing breaks his train of thought, though. Nothing takes that guilt away.

It's dwindling, but it's so prominent in the back of his mind. There as he runs his palms over Twix's back, there as he checks the time on his phone, there as he checks the weather forecast only to find that there's at least an hour's worth of rain left.

He'd told himself he wouldn't let Taehyung in like last time, but it seems that the past only ever repeats itself.

The sky opened up to cry over the streets once so that we two should come to speak to each other for the first time, and it has done so again tonight so that you had a reason to ask me to stay, Jeonggukie.

Here they are again. But he'll do it right this time. He swears he will.

"Gguk-ah?"

Just one hollow call and Jeongguk is a mess of wobbly legs and shaky breathing again. What does he do now? What does he say? What is he allowed to think in the presence of a boy in one of his own button downs and a lot of his boxers, nose still red and fingertips wrinkled from the rain, soft white towel pressed against that mop of wet hair. Still, Taehyung sits there, glossy eyes peering up through his eyelashes at the boy in the doorway as though he were waiting for some sort of instruction.

"Are you... Are you feeling any better?" Jeongguk asks, unsure of whether it's a case of feeling better at all. He certainly looks better, but that's not very hard to improve, and it's in no way a reflection of how the cold might have impacted Taehyung's heart. And Jeongguk's clothes can't warm that up; he'd have to use his hands.

But not tonight. Tonight Taehyung needs rest and security.

"Yes, thank you," Taehyung replies, head bowed as he fingers at the comforter, weaving it between his first and second fingers to feel the silk against his skin. "I'm sorry. For everything."

The apology seems out of place yet so at home in this quiet, because it's been said before. Like this, in this room, with that same apologetic stare and tentative frown. It's been said before, and yet this is their second time meeting. It's been said before, and Jeongguk knows it will be said again, whether or not it is accompanied by a chorus of rain, however, Jeongguk isn't sure.

All he knows is that rainy nights can bring you only to seek the comfort in people that you can't find in the sun. People are vulnerable in the rain. They need shelter, they seek warmth. Sometimes in the strangest of places. Perhaps Taehyung can find it here in his own strange way, but for tonight, he must find it here alone.

"I'm going to sleep on the sofa, you can have my bed. Twix might come in later, so try not to crush her," Jeongguk tries a smile, reassures Taehyung that it's okay. That they'll try again tomorrow. "I uh... I noticed you cling on pretty tight when you fall asleep. It's cute but... Twix might not be so appreciative of the comfy weight."

Taehyung smiles back with a small nod, glancing back at the bed that feels too big for one person. Jeongguk won't trust him, though. Who could blame him? Taehyung doesn't trust himself.

"Thank you, Jeongguk, really," The blonde comes to say, tone hushed and reserved, as though the words were too sincere to be breathed at such an hour. "Can we try again? After tomorrow? Can we... Can I message you again like we never spoke and— I want to learn your name again. I want you to... I want you to know mine."

It's an odd request, that's for sure, and Jeongguk knows fresh starts aren't something that's very possible. Once you know someone, it's like riding a bike. The chain can snap and you can grow out of it and buy a new one, bust your knee on it as many times as you like, but that new one— it's still the same bike. Shinier, bigger, maybe, but you ride it the same. Same chain, same pedals, same breaks.

Somehow, Jeongguk doesn't believe he's quite learned how to ride one just yet.

"Okay," He breathes. "Goodbye today's Taehyung. I'm right out here, okay? If you need anything."

Taehyung smiles properly at that, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Goodbye today's Jeongguk."

And then all that's left to do is hope that the Jeongguk and Taehyung of tomorrow aren't two people quite so far from being the real thing. Or, more importantly, perhaps, that the real thing isn't quite as abstract as the relationship they'd come to create for themselves today.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
m'sorry for the wait kiddos, i'm
moving house n college is a lot
right now so i don't have time for
a lot of things i used to jskdkdk

i'll try to update again soon! thank
u for 7k views that's pretty damn
cool :}

i hope ur day was good!