xxix. the stages of grief
2.27

╚═ STAGE ONE ═╝
denial

It had been two days since Atlas was shot and had his surgery. Since he had been told his father had died. Atlas didn't accept the fact that his father had died — instead he focused on the tv shows and movies the crappy hospital showed.

No matter how much someone tried to get him to talk about it: he wouldn't budge. No matter how many times someone would tell him that his father had really passed away, that they were sorry for his loss. He still wouldn't believe that his father had passed away and he didn't even get a chance to say good bye.

Everyone around him could see that he was in denial. Derek seemed to notice it first when he had told Atlas that Brian Sunny had passed away after they had rushed him to surgery — then he had become an organ donor, not allowing Atlas to say goodbye before they picked him apart.

The adult had cried and repeated the word no over and over again as if he said it so many times it would just be a lie, a trick the world was playing on him.

It was safe to say, that not only had Atlas been in denial. But his body had gone into a form of auto pilot since he had chosen to avoid and not to process the event that had unfolded.

╚═ STAGE TWO ═╝
anger

Atlas was angry at the world for what had happened. Who wouldn't be if your parent died. He had come to terms now with the fact that Brian was dead, that he wouldn't be coming back ever again.

"Go away." Atlas spoke harshly as he rolled onto his side so he wouldn't be facing the door.

Oliver was standing in the door way. The family had talked on multiple occasions but, Atlas had just been informed that his brother aided Izzie Stevens in stealing a heart for Denny. The heart that he himself  was supposed to do the transplant surgery and because he had been suspicious of Izzie, had had come back to the hospital only to be shot.

"Atlas please." Oliver stepped into the room only for Atlas to blindly throw a small pillow at him — it missed.

"I said go. Okay, please just go!" Atlas's voice was cold, and Oliver knew he was hurting, he was too.

It had been a day since Denny had died well everyone was at a prom the hospital hosted. Atlas of course felt sad that that was Denny's fate, but there had been a complication and it seemed like it was destine to happen.

"Atlas... your hurting, but so is everyone else."

Atlas didn't answer his younger brother, instead, he gazed out of hospital room window.

╚═ STAGE THREE ═╝
bargaining

"What if it was me?" Eliza looked up at her brother sadly, everyone had been going though their own way of dealing with the death of Brian — even Derek seemed to handle it with some difficulty.

"What? What do you mean?" Eliza placed her hand on Atlas's arm as she spoke.

Atlas was still in the hospital, a few days after his surgery — two days after being told that his brother had been involved in the Denny situation — he had a complicating that they needed to go in and fix. Now everything was fixed but they were going to keep even longer to watch over him.

"I mean, what if I died? What if I would have been able to get dad out of the way?" At the moment Atlas wanted nothing more than to have switched placed with his father, trading his own life for his fathers.

"Don't think like that, please. Don't even talk like that." Eliza softly but sternly scolded her older brother.

She was upset too, wondering what it would have been like if her father didn't die, but then again, she seemed to have come to terms with it, that she couldn't dwell on the past and what the world did.

╚═ STAGE FOUR ═╝
depression

Miranda Bailey noticed it first, the way her best friend had started to act. When she had brought her son to Atlas's room so he could have some uncle-nephew bonding time. But the adult insisted he was tired and didn't want to spend time with tuck — which was an odd thing considering he always wanted to spend time with Tuck.

Atlas felt as if he was stuck underneath a glass ceiling, all the positive emotions were trapped above it. He felt, knew, they existed, but he couldn't reach them. He had no energy to do the things he could: walking around the hospital and striking up conversations with the nurses.

"Hey." Bailey moved into the hospital room with Tuck on her hip. She placed Tuck down on the edge of the bed before she grabbed onto Atlas's chart. "Everything's looking good." Bailey nodded, telling Atlas that he intact looked healthier.

Atlas didn't answer. He just played with his fingers, poking Tuck in the side or on his foot every few seconds.

Bailey moved out of the room quietly and came back with a wheelchair. She moved some tubs around and hooked up the iv to the chair. She proceeded to take Atlas's blankets off his bed before grasping his arms. "Out of bed." Atlas slowly moved, he knew that if he didn't then Bailey would definitely get mad.

He sat down in the wheelchair and Bailey placed her son on his lap before she started to wheel them out of the room and towards a set of entrance doors.

The fresh air entered Atlas's lungs, and it seemed as if he could breathe clearly. Tuck who still sat on his lap played with the medical bracelet on his wrist.

"Thank you, Bails." Atlas looked up at Bailey who stood behind him, she sent him a great full smile.

╚═ STAGE FIVE ═╝
acceptance

"He's gone." Atlas told Derek who was sitting on the hospital chair by Atlas's bed.

"He is." Derek confirmed sadly.

"A-and he's in a better place, right?" Atlas knew this, he knew his father was in a better place, but he needed the conformation.

"He's okay now, he's in a better place." Derek rubbed his finger back and forth ontop of Atlas's hand.

Atlas let out a deep sigh — he didn't feel the need to ask Derek if his father was really gone, that his father wouldn't even come back. He knew it now, and he wasn't okay with it yet... but he was getting there.

Oliver came bursting into Oliver's hospital room, a huge grin on his face. George was right behind him, the two had yet to be on any cases that could get them into the OR, but Atlas had an idea that they might have done something.

"...and he said 'push one of epi! ha, i feel like im on a doctor show!' who even says that!" George exclaimed, talking about why had happened only thirty minutes ago when Oliver had said he felt like he was on a doctor show.

"And you looked me up and down and said 'you are literally a surgeon.' who says that?!" The group laughed.