potentially upsetting things lie ahead (possible dub-con?)
⠀

"TAEHYUNG, GET IN HERE."

The boy has hardly set foot through the threshold of the door when he hears his name being called from the kitchen, the faintest sound of a cup clanking on the counter being the only thing to fill up the silence that follows.

It's not the warmest welcome he's ever received, but it already makes it into the top three. Considering that he is perceived as a hopeless ghost by most until he sinks down onto his knees, he's just content in the fact that opening the door warranted him a greeting.

He slinks inside the apartment, dropping his coat alongside his shoes at the door. He knows he'll forget to pick them up on his way back to his bedroom, but what does it matter anyway? Just another thing to add to the list of fuck ups. He's just barefoot on cold tiles, quiet amongst the waiting, never meaning to upset anybody, even though it always seems to work out that way.

So here he is once again, in front of the man who sits behind the counter, taking a harsh swallow on his liquor as though it were medicine, magnifying the poison in his veins and forcing it to leave his mouth through whatever he has to say next.

"You've been gone a while," he states dryly, swirling the glass around like it is a pendulum, swinging back and forth to cast his subconscious into a boredom driven mayhem.

The blonde doesn't respond, preferring to take note of the clock on the wall instead. He listens as it casts this incessant ticking noise out into the silence of the thinnest hand crawling slowly by, it's monotonous rhythm numbing any emotion left inside of his chest because in all honesty it feels better in the cold of his mind than it ever has in this man's presence.

He owes him, however.

He owes him everything, so he'll stay. He always stays.

"You're late on the rent again," The man says after some time, eyes never once leaving his glass. "What're we at? ₩741,000 now, is it?"

Some more silence comes and passes, finding Taehyung poking his tongue into the hollow of his cheek, hands receding into the sleeves of his shirt that hasn't gone on quite right after he'd left Jeongguk's house. Still, he'd been wandering around the city streets for no reason in particular, just drifting from place to place aimlessly like a lost soul. Somehow, even the polluted city air seemed to help clear his head more than being here would.

"Is... Is it that time again already?" He asks, voice close to a whisper in the kitchen— that which seemed to block out all other sounds from anyplace else. "I'm going to get a job soon, I swear."

"You have a job." The man's tone raises only slightly, but Taehyung still sighs, walking to the cupboard to grab a glass which he fills with water to help his apparent headache, but the coolness only irritates his throat. "It's about time you started doing that more. Making the most of your talent while you're still young and attractive. It's like we agreed. You said you agreed. Last year you were doing so well."

"It's not a talent it's—" But Kim Taehyung's words dont come within a mile of his ears before they're brushed off along with the sound of wood scratching tile as the stool is pushed back. The unbuckling of a belt is next, closely followed by an expectant cough.

Such a twisted routine.

The boy bends to the will with a stiff upper lip, constant as the stars above in the way he accepts being unworthy of the man's eye contact. That's just the way it is.

"Where were you last night?" He asks as Taehyung gets on his knees, scooting under the counter so that once the zipper is undone he's already in his place. "Were you getting your holes filled? I bet you did it for free, too, didn't you? Because you're useless. It's like you don't listen."

He's pushed forward by a stern hand on the back of his neck, a whimper falling from Taehyung's parted lips as his cheek is pressed against it again. 

"You don't fucking understand even though I tell you it all the time, do you? You worthless brat."

The taste that meets Taehyung's chapped lips is so far from pleasant that he cringes. He's had worse, he's sure, but no taste raises such disgusted goosebumps over his skin like this one.

"So braindead it's not even amusing to me anymore," A hand is laced into Taehyung's silky locks, the blonde's pulse raising as his eyes widen. His throat convulses, forced all the way down so his nose meets the thick hair on the man's stomach.

And even when the boy's eyes begin to water, he blinks those tiny tears (like trapped stardust in an all consuming black hole) away, letting the oblivion caress his tormented soul once more. He just wants the nothingness to swallow him up now. Wants to move like a zombie and allow himself to go lax so he doesn't need to feel it.

"It's like you keep forgetting, Taehyung."

Forced down harsher still, he doesn't gag. He can't. He hasn't been able to for years now. Even so, the need to throw up is present until he shuts his eyes, pretending that it's someone else. Someone with softer hair — brown maybe. Softer skin that isn't littered with wrinkles and scars from older days.

"It's like you never learned."

His head is gripped in place as the man uses his mouth, thrusting rampantly until he is satisfied and Taehyung is forced to swallow, eyes pathetically left half open, trained on the window so he can imagine he's anywhere else as he starts to shudder, oxygen unable to properly circulate when his throat is lodged.

"So I'll tell you once more," The man breathes.

"This is all you're good for."

⠀
⠀

JEONGGUK'S swollen eyelids have gone down a bit by the time he finally brings himself to face the mirror. His cheeks are still a bit red, but that's mainly because Yoongi had told him that the new drawing he'd done of Taehyung is his favourite one yet and that he can't wait for there to be more.

Now Yoongi sits on the floor in front of the couch, Twix pawing at his hair from on top of the seat, as though the two of them had swapped species.

"Gguk-ah?" Yoongi calls to his friend who had just been leaving the bathroom, careful as he picks up the two coffees from the counter on his way to the other souls sat in the quiet apartment. Only the hum of the television (playing Yoongi's new favourite American cartoons) provides any noise when Jeongguk begins to reply.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think perhaps Twix might like to be walked?" The elder boy rests his head back on the cushion atop the sofa, the cat looking back down at him before swiping at his nose. "Ireum is a bunny and she loves it. It makes me wonder if every domesticated pet would like to go on a walk with their owner."

The brunette shoots Yoongi a questioning look, his eyebrows fixed together as though the man might retract his question as a joke. But he doesn't.

"Twix bites me if I try to move her over on the couch. If I tried to tell her where to walk, she'd chew off the lead, eat it, and throw it back up on my pillow." Jeongguk shakes his head. "But since we're asking dumb questions, can I ask you one as well?"

"If you think being considerate of the wishes of creatures that can't communicate with us is dumb, then you might as well be asking me why we breathe as your 'dumb' question." And there goes Yoongi on his self-righteous ramblings once more, his tongue jockeyed by intellect to make for one pretentious high horse.

Luckily, Jeongguk doesn't care. His best friend can be as snide as he wants and they'll still laugh at slap-stick comedy together come tomorrow.

"You're not nearly as good at mind reading as you are at being a twat," Jeongguk notes. The elder boy sticks his tongue out and takes Twix into his arms, kissing her head as if to apologise on Jeongguk's behalf for being such an inconsiderate owner. "Do you think that it's okay to have sex the first time you meet with someone?"

It's not the topic Yoongi expected at all. Not even close. But he takes the surprise in his stride and tries to gather together all of the insight he possibly can, because when has he ever given Jeongguk poor advice?

"For you? No," Comes the response that makes Jeongguk shift awkwardly in his newfound perch with his legs crossed, steaming coffee between both hands as he sits on his armchair. "But not because you shouldn't be having sex — far from that in fact."

"So... If Jimin wanted to have sex with you on the first day you spend together in Italy, you'd say yes?"

"See that's a little different," Yoongi smiles somewhat sheepishly, eyes dipping to the cat in his lap for a few seconds. "Firstly, Jimin and I made it clear that our intentions with each other are romantic, so I'd hope that after we had sex we'd still work at the same pace to get to know each other. Secondly, it's Italy! When will I get to have sex in Italy again? But most importantly, I am not you. I have a healthy attitude towards sex whether it's casual or not, and I don't freeze up at the mention of the word."

Jeongguk is suddenly pulled into the realisation of his tightened expression, discomfort tied into every detail down to his stuttered breathing pattern. Who was he trying to fool that night? He's nowhere near to being better.

"In fact, if I were to meet Taehyung I'd be slightly tempted to slap him for rushing you into something that I don't think you made easy to achieve," Yoongi shakes his head, taking a slow sip of his coffee.

"He didn't know. Sex is normal for him," Jeongguk tries even though the defence falls weak on both ends. That same thought had crossed his own mind, but he'd put it down to his overreacting. When Yoongi says it he has to assume it's logical. But he doesn't want to. He wants to think that Taehyung was the only victim that night.

"Jeongguk, you don't have to know anything about anyone to see that they're terrified. Your fingers tighten on your cup whenever I say the word sex. It's obvious. You don't like it. And I didn't need to be there to know that you tried to avoid what happened between the two of you that night."

Yoongi's phrasing makes the brunette wince, memories of how anxious he'd been flooding through his mind. But he hadn't said no, not really, and Taehyung had asked for consent several times, made sure he was okay afterwards, and been used in a failed experiment to test Jeongguk's limits.

"I don't think he did anything close to forcing you, don't get me wrong, and there's no way to foresee how intense it would've been for you. Because to him it's just sex. It's what he does, in fact. And that's fine, but maybe not for you. Not right now."

Yoongi takes Jeongguk's silence as a sign to return back to his reasoning, not intending to make Jeongguk think badly about Taehyung at all.

"Because it's not just sex to you, baby, and that's okay. You require trust first, and no matter how badly you want that requirement to fade, it can't. That's not a bad thing, though. Not when you find someone who appreciates that, because you'll have a long healthy relationship with a like minded person." The elder continues. "I'm really not sure that Taehyung's ever going to be that person, though."

"Maybe you're right," Jeongguk sighs. He glances out of the window, the darkening sky making him think of Taehyung. At least, if the two of them weren't so compatible, he can keep drawing him. Maybe the muse simply isn't capable of being anything more than a fanciful idea. Maybe Jeongguk really did take for granted his beauty on that night. Maybe he'd bitten the apple last, maybe the tears were induced by the snake's venom.

Maybe that night was eden, maybe this here is his exile. It wouldn't be the first mistake he's made in love and art.

"Whatever you choose I'll support you, but if he manages to make you cry about something after you've explained it, I still have my baseball bat and I'm going for skulls this time because I learned from my mistakes."

"I'll be careful for his sake, then," the boy's lips are captured by a weak smile, reminiscent of the fading autumn colours on the horizon as winter runs its course. "I've been too afraid to text him, though. And he hasn't messaged me, what if he doesn't want to speak to me after all of this?"

"His loss," Yoongi shrugs, his younger rolling his eyes at his bluntness. "You're going to be so loved and cherished by someone great. You're going to be so caring and accommodating. I can't wait to see that. You have so much love to give. So much to offer. Not our fault if he misses out on that."

"Yoongi..." Jeongguk mumbles with a small smile; a similar fantasy having taken over his mind just this morning. He gets up from his seat, slumping down beside his best friend instead. Yoongi places his head atop Jeongguk's shoulder, Twix stretching over both of their laps. "Why can't you and I just be in love? It would be so much easier that way. We'd never be unhappy together."

"We are in love, Jeongguk. We're in love better than any other type of love. This love is eternal, it's only good. It doesn't hurt. It isn't expectations or requirements; it's just love."

And Jeongguk grins wide at that.

Above all else, come the fires of hell to claim all good left on earth, he knows he'll always find refuge in the calmness of Yoongi's consistent tone. He's always on his side. Always in his corner. Maybe he takes that for granted quite often, because it's so easy and natural that he just assumes it's the same for everyone.

But it's not. Not for Kim Taehyung.

Because he sits alone in his freezing apartment, a horrible taste in his mouth, and a looming unease in the atmosphere, taking another picture for his stupid Instagram all alone with no one to tell him better because it's all he knows how to do and he posts it for the attention of a thousand horny men and it reminds him that this is what he's good at.

That this is all he's good at.

And he doesn't have anyone to speak to when the silence starts to drive him insane. He doesn't have anyone to tell him that he's doing the right thing or that he's worth more.

Well, maybe. Maybe he does. Maybe he hasn't messed up. Maybe there's someone. Maybe there's someone there for him. Someone who can make his skin feel like skin and not like rubber. Someone who can drown the uncertainties and dress him in joy.

Maybe there's someone.

"Is that your phone?" Yoongi asks, both he and Jeongguk left in a contenting lack of speech, legs tangled together on the floor as the television plays quietly. Jeongguk stops twirling that one section of Yoongi's hair around his finger and crawls over to the coffee table to find his phone having lit up twice.

taecum has posted!
taecum has sent you a message!
     ┗ hi jeonggukie are you busy? i miss talking to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ you... i hope you still want to talk to me.

"Just a low power warning," Jeongguk says, switching his phone onto airplane mode before setting it back down and crawling over to Yoongi, eyes lingering on the table for just a few more moments.

"Want me to go get the charger?" Yoongi asks, yawning with a stretch of his arms that Twix mimics in her own feline way. Sometimes Jeongguk thinks he's deluded for imagining that they're the same being. But sometimes they behave the exact same and he doesn't feel so deluded anymore.

"No, I don't need it. You can go get the duvet from my room, though. Wanna watch a movie and fall asleep."

"Sure, chuck me my phone and I'll order a pizza. Looks like you haven't paid your gas bill so I assume you won't be eating if I don't," Yoongi snorts. Jeongguk doesn't bother letting him know that he's right because it's already obvious that he is.

And as he waits for Yoongi to bring the blanket and the movie in, he watches the dark, brooding grey stretch over the skyline behind the skyscrapers, threatening to spill out its wrath onto the streets of Seoul like a tyrant bound to chains for decades.

But it's okay. Yoongi's here. It's all okay.

Kim Taehyung? He hasn't got a friend in the world to see him through this storm.

But Kim Taehyung? He's not meant for that sort of comfort. He has one purpose, and a hand to hold is no part of it.