lxxxiii. calm before the storm
6.23
episode based in first
person/atlas's pov.

tw — please read with caution
( death, shootings,
gun violence, blood,
offering of one's life. )

It was weird. Everything was calm. But I've always believed that there was a calm before a storm, like the gentle breeze before the bug gushes of wind that swept up things in its path.

I couldn't really understand why today felt like some of those other days — the day I held a bomb, or the day I had been involved in a ferryboat accident, or the day my father died — but today just felt like one of those days, and truly, I didn't know why.

But that's all I could think about as I walked the hallways of the hospital, the safe place that I could call my fourth home. I had many homes: Derek's trailer, my mothers home, my home, and the hospital.

To some, a hospital is scary. But to me, it's a safe place where I had created so many memories. It's where I learnt new things, where I've seen my siblings grow into doctors.

It's essentially, a sanctuary.

"Hey, Atly." Miranda Bailey had greeted me as she started to walk beside me. If you didn't know, Bailey was my person — she's pretty much my best friend but more, or my Christina to my inner Meredith? Let's go with that.

"Hey." I smiled towards her as I turned my head slightly to look at her.  I knew all the tea, all about her and Ben Warren. "How's you and Ben?"

"No." Was what she had replied with. I didn't mind that answer though, being I know that in a few days she tell me all about it. That's also because she'll be ready then.

"Alrighty then Bails." I smiled towards the shorter woman and I turned down a different hallway then her.

It wasn't strange to see people I didn't recognize. Family members of patients walked the halls down days, and some days people were just lost. But today, as I made eye contact with a man I didn't recognize, I couldn't help but feel as if the store was just about to start.

╚═ ☆ ═╝

It was the way Meredith, my sister in law had pulled me aside with Christina. I liked Christina most days, she was fun and great at her job, she was even one of my most promising students ever. And Meredith, she was like my sister, El, only she was more blond had had Ellis Grey as a mother.

But anyways, Meredith had pulled me and Christina aside because she had news. Believe me when I say that I was bouncing on the balls of my feet, because I was.

"No way."

"Yeah."

"No freakin' way."

"Right?"

Meredith and Christina said back and forth, I had just stood there patiently until I couldn't contain it and let a shriek fall from my mouth. "Oh, my god. You're pregnant! I'm gonna be an uncle!"

I was excited. How could I not be. Meredith and my brother, Olly, we're starting a family that my brothers always wanted. I was happy for them.

"O-okay. Um. We're you trying to ge—" Christina had trailed off slightly. I watched as he face twisted a few times, but besides the quick look of 'oh my god i hate kids,' she started to look happy for her person.

Meredith shook her head, "No. Total accident. I used the thing."

"Oh. So are we happy, uh, about this? Or are we exercising our legal right to choose?" I knew Christina would say something like this, and that why it didn't bother me.

Meredith didn't say anything. But both me and Christina knew that she was happy about the situation.

"Okay! All right. Congratulations! Let's hug it out!" Christina brought me and Meredith into a hug. For a not really huggy person, she seemed to just swish people in hugs when she felt like it. Or that's what I had put together now over the time I've known her.

"You'll name it Atlas jr right? Or Atlas something?" I let the words roll of my tongue, missing the glare the two woman sent my way. I knew that when my brother had suggested having kids, he jokes about naming them after me. Maybe that's why I bought up naming the kid after me.

"Oh my god! Are you — are you — are you gonna tell him?" Christina asked as she pulled away from the me and Meredith.

"No! She'll keep it hidden until she pushes it out of her vagina." I sarcastically joked with a smirk, I was proud of my comeback.

"Shut up. Have you told him?" Christian glared heatedly at me, and before I could make a comment about how I was her boss, she turned her attention to Meredith.

"No, I just found out." Meredith exclaimed, but I knew she would tell him eventually or she wouldn't have told me. She knows I couldn't keep something like this to myself for to long.

My pager beeped, and when I looked down 9-1-1 was flashing across the small screen. Underneath it in bright colours was April Kepner.

It's starting to feel like the storm is passing.

╚═ ☆ ═╝

I was walking beside April, deep in conversation about how April was raised on a farm and how I wanted to be raised on a farm. Neither of us were really paying much attention to our surroundings, but I was quick to fall and so was April.

My arms had extended outwards to stop my fall, the action had hurt deeply but I shook it off to look at April.

Her face was red, scared and I could tell she was in shock. That's when I noticed the blood. There was so much blood.

As a doctor, a surgeon, you would think that blood wouldn't make my eyes widen anymore. But at the sight in front of me, April covered in bright red blood as she cried over her now dead freind, my own torso and hands soaked in the sticky substance. It wasn't just something that I could be okay with, you know?

How could I be?

Maybe this was the storm. Maybe it never passed. But whatever was happening, this wasn't a game and I knew that now.

My daughter was in the day care. My brother and sister were somewhere in the hospital. My husband was too. My work family was here. If there was a shooter — and by the looks of the now dead residents forehead, there was — I had every right to be worried.

I helped pull April off the group, my arm wrapping around her in a protective way. She was shaking, I could feel her shaking against my body. She was scared, hell so was I.

"It's okay. We're okay." I had whispered as I directed ourselves towards my husbands office. He could call a code, he could start a lockdown.

"Der!" I called out as practically slammed the door to my husbands office open. My one arm still wrapped around April.

"Atly? April? What is it...?" Derek urgently asked as he made his way towards the us. It was weird seeing his look so scared. He looked between us both before he started to make sure neither of us were bleeding. "It's not your blood..."

"I grew up on a farm." April started, "I-I grew up on a farm so, you know, blood — blood doesn't bother me. I slaughtered a pig once. That was a lot of blood. Bleeding like a stuck pig. That's a saying."

"April calm down. It's okay, what happened?" Derek turned toward me after having looked at April. She wasn't okay, we both saw that. She was still shaking in my hold and her hand was gripping my arm, turning it white almost.

"Reed. Oh. She was shot. Right through the head. Oh my god." It seemed to hit me like a train. The fact that my siblings where still in the hospital. That they were somewhere where someone could kill them. Where the shooter could get them. "Olly. El."

And then I bolted. I had removed April from my hold and handed her to Derek. With my siblings and my daughter on my mind, I ran. I knew my husband was safe now, and I knew that Starlee would most likely be very safe in daycare, so now it was mainly just my siblings who I was looking for now.

I could hear Derek calling out for me. But with every step it seemed to grow more quiet.

This. This is the moment before the storm hits. The soft winds, the quiet echoes, the peace. Its all gone and replaced with chaos and pure panic.

I saw my sister. She was standing in a closed room with a man heading towards the door. I saw the gun.

He would have shot her. It's all I need to tell myself before I yell at him. It was stupid, I know. But if I could save my sisters life, I'd be worth it.

"Sir! We're on lock down. Can I escort you somewhere safe?" I pretend I don't see the gun. That it's not there, but instead a magic wand that Starlee always leave lying around.

I recognize the man now. Gary Clark. His wife had been in a week or so again. She had died and this must be his revenge. His eye for an eye.

"I'm looking for Derek Shepherd. Can you point me in the direction of his office." Gary asked, his grip on his gun tightening. I still pretended not to notice.

Eliza is looking through the window at us now. Luckily the shooter, the man holding the gun hasn't seen her.

"He's busy at the moment. In surgery I believe." I watched as Gary raised his gun. I should have been more scared. I really should have. But I've been shot before, it wasn't fun but I never believed it would happen again. Maybe that's why I'm not shaking. Or maybe it's why I don't realize I'm shaking.

"Where's the chief?" He asked once more, that's when I saw the look in his eyes, he wasn't going to let me go without his finger closing on the trigger.

"Sir, he's in surgery." I tried calmly, my eyes locking with Els before they moved towards the man.

"Don't lie!" Gary yelled, his voice was loud and scary and I wasn't ready for it.

"Sir. I'm not." I told him, but he wasn't going to believe me. It was already decided in his mind.

Gary seemed to pause and think before his next words, I believed that maybe he would let me go. "Are you a surgeon?!"

I didn't think. "Yes."

And that's when it happened. I heard the gun shot. Then the way my stomach burned. Then the footsteps as Gary walked away hurriedly. My gasps and scream, or maybe Els.

Blood. I didn't pay attention to the blood that soaked my once clean scrubs, neither did Eliza. Or the blood that was starting to stain air hands. The dried blood behind our nails. We've felt it before. In the heat of a moment when we don't have time to put gloves on.

I'm pretty sure my sisters in shock. She just watched me get shot.

I'm glad it was me. I'd rather it me than her. I've lived, I've gotten married and met my love, she hasn't. I'd be ready to die today if it meant she and my brother lived.

"Atlas!" Eliza whisper shouted as she lightly shook me. My chest rose slowly. I knew it wasn't good. My blood was making a puddle, and I was growing weak. But I wasn't critical yet.

"Atly." I felt Eliza press her hands against my wound. "Hey, you gotta look at me."

"I - I'm here, Elly." I brought my hand up and placed in on hers.

"Good. Good."

╚═ ☆ ═╝

We had stayed like that for awhile. It wasn't until I realized that the man who had shot me wanted Derek. He was going to shoot Derek.

When those thoughts had invaded my head, I had gotten El to help me up and walk with me towards his office.  We walked up stairs, and of course I let our a groan ever few steps. It hurt.

It wasn't until the top of the stairs did I see my husband standing on the walkway. Across from his stood Gary Clark.

Tears were steaming down my face. They were hot and blueing my vision. "El." I whispered as my sister held onto my tighter, as if she was keeping me from using any more energy I had.

I wondered what my husband thought as the gunman pointed his gun his chest. I wondered if he thought he lived and found his greatest love.

Time slowed. It was so odd that I saw it all happen slowly. The way Derek turned towards April. The way Gary raised his gun and calmed his shaking hand. The way the gun shot rung out and my husband dropped to the floor. The way Eliza covered my mouth so my scream wouldn't alert the shooter.

Like I said before, there's a calm before the storm.

Now the storms come crashing down on us, on Seattle Grace Mercy West.

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hi everyone. here's a chapter! the next one will be up soon! a day or two. but id like everyone to take a breath. i felt this chapter was kinda heavy.
it's also very long. 2kish words.