𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛
𝚜𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚗'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟
𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟹𝟶, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶

my best friend kai is arguing with me about something we debated about in english class, when he walks into the lunchroom. i see him scanning the room looking for me, i avert my eyes quickly before he spots me, spotting him. i sensed he was going to come my way.

i excuse myself to go use the bathroom, i get up put on my headphones kurt cobain singing about teen spirit. i dash to the ladies room, i don't know if i can keep this a secret for much longer i said all this as the napkin i use to muffle my cough is stained a color that causes bile to rise.

i flush the toilet resting my head on the door frame, i breathe in and out to stop the panic attack coming my way. my throat closes a bit, my breathing erratic, my eyes dart everywhere. i focus on the music coming out of my headphones. i get up with a sigh. i walk to the mirror, rinse my mouth out a bit, tame my hair by putting it in a ponytail. i splash a bit of cold water on my face to stop the flushness on my cheeks.

heading to my locker, to get my books for next class the lunch bell will ring any minute now a note falls out of my locker. picking it up "can we meet after school? hopefully your days going well i just want to see you. – r" i smile at this. placing it in my pocket.

                                                     𓁹

my last class drags on, i tap my feet as i watch the time. i want to meet him but i feel faint, a bit dizzy. before going to my locker to pack up, i check my face in the mirror. i am beyond pale, the circles around my eyes a color pink/purple.

rushing out the school is what i do best! i put my big headphones on quickly. polo g ft. lil tjay rapping about going to a party. blasting to the point where everyone can hear it. grabbing everything stuffing my book bag, i run to the entrance and skate away.

mark is already in the living room, "how long have you stopped taking them?"

giving him a weak smile "two days max"

"here" he hands me the small pills with a glass of water. as soon as i swallow i feel better. i feel my phone buzz, not even one glance and i know who it is. it hurts to look at the screen because i stood him up.

"i saw you leave, i was waiting in the parking lot, see you another time"

"we'll rain check, this one, a date?"

immediate response, "second to be exact"

i smile and reply with my animoji winking. start on all my homework for the weekend since it's friday.

kai is texting me memes when he said something along the lines of kie who is sarah cameron's best friend was looking for me after I left the lunchroom. she asked kai for my number and he gave it to her.

telling him thanks for letting me know. i talk to wilma for a long time about what i should do and she gave me sound advice. mark passes me my plate with so much food my mouth waters at the sight.

we eat, talk, and trail off thinking of summer and how it starts, if I'll be ready for the heat. It's currently april, tomorrow may. the future bright yet so far filled with whens, when will i do this, when will i have this first. on and on. i feel so stuffed after i finish all my food, i down my juice and then retire to my room to lay down whilst doing homework.

waking up at 7:30 pm, my fault for laying down to do homework. "fuck." i whisper as i get up to turn on my led lights. reaching my hand to find my phone it's under the pile of novels I have to read for class. the name on my screen causes the most genuine smile to ever grace my lips.

"rafe 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒"

the message a date and dare rolled into one. "i dare you by the end of the night tomorrow you will fall asleep in my arms again."

what's tomorrow? i thought to myself when a double text came in.

"would you madam winters give me the lovely honor of taking you your first outer banks bash?" squealing like a kid in a candy store as i freak out, jumping and rolling around on my bed. composing myself i type "well monsieur cameron i would love to, you just might lose this bet you have conjured"

"we'll see about that Sly"

"nicknames already *places hand on heart in fake shock*" i actually make those movements as I stare at my phone.

"hahaha mmmhmmm nicknames are a must in any relationship"

"so what should I call you" after i replied no response. the facetime tone rings i drop my phone on the bed before picking up.

"give me 5 minutes" i said rushing to go fix my hair and changing out of rafe's sweater. which he forgot to take back.

there is faint music playing on his end as I go fix myself i said "what are you listening to?"

"tory lanez his chixtape 2 album"

i gasp, "what? i thought all men swore off the chixtapes since it's geared toward female fans"

"i just appreciate the artistry, the bringing it back to old r&b, the samples, the transitions into each song, chixtapes 3, 4, and 5. he's an artist"

i smile at that as I grab my phone "what about the New Toronto tapes?"

"those go hard!" he smiles as he laughs a little.

"okay wait pause, so you don't listen to soundcloud rappers like the rest of your friends" i raise my eyebrow at him. "also hi" i wave and chuckle.

"no, no, no. i listen to a bit of every genre. i am a hardcore lover of rap music though its like a guilty pleasure. i feel much more in tune with that music somehow" he looks at my eyes as he says this.

i missed those blue eyes today, i grab my pillow and put it in front of me as i agree with rafe. we speak practically all night. falling asleep with each other on the phone. i definitely fell asleep first.

𓁹

i groggily pick up the phone "good morning rafe" the two syllables lightly coming of my tongue so beautiful i smile as the sun hits met face.

"good morning sloan" his voice deep and all husky like.

"how'd you sleep?"

"pretty well slept through the night, even though we went to bed so late" i said as i laugh at him because his hair is all over the place. "— your hair" i begin giggling like i can't stop, holding my stomach. rafe says as he props his phone up. his boxers hang low on his waist i bite my lip at the though of him and begin to blush.

"what are you thinking about?" he says smiling at me.

"oh nothing, nothing" i maneuver so i can get up and head to my bathroom. once inside i brush my teeth and pee. "we are at that point were we can face time each other on the toilet" rafe smiles as i show him my face. "i guess we are" i continue.

"i'll pick you up at 7 so we have an hour before the party to chill"

i nod in the camera "sounds good so i'll see you later" i smile.

"you will" he smiles and we hang up. i jump up and down as theirs a knock on my door.

walking to my door opening it to find my brother, "so i need you to tell me all about this boy, here" he hands me a gift basket filled with things I love, sour patch kids, twizzlers, Hershey bars, a new book, a card, some stuff to fix my skateboard with. plus a baby blue phone case.

the look of pure shock is on my face. "what would you like to know, bro?"

"for one what's he like, does he treat you well, his family also did you tell him"

"we've only been on one date.. he's really sweet and kind, so far he has treated me well. i haven't met his family yet, but they're the cameron's. to your last question i have not told him"

the winters man smiles at his little sister as he sees her light up at the thought of this boy who waved to him the other day. mark winters says, "i think you should tell him before you involve him in our lives. what if you feel sick again with him. be upfront"

listening to my brother i realize he's right but i don't want the pity, the sad look, the 'wow' shock on most peoples faces when they find out. i especially don't want it from rafe. on the flip side i see my brother's point. before getting more serious i should tell him. "ughh!" i semi yelling i don't know what to do. should i tell rafe about it or leave it.

truth is i have chronic leukemia mind you this is very rare. i am on a steroid which has many, many side effects. fatigue, hard to breathe sometimes, i also have to go get transfusions here and there. then i look pale as fuckk.

mark is trying to get my attention as i have left due to thought. "sloan, what are you going to do?"

"i don't know big bro, but when i figure it out i'll let you know" i face him with a weak smile.

he raises from my bed and says, "okay breakfast is ready so come down when your ready"

"i'll be down in 15" he walks out my room.

𓁹

it is now 6:45, i sit and wait on my front porch. anticipation with a mixture of excitement looms over me. i know i can't drink too much but i didn't take my pills today just to be sure i can have at least three cups.

tapping my foot, i look inside my house to see mark and wilma watching a movie in the living room. with popcorn and all the snacks. chewing on a twizzler as rafe's car pulls up. kehlani's vocals lightly coming through the speakers, he gets out the car fixing his hair preparing to come knock to get me.

i jump up and laugh until tears spring in my eyes. the look on his face priceless as ever.

"you look gorgeous but don't scare me like that again, i felt my heart jump" opening the door for me.

"thank you and i won't, promise" i have my hand on my heart.

we begin traveling to what seems like the same look out spot we ate at. "is this going to be our spot?"

"i'd like that"

i smile at him, he hands me a blunt. this isn't my first rodeo so i light it and take a puff. or three. we pass back and forth. soft r&b setting the time just right.

rafe is giving me a smirk, "what?"

"i just wanted to —" he trails off.

lightly her grabs my hand, kissing it. heat hits my cheeks faster than ever. i don't dare pull away or lose the incredible eye contact we are holding. blue to green, five minutes of our eyes locked and i can already sense the love creeping in.

it's me who breaks to wipe the small tear that formed. i compose myself slowly before looking at rafe again. "pick a song?"

"for?" i question

rafe points to the car radio with our hands, as i utilize my other hand to pick a song. rafe places the spliff in my mouth, taking a long drag. i hold in for a bit too long i cough a bit. i play the slower version of majid jordan's song a place like this.

"could we go look at the stars?" my voice coming out softer than i intended.

rafe lets go of my hand and comes around to open the door for me. then heads to his trunk, i close the door and seat on the hood of his car. rafe runs back to me, hopping up bringing us close.

the song is changed to ¿teo? + jaden smith's song uno dos. as i lay against rafe, my face close to his neck and if i look up i'll be staring at him. i glance at the stars for a little too long. rafe says softly "ever since i met you it's been a summer night reoccurring. the feeling those nights bring bubble up inside"

clutching the blanket more, taking one deep breath, i push up a bit so i'm eye level. placing my hand on his face i begin to trace his features. i said, "i feel alive when i'm with you" my lips and breathe against his.

we don't kiss even though it's what feels right. i run my hands through his hair as his sent engulfs my senses. like the mediterranean sea with eucalyptus and hints of rain. i could almost fall asleep. opening my eyes i find him with his lip bitten.

"whatcha thinking about?"

"ohh you don't want to know. can you please keep running your hands in my hair" he nuzzles into my neck and chest. "safe. honey. lilac. lavender" rafe says those four words as he breathes in and out on me.

"do you ever wish for things?"

"mm not since i was little. it was something i use to do all the time"

"make a wish with me" i said as a shooting star began to swim across the universe.

"done" we said in unison causing us to feel the laughs build. the hour passes us by in this comfortable position talking about our love languages.

my hair blows in the wind the top is down in rafe's car. i move my hand with the wind. close to arriving at the party, you could feel the bass in the music from a few blocks away.

𓁹

↱ author's note: ↰

i am trying to get a lovely slow burn. sorry i am writing the chapters so slowly lol. thank you for reading.

Love, 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝙹𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚕 ☀︎︎
↳ ↲