what it takes to be pretty.
madelyn cline&madison bailey | 16.

❥

Theadora has lived alone since she was fourteen years old, provided for herself since the age of eleven, and taken care of herself since she was nine. she was doing a pretty damn good job at it, too.

until she wasn't.

working until she drops, thea stretches herself so thin between different acting jobs, auditions, interviews, and any other opportunities that come her way that she sometimes forgets to prioritize her physical needs. working sometimes more than twelve straight hours a day, thea finds it hard to come across times she can sit down and eat an actual meal; not just the occasional apple or package of fruit snacks from craft services.

to thea, however, her priority wasn't her physical health. it was working. working until she dropped, which sometimes became quite literal.

Theadora was ecstatic when she booked the role of ruby miller on outer banks; even more so when she was invited to share an apartment with two of her cast mates. not only would the then-thirteen year old be able to get a break from her toxic household, but she would be able to prove to the court that she was capable of living on her own before being granted full emancipation. she was starting to finally feel in control of her own future.

control is something theadora had always craved, especially in times when her parents separate addictions seemed cause them to be spiraling more and more with each passing day. with her parents becoming increasingly inept, thea felt the need to grasp on to any control she had left in her life; which proved to be very little.

while the girl had been conditioned to learn at a very young age that she could not control everything happening around her, she just as quickly learned that she was, in fact, able to control what happened to her.

Theadora had struggled with body image throughout the entirety of her teen years; the feeling of looking in the mirror wanting to shatter the reflection into pieces wasn't new to her, and neither was the feeling of hunger.

the obsession with said hunger, however, was slightly new.

having always been quite the picky eater, missing or not finishing meals wasn't out of the ordinary. consequently, no one really spotted anything new or concerning when thea first started the dangerous game.

however, the filming of season three of outer banks was soon to begin and the teenager was back at her apartment in north carolina that she shared with two of her cast mates: madelyn cline and madison bailey.

like everything always does, it started out easy. when asked if she wanted to join the cast for dinner after filming, thea would simply decline with the excuse that she was 'too tired' after work.

but as the months continued, her plan proved to get a bit more complicated.

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Spring 2022
"Hey, thea?" maddie bailey knocked on theadoras bedroom door, letting herself in after hearing the younger girls quiet "come in!"

"hey bails," thea greets, sitting upright on her bed with a book propped against her thighs.

"we're having everyone over for dinner tonight. since we aren't going anywhere, we were hoping you'd finally join us." bailey states, sitting on the edge of the bed.

theadora looks up, closing her book. "oh, i dunno. i'm pretty tired—"

bailey quickly interrupts, "oh, shut up, we didn't even work today. please just join us, even for a little? you never hang out with us anymore and we literally live together. "

thea hesitates, weighing out the pros and cons of madison's offer. the older girl was right; thea rarely accepted any invites. this was mainly because they all included food, and theadora didn't think she could handle that without having a nervous breakdown; but, she did miss hanging out with her friends outside of their work.

"yeah, okay. sure." thea decides, causing bailey to smile.

"yay! everyone will be here around eight. sound good?" bailey stands up, making her way back towards the door.

"yep," thea reopens her book, "sounds good."

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Theadora no longer thought it sounded good as she sat on the apartment's couch, hopelessly squished between maddie cline and drew while bailey, j.d, and chase screamed over mario kart in front of them. the adults were waiting rather impatiently for rudy and austin to return with their pizza, while thea secretly hoped the pizza place had caught on fire before they picked up their order.

maddie nudges theadora. "aren't you hot?"

thea glances down at her sweatshirt and sweatpants. despite wearing her current attire, the girl was actually freezing. ignoring her rapidly forming goosebumps, thea replies, "not really. this sweatshirts kinda thin."

maddie nods, followed by the sound of a knock at their apartment door. theadora, in desperate need of an escape from her claustrophobic sitting situation, immediately leaps up to let the boys in, clambering over the mario kart crew. "watch it, kid! i'm in first place!" chase complains. thea rolls her eyes at the childlike adult, making her way to the front of the apartment.

"pizzas here!" thea exclaims as she opens the door, alerting the attention of the group in the living room. while everyone else is busy grabbing their slices, theadora prays she is able to sneak back into her room without having to get her own piece. before even exiting the kitchen, though, bailey catches her in the act.

"girl get some damn pizza and sit your ass down."

theadora chuckles nervously before grabbing a single slice of cheese pizza, heading back to the couch.

by eleven, thea is already exhausted. "alright, i'm hitting the deck," she announces, standing up from the couch to throw her paper plate away.

"you sure?" j.d asks, not tearing his gaze away from the intense game of mario kart currently happening on the t.v.

"yeah. woke up pretty early."

"okay. night, thea." j.d manages to respond before cursing out drew for throwing a turtle shell at his car.

"night thee. love you!" madelyn calls risking a quick glance away from the t.v screen.

"night, love you guys too." theadora smiles softly before retreating down the hallway and into her bedroom.

shutting and locking the door behind her, thea turns the fan on high, heads into her bathroom, switches the shower on, and sticks two fingers down her throat before flushing her pizza from earlier and brushing her teeth.

always gotta brush your teeth before bed, thea thinks to herself with a sigh as she climbs into bed, sliding under her covers.

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Theadora had been doing a running scene with the maddie's, rudy, j.d, chase, and carlacia where they had to run long distances while a drone recorded them from above. having not kept any food down in slightly over forty eight hours, thea is exhausted, to say the least, when their boss announces, "cut! that was great, let's do it one more time!"

halfway through their next take she begins to feel dizzy, causing her to stop abruptly in the middle of the run.

"cut!" jonas calls again, "theadora, are you okay? do you guys wanna get some water real quick?"

thea focuses her vision on her boss in an attempt to stabilize herself. she nods, "no, yeah, i'm fine. just need some water." jonas nods, shouting for the actors to take five.

after gulping down the remaining water in her water bottle, thea returns to her spot. as soon as the rest of her scene partners returned from getting their own water they were reminded on what they were to do before being set loose once again.

thea's character was supposed to be the fastest and most athletic of the group, so she needed to push herself ten times harder in order to run in front of all her scene partners. shortly after beginning her run again, however, black dots began to cloud theadoras vision causing her to slow down before coming to a complete stop yet again.

she feels someone grabbing her arm but the pounding inside her ears muffle the voices around her, causing them to sound like they are coming from far away. thea feels her body begin to sway before she collapses, leading to her waking up lying on the dirt that was beneath her feet mere seconds before.

"okay you're done for now, theadora." jonas' voice sounds from behind her.

thea sits up with a jolt as she looks at her surroundings. she finds herself sitting in the dirt surrounded by all six of her scene partners, with the entire crew and a few other cast members onlooking with concern from afar.

"no, no i'm fine. i must've just tripped or something."

"do you think we're stupid? thea you literally just fainted." chase argues, reaching for her hand.

theadora sighs, accepting his hand along with rudy's as she lets her cast mates help her to her feet. still feeling a little off-put, thea sways slightly, quickly being caught by j.d who had been standing close behind her.

"okay. thea, why don't you go back for to your trailer for a little and recuperate. girls, can you make sure she gets there okay without hitting the deck again?" jonas asks the maddie's.

"really, i'm fine. i can go by myse-" theadora starts, quickly being cut off by bailey.

"don't be stupid. we're coming with you, thea."

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Madison pushes open the door to thea's trailer, leading the teen inside before immediately declaring, "okay, you need to eat something." she leads thea to the couch, gently pushing her onto it.

"i'm not hungry." theadora immediately declines.

bailey doesn't bat an eye, continuing to the trailers cabinets. "i don't care if you're hungry or not. you just fainted and ate shit. you have to eat something to help get you back on track if you wanna be able finish filming."

"it's just cause i was dehydrated and it's hot as balls outside." thea begins to argue.

bailey cuts her eyes towards the younger girl. "yeah, bullshit." she settles on a granola bar, tossing it to thea. "at least eat this."

thea hesitates, trying desperately to mentally calculate the amount of calories in the snack. when she can't come up with anything, she begins feeling a bit panicky. puzzle pieces began to slowly connect as the maddie's made eye contact, suddenly remembering all the times theadora declined going out with the cast or only ate a small amount before almost immediately excusing herself.

cline slowly sits down next to thea. "t, have you been eating?" she gently inquires.

"oh my god." thea groans, getting increasingly frustrated. "of course i've been eating. you guys are so dramatic."

"we might be dramatic, but we aren't stupid." bailey cuts in, seating herself on the other side of thea.

"jesus christ. when i film, especially if it's a really active character, i try to eat healthy. just trying to make sure this isn't one of those processed, shit-disguised-as-a-bar granola bars. sue me." thea rushes out hurriedly, dramatically waving the package at her co-stars.

maddie and bailey frown, looking concernedly at the teenager between them. thea sighs, leaning back in her seat. "stop looking at me like that."

"thea, it's okay to eat healthy. but you clearly haven't been eating at all. its getting dangerous at this point." madison speaks gently.

thea rolls her eyes, not listening. "easy for you to say. you guys could eat absolute junk for breakfast lunch and dinner and still look, well, like that." she gestures towards the girls who were costumed in their respective characters' crop tops and jean shorts.

"thee, please just eat the granola bar, and we'll go from there." bailey tries once more, taking in how skinny the teenager had actually gotten now that she thought about it.

"no." thea responds defiantly, standing up and slamming the granola bar onto the countertop. "i gotta go over my lines for my next scene. respectfully, get out."

"thea, you went down two sizes in wardrobe." maddie recalls.

"okay, so?" thea rolls her eyes, leaning against the counter. "ohh my god," she groans at the expressions on the faces of her cast mates. "you guys are relentless. leave me alone. i'm fine."

madelyn sighs, standing up and grabbing thea's hands, pulling her away from the counter, "come here."

maddie drags thea into the trailers bathroom with bailey following at her heels, shutting the door behind them to reveal the full length mirror hanging on the other side.

"whatever this is, it's stupid and a waste of time. we have to get back to work," thea complains.

maddie ignores her, standing behind the teen with her hands resting on her shoulders.

"my mom did this with me when i struggled with eating, and—"

"oh my god i don't have an eating disorder." theadora is quick to interrupt; too stubborn to admit that she did, in fact, have a problem. Thea knew it, bailey knew it, maddie knew it, everyone knew it; but thea was too afraid, too full of pride, to admit it.

"just do it, thea." bailey quips quietly.

"we're gonna name everything you like about yourself together." maddie elaborates.

in an attempt to humor her friends and break out of this standoff, theadora looked at herself in the mirror and genuinely tried to find things she liked about her body. it was counterproductive; instead of finding things she liked, she found dozens of things she hated. when thea was in costume on set, she tended not to look in mirrors. her character wore a ton of cropped, tight fitting clothing and thea hated it. she hated how naked she felt, how exposed. every single one of her insecurities were out there for everyone to see; her stomach, her arms, her thighs.

after nearly a minute, she begins to get frustrated with how much improvement she still needs to make until she feels satisfied with the results.

both madelyn and bailey sense this frustration. "thea?"

"we're done here." thea finally chokes out, violently turning herself away from the mirror.

"thea-" madelyn tries to push.

"we're done, maddie." theadora tries to snap, but tears are already beginning to escape.

sensing either a breakdown or breakthrough, or maybe even both, bailey rises from her spot on the sink and approaches the teen, wrapping her arms around her. "okay, okay. it's okay thea. it's okay."

"i'm trying. i'm trying but nothing is working." the young girl sobbed. the maddie's weren't too sure what she meant by this, but judging by the sudden mood change, they had a pretty good guess.

"i just wanted to be pretty."