In spite of it all
I would still tell
my past self
to love as hard
as she did
and I will tell
my future self
to love even
harder

- Rachel Huckle

°•~━━✥❖✥━━~•°

Aella's back collided with the sheets of Daemon's bed with a soft thud. He was on top of her in seconds, his hands everywhere on her body, his lips on her neck. Breaths came out of her mouth ragged and laced with giggles. Daemon's cuirass was long gone, leaving him with only a far too-thin loose-fitting shirt to cover his chest. Aella was quick to let her hands owner beneath it, tracing the hard muscles of his stomach, then his back until her hands settled on his shoulders.

Pulling back from her, Daemon pulled the shirt off of himself, tossing it somewhere into the room around them. Her shirt was next to go, the rough fabric being tugged off of her skin with eager hands. The chilly night air hit her skin, causing goosebumps to rise up along her exposed chest. Daemon knelt above her, drinking up the shape of her pale breasts with his eyes before grinning and leaning down. His lips closed around the hardened nipple of one of them, eyes glinting with lust as he looked up at her from his position.

A soft moan fell from Aella's lips. She buried her fingers into his hair, tugging at the strands almost harshly. "You should grow out your hair again," she breathed out, giving the silver another tug. He raised a brow up at her. "I prefer it that way." He had told her before that he had cut it to annoy his wife, but his wife wasn't here at court and Aella doubted she ever would be. Some part deep inside of her screamed that Daemon was hers anyways, so why should he care about what some noblewoman from the Vale thought? 

Daemon slowly kissed up her chest and to her neck, licking at her skin there. For a moment, she thought he would bite down and mark her, but he thankfully kept on moving up until his lips were hovering over hers.

"Are you sure about this?" he muttered, nudging his nose with hers. A sort of childlike giddiness rose up in the pit of Aella's stomach at the action. "We can still stop." She shook her head, kissing him slowly. His hand ran up her sides, squeezing the flesh there. Then they broke apart and all Aella could do was stare into his lilac eyes for a moment.

"Make me forget," she told him with a tilt of her head, exposing her neck. "Make me forget about all of it."

And Daemon did.

°•~━━✥❖✥━━~•°

The guilt set in during the early hours of the morning. Aella had quickly stolen away from Daemon's chambers after the act was done, not sparing it any thought as she crept through the secret passageways with Daemon's words of guidance. He had looked a little hurt, she had seen it in his eyes, but when he stared at her and took in the tightness of her face, she knew he understood why she was leaving so fast. And when he did, his own guilt took over like a tidal wave.

Rhaegon. Aella knew he was on both of their minds. The husband who tried his very best to make her comfortable in every circumstance. The little brother who had always found a way to support his family. Daemon had turned away when she muttered an apology, but she saw the way his jaw clenched and his fingers curled into a tight fist. Still, even now, she was not sure if it was jealousy or anger that took over him at that moment, or perhaps he truly felt just as terrible as she did about what they had done. She did not know.

The only thing she was sure of was that she had enjoyed every second of the act. Daemon's hands on her skin, his lips on her neck, her breasts, her lips, him inside of her. The raw magnitude and the heat that burned between them. She had never experienced that. With Rhaegon, it had always been soft and caring in a way that only Rhaegon could truly be. With Daemon, it was unfiltered passion and lust and want. The feelings they had both hidden away for so long.

So when the time for breakfast came and Aella took her place at the table, Rhaegon at her side she could not bear to look in Daemon's direction. She could not even look at Rhaegon either, though she felt his eyes on her. Everyone's eyes were on her, it felt like. From Viserys to Aemma to Uncle Baelon and little Rhaenyra who sat with Aemon. The two three-year-old children giggled as they tosses pieces of sliced oranges at each other, though no one seemed to care about what they were doing. Happiness was a rare thing in the Red Keep nowadays, so the children were left to their own devices and the adults could only watch.

"The King has decided to name me his Hand," Uncle Baelon suddenly spoke up, smiling slightly as he always did. At this, everyone at the table perked up. Aemon stared at everyone, confused at the sudden break in a solemn atmosphere. 

"Truly?" Aemma was the first to speak, glowing like the brightest smile. When Baelon nodded, she laughed as she stood up. "That is wonderful news, uncle!" The two of them hugged for a moment. While Aella had always been Baelon's favourite niece, the last reminder of his elder brother, Aemma was who he had connected far more with. She was far more approachable, far more open. Perhaps it was because Aella still felt some restraint over him being named as heir instead of her sister, but she liked to think she had gotten past it.

"We must celebrate this, father!" Viserys exclaimed, also getting up from his seat to join his wife and father. Aemma was quick to grab onto his arm, looking up at him with her sweet smile. "We must go on a hunt!" Aella practically felt Rhaegon roll his eyes from beside her. It was not a malicious act, but rather a soft acceptance, because of course Viserys would suggest a hunt. They had always been his favourite, and Baelon had gone hunting with Aella's father frequently when she had been young. It was a tradition, of sorts, for the men in their family to go hunting to celebrate. Rhaegon was perhaps the only one who would rather stay at the castle and read all day, but Aella could not blame him. Viserys, Baelon and Daemon were a rambunctious trio when they compete for the best kill of the hunt.

Baelon chuckled warmly at Viserys' suggestion. "Yes! We must!" After that, the only thing at the table to be discussed was the hunt.

°•~━━✥❖✥━━~•°

It was late at night when Aella finished brewing the tea. Her hands shook with every move, but she had finished it. It absolutely reeked. Bitterly, like what ginger tasted like. She knew there was a risk to brewing moon tea herself, but she also knew the Grand Maester would question her – if not straight up report her to the King – if she went to him with her request. So instead, she had asked her most trusted maid, a girl who had been pulled off from the streets and had practically grown up beside Aella, to acquire the ingredients.

The brewing of the tea itself was a delicate process, she had heard the maester speak of it when he brewed it for her grandmother once. Queen Alyssane had been old by then, but still viable to swell with child. She had grown afraid in her older age, the very last of her pregnancies draining her so thoroughly that she slept throughout most of the days and nights. Her moon tea had been approved by the King, who had no shortage of children and also feared for his wife's health. 

Aella would not be given it, especially if they knew why she wanted to drink it. Perhaps she would've been able to convince them to give it to her for a year. Perhaps she should have told them she was afraid to be with child again so soon after Daella. But she had no doubt that Rhaegon would've stepped in, told her he would not lay with her and that she need not lace her body with such poisons.

And she could not have that, so she grinding the tansy, mint and wormwood together. Brewed it in boiling water with a spoon of honey and a drop of pennyroyal. Just like her maid had told her when she returned with the ingredients. Not a single question had been uttered by her. It was she who was standing guard at the door now, making sure no one walked in to see what Aella was doing.

The tea was finished now, sitting before her in a cup with steep roiling off of it. Each breath came out shakily, warily. What if she was with child? What if Daemon's seed had taken root the previous night? Was she willing to kill it just to save face? Surely, Rhaegon would accept the child. Surely-

Aella downed the tea quickly before she could talk herself out of it. It was only a few hours after she had lain with Daemon. The chances of her even being with a child after one night were slim. And even if she was, the baby had surely not taken root in her womb yet. She was not aware of how the intricacies of pregnancy worked, no one truly knew. All she knew was it took at least two weeks for the morning sickness to start. And the maesters could only be sure of a pregnancy if she missed her moon blood, preferably more than once. So surely, the child could not be a thing of existence in a matter of hours. This was just a precaution. 

When the last drop of the bitter tea slid down her throat, Aella stood up on shaky legs. The rest of the tea was quickly tossed from the window, the remaining ingredients and tools handed off to her maid with a silent thank you and a bag of gold for insurance. Then, she walked into the nursery, where Aemon was sleeping so peacefully in his bed. 

She kneeled down beside him, nudging his short brown hair from his face. The boy stirred for a moment, letting out a harsh huff. With slightly furrowed eyebrows, he settled down once more. After a few more moments, his brows relaxed as well. All Aella could do was admire him.

In her life, she had not seen something as beautiful as the little life she had created.