𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠 & 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥 𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞

𝗹𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗵'𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘃

how am i going to ask him? thats the main question on my mind as i'm debating between text, call, or in-person. my father wants to meet rafe in official capacity i am not nervous since we've talked about him and dad knows somethings.

picking up my phone i dial rafe's number "princess lilith how may i assist today?"

"ok i'm gonna just rip the band-aid off instead of dragging this conversation"

"hit me"

"my dad wants to meet you so he scheduled a brunch for us today so you can meet him, you might be meeting harley and ivor as well" a long sigh later tapping my fingers on my desk waiting for his response.

"let me get my best polo ready then, and what time would he like me over by"

"1 pm it's 9 am now so you got some time to spare and rest for the inspection of a lifetime"

"love you see you later" rafe hangs up before i could even respond. he loves me. the feeling taking from in the workings of my body tell me i love him too.

my smile is caught in the mirror by me and i don't think in a while i've genuinely felt this euphoric. maybe a few times here an there but now the growth i've exuded within myself through this union with rafe cameron has made me feel like bits of the cocoon i've lived in can break soon.

"did you ask your boyfriend?" my dads voice brings me from my thoughts.

"yes he'll be here dad"

"okay great" he smiles at me as he heads to wake ivor to go do their morning workout together.

harley enters my room with a yawn a smile on her face as she says "dixie says hi"

"where you on the phone all night" giving her a look she nods as she said "we fell asleep but called each other again"

"mmm so how's find your person feel?"

"great i really missed her a lot felt a bit lost without her ya know"

harley continues "i'm very ready to meet your guy he's been such a secret for to long"

"true, and yes it was something we didn't want to spoil our time together so its been a bit of fun"

"well sis dixie has asked me to meet for breakfast so i'll see you later, i heard kelce has a party tonight i heard it from a kook in passing"

"aren't we considered kooks since we are always at a party," harley smiled before exiting my room "not gonna lie lili someone said that to me at our party in october"

"really?" i laugh as she leaves.

"oh i have to do my meditation for the day" i'm speaking to myself.

my mind quiets down once i get into my lotus position, straightening my back against my headboard. placing my headphones on queuing the music i use to meditate. taking myself to another plane of existence where my thoughts are silent. nothing can infiltrate or negate, no toxins.

30 minutes later i'm finished stretching when ivor knocks on my door "hey lili"

"hey ivor what's up?"

"so kie's mom invited me over for breakfast so i'm not here to support when your boyfriend comes over it'll just be you and dad" ivor is pouting at me because he knows i really wanted him and harley there. he outstretched his arms which makes my jump out of my bed to give him a hug. "i'll see you later be great tell everyone hello from us"

ivor nods making his way downstairs to leave.

✧ ✧

rafe is at my front door b with a bottle of wine, flowers "for me?" he nods as he leans in to kiss me. his radiant energy is palpable. we are hugging when my dad clears his throat to signal he's in the room.

"hi mr. soto it's really nice to meet you i'm rafe cameron"

"it's nice to meet you rafe come in have a seat the table is ready"

we talk for almost two hours we eat, dad gets to know rafe but somewhere in between his third degree interview rafe explained that he is an addict. he admitted it which shocked me my face as he said those words was of pure astonishment.

"don't look so shocked princess" he whispered to me.

"well you said it"

"the only reason for sobriety right now is her, lilith soto but the fear of fucking this up haunts me. excuse my language sir"

"oh no you're ok um i just, i'll be back in a few minutes" dad gets up from the table grabbing his phone from his pocket. he heads to our little mini deck to make a phone call i started to watch him until rafe pulls my attention to him. he's nervous playing with his ring, running his hands through his hair. taking his hand i kiss it a few times to distract him which makes him do our nose touch as he closes his eyes. breathing in slow i should've told dad first is all i can say to myself. ten minutes later lucian soto comes back to sit at the table a smile on his face.

"i like you rafe, just keep your promise to not break her's we are peachy keen. if you do break her promise or hurt her in anyway it's your ass ok" my fathers face serious tone stern.

rafe nods "thank you mr. soto for your time could i steal your daughter for the day?"

"sure" pops expression unreadable.

i smile at my dad at how well he's taken the news and his open arms to rafe. "thanks dad, i love you"

"i love you too lili"

hugging me he then goes to handle his business, rafe smiling at his phone on this fine sunday afternoon "what's up?" rafe turns his phone to face me a flyer is in my face about kelce's pre-finals bash at his place starts at 8.

✧ ✧

8:00 PM

kelce's party is in full swing, it seems as though people got there ahead of time. hookah, beer, marijuana, and the stench of chips in the air its a mixture of scents.

"we're beyond fucked up right now" a girl with blue hair says to her friend as she walks to the beer pong table.

"rafe my man! what's been going on? this is the infamous lilith" kelce daps up rafe and takes my hand to kiss it. he's got some suave to him under all the preppy boy. "thats me"

ivor and harley attack me with hugs that knock the wind out of me. pushing me away from rafe "guys wow are we drunk already?"

"not just yet sis. but is this your beau we didn't get a chance to meet" harley is eyeing rafe as ivor walks around him to get a good look at him.

nodding they both move him from kelce as topper comes to join he peeps and turns right back around. I only recognize them from my maybe stalker like ways and the pictures from his phone.

smiling as ivor asks "dad approved?"

"mr. soto approved of me yes. i'm guessing your ivor and harley lili's siblings" he has a cool calm tone to his voice that makes me want to melt into him.

"ok. we are her siblings its nice to finally meet you?"

"rafe. rafe cameron" he starts fidgeting once more and my concern grows as he looks agitated. "it's nice to meet you again so we'll hangout sometime. enjoy the party" harley takes her joint lighting it as she starts to walk away. ivor heads to find kie as rafe friends come back around topper introduces himself. a drink is calling my name "want a drink rafe?"

"sure"

the bar seems to be a free for all you can make your own cocktail so i take my time making the best drink to place in the large styrofoam cups. "rafe?" going back to where i left him but he's gone.

"for me?" ryder asks as i walk away to the outdoor sitting area. drinking the feeling away you know how you get somewhere wanting to have a good time but an inclining in your chest or low abdomen tells you it's gonna be a shit night. i wanted to have fun in the one drink type of night you dance, you feel the party instead of lose the party in your mind the next morning.

two hours later i'm on the dance floor alone, dancing my blues away. a hand grabs me shoving me into the wall "who are you?"

"oh hey i've missed you" i continued the look on his face was something far removed from this moment in time. studying his features like i usually do when he's this close fuck.

"your siren song isn't calling me anymore it wore off. you thought you could change me. you know barry was right! fuck! man! i didn't want to do this to you" rafe is searching my eyes for answers from me which i can't give in this moment in time. he's gripping my face harder than usually as he kisses me quick. his hand remains slithering its way to my neck. he continued,"can't love you like i love my addiction. i want to stop i did, i made progress for you, even for myself yet. it has called its slave home" rafe doesn't feel my hands slamming on his own to signal let me go. to show i.can't.freaking.breathe. a vice grip.

finally letting go when someone pushes him off. coughing until my throat is clear my senses are all over the place as "are you okay?", "do you want me to get you some water?", "rafe! what the fuck is wrong with you man!" its a clamoring of voices. i just ignore it and leave the crowded home a bottle of tequila in my hand. i physically couldn't look at him.

✧ ✧

on my disoriented walk home i'd take a swig every time more tears came down my face eventually dropped the bottle as i attempted to pick it up some glass gets into my palm. the pain feeling better than how my internal emotions are screaming better than how i must look. i saw stars as his grip held firm. i looked for salvation for ivor or harley with my eyes from the area we stood in both of them gone nowhere to be found.

in that moment my mom's words came back to me.

"loving this more than you and the kids isn't sick! lucian! it is how i feel. my home is right here. see this! look! goddamn it look! if you want to take them fine!" she was arguing with my father the last time. we never saw her after that until the rehab visits.

taking a seat on the bench i spot to stop my legs from the pain and focus on my breathing. because ripping through me is an attack of sheer panic. it hurts more than usual pulling out my phone i want to call jj to help bring me down since he is one of four who knows about it. not wanting to be a bother i don't call, next thing i know i'm walking home.

my key drops as i try to get in the door, it's gonna be sunny soon i thought to myself. finally opening the door, shutting it as gently as possible.

"lili" my tiptoeing is to no avail my father is waiting for me on the couch. "do you know what time it is?" he isn't even yelling at me he's calm. strange for him i can't really look at him because i'm ashamed.

"you have school in two hours. are you drunk?!" now his voice is raised. "i am not having my kids turn into their mother right before my eyes again you are grounded! you are not to see rafe or your friends for two weeks missy!! i am not playing around."

"you don't want us to turn into mom yet you never talk about her in how she was before the addiction, when she had either one of us. you never speak about her good times all of my memories are of mom's worst moments dad. so if you want me to not be like the worst version of the woman who birthed me why not try to speak about her healthy times" again not looking at him so i don't get the concerned father for seeing the glass in my hand i'm hiding and the bruise thats probably around my neck right now. i just walk upstairs blocking out whatever he is saying.

looking in the mirror my makeup smudged, in fact a nice blue purple bruise is on my neck. a knock at my door signals it's harley. cracking my door open "yes har"

"can i come in, did dad give you shit too?" nodding i let her in. her eyes go wide as she takes in my appearance.

"fuck! lili are you ok? what the hell happened?"

"i'm surviving. i didn't do anything to warrant this though" pointing at my neck.

"let me clean you up" she's calm now taking me into my bathroom and cleaning my wound. "are you gonna go to school today?"

"nuh ugh" more tears pool in my eyes as i just let them run down my face until i can barely see.

harley hugs me tight and wipes my tears "i will try to convince dad but i have to cover this up. was this rafe?" if i answer her question i'd be saying it aloud, harley would kill him tomorrow if spotted. my internal dialogue is churning with these thoughts.

her phone pings. but she doesn't look at it she just helps me cover up the bruise. "what if that's dixie?" my voice cracks.

"she can wait"

"shower but don't wash your neck, i'll put pjs out for you. i'll make the bed cozy for you with the things you need"

"thank you har i love you"

"i love you too" harley closes her eyes places her forehead on mine just breathing with me before she goes to handle everything. we haven't done this since we were 12 it feels comforting.

more notification pings are coming in like rapid fire. yet she chooses to ignore it my phone is playing music when i get texts, opening the shower door i notice it's from the p4l group chat.

✧ ✧

✎𝗌𝗎𝗇𝗃𝖾𝗐𝖾𝗅☀︎︎ 𝗍𝗒𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 ．．．

just might be the longest chapter yet 2.4k words.

✩ 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝖽𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗌, 𝗏𝗈𝗍𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 ✩