╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
— DAY TWELVE —
season one, episode six, part one

❝𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐬...❞

─── • ───

(A/N: new manip by my love wonhosmila)

LEAH RILKE

Leah sat at the edge of her bed, legs pulled to her chest as she leaned against the headboard. Her room in the bunker was driving her crazy, more than she felt she already was. She was not sure how much longer she could keep this up. Maybe if they were really saved, not separated, locked away and interrogated individually, she would have felt better...

But everything felt off here, too.

Their rescue from the island had seemed so strange, so foreign. It was nothing any of them had expected or dreamt up; no searchlight, no media outlets, no worried people reassuring them. Just stoic men in black, leading — or, in some cases, forcing — them into a helicopter, and again from the helicopter into the bunker. Leah hadn't even seen the land mass they were on, nor did she see the others before they were all separated and ushered into different rooms.

Did they even leave the island?

None of her questions had been answered since their arrival, and that fact alone set her on edge. Maybe, in some way, it was what she should've expected. While still not sure, her suspicions became harder to ignore with each passing day, growing worse with every godforsaken hour she spent isolated and alone.

Leah often found her eyes drawn to the clock on the wall, watching as the minutes ticked by. She felt her mind running again, processing information, connecting dots that may not even be there. The need to not be perceived as crazy was the only thing capable of calming the raging storm in her mind.

Was she sure?

There could be a real chance that Faber and Agent Young were just being careful, that her and the others really needed to be quarantined, that their parents were on their way.

Leah took a deep breath.

God, was she going crazy?

The uncomfortable feeling in her stomach seemed to answer this question, though. And, in moments like this, Leah wished that Fatin was there with her, knowing she would calm her down. Or, if given the chance, she would even take an awkward hug from Blaire in attempts to get her out of her own head.

Leah dropped her head into her hands, trying to get the job done without them, to focus on something else. She felt guilty, anxious and agitated. Her sleeping patterns had gotten worse during her time away from the others, and she often drifted in and out of sleep, her heart rate spiking whenever she woke up in a panic thinking she was in some sort of danger.

Another day of interrogation was in front of her, and Leah was not sure she was ready for it. She knew Faber and Agent Young would poke and prod her for information like she was just a life-sized game of Jenga to keep them entertained, trying to see how much they could push before she would fall with a gust of wind. Faber worried her because of this, because it was terrifying how easy he could extract information from her, and Leah found herself hoping she would only see him in the interrogation room, where Agent Young was there to save her from herself.

But, against all odds, when the hour of her interrogation dawned, the door of her room unlocked and in walked the last person she wanted to see —

Daniel Faber.

"Hey, Leah," he greeted her, and Leah immediately tensed as he walked further into the room, making himself comfortable at the desk that she had avoided since her arrival, not willing to sit that close to the door with her back turned to it. "Just wanted to see how you were doing." He flashed her a smile that was meant to be reassuring. "I got you a few diversions here. Word search, extreme sudoku, which... extreme? Come on. It's sudoku. It's not skydiving."

Leah stared at Faber as he tried so desperately to make light of the situation, and she felt her jaw tick with more agitation as every word left his mouth. He was wearing a suit, which was weird because she'd never seen him in one before. He always had that 'I'm just a trauma specialist here to take care of you' look.

"So I was looking over your chart," Faber cleared his throat, changing tact once he realized his icebreakers weren't resonating with the teenage girl. "It said that you've been on edge. Erratic sleep patterns, mild agitation, and the like."

Leah shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, I guess."

"What's been troubling you?" Faber probed, studying her with his perceptive eyes.

"Well, the boredom's not great." Leah replied sharply, with theories running through her mind like football players on a field. "But it's mostly that nobody can answer any of my questions."

"Well, I'm glad I stopped by, then, because I am very in the know," Faber brought the metal chair closer to the bed, trying to establish trust with her. "Try me."

"Okay, well, we've been here for, like, what, two days now?" Leah saw her chance to do some probing of her own. "Shouldn't my parents be here by now?"

"Well, they'll be en-route soon." Faber sat back in his chair, clearly caught off-guard. "We had to work with the state department to get their visas in order. A lot of slow-moving cogs. Too many details to worry about." He pulled a container of mints from his pocket, a diversion that Leah noticed far too quickly. "Would you like a mint?"

"You are just like everybody else here," Leah spat hotly, shaking her head in disbelief. "I ask a question, and I get an answer or a non-answer, and then somebody offers me candy or food. Fuck, I feel like I'm a child asking about God or death. Like, 'don't tell her too much, then distract her so she'll forget about it'."

"Okay, well, that is not my intent, truly," Faber tried to deescalate the situation, swallowing the lump in his throat. "You know what? Let's just talk, okay? I'm free, you're free, and making sure that you're comfortable, that's kinda my whole gig here. So why don't you ask me some new questions and I'll see if I can get better at answering them?"

Leah hesitated for a moment, trying to keep a grudge before realizing that confrontation wouldn't get her the answers she wanted. She sighed after a moment, and asked, "Can I have a mint?"

"Yes," Faber smiled and held out the container to her, allowing her to take one. "How was that for an answer?"

The foreign taste of the mint ignited the tastebuds on her tongue, and only when it dissolved in her mouth did Leah clear her throat, asking, "The others, when do I get to see them?"

"Soon, I hope," Faber exhaled a deep sigh, as if was is truly burdened with the answer, as if he was not part of the whole scheme. "The quarantine order aside, we can't have you conferring during the investigation. Keeping you all separate helps the account be less muddled, more honest." He looked at her again, titling his head with intention. "You must really miss them, huh?"

"Yeah," Leah replied honestly, dropping her guard a little. "Maybe more than I thought I would. Maybe, like, a lot. I don't know, maybe it was just the passing of time, but at some point, we just sort of... clicked." She shrugged her shoulders again, smiling fondly at the memories. "I mean, it wasn't like we were friends or anything, but for the first time, we were an us..."

Leah trailed off for a moment, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her eyes fell on the discarded sudoku on the desk in the corner of her room, on the word search on her nightstand. She was avoiding his eyes, unwilling to let her theories of this whole fabricated scheme tarnish her memories of the girls.

"We laid out rules. We each had tasks." She explained further, unable to control the words spilling from her mouth. "It sounds lame, but it didn't feel that way. The rules were fair, the tasks were shared, and we were each entitled to one rest day, because it was brutal out there and we all just needed a chance to be alone with our thoughts." Her face fell all of a sudden, a frown appearing on her lips. "Everyone except for me, I guess. Because ever since Jeanette's body went missing, everything about the island just felt off. And things got dark in my head again, just like that..."

─── • ───

The twelfth day dawned before Blaire even realized, and with it, the atmosphere was charged with a newfound optimism amongst the girls. It had been a few days since Jeanette's body had disappeared, and the fine line between misery and contentment had been muddled without any of the delegates noticing.

So much so that, even weathered and worn, Blaire thought she had finally grasped an understanding of peace. She'd often wake up with a pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach because of how the glimmer of sunlight reflected on the water, and how the gentle breeze rolled in from the ocean, made her smile. In truth, the island seemed to lift the weight from her shoulders, and there was no denying that any longer.

Things on the island had become less stressful — more facilitated — since Blaire and Fatin had found the waterfall. The nine of them had finally somehow managed to fall into an easier rhythm. They allocated jobs between them, and they had food and water, and while they were all getting horribly sunburnt, at least there hadn't been a rainstorm like on the second night.

As a group they were getting closer as well, the shared sorrows of island castaways providing much more common ground than anticipated. They weren't exactly friends, but it certainly felt like they were a more cohesive unit. Blaire felt like always she'd been the closest to Fatin and Dot since day one, though now she'd joke with Shelby and Martha for hours, and Nora would tell her strange facts about the ocean, and Rachel would talk to her about her dreams for the Olympics, and even Leah would sometimes make terribly strange conversation with her.

And then there was Toni, who, at least it seemed to Blaire, had decided to not to pursue whatever had happened between them by the waters edge. They hadn't talked much since that day, and through her drug-induced haze, Blaire could only remember bits and pieces of the conversation. Her and Toni rarely worked together on the same job as a result of this, but when they did, they'd work together in tension-filled silence.

Blaire didn't know if things were worse or better than before. Because when Toni hated her, there had been so much unbearable tension, along with the sting of knowing that someone disliked her so easily. Now, the tension had become something much more palpable, almost enticing, and although Blaire may be inventing it, she didn't have a reason to insist that she keep her distance from the basketball player anymore.

Before, at least, Blaire could pretend that she wanted to stay away because she didn't like Toni's aggression and similarities to Finn Hayward. But if she was going to stop herself from looking over the edge of that canyon, and wondering what the fall would be like, then she needed to come up with another reason to stay away from Toni.

Unfortunately, the exact opposite seemed to happen.

Blaire's muscles burned more than they ever had before, her lungs protesting as she tried to keep her breath flowing. Her clothes felt too tight against her skin, her hair sticking to her face and obscuring her vision. She was stumbling across the beach, panting and carrying a heavy load of firewood towards the campfire. The weight disappeared once she dropped the logs she'd collected onto the sand, sighing a breath of relief. She'd been on firewood duty, as instructed the schedule of tasks, made exclusively by Fatin, with a few rocks and a blank canvas of debris from the plane that she found.

Each of the girls had a stone assigned, their name painted with nail polish to distinguish them, and each day, the tasks were swapped, and so were the duties along with it. Luckily, they had specified that one of them would have a day off, because the conditions on the island were not the best to be working every day.

On the twelfth day, Blaire and Rachel had been on firewood duty together, though while they were heading back to camp, Rachel insisted that she took the rest of the afternoon to explore, leaving the dancer alone with the task of transporting all of the wood back to the beach. Blaire rubbed her hands to remove the resin residue, inevitably looking at all the scratches on her hands, the bruises on her arms slowly fading with each day. She smiled before approaching Fatin, who was sitting on a log in front of the fire, and abruptly picked up her stone to place it in the 'do jack shit!' area, like Leah's, who, with the excuse of having the day off, had disappeared all day.

"Well, look who it is! The girl after my own heart." Fatin muttered with thick sarcasm as Blaire sat down next to her, eyeing the stack of firewood. "What, did Rachel make you carry all of this back yourself?"

"Not gonna lie," Blaire groaned in response, her tone one that Fatin knew to be one of complaint, "that shit is heavier than it looks."

Fatin grabbed a nearby stick and poked at the signal fire, allowing it the space to breathe. "That, or you're just a pussy."

"Fuck you," Blaire told her, with a middle-fingered gesture, and Fatin smiled the kind of smile a person couldn't fight when they suspect a kindred spirit has been found. "I can't feel my arms." She groaned into silence a few moments later, stretching out onto the sand. "There anything else we need get done today?"

Fatin paused her tending of the fire, "Nah, I think it's all pretty much taken care of. But," she leaned a little closer, furrows her eyebrows, and stared into Blaire's eyes before clarifying, "go and see what's up with Nancy Drew, won't you? She's just been sitting over on the hill all morning, staring into the abyss, and it's starting to freak me the fuck out."

"You mean Leah?" Blaire sat up on her elbows, and the guilt burned, deep in her throat, as she thought back to the night Jeannette's body disappeared.

"Yeah, she's been a bit on edge since Jeanette's body freakishly vanished, you know?" Fatin shrugged her shoulders, and a frown etched onto Blaire's face. Then, she shifted her head and found Leah sitting on the top of the hill that overlooked the camp, her eyes surveying the beach like some sort of preying animal.

Blaire exhaled slowly and rose to her feet, "I'll talk to her."

"Have fun," Fatin teased with blatant jest. "But not too much fun — Toni might get jealous!"

"Bitch," Blaire mumbled playfully under her breath as she let her converse carry her across the beach, and Fatin's distant giggles faded the further she walked. She glanced over her shoulder, toward the trees, where she knew Toni was probably collecting water to bring back to the camp, and she swallowed hard.

Blaire hoped her sudden stiffness could be excused with the cool breeze. She forced her muscles to relax as she trekked up the hill towards Leah, focusing on the sound of the ground crunching beneath her feet, and suppressing the desire to see Toni and finish whatever they'd started by the waters edge. Her conflicting feelings were getting harder to reconcile in her own mind.

Luckily, it didn't take long for Blaire to climb the hill that overlooked the beach, her heart rate calming once she inhaled at the top of the incline. Leah, her instincts alerted, cocked her head back at the sound of Blaire approaching, offering an awkward smile, and they were comfortable enough around each other that Blaire had no problem taking a seat next to her, both of them looking out towards the vast blue water.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"I don't know," Leah pressed her lips together as thoughts churned in her head, the morning breeze ruffling the flyaway hairs on her head. "Apart from being stranded? I mean, we all have that problem."

"Yeah, but we don't all deal with it in the same way," Blaire shrugged, bringing her knees to her chest as she looked out towards the water. Leah, for all her paranoia and suspicions, at least seemed to understand the severity of their situation. "You okay, though?" She asked the blue-eyed girl, nudging her from her thoughts. "Like, all things considered."

"I think it's just, like, starting to sink in," Leah admitted in a whisper. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Blaire was thrown back to the beginning, to Leah swimming towards her and the others on the first day; it was one of Blaire's clearest memories, staring into Leah's eyes for the first time, even during all of the chaos."You know, the fact that we're actually trapped." She confessed in confidence.

"Yeah," Blaire muttered under her breath. "I know."

"This is, like, my worst nightmare," Leah let out a humourless laugh. She rubbed at her nose, and Blaire flinched, hoping Leah wasn't about to start crying. "Being stranded on a deserted island after a plane crash with eight other girls you don't know? That shit was only supposed to happen in the movies."

"A literal nightmare," Blaire agreed, slumping her shoulders. "But just so we're clear, I'm talking about being stuck with you bitches — not the plane crash." She cracked a joke, and Leah tried to suppress a laugh. Soon enough, they were both laughing for no good reason. Their situation wasn't something to be laughed at, but watching each other try not to burst out laughing, apparently, was hilarious. And it was nice to see a smile on Leah's face, no matter the reason.

"Blaire," Leah muttered once she got her silent laughter under control. "Do you think we'll ever feel okay again?"

The answer was a simple one of choosing the lesser of two evils, of believing that being an island castaway would be even worse than the post-traumatic stress. But it didn't seem that simple for Blaire. So lightly, much too light for the words she was thinking, she anxiously played with the rings on her fingers. "I don't know," she stared at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. "Ask me again if we ever get out of here."

"That's a pretty big if," Leah whispered sadly, forcing Blaire to spare a glance in her direction, but the Californian's eyes were trained squarely on the ocean. Leah's teeth sunk into her lower lip, but she wasn't there. Like, mentally, she was somewhere else, and that was fine for Blaire. She'd rather they just sat together in silence, hands clasped between them, and watch the waves crash, trying not to think about their horribly shitty situation.

Blaire closed her eyes, reminding herself to breathe evenly, her fingers digging into the sand, searching for something she probably wouldn't find. The silence hung in the air awkwardly, and when Blaire opened her eyes again, she was relieved to see Nora next to her, hovering as though she didn't want to interrupt.

"Question," Nora prompted once Blaire flashed her a smile, making her presence known. The sleeves of her sweater were pulled anxiously around her hands, and Blaire was startled back into full consciousness at the sound of her voice. "Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?" She asked awkwardly, taking a seat on the hill, not waiting for an answer. "Because he only comes once a year and it's down your chimney."

And, to Blaire's pleasant surprise, Leah immediately snorted with laughter, "Oh my God, that's horrible."

Blaire's eyebrows raised in complete bewilderment that something like that could've come out of Nora's mouth. "Well, that's my childhood ruined," she said sarcastically, though her proud smile gave her away.

"What?" Nora shrugged, relaxing as Blaire grinned in her direction. "I thought maybe you needed a dirty Christmas joke in your life."

"I didn't know it," Leah deadpanned, "but I absolutely did."

Nora blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting her joke to provide such lightheartedness. "I won't ask you what's on your mind. People do that to me all the time because I'm quiet." She said after a moment, frowning sympathetically towards Leah. "I don't love it, but if you ever do wanna talk, I'm around. My grandpa always used to come up to me and say, uh, 'penny for your thoughts'."

Leah grimaced, "That's horrifying."

"Guess it's true what they say, then," Blaire conceded, and she couldn't help but let out another giggle. "Nothing in this life is free."

"I know," Nora agreed, looking down at the small notebook, given to her by the Dawn of Eve in their care packages, in her hands as she thought of what to say next. "It's the creepiest, grossest way of asking somebody about their inner life. Here," Nora held the leather-bound book out towards Leah. "If your head's getting crowded and you wanna, like, empty it — try this."

"God, no," Leah politely declined, though Blaire's eyes danced over the worn notebook with intrigue. "I'm trying to feel less insane. Journaling is not the way, trust me. I always take one toxic thought and turn it into, like, fifty more."

"Can I have a look?" Blaire asked Nora, motioning towards her notebook once more as Leah handed it back to her.

Nora flashed the dancer a wide smile, and she unbuckled the leather front clasp. "Sure, it's nothing too personal," she said honestly, holding it out for Blaire to take a look. "It's just observations and thoughts. Quotes and drawings, sometimes."

Blaire brushed her fingertips through the notebook, amazed by the artwork riddled on the various pages. Nora had, indeed, kept notes from each day they'd spent on the island, ranging from sketches and random muses of the girls. The notebook had several notes and a few doodles etched in the margins, and Blaire was surprised to turn a page and find a portrait of herself, shaded and drawn in a similar likeness.

She awed and felt a great rush of affection for Nora, noticing that the drawing, which was already incredible in its characteristics, captured such fine details as she trailed her fingers over the markings: Blaire was smiling in the portrait, a rare sight for Nora to capture, yet she drew the dimples in the dancer's cheeks, and the gold in her eyes, with such perfect and precise strokes of her pencil.

"Nora," Blaire awed, speechless. "This is amazing."

On some level in her mind, Nora knew that her drawing was above average, but having Blaire lay it out so plainly like that still made her blush. "I like seeing you smile, it's almost like hearing Rachel laugh. It's rare, but... it's worth it." She confessed, and Blaire sheepishly tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, her cheeks growing warm with the attention. Nora nodded towards the notebook again, "You both could try it my way, you know?"

Blaire laughed a little and shook her head, "No, I can't draw."

"No, like, detach," Nora clarified, putting an emphasis on the word. "No emotions, no hang-ups. Just write what you see, what you hear, and what you know."

"I'll give it a try, Nora," Leah chimed in with a sigh, and Blaire kept her own wants as an afterthought. "I can't guarantee any artistic masterpieces, though."

Nora grinned awkwardly, "Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to be, like, the next Picasso."

"Good thing, then," Blaire chuckled, smiling slightly at the Californian. "Because something tells me Leah, over here, can barely draw a stick person."

Leah rolled her eyes before a smile broke onto her lips, "Guilty," she admitted, and the three of them shared a laugh on top of the hill that overlooked the beach, allowing the breeze rolling in from the water to tickle their sunburnt skin.

"HEY PARTY PEOPLE!" The booming voice of Rachel coming from down the beach caused the three of them, and the others who'd returned from their tasks down by the campfire, to whip their heads towards the sound. Rachel was dancing a few yards away, brandishing a bag of something in her hands. "WHO'S READY TO FUCKING FEAST?!"

Blaire's eyes widened and she stood abruptly with Nora and Leah when she realized what it was in Rachel's hands, "No fucking way..."

Food.

Actual fucking food.

─── • ───

When Rachel came back with a satchel full of fresh mussels that she'd scavenged from the depths of the ocean, after doing a little victory dance, Blaire was certain she'd never seen anything so magical in her life. Her hunger hadn't started becoming a burden until recently, and despite her veganism, she couldn't fucking wait to get some food in her stomach.

The others also shared in the celebration of the mussels, cheering for Rachel, calling her an M-V-fucking-P, before Dot laid them on the fire to cook. They sat in a circle, grinning and joking as they waited for Dot to give the go-ahead, and Blaire was starting to think that she'd never fit in somewhere so easily.

Leah did keep sending Shelby weird looks, which Blaire didn't understand, but she did her best to ignore it. Even Leah's suspicions couldn't take away from how nice it was to see the other girls so happy.

Martha had been the only person between Toni and Blaire as they sat around the fire, and Toni was kind of glad for the distance as she hadn't been able to take her mind off of Blaire since the waterfall, even more so if they'd sat next to each other. She had so desperately wanted to finish what they'd started by the waters edge, but at the same time, she couldn't find the right words for how she was feeling. For the last few days, at least, stolen glances across the beach had managed to suffice.

But Toni wanted — needed — more.

"Hell yeah!" Dot murmured as she took one of the mussels and emptied the contents into her mouth. The others, except Shelby, each took a mussel and ate alongside the redhead, satisfying a hunger that longed to be fulfilled. "You know," Dot spoke to the group as a collective, "I can already feel my health meter climbing back to one-hundred."

"You fucking geek," Fatin jokingly nudged Dot on the shoulder, shaking her head distastefully. "Please tell me that wasn't a gaming reference."

Dot clicked her tongue, "Can't do that."

"I know these are little animals and all," Martha chimed in, a frown etched on her face as though it physically pained her to hurt something that was already dead. "But they're so good, and I can't stop eating them." She groaned and looked to the sky, to a higher power. "God, what's wrong with me?"

"You should give yourself a pass," Nora replied to her with an awkward smile, trying to lighten the Native-American's spirits. "Like, for invertebrates."

"And starvation situations," Leah added to the deal, earning an approving hum from Toni in response as she ate another mussel.

"Already one step ahead of you, Leah," Blaire raised her mussel in the air like a chalice. "Fuck veganism!"

"Fuck veganism!" Fatin cheered in solidarity, and they clinked their mussels together in a mock celebration. Her and Blaire laughed together as they scoffed down their mussels, and Toni found her eyes drawn towards the sound.

"You're not eating any mussels, Shelby?" Martha asked of the blonde, and the conversation changed tact.

"Hm? Oh, no," Shelby shook her head. "No, I'm good."

Leah eyed her curiously, " Why not?"

Blaire could physically see Leah's shoulders tense at the question, and she had the sudden realization that whatever theory Leah had formed about the island now included Shelby.

"Oh, I'm beyond allergic to shellfish," Shelby flashed an awkward smile, pulling her knees to her chest as she explained. "I had a single popcorn shrimp at my cousin's birthday party. My windpipe shut like a trap."

"Well, you're missing out." Fatin proclaimed. "I mean, ideally these would be eaten with garlic butter and crispy fries on a terrace in Barcelona, but salut." She grinned at them, toasting the sky again with her mussel, and Blaire had to admit that right now, that sounded kind of nice.

Toni scoffed, "Fucking one-percenters."

"Damn Toni," Rachel looked over at Toni with a wide-eyes, "you're really ploughing right through them."

Toni had been eating a lot, but Blaire had mostly rationalized it down to her hunger. For such a short girl, she certainly did have an appetite.

Toni, however, gave Rachel a sly grin and said, "Hey, I'm just trying to stay on brand, you know?"

For a moment, Blaire was confused about how exactly eating mussels aligned with Toni's brand, but when Toni lifted up another mussel and licked her tongue slowly up it, Blaire's eyes went wide.

Oh.

Blaire definitely didn't feel the heat rise in her cheeks at the sight, at the realization of what Toni was talking about. And she definitely hadn't been frantically shoving away any thoughts of what Toni's mouth would feel like on her, definitely wasn't ignoring a sudden heat between her legs.

Fuck, fuck, fuck... STOP!

Everyone in the group, except the religious Shelby, of course, laughed at Toni's sexual innuendo, and Blaire couldn't help but choke out a laugh along with them. Their expressions were ones of disbelief at the oral sex mimicry, and it hadn't helped when Fatin wiggled her eyebrows suggestively towards Blaire.

Toni grinned after the laughter died down, "Well, I mean, you gotta admit the shape of these things —"

"Shape and texture," Leah added, very unhelpfully, because now Blaire was wondering how Leah could possibly know that.

"Yeah, right?" Toni shrugged with a mischievous smirk on her face. "I mean, you know, it's kinda like a..." She trailed off and Blaire waited for someone else to finish that sentence, as she was too preoccupied trying to stop the blush creeping up on her cheeks.

"Like a pussy!" Nora exclaimed, gesturing to the area in question, and Blaire could feel the blood in her head pounding. It felt like everything was spinning because, not only did she not expect something like that to come out of Nora's mouth, but Blaire could also feel Toni's gaze lingering on the side of her face.

Blaire swallowed, trying not to think about her, trying not to let herself think about her, because all she wanted to do right now was get Toni out of her head. She looked around the circle, ignoring the fits of giggles coming from the others, and her eyes landed on Shelby, who was looking away with a disgusted expression. The blonde had been the only one not to join in on the joke, and Blaire wondered if it was because Shelby knew she would be punished for even thinking about this sort of thing back home in Texas.

Toni hadn't noticed this and continued with her joke, her next words making Blaire's stomach twist in the most insatiable way. "If you wanna know how to eat this soft beautiful treasure, I can show you, and it does not take garlic butter," She raised another mussel to her lips, avoiding to risk a glance at Blaire because she knew it was going to make her ridiculously flustered if she did. "All it takes is finesse."

And Toni continued to sensually lick at the mussel again, trailing her tongue along the inside, earning a round of cheers from the other girls. Blaire chuckled from where she sat between Martha and Fatin, trying not to let her thoughts wander as she watched the joke unfold.

God, why did she have to do that?

Because now Blaire couldn't help but think about it.

She was thinking about Toni, on top of her, making her feel those things, touching her so gently, and she shouldn't be thinking about this, but Toni was lifting that mussel to her mouth again, and Blaire could feel heat rise to her cheeks, and low between her legs, and it felt like she was going to explode, because she shouldn't be thinking about her like this, and everyone was laughing, and everything was so loud —

"Oh, yes!"

"Lick the clit!"

"Damn, go off, girl!"

"That is the most action any of us have gotten." Blaire heard Fatin's laughter above the rest of the noise. "God, I've never wanted my phone so fucking badly!"

"WOULD YOU STOP?"

The words broke out of Shelby's mouth before she could stop them, and Blaire whipped her head around to look at her again, half shocked with the outburst, half grateful that her own mind had finally stopped tormenting her with images of Toni. Everyone went silent, and Blaire could feel the awkward tension twisting between them, and Toni was shooting daggers at Shelby, and the lighthearted atmosphere dissipated within the instant.

Dot was the first to speak. "Okay." She laughed, a little nervously, like she was scared of what might happen next, and honestly, Blaire was with her on that. "That was hilarious... and Shelby has no chill."

The comment sounded a bit harsh, and while Blaire knew of Shelby's religious beliefs, she couldn't help but feel her stomach twist in a way that set her on edge, an all-too-knowing frown appearing on her lips. She forced herself to look away, disgusted, and Shelby noticed this and found herself stepping into to explain herself, to try and salvage what she may have broken.

"Excuse me, I have chill," Shelby's voice was colder than normal, her eyes searching for comfort in Blaire's as she struggled to find the right words. "I guess I just... I don't see the humour in that sort of thing."

There was a slight pause as Toni went to open her mouth in retaliation, but something inside Blaire willed her to speak first. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, her voice a little too sharp, her eyes narrow, and everyone else seemed to tense as they caught on to what she'd been insinuating.

Blaire wasn't sure why she had become so angry all of a sudden, but if she had to guess, it had something to do with the look of disgust she'd caught on Shelby's face. It was hard to admit, especially because her and Shelby had bonded, but the tone in the blonde's voice made Blaire's skin crawl, made her blood boil.

"You know... pornographic gestures," Shelby still tried to lie her way out. "I'm a Christian, all right, from a very Christian home, so I'm allowed to be a little skeeved out."

"Get the cross out of your ass." Fatin rolled her eyes, an otherwise hilarious recommendation. "It's fun to be filthy!"

Shelby nearly believed that she was going to get out of this. But Toni seemed intent on not letting it go.

"I mean, that's not all that's going on here." There was a fire in Toni's eyes, and Blaire braced herself for impact, her shoulders tensing. "Don't bullshit me, Shelby, because the vibe that's coming off you right now, I've felt it a few too many times to not know what it is."

Blaire's heart ached for a second, knowing that Toni had been hurt by people who hated her for who she was, just like how Blaire would be hurt if anyone back home in New York knew who she really was.

"What are you saying, Toni?" Martha asked obliviously, and Blaire hated that Shelby was about to hurt not just her, but all of them that sat around the campfire.

"I'm saying that she can't stand that I'm gay, Marty," Toni snapped, not at Martha necessarily but at the situation. "That's what fucking skeeves her out!"

Shelby flinched as the words left Toni's mouth. And Martha, innocent and hopeful, looked to the blonde.

"That's not true."

"Look, I'll be as honest as possible, because y'all deserve that." Shelby took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to say it, to hurt so many people in a single sentence. "I do believe that way of life is a sin."

Toni was on her feet in a second, just like Blaire knew she would be, like she'd been anticipating. The dancer held her breath, silently praying (ironically) that they wouldn't get a repeat of what happened on the fourth day. In truth, Blaire wasn't sure if she could handle seeing the face of Finn Hayward in her thoughts again, especially in comparison of the girl she'd been hopelessly daydreaming about over the last few days.

"I can't fucking believe this!" Toni roared, her anger mounting, and Blaire flinched again despite the comment not being directed at her.

"I'm sorry, but everything I've ever known has taught me that," Shelby tried to explain as Toni snarled, tried to make it sound as believable as it was in her head.

Blaire found herself staring at Shelby in disbelief, but there wasn't just anger in the depths of her gaze. There was disappointment and betrayal, almost like she'd expected better of Shelby, despite only knowing her for a few days, like Shelby had let her down.

"Hey, look, there is no hate in my heart." Shelby tried to backtrack once she realized the reaction she'd gotten. "I just feel sorry for —"

"Fuck you!" Toni wiped her mouth and balled her fists, and honestly, Blaire couldn't blame her. She was staring at Shelby, who refused to meet her gaze now, and the rest of them were sitting in a silent mixture of surprise and disappointment, waiting for Toni to lash out at the blonde like she was so prone to do.

But right before Toni took a step towards Shelby, her eyes landed on Blaire, and with a second of hesitation, she fought hard to restrain herself, noticing the look of terror in the dancer's eyes. She wouldn't hurt Blaire again by attacking Shelby, by reminding her of her past trauma. Not after everything they'd talked about at the waters edge, after how far they'd come.

So for the sake of Blaire, and definitely not Shelby, Toni took a deep breath and stormed off, attempting to clear her head by taking a walk on the beach, by doing the right thing, and Blaire smiled at the gesture.

She's not like him. She's nothing like him.

Once Toni disappeared around the bend, there was a tension-filled silence that loomed over the group like a dark cloud, and Blaire knew, deep in her heart, that she probably wouldn't forgive Shelby for what just happened, for ruining what was otherwise a perfect day.

Each of the remaining girls looked at Shelby reproachfully, denying any support she seemed to be seeking out. "What?" She asked the others, like she didn't understand, like there was any hope. "Am I not allowed to have my own beliefs?"

Blaire scoffed and jumped to her feet, and before she risked going after Toni, she spared a glance at Shelby, with such disappointment, and said, "Not those ones."

And the silence from the others girls told Shelby that they all agreed.

─── • ───

Blaire couldn't stay there any longer, not with someone capable of such hatred. The whole situation made her want to empty her stomach onto the sand; the idea that she actually thought she could trust someone like Shelby, that it wasn't just some sick attempt at a joke, because no act could hurt people like that.

Her converse carried her across the beach, and the only destination on her mind was to find wherever Toni had stormed off to. There was something she had to do, a thought that echoed in her head, that carried her where she needed to go. Her fear and worries had disappeared again, just like they had under the influence of Oxycodone, replaced with sheer determination for what she would do next.

Blaire breathed a sigh of relief when she finally found Toni several yards down the beach, far away from the campsite. She was laying out on the wet sand, on her back, legs sprawled out, right near the ocean, so when the tide swept in, it left her laying in shallow water. She hadn't bothered to turn around when she heard Blaire approach, like she hadn't needed to to know who it was, and she sat up and shivered when the dancer took a set next to her, the shallow water rushing underneath them without much thought.

Toni didn't think Blaire's eyes left her face once, even when she let out a harsh chuckle. "I can't fucking believe her." She hissed out, in an obvious response to Shelby, and Blaire just sat there and listened. "Her and all of her bible-thumping bullshit! So now what, am I just supposed to rot in Hell because I don't fantasize about some meathead jock and his Mike-and-Ike-sized penis? Yeah, no, fuck that. I'm gay. I like girls. And apparently, by that Jesus-loving-freak's logic, I've already secured my ticket to Hell because of it."

Blaire's eyes darted around, her lips pressed together before she made a noncommittal sound, and said, "Shelby's just ignorant, Toni. She doesn't know anything other than the outdated Christian beliefs that were shoved down her throat. But it doesn't matter. She can think whatever she wants to about people like you — people like me — but it still won't matter. Besides," She nudged Toni on the shoulder playfully, trying to lighten the mood, "if we're going to Hell, at least we'll be there together."

With a small laugh, Toni turned towards her briefly and smiled at that, looking carefully at Blaire's face for a few seconds, just taking her in. The deep anxious feeling had vanished from both of their stomachs, replaced by laughter and comfortableness. In that moment, Blaire decided that she always wanted to be the reason Toni was smiling so brightly. Her smile was unlike anything Blaire had been expecting: it was soft and a little awkward, like she hadn't shown it very often, and something about the fact that Blaire was the reason behind it, made it even more beautiful.

And later, much later, when Blaire realized that she had not fallen in love but slowly and surely descended into it, she'd been able to point out that the smile Toni offered her that day as the first step down —

Toni hadn't said anything else, and Blaire hadn't even dared to start a new conversation. After all, the last time she'd done that, on the third day, they ended up arguing about pointless nonsense, so it probably wasn't the best idea.

"I'm sorry."

Blaire almost missed the words that left Toni's mouth, because they were so quiet, whispered into the air like a confession of the deepest sin.

"What?" Blaire turned to look at Toni again, her dark brown eyes glowing gold in the sunlight. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, turning to meet Blaire's gaze, with regret etched in the depths of her eyes.

"I'm sorry for lashing out again." There was a pause and Toni looked away again. Her voice sounded almost hurt. "It's just that the comments Shelby was making back there, like... got under my skin, I guess? But it doesn't matter now. Because I know that you hate that shit, and I'm just really sorry about all of it."

Blaire's voice was gentle, "You did nothing wrong."

But Toni shook her head, stubborn, as she dug her hands into the sand on the beach. "But I did, and I hate that I did." She murmured softly, and Blaire felt her own heart ache for Toni. "Because I want to be better. I promise I'll be better."

She's not like him. She's nothing like him.

Her heart started pounding in her chest, and Blaire spared a glance at the ocean but didn't see anything of interest, wasn't sure how anything could compare to what Toni had just said to her. They sat in silence for a while, mainly because Blaire didn't know what she was supposed to say or do.

The others were... gone. Not gone as in gone, but, like, not there. Somewhere else. They might've walked into the forest, might've still been gathered around the campfire, but they weren't in sight. And Blaire didn't even care, not about their absence or Shelby's bigoted comments. It was a beautiful day suddenly, and for the first time in a long while, it had nothing to do with the drugs that often kept thoughts of island castaways or abusive ex-boyfriends out of her head.

No, this time, it was all because of Toni.

And Blaire, for the first time in a long while, was just a  normal teenage girl, laying in the wet sand near the ocean, alongside a girl that undeniably cared about her — a girl that Blaire cared about, too, as much as it hurt her to admit.

But it didn't hurt right now, in that exact moment. There was nothing bad. There was just a deserted beach and the cool ocean waves, and there was a girl with pretty brown eyes, just close enough to touch.

So that was what Blaire did, because, for the first time, nothing in her mind stopped her. She reached over and pressed her fingertips against the back of Toni's hand, a simple action that somehow felt brand new. Blaire knew Toni was staring at the side of her face, but Blaire's own eyes had drifted down toward their hands, as if she wasn't sure what she was doing.

Blaire's mind didn't have the time to instruct her to actually hold Toni's hand, however, because Toni had already grabbed on, had already taken charge, and their fingers tangled together, and Blaire held on tight, smiling at the warmth beneath her fingertips.

With butterflies in her stomach swirling, Toni forced herself to meet Blaire's gaze, to try to decipher what might be there, but it was hard for Toni to read someone else when she was so unsure of herself.

So she took her best guess.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Toni whispered, and it wasn't something she consciously gave her mouth permission to ask, but it was too late now because the words lingered in the air.

Before the island, Toni would've never directly asked something like that without having a sense of what the answer might be. She would've worked it out for herself, but just looking into Blaire's eyes made Toni feel short of breath, and she really didn't want to be reading into something that wasn't there.

Blaire's lips parted, but instead of answering, she raised her other hand to Toni's cheek and leaned over. Toni suppressed a sigh of relief, realizing that this is what she was hoping she was seeing in Blaire's eyes.

The other girls were a distant thought at this point, and the idea of being caught didn't even occur to either of them. For now, Blaire closed the distance between them, her hand still interlaced with Toni's, and Toni knew she wanted this. Her mind and body weren't afraid to tell her, not now that she was completely caught in a Blaire-induced daze.

There was no denying it.

There was no pretending.

And when Blaire hesitated at the last second, ghosting her lips over Toni's, as if she was abruptly terrified that she would be rejected, Toni made the first move, bringing her free hand to the back of Blaire's head to reassure her that they were on the same page.

Their lips crashed together, and Blaire almost tried to pinch herself, just to make sure that this was really happening. Toni's lips felt so soft against hers as they moved in sync, almost desperate for one another, like two deprived teenagers instead of island castaways.

Blaire hadn't even realized how much she wanted to kiss Toni until the moment it happened, and her body was leading her into Toni's arms before she could even process what she wanted to do.

There was a moment when Toni's hands found her waist that Blaire feared Toni might push her away, or ask her what the hell she was doing. But then Toni's right hand traveled all the way up to Blaire's face and cupped her cheek, deepening the kiss, and Blaire just melted into her embrace with a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes, when Blaire broke the kiss to take a breath, she gave Toni's bottom lip a little bite that sent a desirable fire to the basketball player's stomach. They stayed staring at each other for a good minute, and Blaire grinned, almost coyly, at what just happened.

Toni was caught in a trance for a good long while, trying really hard to process that she and Blaire had finally kissed. Her pulse was going wild, her heart was pounding erratically against her ribs. "Why'd you do that?" She muttered, almost insecurely, in the quiet space between their mouths.

"Because if I'm going to die on this island," Blaire's face fought against sudden nervousness, "then I might as well secure my ticket to Hell."

And Toni laughed lightly, so obviously affectionate that Blaire's heart imploded from a kind of giddy joy she'd never felt before, and then suddenly Toni was, without missing a beat, kissing her again. It was a slow kiss this time, but there was no shyness in Toni; rather, she was purposeful, her fingers cradling Blaire's jaw, one hand curling around the nape of her neck, her lips soft and firm against Blaire's.

Blaire hadn't even remembered how long it had been since she last kissed someone. It didn't feel like it mattered: whoever Finn was, whoever any of the people before Toni were — none of them mattered now. Because everything else vanished around her, except for Toni's wandering hands on her burning skin, and Toni's mouth, and the taste of Toni's lips.

The second Blaire tried to pull away again, Toni had the terrifying thought that she was probably going to blame the kiss on the loneliness and desperation induced by the island. But Toni just sank her teeth into Blaire's lower lip as the tide rushed back in, unwilling to stop as the cold water flowed over their legs, and she inadvertently shuddered as Blaire dragged herself closer into her, hooked her leg over Toni's and leaned her weight into their clasped hands, pressing Toni's knuckles into the sand near her head.

Smiling against Blaire's mouth, Toni let her hand wander a bit, let it slide down Blaire's chest to her stomach. Toni grabbed onto Blaire's waist, digging her fingers into the bruised and bare skin while a moan rumbled in the back of Blaire's throat.

She left her hand there, not wanting to overstep any boundaries that Blaire might've had as they kissed. It was a conscious and safe choice, given it was only their first kiss, and Toni would just have to wait for a time when she could revisit the idea.

And she was going to have to, because suddenly, Blaire tensed, stopped her assault on Toni's mouth, and pulled back. "Sorry," She whispered softly, and Toni tried to stop herself from gazing up at Blaire in surprise, not fast enough though, not before Blaire caught her, and blurted out, "I probably shouldn't have done that."

Toni felt herself tense, "What do you mean?"

As though surprised, Blaire faltered at the question. She continued to hover over Toni, didn't make any move to pull Toni's hand off her waist, didn't release Toni's hand or even stop leaning her weight into it. The tide came back in, leaving Toni to shiver, but she just looked back up at Blaire and leaned forward, resting her forehead against hers reassuringly, silently hoping that there wasn't any part of Blaire that had regret for what they'd just did.

"I-I, uh... got a bit carried away," Blaire stuttered, a bright pink evident in her cheeks at the close proximity still between them. "And I — you —"

"Wanted to do that," Toni finished for her. "Been waiting to do that, actually." She added with a laugh, and Blaire shyly nodded, biting down on her lower lip, and Toni nuzzled their noses together affectionately, a welcomed surprised for Blaire from someone who didn't seem like the type to engage in such cliches.

"Me too," Blaire confessed, and she kissed her again, leaning back down to claim Toni's eager mouth in a quick peck. "But we should probably head back." She let out when they pulled away from each other to take another breath. "Make sure everyone's good."

Toni jutted out her bottom lip, causing Blaire to laugh and swat at her arm playfully, before she said, "I think I'll just stay here for a little bit."

"You sure?"

Toni reluctantly nodded, making a noise that was halfway between a sigh and a frustrated grunt, and they smiled at each other, casual and carefree, before pushing themselves off the ground. Blaire cleared her throat and straightened her clothes, and as she started walking back to the campsite, she was struck by the dazed realization that a moment like the one her and Toni had just shared was akin to a safety net.

And it didn't matter if Blaire fell.

Because she knew Toni would catch her.

─── • ───

author's note:
*this chapter was not proof read*

WHAT JUST HAPPENED! #blaini is alive bitches omg

also shelby's got to figure some shit out asap

lmk what you guys love about this story so far in the comments! my fav part of writing is mainly the interactions with you guys so spam me loll <33

lots of love! follow for more content :))

xo, selena

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