chapter 12.
sympathy is a knife.

୨୧

Anger had been apart of josephine's bloodstream for generations upon generations. red hot, blood boiling anger that rattled walls and stirred pots. josephine had been lucky—she only experienced this familial curse a few times, and all worked out in her favor. self defense is the correct term her social worker had used, but josephine knew what it really was.

but what she felt now, staring at a bandage-less finger and lifeless turtle, was unlike any of that anger. she wasnt even sure if this feeling was anger; whatever it was, though, pumped adrenaline so fiercely through her body she didn't even feel the open wound on her index finger or its forming infection or the usual intense urge to dump hand sanitizer over it.

with a walk of pure determination even her brother was surprised to see, josephine scooped the poor turtle into the palm of one hand and marched to the cackling older teens across the beach. "look what you did!" she shouts, aware of jj on her heels. "do you think this is okay?" ruthie averts her eyes and jo steps closer, thrusting the dead turtle just under the older girls nose. "no, look at it!"

"there was a turtle hatch, you idiots!" she addresses the rest of the watching teens, taking a slight step backwards while still cradling the small turtle in her palm. "you drove right over it!"

topper had known josephine from summers long past, when kiara and sarah were friends in the ninth grade and everywhere kie went, josie followed. he would never admit this aloud, but he was glad to hear that she had returned home safely. jo found it rather unfortunate to hear topper was safe after how he treated the pogues; especially her brother. "i understand you're upset, josephine, but—"

"i am more than upset, fuckface." jo spits and jj must stifle a laugh at her language.

"all right, but it was only one." ruthie cuts in. she points to what's left of the hatch. "i mean, look. there's so many more of them. a hatch is, what, like a hundred turtles?" she shrugs and jj wants to wipe the smug look from her face. "most of 'em don't make it anyway."

"yeah, i think it's like one in a thousand." topper adds and josephine stares at him, stitching her eyebrows together. how could they be so okay with this? her voice cracks. "so?"

"you know what? you should go throw that to the seagulls, kid." ruthie suggests. she had heard about josephine maybank through the grapevine that is their small island, but had never actually met her; what a memorable first impression. "it's the cycle of life, right?"

this only further fuels the fire that rages within josephine. as someone who cared so much, she hated those who did not care at all. "cycle of life?" she lunges at ruthie, free hand slamming into the girls shoulder as she shoves her a step backwards. "getting flattened by a truck is not the cycle of life!"

topper jumps in, hands on jo's arm as he moves her away. "get the hell off her, man!" jj shouts, immediately intercepting the older boy and shoving him away from his sister. he holds topper by the neck of his t shirt as a second voice defends, "don't fucking touch her, topper!" josephine turns, surprised to find kiara standing directly beside her, providing jj backup.

ruthie sucks her teeth. "your move, kie. what're you gonna do?"

"i would just walk away, okay?" topper advises, shoving jj off of him. "we're not doing this."

"we're not—you started this!" kiara lays a supportive hand on josephine's back, gently signaling to walk away. the younger girl grits her teeth. "there's something seriously wrong with you idiots." she spits, turning to start back to the van. her head is pounding and only now does she realize she's holding a dead animal. she does not have a bandage on.

"get back to your side, pogues!" ruthie shouts after them. kiara promptly shoves one of their speakers over with a crash, jogging after the younger girl. jj stays behind, lowly threatening topper for touching jo.

"kie! jo!" sarah calls as soon as the two girls near the van. stepping closer, she notices tears beginning to stream down the younger blondes cheeks. "jo, are you okay? what happened?"

the younger maybank can't speak. she gasps for air, hand clutching her chest. her hearing goes in and out and she just barely catches kiara shouting for jj.

john b is by her side in an instant, arm over her shoulders as he leads the panicking girl to the van. "jo, what'd he say? what'd topper say?" immediately, he assumes one of the kooks had said or done something to upset her.

jj rushes to his sister as josephine shakes her head. "my bag. i need my bag."

"her bag, where's her bag?" jj shouts. he kicks sand up behind him as he sprints the rest of the way to the van, ransacking it for josephine's small belt bag she carries everywhere. "i don't see it! jo, where's your bag?"

josephine digs her thumbnail into the pad of her index finger, drawing blood. the fluid that leaks from a sea turtles egg after hatching is a breeding ground for dozens of bacteria and funguses, with the most common being salmonella. she checks the pad of her index finger, nearly vomiting when she notices small specks of sand dotting the wound. joey stops breathing. and you got sand in your wound and mrsa is commonly found in beach sand, and once your infected with that sepsis will set in and spread you will lose your finger or hand or arm or even die.

"j, what's goin' on?"

josephine hears her brothers voice but can't respond. she's too busy thinking about her open wound that may currently be serving as a pathway into her body for mrsa bacteria. once the microbes enter the open cut and colonizes, it can cause bone and skin infections and even toxic shock syndrome. you need to clean it now.

"we need to go back." she turns to the concerned teens, revealing frantic and uncharacteristic tears. "we need to leave right now."

"yeah, okay." john b nods, rushing to the drivers side. sarah climbs in beside him while a concerned jj and kie sit in the back with a worsening josie. the blonde boy turns to his girlfriend as they pull off the beach. "uh, what do we do? she's losin' it."

"we don't do anything." kiara rolls her eyes. jj was already amped up enough; they didn't need him freaking jo out even more. "let me try."

josephine is shaking so hard she doesn't even notice kiara beside her at first. she turns to the older girl with wet eyes. "i'm gonna get mrsa. i'm gonna get sick and it's my fault because the stupid bandaid fell off and then i picked up the dead turtle and—"

"jo, you need to breathe." kiara has no idea what josephine is talking about. "deep breaths." she models, "in and out."

desperate, joey follows the older girl. in her head, she counts by seven. "seven, fourteen, twenty one, twenty eight...

by the time she reaches forty nine josephine can breathe again. she looks at kiara and swipes watery eyes. "sorry."

"don't be." kiara shakes her head, giving the child a soft smile. jo can feel three additional pairs of eyes on her, including the driver who watches through the rear view mirror.

jj clears his throat. "uh, what the hell was that?"

kie nudges him harshly with an elbow but jo only sighs. it was bound to come out sooner or later, and she knew this wouldn't be the last time her brother or his friends witnessed josephine lose her shit over something as minuscule as sand. she looks down, swallows the lump in her throat. "bacteria scares me more than anything. i'm always worried about getting infections and once i start, i can't stop." she gestures to the wounded finger. "sand carries a shit ton of bacteria. my bag has hand sanitizer. i'm never without it."

"...you forgot it at the house." jj finishes for his sister. "and you freaked."

a rare moment where the blonde is clued in. josie nods just as the twinkie pulls into the driveway and she exhales loudly. saved by the van.

but as the teens climb out, they are met with a silent and bloody pope and suddenly josephine wishes they had never arrived.