but it wasn't an accident

it didn't stay an accident

it was more than that

i had spent all day talking to that boy—the boy that was brought to me by coincidence. on the phone or texting, it seemed such fantasy like.

sanha kept me up all night, ordering more coffee and more tea. we laughed and talked, learning more about each other.

"I have two older brothers."

"I bet you give the most trouble."

"I do! And I'm proud to be the troublemaker of us three!"

the waiter came to us, apologetically bowing. he said that it was well past closing time and he had to ask us to leave. it didn't bother sanha, he bowed as he stood and grabbed onto my hand.

"Let's go for a walk then."

he held my hand, drinking his hot tea from his left hand. i stared up at him, admiring his every feature. his pale skin was ever so smooth, his button nose was turning red from the cold, the point of his ears as pink as his lips.

we walked right up until the bus stop. it seemed so surreal that we bumped into each other and were now... what were we?

"Ah, I feel like playing the guitar for you."

"You play guitar?"

"I sure do. Only for special people though!"

i smiled as we came to a complete stop in the middle of the the crystal dome.

"I'm special?"

"Well, yeah. You're my girlfriend right?"

"... Yeah, I am."

his eyes went wide, almost in surprise. he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. he looked up and down at me.

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah. I told you all you had to do was take me out on a date."

i remember how the warm feeling traveled through my body as he smiled, his teeth showing as he brightened the night, warming us together.

"Aish, who ever thought I'd get a girlfriend."

he took my cup and his own, set them down on a bench, and took my hands in his. his hands were cold from the freezing weather outside yet there was some sort of warmth in them. it made that warm feeling travel it's way up to my heart.

sanha just stood there, a small smile on his face as he stared down at me. i expected him to flatter me somehow, make me feel all types of flustered, yet:

"You are so short."

"No I'm not! I'm 5'6!"

"Woah, a whole 6 inches shorter than me."

"You're no fun!"

he chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. our first embrace. it was so warm. all i ever felt around him was such warmth and comfort. his breathing was so low and so controlled, his heart beat was as average as it could be.

my breathing was hitched, my heart beat was going haywire, all from being so nervous. he held onto me for what seemed to be forever. i felt overwhelmed.

so overwhelmed.

if he lets go, what will happen?

as the bus arrived, he let go of me and a sudden panic arouse in my chest. he just got here, he just came into my life, he just hugged me, why was he letting go?

"Sanha."

"Yes?"

i just stood there.

he had the sweetest smile while i stood in a panicked silence. but why?

"I—"

"Don't worry."

he placed his hand on my head and made his way to my cheek, caressing it before planting a soft kiss on it.

"I'm here to stay."