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𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞

"What do you mean Jay is here, Mik ?" You turned slightly, with Connie's hands still on your waist and spoke close enough to Mikasa so only she could hear you.

"I mean me and Jean just saw him walking into the party with some of other guys," she whispers back to you.

You sigh and since you wanted to avoid any form of drama, your immediate plan was to get Connie and everyone out of the party, without running into him.

Yep, that plan seemed good and like it would be able to work for five seconds. That is until you hear a certain Puerto Rican boy getting tough.

"Don't forget what the fuck happened at the shop, Jay." Papi yells getting into Jay's face.

"Nigga move out of my way. I just came here to party and talk to (y/n)."

"Her man is here. The fuck you needa talk to her for-" You quickly left Connie and went to interrupt Papi before a bigger scene could be made.

"Papi. Just go with Connie and everyone to the car. I'll be there in a second." You push him ahead of you and he begins walking to where the rest of your friends were.

"Aw (n/n). You don't know how to say hi anymore ?" Jay says, teasing you. He was clearly drunk out of his mind. Great. The last thing you wanted to deal with right now is a drunk ass, crazy ass, ex nigga, named Jay.

"Boy fuck you and your hi. What do you want ?"

"Let me just talk to you real quick, (y/n). Just you and me." The look on his face was sincere. You sigh and look back, to see your friends walking off of the beach. You nod your head. Jay leads you away from the large group of people and begins talking.

"You have until we get to my car. Speak," you demand, keeping your eyes straight ahead of you.

"Well, I just wanna know why do you treat me the way you do ?"

You keep your head straight while somehow managing to remain calm. "What are you talking about ?"

"Nah (n/n). I'm kinda hurt you let them niggas do me like that at your shop and shit." Jay's words slurred and you could smell the faint stench of vodka on his breath.

"Maybe if you wasn't tryna start shit, it wouldn't have happened."

"Be honest with me (n/n). You fuckin' him ?" He says a little more angrily.

His question made you pause in your tracks. "None of your fucking business Jay. Did I ask you if you was fucking those other bitches ?" you snapped, raising your voice. 

"Maybe if you didn't work so much I wouldn't have had to fuck with them. You didn't do enough (y/n). That's YOUR fault."

You went quiet. Here we go again. Somehow this man managed to blame YOU for HIM cheating. And man it fucking hurt. I mean you know that it wasn't your fault. Or at least you think you knew. He knew that you always struggled with self esteem so he knew that saying things like this would strike something deep within you.

A sudden feeling of intense rage came over you. You slapped his hard across the face, causing him to hold the side of his face. Suddenly all you felt was your body begin to lunge forward to do more damage to him but you stopped as someone placed a hand on your waist.

"Everything okay over here ?" You look to your left to see Connie looking ahead at Jay who's eyes were still fixated on you. He looked a little surprised, especially because never once has he seen you angry enough to blow up on him in such a way. You were always a very calm person. The type of person to meditate or count to three when someone tested you. But today was different.

Jay sucks his teeth. "We were trying to have a grown folk conversation. Nobody ever taught you how to mind your business ?"

"Nah, not really," he answer condescendingly. Connie turns his head to look at you. "You good ?"

Before answering, you give Jay a stank ass look. You sounded defeated and tired as you continued to answer Connie. "Yeah. Everything's cool. Let's just go."

"It didn't look like i-" Connie started before you cut him off.

Your fists were still clenched but you somehow managed to speak in a very calm tone and interrupted him before he could freak out. "It's fine, Connie. Let's just go okay ?" You walk ahead of him and begin your walk back to the van together. The whole walk to the van was filled with silence and you twiddled with the rings on your fingers, trying to fight back tears.

Relax (y/n). Count to three. One. Tw- "your fault.-"  Shit. Okay just start again. One- "you'll be nothing without me".  As you tried to bring yourself back to a more calm state, thoughts and flashbacks of Jay's harsh words from back then filled your head.

𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 4 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨

You met Jay at a kickback your freshman year of college, the same year you met your friends. From jump, he was confident and cocky but seemed to have a soft spot when it came to you. He was on the football team and with the classes you two had together, you could tell he was pretty smart. Everyone knew and loved him and you were the girl that managed to get him to settle down. Or so you thought.

It would start off with the little things. Checking out other girls while he was right in front of you or maybe dancing with someone else. Both of which if you tried to bring up to him, he would tell you, you're "trippin'" and "nobody likes a girlfriend who is self conscious all the time." You heard it so much that eventually, it began to make sense to you. From that point on, you didn't say anything to him about what he would do. You sat there and looked pretty, just how he liked it.

You weren't proud of your decisions of staying with him but you were in a darker place then. You didn't want to let go of something you were convinced you couldn't find somewhere else. Jay made you believe that nobody else but him would ever "love" you in the way he did. Honestly, you could've seen yourself marrying him. That is until you got closer to your current friend group.

Mikasa and Sasha would constantly tell you that you are worth way more than what he was giving you. Armin, Jean, and Eren would give you honest advice and sometimes it would hurt, especially because you knew it was true. But as for Connie, he gave you a sense of love that you thought only Jay could give you.

Despite everything they told you, you still stayed with him for a considerable amount of time. That is until the summer before the boys started tour. You were at one of you and Jay's mutual friend's party. You and Jay had one of your infamous arguments. You had went to go take a breather on the balcony of the house. But when you went to go look for Jay, not only did you find him. But you found him hooking up with a small lightskin girl.

Something in you that night snapped completely. You went batshit crazy. All of the pint up aggression and resentment for everything he put you through, all blew up in that moment. You dragged the girl out of the bed and pounced onto Jay, landing punch after punch. Just as you were about to start hitting him with a random book you found in the room, someone pulled you off of him. That someone being Connie. After that, you didn't have anymore fight in you. That was it. You promised yourself you would never let someone take you out of your character like that again.

Even saying that, the trauma still remains. All those nights waiting up for a text or call from him. All those times you would catch him in doing something and he would explain to you each and every single way that it was your fault. You being vulnerable and yearning for affection, you believed every bit of it. I guess it just always stuck.

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭

You and Connie had finally reached the car but your head was still racing.

"(y/n). You okay ? You took a while getting over here," Sasha asked, holding a few pieces of brisket in her hand that were wrapped up in a paper towel.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

"Well that shit killed today's vibe and its still light outside," Jean complained.

"Let's just walk on the boardwalk. Don't they got rides and shit," Papi said leaning against your car.

"Oh yeah and we can play those games too." Connie says looking at you with the brightest smile on his face that reminded you of a kid in a candy store.

You give him a weary smile back. "Sounds great. Just put our stuff in the trunk and we'll walk there."

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When you guys got to the boardwalk, you all got your wristbands and stood together in the line of a rollercoaster. Sasha was talking everybody's ear off about the boy she met earlier that day.

"Niccolo is honestly so sweet. He even taught me a few things about the grill he was using." Her tone resembled a sing song voice.

"You just met him Sasha," Papi said squinting his eyes.

"Don't be mad at me because you haven't experienced true love."

Papi sucked his teeth and crossed his arms, looking off to the side.

"I think he seems sweet. He's pretty cute too," Mikasa chimed in.

Jean, who was hugging Mikasa from behind looked at her from over her shoulder. "You thought he was cute ?"

As the conversation continued, you watched the rollercoaster cars zoom on the tracks. The more you zoned out, the more you thought about earlier, and the more you felt like going home. But since you didn't want to weigh the group down, you decided to just wait on the sideline instead of riding the ride.

"Imma go sit down for a bit," you say as you point behind you to where a few benches were.

"Aw (y/n) but you're my coaster buddy." Sasha pouted.

"I know Sash. My stomach just feels a little weird," you lied.

"Oh. Alright but we're riding the ferris wheel together." Sasha's pout, quickly turned into a smile.

You smile back. "Of course." You begin to walk out of line. When you manage to get over to the benches, a few seconds later, you see Connie walking out of line and over to you. "What are you doing over here ?"

"I figured if I couldn't hear you scream, it wouldn't be as fun." You raise your eyebrow at him. "Wait that came out wrong."

You laugh lightly. "Maybe just a little."

"You've been kinda quiet though. What's going on ?" Connie plops himself on the bench next to you.

"Nothing. Just a little tired."

"I can tell your lying. It's about Jay, isn't it ?" You get quiet. Not only was it because of Jay, you didn't want to talk to him about this. Especially now. As you were thinking of a lie, Connie puts his head on your shoulder and places his hand on your inner thigh. "You don't have to tell me the details right now. We can talk about this another time."

"Thanks," you whisper.

this chapter is kinda short and thrown together but next one finna slap okayy ? okayy