❝ 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁,
𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 ❞
- 𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘂𝘀

𝗔𝘃𝗮'𝘀 𝗣𝗢𝗩

Finn smiles widely as I chase him through the forest. Trees become a blur as I focus solely on catching my best friend.

"Finn, slow down!" I laugh.

He suddenly comes to a dead stop and I bump into his back. He turns to me with a frown on his face and I look up at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

He looks down and my eyes follow to see a red stain growing on his shirt. My eyes widen and I try to reach out and grab him but I'm suddenly yanked backwards.

"Finn!" I scream.

"Help me" He chokes out, blood pouring out his mouth.

"Let me go! Finn!" I sob.

Finn hits the ground and I see Clarke behind him with a knife in her hand, blood dripping down her arm. A scream rips through my throat as the light drains from Finn's eyes and Clarke lets out a loud sob.

My eyes snap open and I try to calm down my fast breathing. Wiping the tears from my face, I take a deep breath and hope that no one heard me.

I drag myself out of bed, slipping on my jeans, top and boots before trudging over to sit at the window. I slowly gaze around the small room I'm staying in with a frown.

An empty feeling weighs down my chest and it's like everything i've been bottling up hits me at once like a tsunami. I grab my necklace in my hand tightly and tears start streaming down my face as I look out the window, up to the sky.

is there such thing as a heaven? a peaceful place where angels go after they die?

"Hey, Finn" I mumble, fiddling with my necklace.

"I hope you're finally at peace, wherever the hell you are. It's too gloomy down here without you, Collins. I find myself wishing you and I had just ran away the moment we set foot on earth. Do you think we would of made it? Do you think maybe you'd still be alive if I had just fought Miller off and ran with you before Clarke closed the doors of the drop ship?" I question the boy who I hope is watching over me.

"I know it's selfish to wish for you to be here when i'd only break your heart in the end. You deserved so much better than you got. You're no superman, but you're my hero" I smile sadly through my tears.

"I feel so self absorbed when I cry because I'm not the only one hurting. Raven, Clarke, Bellamy, they all miss you and they're fighting through the pain while here I am, moping around and crying. I don't deserve special treatment but that's what I'm getting. People are walking on eggshells around me as if I'm moments away from exploding on them. Maybe they're right, i've reached my limit" I sob, my vision completely blurring and my eyes beginning to sting due to the amount of tears i've shed.

"I'm trying my best to hold myself together and help as much as I can but it hurts, Finn. It hurts so damn much. I've been pushing down the pain, all my pain, but it's too much and now I'm overflowing. You have no idea how much I wish we were still back on the Ark. My parents smiling and laughing as you gave me piggybacks and we wrestled with Raven" I cry, breathing shakily as I bring my knees up to my chest.

"I know that i'll never truly get over the pain of losing you, but I have to try. I have to pick myself up and move on. I just hope you're happy and at peace, hopefully with my parents. This is me moving on. May we meet again, Finn Collins" I choke out.

I let out a strangled sob and cover my mouth as I cry. My hand clutches my stomach in pain and I slide down the wall.

I hear the creak of my door opening and I look up to see Nova. I look at her through my teary eyes and she gives me a sad smile, walking over to me and pulling me into her arms.

"This is it, huh?" She asks and I nod.

"I was bound to have a melt down eventually. I think arguing with Clarke yesterday set it off" I sniffle, settling my head on Nova's shoulder.

"It's okay to not be okay" Nova assures me and I shake my head, pulling myself out her grip.

"No! I'm sick of people treating me like I'm some broken little doll that has to be protected. Stop being so gentle with me. Yell at me! Kick my ass! Beat the shit out of me!" I start screaming and she looks at me with sympathy.

"Stop looking at me like that!" I snap, grabbing the nearest thing to me and throwing it.

The hairbrush hits the wall and the handle snaps off, sending splinters of wood across the bed. The buzz that runs through me is so exhilarating that I grab another thing. The vase smashes against the door and adrenaline pumps through my veins.

I start throwing and smashing everything I can get my hands on until I'm left looking in the mirror. I stare in disgust at the person in front of me. She's a mess. Her hair is all over the place, her face is blotchy, her under eyes are dark, her lips are cracked and her eyes are a dull lifeless grey.

A frown spreads across my face and I launch my fist at the mirror. The glass shatters into hundreds of pieces and manages to cut my knuckles, leaving blood on the broken pieces of my reflection.

"Are you done?" Nova asks bluntly and I turn to see her standing with her arms crossed.

I slowly nod my head and she grabs my arm, tugging me out of the room. She drags me down the halls until we reach medical and I'm straight away noticed.

"What happened to you?" Jackson asks me.

"I think it's best for everyone if we just say it was an accident" Nova tells him and he nods understandingly.

"Okie dokie, let me get that cleaned up" He chirps, trying to lighten the mood.

I sit down on one of the beds and Jackson begins picking out the pieces of glass with a pair of tweezers. I clench my jaw and shut my eyes, breathing deeply to ignore the sting.

He then cleans the blood away and bandages me up. I feel a pat on my leg, snapping me out of my daydream and I open my eyes.

"All done" He grins softly.

"Thank you, Jackson" I smile gratefully.

"Anytime" He waves me off.

Nova ushers me back to my room and once I reach the door I take in a sharp breath at the scene. The whole room is completely wrecked.

I take a couple slow steps into the room before bending down to pick up what is left of the hairbrush. I start to brush out my hair but the brush gets caught in the knots and I get frustrated, yanking at it angrily.

I feel a hand land on mine and Nova slips the brush into her own hand. She untangles the brush and nudges me over to a metal chair which is upside down. I set it upright and sit down on it.

Nova starts to slowly brush out my hair and work her way through the knots. I hear the girl hum softly to herself and I feel myself relaxing into the chair as I listen to the soft music.

She starts to fiddle around with my hair but I'm so concentrated on her humming that I don't even care. The humming stops and I look back at her in confusion.

"Why'd you stop?" I ask.

"Because I have something to tell you" She answers, rounding the chair to stand in front of me.

She reaches out and messes with my baby hairs but I slap her hand away.

"What do you have to tell me?" I ask impatiently.

"Clarke is going to Tondc to meet with Lexa and the other clan leaders. Indra wants me to go with her and I think you should come too" Nova explains.

"Wouldn't I be getting in the way?" I ask.

"Of course not" Nova scoffs as if I'm being stupid.

"You're a warrior, Eiva. Just like I am" Nova assures me.

"I'm no warrior. I'm just a dumb teenage girl with a bow and arrow. I'm a joke" I grumble with a frown on my face.

"You're not a joke. You're strong and you don't give up. You fight with everything you have and you're not afraid to risk it all. You have what it takes to be a warrior. Just believe in yourself" Nova rants passionately.

I let out a disbelieving sigh and she huffs, gripping my chin in her hand so I'm looking up at her.

"Then believe in me. Believe that I've done everything in my power to make you the warrior that I know you are deep down. Believe it because it's true" She counters.

"Okay" I nod my head "I can do this"

"Damn right you can" I hear a voice say and I turn to see Octavia at the door.

I see her eyes wander around the room in confusion but as soon as she looks back to me she sighs in realisation.

"Finn" She breathes out and I nod.

"Listen, A. Finn would be so proud of you if he were here. You've done so much to help get our friends out Mount Weather, all while grieving the loss of a boy you've known since you were in diapers. A boy you loved. That takes guts" Octavia tells me and I smile softly.

"Thank you both. You've been really good to me" I tell both Octavia and Nova gratefully.

"What are friends for?" Octavia chirps and Nova nods in agreement.

I hear a knock and turn to see Indra at the door. She looks around the room with a look of understanding before settling on the three of us.

"I see that you've caught Ava up on the plan" The woman speaks and Nova nods.

"Let's go then" She states and walks away.

I slip on my jacket before pulling my quiver over my head and grabbing my bow. I strap my gun onto my thigh and shove my knife into my back pocket.

"Come on" Nova says walking out the door.

"Sick braids by the way" Octavia smiles as we follow behind her.

"Nova did it for me" I grin as I move my hand up to feel the dutch braids she's done down both sides of my head.

my mom used to do all different types of braids on my hair, I think she found it therapeutic

We reach the camp grounds and I bump into Clarke, Octavia continuing to walk with Nova while I stop.

"Hi, blondie" I smile.

"Hey, Ava. Do you want to come with me to check up on Raven?" Clarke asks.

"Nah, I better catch up with O and Nova. Tell her I believe in her though" I reply and Clarke cracks a smile.

"I'll see you later" She says and I look at her in confusion.

"You aren't walking with us?" I ask.

"No, Kane is going in my place because I need to stay here and help Raven" She tells me.

"What's wrong?" I worry, knowing something bad has happened.

"They've started taking our people from the dorm" She elaborates and my gut twists in fear.

"Does Bellamy and Maya know if they're okay? Are they alive? How many have they taken? We need to help them" I panic and Clarke puts her hand on my arm.

"I know, Ava. Bellamy and Maya are doing all they can for now. We'll save them, trust me" She assures me.

"Okay, I'll get out your hair. See you later, blondie" I sigh.

"See you later, Ava" Clarke smiles, patting my arm before walking away.

I run to catch up with Octavia and Nova who look at me expectantly.

"The mountain men have started taking our people from the dorms" I explain and both girls look at me in shock.

"Bellamy will help them" Octavia states and I nod.

"And with Maya helping he's got a better shot at saving them" Nova adds.

We start walking and after a while we reach Tondc. Octavia wanders off with Indra and Nova shows me around the place.