✸ ANYONE ELSE
chapter twenty ━━ a pathetic, little smile

AFTER THE BURIAL and the ceremony in the church, some of guests went with the family back to the Fisher's house. Julie went with Jeremiah, Steven and Belly as they slipped away to Jeremiah's bedroom.

The four of them sat on his bed, still in their fancy clothes. Julie wished that she could could change out of the dress, but it somehow felt like it would disrespect her mother, so she didn't.

"Where's Conrad?" asked Belly after they had been sitting silence for awhile.

It didn't matter where he was. He wasn't there. He wasn't with his younger siblings, and he hadn't been with them since their mothers death.

"Let's leave him alone for a while,"  Jeremiah said, seemingly not in the mood to bother with him. "Are you guys
hungry?"

No. Julie wasn't hungry. She hadn't felt hungry in a good while. She only ate because Jeremiah made sure that she did. She didn't say that though. Instead, she settled for asking him. "Are you?"

"Yeah, sort of. There's food downstairs." His voice lingered on the word
downstairs, and Julie knew exactly why. He didn't want to go down there and face all those people, have to see the pity in their eyes.

"I'll go," Belly offered, already standing up to make action of her promise.

Silence came over the three teenagers once again after she left. Steven wanted to say something, but the words got stuck on his tongue before he could say them out loud. What do you say to your two best friends after they just lost their mother? Nothing that he could come up with seemed good enough.

Before he could overthink it too much, Jeremiah spoke.

"This is actually even more pathetic than being down there. Should we just join them downstairs?" He looked between the other two, waiting for a reply.

For the second time that night, Julie wanted to say "no". She didn't want to go downstairs. She couldn't handle facing all the guests. All the family members and old friends that her mother hadn't talked to in decades. How sad, they'd say, look at those young kids she left behind. Her friends had left after the burial. She hadn't wanted them to come with after, but now she was regretting the decision. She wished it wasn't all adults down there.

She didn't get to say it, though, because Steven nodded his head at her twin brother, and soon, the three of them were walking down the stairs.

On both sides of the staircase were pictures of the family, and Julie forced herself to look down. She knew, that if she took even the smallest peek at the many pictures featuring her mother, she would break down. She wasn't enough strong yet.

As soon as the three reached the bottom of the stairs, people were approaching them. They wanted hugs and handshakes and kept telling the two siblings how sorry they were. Julie couldn't focus on it.

She felt a hand slip into hers, and she looking down to find Steven's hand intertwined with her own. She must have looked sad, because he was looking down at her with a worried expression.

She smiled a pathetic, little smile at him to show that she was fine, but it looked more like she was trying her hardest not to cry, so his frown only deepened and he squeezed her hand in a attempt to give her a small bit of comfort.

It worked.

For a while more, the three of them greeted guests, Steven's hand staying in place as the only comfort she could have in that moment.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

"OH, GROW UP," Conrad's was probably louder than he intended for it to be, because he caught the attention of his two siblings from across the room.

They hurried to get over to him when they caught sight of Isabel in front of him.

Julie couldn't even bring herself to be surprised when Belly shouted back, even louder. "Go to hell!"

Go to hell. Sometimes Julie also wished that Conrad would go to hell; that didn't mean that anyone else had the right to say something like that to her brother, though. Why would Belly say something like that?

Conrad said, "I should have known you'd be like this."

Clearly already feeling bad, Belly replied,  "What do you mean?"

He shrugged, his jaw tight. "Forget it."

"No, say it."

He started to turn around, to leave, and Julie was relieved. They couldn't fight. It felt like a stain on her mother to fight at her funeral. This day was supposed to be about Susannah Fisher, not Isabel Conklin and Conrad Fisher's crumbling relationship.

Belly stopped him before he could leave, and Julie felt herself getting mad.

"Tell me," She said, her voice rising even more.

He looked at her angrily and said, "I knew it was a bad idea, starting something
with you. You're just a kid. It was a huge mistake."

"I don't believe you," she said.

They were causing a scene. People were starting to look. It didn't seem to phase them, though, because Belly kept going at him.

"I hate you!" she exclaimed.

Conrad turned around and nodded. "Good," he said.

"I never want to see you again," the younger girl shouted, before running off, leaving the audience to look after her in bewilderment.

Conrad tried to gain eye contact with one of his siblings. He knew that it had been wrong to pick a fight, but he just couldn't help himself.

Both Jeremiah and Julie looked away from him, not wanting to talk about it, and instead, Steven was the one to get eye contact with the oldest Fisher boy.

Conrad looked apologetic, but Steven only shook his head before leading the two younger siblings away.

Julie followed him blindly, clinging even tighter onto his hand, that was still wrapped around her own.

✸ author's note ✸
this is so bad but i don't have time to rewrite it ☹️☹️