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trigger warning: brief mention of scars/past self-harm, implications of an eating disorder.

𝔍AESEOK WALKED INTO HIS APARTMENT, his feet aching from the long walk after hours of practice. he turned on the kitchen light, dropping his bag on the small table he kept by the door. his muscles felt tight, his body reminding him of the demands of his day. it had been a long one, but there was no room for rest yet. he could still feel the burn in his legs, the exhaustion slowly creeping up, but for now, he pushed it aside.

he shuffled over to his bedroom, casting a quick glance at the bed tucked away in the corner. it looked so inviting, but he knew that if he sat down, even for just a minute, he wouldn't be able to get back up. there were things to be done. things that couldn't wait.

jaeseok grabbed some clothes from his closet and headed to the bathroom, the hum of the apartment almost comforting in its quietness.

he stripped off his shirt, sticky from sweat, and let it fall to the floor. his eyes moved over his body, and he paused as his gaze landed on the scars scattered across his left arm.

he ran a finger over them, the bumps smooth under his touch. each one told a story, they all marked moments of struggle, moments he had fought through.

his mind wandered, slipping into memories he wasn't ready to revisit. he thought about the blades he used to keep under his bed, in the dark corners of his old dorm rooms. back when he was a teenager, when the pressure and the loneliness felt too heavy to bear. it was a familiar feeling, one he had worked so hard to bury. but sometimes, on nights like this, he wondered if it would bring him the same satisfaction it once did before.

shaking his head, jaeseok forced himself to focus. no. he couldn't go down that path again. not now. he had worked too hard to move past those darker times, to forget the pull of that familiar comfort. and with filming starting soon, he couldn't risk letting anything jeopardize what he had been fighting for. not now. he had to stay focused. stay strong.

he let out a slow breath, pushing the thoughts away as he finished undressing. the pile of clothes grew on the bathroom floor as he stripped down, leaving the last of the day's weight behind.

stepping into the shower, he turned the water on, feeling the coolness of it against his skin. he stood under the spray for a few moments, letting the water run over his face, his mind quieting in the simplicity of the moment.

as the water hit his face, it brought him back to the present, the sting of the cold jolting him awake. he blinked a few times, the exhaustion still there, but a little more manageable. the water was sharp, but in a way, it was exactly what he needed. it pushed out the tiredness, at least for now. he let the water wash over him, not thinking of anything, just feeling the relief of the cool droplets.

when he was finished, jaeseok stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. his reflection in the bathroom mirror caught his attention again. he didn't recognize the man staring back at him.

there were bags under his eyes, his face pale. but he'd seen this look before-the look of someone running on nothing. he didn't have time to dwell on it. he dried off quickly and walked back to the kitchen, his stomach growling in protest.

his body craved something warm, something familiar. he opened the cupboard and pulled out a packet of ramen-simple, easy, comforting. he set a pot on the stove, filling it with water and turning the burner on. as the water heated, jaeseok's eyes scanned the kitchen. it was a mess-dishes piled in the sink, an empty coffee cup left on the counter. but it didn't matter tonight. he couldn't focus on that. right now, he just needed to eat.

he grabbed a few vegetables from the fridge-leftovers from earlier in the week-and began chopping them with quick, practiced motions. it wasn't the first time he had prepared this meal in silence, nor would it be the last. cooking gave him something to do, something to keep his hands busy. it wasn't that he couldn't go without food-he had done it before. many times. but tonight, he needed something to quiet the thoughts that always followed the hunger. something to make it feel like it was okay to eat.

as the water started to bubble, jaeseok dropped the noodles into the pot and stirred them slowly. he let the steam rise around him, letting the warmth fill the room. he added the seasoning packet, then a little extra-just enough to make it taste like he remembered. not too much. it wasn't about indulgence. it was about getting through the moment.

he set the pot down once it was done, sitting cross-legged on the cool kitchen floor. it felt safe here, away from everything, where he could eat in peace. there was no one to watch, no one to see how he moved through the motions, taking small bites and pausing between each one. like he was waiting for something to happen. waiting for the feeling to go away.

he ate slowly, almost methodically. every bite, every swallow, felt like a small battle. the warmth spread through him, but there was a part of him that didn't trust it. part of him waiting for the urge to push it all back out. but tonight, he didn't. he didn't want to go through that again. not tonight. so he kept eating, feeling the tension in his chest slowly ease with each bite.

it wasn't a meal that would fix everything, but for now, it was enough. enough to distract from the tightness in his stomach, enough to push back the urge to make it disappear. enough to fill the emptiness without questioning it. the food soothed him, but the unease still lingered, just beneath the surface. he wasn't hungry. not really. but he ate anyway. because tonight, that was the only way to keep the noise at bay.

when the last of the broth was gone, he placed the empty pot aside and leaned back against the cabinets, his body heavy with exhaustion. the weariness of the day pulled at him, but his mind was still buzzing. he glanced at the pile of dishes, the pile of clothes. he didn't care about any of it right now. he didn't care about anything except for the weight in his stomach, the way it sat there, heavy and uncomfortable. he wondered, briefly, if he would regret eating this later.

but for now, he just needed rest.

he stood up slowly, his legs aching with every step as he made his way toward the bedroom. he didn't bother turning off the lights or cleaning up the mess-there was no point. it would all be there in the morning. right now, all he wanted was sleep. his body felt like it might give out any second.

jaeseok crawled into bed, the cool sheets offering a fleeting sense of relief against his skin. he didn't bother brushing his teeth. the energy it would take to even sit up and do that felt impossible. his eyes landed on the alarm clock on his nightstand-3:47 a.m.

a heavy sigh escaped his lips. in just a few short hours, he'd have to wake up again. get dressed, prepare for another round of work. there was no time to rest. but sleep overtook him almost instantly. his eyes closed without hesitation, the exhaustion too much to fight. tomorrow would come with its own set of challenges, but for now, it felt like the world outside had simply stopped. and in that brief moment, jaeseok allowed himself to forget everything else.

MALE!OC X PROJECT 7
started: january 12, 2025 | finished: not available
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