Raven had become used to the ache that lingered all over his body. His thoughts were all jumbled together into a ball of yarn. He couldn't find the end of the string or even the start. Sometimes he would think clearly for once, the pictures would be perfect. On other days he'd forget and the pictures would burn.

Johanna was turning into this big blob of smudged ink, he had feared he'd forget the love he held for her. That she would become this enemy like everyone else he sees inside his head. He would never hurt her right? Then again Snow was capable of making him suffer far worse than what he's been through.

The hunger didn't bother him anymore, he had gotten used to his stomach burning every morning. His tongue dragged along the ground for any source of water or salvation. He never got anything but dirt and blood that was days old. The screams weren't so bad anymore, it was almost like a never ending song at this point. He could tune them out if he focused hard enough, but his strength was fading away.

Part of his old self was fading away and it was almost terrifying to think about. He had sat against the cold wall for hours, not a single sound aside from his breathing could be heard. The others had been dragged out of their cells that morning. While he could briefly hear the screams and whimpers, he did his best to ignore it as he tried to relax.

After his sudden outburst yesterday, he was stuck inside his cell. The worst part of it was the fact that the peacekeepers ignored him for once, so it was only a matter of time before he was next. Whatever the punishment was it wouldn't end well for anyone, he was used to the torture but he was still scared.

The lights flashed on and he tensed as he heard the peacekeepers walking down the hallway. He felt the panic hit him so fast he choked on the air. His door was ripped open and he gritted his teeth in pain when he was thrown into the ground. He coughed as the end of the gun smacked into the side of his head.

He yelled when they pushed a bag over his head, they weren't nice when they grabbed hold of his arms and dragged him down the hallway. "Hey....Wait... wait!" he shouted when his body was shoved into a chair and his hands were strapped down. He winced when he felt the harsh metal digging into his skin.

For the first time in ages his entire body was on high alert. He tugged at the restraints as his feet were strapped into place. He winced when a loud screech entered the room, the loud speakers making his eardrums ache from the volume.

"Raven, it's always a pleasure to see you. But even those who think they're safe, can't escape the capitol. You killed a man yesterday, one who was far more loyal than you claim to show. You took his choices away, so today I thought it was only fitting we test your true loyalties".

Raven's eyes were blinded by the bright lights when the bag was ripped off his head roughly. He blinked rapidly as he looked forward, his heart began to race at the sight of Johanna. She locked eyes with him and he couldn't even recognize her.

"You fucker! What did you do to her!" Raven coughed when water was splashed onto him. He breathed heavily when a table was pushed towards him, a giant red button staring at him.

"It's a simple matter of survival, Raven, push the button and all the pain will go away. She will feel it and you will prove to me that you truly are worthy enough for the capitol. The pain will never go away until you finally let go of that rebellion nonsense. Did you think you were safe, hiding behind those doors, I saw everything and I knew it was only a matter of time before I got you both here. I would've killed her ages ago to teach you a lesson, but it's all led us to this moment, so pick who you stand with Raven or it'll only get worse from here".

The speaker turned off and Raven panicked as water was splashed onto Johanna. "What... no no... you're insane! I'm not gonna hurt her, I...I can't do that!". He panicked when the red button in front of him began to flicker, he gulped nervously as he looked at it. His hand was tense as he reached it forward he let out a heavy sigh as he moved his hand back.

He screamed when the electricity ran through his body, the room felt so much smaller as it increased. He nearly threw up when the pain left his body, the table was moved back and he chuckled weakly. "I'm not gonna be your bitch" he leaned his head back as the straps on Johanna's hands were taken off.

He frowned deeply as they pushed her chair forward, a small metal table was shoved awkwardly in between them. Raven tensed when he caught sight of the syringes and medical instruments. He licked his licks nervously as they took the registrants off his hands.

He hissed when they pushed his chair closer, he could almost reach Johanna if he tried his hardest. This was the first time in days he's seen her this close. "Your hair" he mumbled weakly as he looked at her with a look of surprise. He would've cried but he barely had the energy, seeing her like this was enough to make his heart hurt more than it did.

His hand wouldn't stop shaking as he let it reach for hers, her hand looked so small. The bruises on it made his head spin as he desperately tried to latch onto her. Perhaps this was hell, and he was stuck never being able to truly have her in his arms.

"Did you think you were gonna have a happy life together, I would've never allowed that. Killing your families was a clear message and yet you people are stubborn. You're so selfish of your own desires, you don't see the truth around you. There isn't a happy ending for victors. You were meant to die in that arena but it seems fate has gifted me this opportunity to truly see how far you're willing to go for one another. Would you die for each other or simply let the other suffer alone. Young love, pure and beautiful. Yet it will be your downfall".

Raven flinched when the peacekeeper moved forward and grabbed a hold of Johanna's hand. "It's so special to truly sacrifice for another. Would you lose it all for the sake of her seeing another day". Raven breathed heavily "d..don't" he couldn't seem to find his words and his head was fuzzy.

"I'm sure she'd never hurt anyone again without a few fingers. It's only fair for the life you took yesterday, I'll tell you what. If you cut them off, I'll give you the rest of the week free. A shower and food, Raven you could finally be in your full potential. I've seen you in those games, how you slaughter those around you without a second of hesitation. You could stop this rebellion, be the one who defeats Katniss".

Raven screamed out angrily "or you can be the one who suffers, the choice is yours. Do you truly love this woman? After all the torture you've gone through, she's the one thing keeping you away from being free. I know what makes you tick, what makes all of you tick. You will never get out if you don't act".

Raven looked down as he panicked "get out of my head" he smacked himself slightly. His hand shook violently as he snatched up the knife. "I'd get out... yeah.. I'd get out" he mumbled as he looked at Johanna. Her face was fuzzy, he blinked rapidly as he gritted his teeth angrily.

"No, I wouldn't do that" he let the knife leave his hand and he sighed. "You can do whatever you want to me, but leave her alone" he flinched when the peacekeepers tugged him back. "It's a real shame that you sacrifice your freedom for a girl. Johanna, the choice is yours. It's either that or you both suffer. My peacekeepers have all night".

Raven looked at Johanna "just do it...." He could see the hesitation behind her sunken eyes. He panicked as the peacekeepers pushed his hand onto the table. "Just close your eyes" he whispered as he watched her grab the knife off the table. He could hear her whimper as she grabbed a hold of his hand.

He let out a soft breath as he felt his shoulders relax, he tensed when the end of the blade pushed against his pinkie finger. "It's okay, just do it quick" he screamed when the blade began to seep against his skin. He could see the way Johanna paused "Johanna" she looked up at him with a look of agony.

He savored her eyes, the way her lips quivered almost as she tried to speak. He let out a shaky breath as the blade hit the table and he could feel the blood. He flinched when the peacekeepers pulled him back again. He felt the blood on his hand and it made him cringe as the blade was pressed against his index finger. He gritted his teeth when it sunk into his bone, the flesh tearing itself apart as Johanna struggled.

He could feel his head slipping as the room almost dulled, he groaned as the tears ran down his cheeks. He breathed heavily as the blade hit his middle finger, who needed fingers anyways. This was far better than making Johanna be the one bleed. He could hear her crying as she pushed the blade into his pointer finger.

He was getting lightheaded but he kept his gaze on her as the blood hit his cheeks. "It's okay... it's okay Johanna" he whispered as he tried not to scream. He let out a breath of relief when the peacekeepers grabbed the knife out of Johanna's shaking hands.

His thumb was left untouched and yet he still would've let it be cut off for the sake of her. He breathed weakly as blood soaked the table. Johanna was taken off the chair and he looked at her with panic. "Raven!" She screamed as she was dragged out of the room. The girl shouted angrily when she was shoved back into her cell.

The last thing she could hear before the lights turned off was the sound of Raven screaming. She cried as she covered her ears and laid down on the ground. Raven groaned weakly as his body was dragged down the hallway, his head slumped against the ground when he was thrown into his cell.

"R..R..Raven?" the boy let out a soft breath "I'm okay" he whispered as he looked at the wall. He would do anything to be able to hold her, to keep her safe but he was trapped. He could feel the rage hitting him as he leaned his head against the wall. This all started because of one single person, Katniss.

—
authors notes: me right now (might disappear?)

we're in our era of Raven realizing Katniss ain't shit, the next act itself will be far more darker than this one given he's gonna be hellbent on fucking shit up. Also he's like majorly desperate to keep Snow out of his head so he doesn't turn into a puppet. Which is kinda ironic when towards the end of this chapter, he lets himself almost sink into that rage that Snow planted inside his head. He doesn't even realize it yet, also I'm sure he'll be fine without a few fingers.

RIP TO RAVENS FINGERS
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