TAINTED YOUTH. 03x02+03x04
012 bleeding out

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HALLIE'S HAND FEVERISHLY, laid on lee's shoulder as his own hands gripped onto his fathers one's. he sat helplessly as he watched hershel lay bleeding on the floor.

tears brimmed in his eyes, scared this might be the last time he could potentially see his father alive. hallie squeezed his shoulder before removing her gun from her waist band, pointing it towards the prisoners. the group lifted hershel onto a table. t-dog opened the door killing the first walker that attempted to enter before rolling hershel out the door. slowly backing away hallie watched as daryl held his cross bow high.

running ahead of the group hallie followed the arrows calling out to the group behind her.

"c'mon this way!" she yelled, her voice echoing againt the walls.

kicking open the gate, hallie held it open as they rolled hershel in.

"carl unlock the door now!" 

as hershel was rolled into the cell they lifted him onto the bed. they knew carol would do what she could, but with the little training she had there wasn't much she could do.

lees back hit the wall, he slid down till he reached the floor. his head fell into his hands as panic over took his body.

hallie looked at him, she knew how it felt. the fear. bending down, she looked at him solemnly. hesitantly she reached for his hands. he looked at her with tears in his eyes that it seemed like he refused to let fall.

"i dont know what to do" lee whispered, shaking his head.

"you can't do anything right now except hope and fucking pray. it's hershel we're talking about, your fathers strong — and so are you" hallie smiled softly as she reassured him, "i'm not good at this whole comforting thing, but if you need a shoulder... i'm here"

her thumb rubbed against his knuckles, and hallie smiled at him before standing up. as she turned away from him lee came to his feet quickly.

"hallie?" he called quietly.

turning to face lee, hallie looked at him. "yeah?" she asked softly.

lee suddenly fell against the girl, his hand coming to cup the back of her head as the other wrapped around her shoulders. hallie stood stiff for a second, before slowly her hands slithered around his waist and her chin rested on his shoulder.

"i just feel helpless" lee whispered.

hallies arms tightened around him, her lip coming between her teeth as she nodded, "i know" she replied.

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hallie sat beside hershel with her knife gripped in her hand, she watched as the blade slipped in and out of her fingers. it had become a habit, the twisting of the knife providing a sense of pattern, even comfort.

sighing hallies elbows rested on her knees as she looked over at hershel, placing her hand on his she inhaled deeply.

"come on, old man. you got this" hallie spoke quietly, in a hushed whisper that would only be heard if you were in that room. his finger twitched under hallies grip, causing a small smile to reach her face.

"he'll be okay, i know he will" beth said softly, coming to stand beside hallie. looking up at the girl, hallie grabbed her hand squeezing it. hallie was never good with words, finding touch a better way to communicate.

beth appreciated hallie, although they talked rarely they were the closet girls in age, simply a year or two between them.

hallie stood up, smiling at beth. "glenn should be in any minute, my watch is up. come find me if you wanna' talk" hallie suggested, giving one last squeeze to her hand before walking out of the cell block.

roman stood by the wall, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. bringing his hand to his mouth, he took the cigarette out, "walk?" he asked.

hallie nodded, following the boy outside.

"want one?" he asked, taking out his lighter, burning the top as smoke cascaded from his lips.

"no thanks, i'd like to keep my stamina" hallie shrugged — pushing her hands deep into her jacket pockets.

roman laughed, inhaling the last drag of the stick before dropping it onto the ground. his foot came on top of it squishing it before he looked at the girl.

"so what's going on with you and greene?" roman asked, looking at the girl.

"lee? nothing." hallie stated, looking out over the feilds that surrounded the prison. walkers clawing at the fences desperately attempting to break them down.

"i've seen how you are with him" roman stated, his tongue swiping over his teeth.

"his dad got bit, my dad died. people need comfort" hallie sighed, unwilling to start an argument.

"yeah atleast you still have family" roman muttered, kicking a rock with his shoe.

hallies head turned furiously to look at him, rage burning in her gut like a wild fire. "what did you just say?" she spat.

"nothing" roman said, his hands tussling in his pockets attempting to find the box of cigarettes he had thrown in earlier.

"no, no" hallie laughed, "you said it once, say it again. this time grow a pair and speak with your chest" she glared at him, a dangerous look that would make a grown man cry.

"atleast you had family in all this, i mean you still do" roman spoke timidly, looking at the girl.

"my dad was killed, he was my only family. hershel— maggie, beth and lee's father is in there fighting for his life and your making this about you?! your so fucking selfish" the girl scoffed. the deep, twisted parts of her brain were telling her to reach for her knife and slit his throat in that very moment.

"the throat, it's easy. one swipe and he's bleeding out" it taunted.

friendship or not, but she wouldn't let it control her. her knuckles soon turned white from how hard she had been holding her hands in a fist.

"sorry, hall's" roman shrugged weakly.

shaking her head hallie scoffed, "save it"

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hallie sat on the stairs, her back uncomfortably digging against the metal poles. the laces of her boots had been undone, leaving enough room for comfort yet if anything were to happen — she could fight or run.

her head tilted back, hallie closed her eyes. she was tired, so tired. exhaustion was a feeling she didn't have the privilege to feel anymore, she always had to be five steps ahead. always aware.

lee looked at her, she looked peaceful sitting there. he cleared his throat, watching as her head snapped up and her hand immediately reaching for her knife. when she had noticed the boy her composure softened and she let out a sigh of relief.

"sorry" lee chuckled, his hand reaching behind his head awkwardly.

"it's fine, just scared me" the girl shrugged, her body returning back to its orginal state of calmness.

lee shuffled towards her, crouching down and sitting beside her. "how's he doin'?" hallie asked, her eyes involuntarily closing shut again.

"he's awake, thankfully. he still ain't out of the woods but i think he'll make it" lee nodded, he was trying to convince himself more than hallie yet he knew, she wouldn't take him up on it.

hallie hummed, "he's strong, he'll be up and movin' in no time."

lee nodded, "how did you do it?" he asked quietly, it felt like he was walking on egg shells... was it right? to ask such a question, he didn't know.

hallie opened her eyes, she turned to look at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "do what?" she questioned.

lee inhaled a breath he didn't know he'd need, "how did you move on?"

hallie looked out the railed window, staring into the abyss of stars that decorated the dark night beautifully. "i haven't, don't know if i ever will... still want to kill rick" she shrugged, sucking in a breath before ripping her eyes off the sky and looking at lee,"but if i do, you'll be the first to know how."

lee nodded, he looked at his hand. he never noticed how close their hands were. something in lee, buried deep down, willed to reach out and hold it. comfort her in a way she comforted him, but he couldn't.

"you should sleep" lee observed, she was clearly exhausted. the bags under her eyes were a tell tale sign.

hallie nodded. "i know, just can't."

lee's eyebrows furrowed, "why not?" he asked.

"i don't trust easily" she shrugged.

"the place or the people?"

"both" hallie nodded, shuffling her feet to come up to her chest.

"care to elaborate?"

the girl sighed, "if rick was able to kill his best friend, and everyone supporting him on that action... can't blame me for thinking what he'd do to me" hallie spoke her eyes turning to lee watching his face contort into pure understanding.

"i hate him" it felt like a weight lifted off her chest, finally being able to voice her thoughts even if she wasn't exactly friends with lee. hallie finally felt as if she could sleep, she wouldn't have to stay up all night wondering if she was next.

"i would too, but trust me, we need you and rick won't touch you if i can help it" lee nodded, finally reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"thank you, lee"

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hallie leant against a car as she watched the others get the cars in the correct spots.

"where's glenn and maggie?" carol asked, looking around the court yard but failing to notice them.

"up in the guard tower" daryl huffed.

"guard tower? they were up there last night!" rick spoke confused, the rest of the group trained their eyes towards it as daryl called for the couple.

glenn stumbled out a hand covering his eyes. "hey! guys what's up!" the korean called.

"you coming!" daryl yelled, hallie shook her head with a laugh once lee shot his fist at daryl's arm.

"that's my sister, dude" lee groaned.

"what?" glenn stuttered, his cheeks glowing a bright red.

"you comin!" daryl repeated, "we could use a hand."

"yeah! yeah i'll be right down" glenn sighed, ducking back into the tower.

the group returned to their stations and hallie hoisted herself up onto the hood of the truck. her hands cupped around her eyes and she looked upon the wooded land. the hairs on the back of her neck pricked up as she watched the walkers claw mercilessly against the wired fence. she wondered if someone would care enough to put her down if she was ever succumbed to such a faith.

"penney for you thoughts? or can we even use that fraise nowadays"  abby spoke, startling the girl.

hallie looked down to see the woman leant against the door of the vehicle. "just thinking about life and the after of said life" the girl trailed off as her eyes were set once again on the horizon.

"deep thoughts for a kid" abby hummed, readjusting the rifle that hung over her shoulder.

hallie nodded nonchalantly, "don't think i'm much of a kid anymore" she murmured.

abby's eyebrows drew in, "your what, sixteen? i'd consider that a kid" the woman stated. her eyes glimmered with such confusion, something different than her usual confidence.

"seventeen, birthday was in april... and considering the fact a kid can't be a kid in this world, not anymore" hallie shrugged, abby was about to speak until yells were heard.

spinning towards the courtyard hallie could see walkers filtering through it. slipping from the bonnet, her legs moved before her mind could even grasp. with a twist of her fingers, her knife was removed from the belt hooks on her jeans and she shoved the blade deep into the walkers skull.

"hallie!" lori yelled out, being supported by carl and maggie.

shoving a walker hallie ran towards the woman who immediately fell into her. "your okay, we're all okay" hallie reassured the woman in hushed tones as they crept through the hallways.

"everything is going to be fine." she didn't know if the words we're supposed to convince lori, or herself.

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lori's hands clutched onto a machine as her face contorted into one of pain.
"lori, what's wrong? were you bit!?" hallie questioned as her hand went to the woman's lower back.

"the baby is coming" lori heaved, her back arching as continuous contractions shot through her.

alarms rang throughout the building, "what are those alarms" lori bites out.

"don't worry about it" maggie assures.

hallie brings her arm around carls shoulders, pulling the boy against her tightly as one hand stays glued to the gun on her hip.

"what if it distracts them?" carl asks, causing hallie to nod at the boy.

maggie signs as she gently grips loris forearms, "lori, let's lay you down."

shaking her head the woman clenches her jaw. "no, the baby's coming now" lori groans.

"we have to get back to the cell block so hershel can help" carl exclaims,
clinging to hallie.

"there's no time, kid" hallie sighs, watching as lori lays against the cement floor.

maggie nods, agreeing with hallie. "we can't risk getting caught out there. you're gonna have to deliver the baby here."

"great." lori pants, the pain overwhelming her.

"what's wrong!? why can't she breathe" carl quizzes as he kneels beside his mother.

"she's fine, cmon let get your pants off" maggie smiles reassuringly as she slides loris jeans down her legs and discards them across the floor.

hallie brought her lip between her teeth in worry as she knelt on the opposite side of lori. taking the woman's hand in her own, lori squeezed it reassuringly.

"you're gonna have to help me deliver your baby sister or brother, you up for it?" maggie asks, looking at carl.

carl looks at maggie with worry, "do you know how to?"

"dad taught me, but trust me, it's my first time" the woman spoke, attempting to tell how dilated lori was.

"i need to push" lori stated, gripping hallies hand.

"okay."

pushing herself up, she grips hallies shoulder, "i need to, i gotta push" she panted.

her face contorted into pain, "somebody! i'm okay.. i'm okay."

"your doing good, lor' " hallie nods, rubbing her back soothingly.

maggie nodded, "she's right, your doing amazing, just keep doing it. your body knows what to do" lori yelped and suddenly maggie yelled for her to stop.

"lori stop! don't push, somethings wrong!"

"maggie" hallie warned.

maggie pulled her hand from loris leg and blood coated it. lori let out a scream. the woman's legs began to shake and hallie immediately lowered her to the floor.

"mom? mom, look at me, look at me keep your eyes open!" carl yelled, holding his mothers hand.

maggie shook her head, "we have to get you back to dad."

lori sighed, "i won't make it."

hallies eyes began to glisten, "shut up.." she whispered, feeling her heart pound against her chest.

"lori with all this blood i don't even know if your fully dilated yet, no amount of pushing is gonna help" maggie spoke.

"i know what it means, and i'm not loosing my baby. you gotta cut me open" lori instructed, looking the the three with sorrow.

"lori, no stop" hallie shook her head, feeling her chest constrict and her lip quiver.

"no i can't."

lori smiled sympathetically, "you don't have a choice."

carl stood up, "i'll go for help."

"no!" lori cried, grasping for her son.

"look, carols the one that practiced that.. dad only taught me the steps, lori if i..." maggie trailed off, everyone in the room knew the outcome they just prayed it didn't have to happen.

"please" lori begged.

"i have no anaesthetic, no equipment" maggie listed.

"carl has a knife" lori spoke softly.

hallie shook her head, "you will die! lori i cannot loose someone else, carl cannot loose his mother" the girl cried, tears trickled down her cheeks.

"my baby has to survive," lori panted, "please.. my baby, for all of us... please! maggie please!"

maggie shakes her head, her lips quiver.

"please.." lori begs. maggies shoulders deflate and hallie looks between them with a pained expression. lifting her shirt lori points to the long scar on her stomach.

"you see my old c-section scar?" lori asked.

"i can't" maggie's voice broke as she spoke.

"you can. you have to." lori nodded, turning her head towards hallie she mustered up whatever strength she had and smiled.

"oh honey, i am so, so proud of you. you are the best of us all, you know that? your daddy is looking down at you and he is so proud of who he raised... you keep going, you hear me? you love my babies like i love you, like you love carl. you're amazing, my girl..." lori let the tears rush down her cheeks as she brought her hand up to brush away hallie's.

dropping her hand from her face, lori lifted her head and unclasped the necklace where her rings laid. "you take this and look after it... i love you, my sweet girl."

hallie let out a painful sob and rested her head against loris chest, she felt the cool material of the necklace slip against her hip and into her pocket.

lifting her head, lori smiled at her and looked to carl. "carl? baby, i don't want you to be scared, okay? this is what i want. this is right. now you — you take care of your daddy for me, alright? and your little brother or sister... you watch out for hallie too.." lori cried softly.

"you don't have to do this.." carl interrupted.

"you are gonna be fine" lori said soothingly, "you are gonna best this world, i know you will. you are smart and you are strong you are so brave! and i love you" lori nodded, sobbing slightly. the woman attempted to stay strong,
she did but these were kids.. her kids.

"i love you too."

"you gotta do what's right, baby.." lori whispered, "you promise me you'll always do what's right. it's so easy to do what's wrong in this world — so don't, so if it's feels wrong don't do it, alright? don't let the world spoil you, you're so good! the both of you... you're my sweet boy, the best thing i ever did! i love you! i love you." lori cried, she cried.. she was scared — terrified even to leave her kids in a world so corrupted with evil.

"maggie, when this is over.. your gonna-" lori began to speak but maggie shushed her as sobs racked her body.

"no, you have to do it, it can't be rick" lori shook her head. the two women attempted to control their breathing and maggie took a hold of the knife.

lori looked towards the ceiling and took grip of both kids hands. "goodnight, loves."

maggie dragged the blade across loris stomach and the mother let out a roar. hallie turned her head away from the scene as sobs shook through her body. "stop it! what are you doing to her!" carl yelled.

"carl, carl give me your hands" maggie instructed, although her lips
were moving hallie couldn't hear her.

her eyes were stuck to loris face and it felt as though her chest was on fire, like someone had made her down a gallon of gasoline and then forced a match down her throat. hallie's vision was hazy and all she could think about was death. lori was dead... was she dying? she felt like she was.

grief piled on grief.. it was suffocating.

a hand was placed on her shoulder, looking up hallie could make out maggie, holding the silhouette of a child.

"c'mon honey..."

swallowing the buildup of saliva in her mouth, hallie stood on shaky legs. she used the walls as support.
climbing the steps she turned back, "where's carl?" her raspy voice broke out.

maggie grimaced and a shot rang out. carl climbed the steps with a numb expression.
hallie felt like a blow had been sent to her chest. "why did you let him do that?" hallie whispered... hallie had tried so hard to preserve any innocence he had left and she had failed.

she failed lori, she failed carl. hell, she had failed this baby.

stalking through the corridors, hallie felt like everything was fake. nothing was real. walkers don't exist, she doesn't exist.

the harsh light hit her as she trudged out the door, blood soaking her hands and splattered against her face.

roman rushed to her, yet she slid passed him. she couldn't do it; listen to his empty words, she didn't need reassurance. she was tainted.

she could hear ricks questions, but she didn't care.

tears flowed freely down her face and she crashed against someone. she felt her knees buckle.

lee grasped her waist as he gently lowered them to the ground. "i can't- i can't breathe... why can't i breathe? am i dying?" hallie asked, clutching her chest.

lee ran his hands through her knotted hair, "listen to my heart, you're here. you're alive..." he spoke soothingly.

she needed this, someone to rely on — especially since nowadays , she couldn't even rely on her mind.

RIN SPEAKS...

well.. long time no talk...

i hope you haven't forgotten about my dear hallie and co because we are back!!

writers block has been the death of me but i managed to write more than half of this chapter in the last hour and i finshed it. (ignore spelling mistakes i've missed )

i started this chapter december of last year (2022) and it's been a struggle. i put myself down about not reaching my
goals for this book ( one of them being completing this story by newyears) and therefore putting off the book and getting writers block but it's okay because i'll move the goal to newyears 2024 and we only have about a season and a half left of tainted youth before book two.

PLEASE COMMENT AND VOTE IT HELPS MOTIVATE ME SO MUCH.