Raven found training to be rather pointless, every single person in this room had seen his games. It was clear he never had intentions of killing anyone when he was first in the games, he didn't even go straight for the weapons, he went for safety.

The only reason he even was able to find that ax was because he found it along the grass when it was near the end of the games. He was starved and dehydrated in that very moment, the only source of sanity being his hope of maybe making it out of the arena.

He did, and yet he wished he stayed. Instead of him killing the last person with that ax, they stabbed him with the knife they held onto. His blood would've spilled all over the grass, the last thing he would see would be the sky as his body went stiff and lifeless.

Instead he was here, watching Johanna swing an ax back and forth as she let out grunts of frustration. It smacked into the floor beneath her and he looked away when Katniss walked inside of the room.

He watched as she approached the table full of ropes, she was paranoid, it was obvious by the way her hands fidgeted with the ropes. He couldn't help but chuckle when he caught sight of Finnick showing the girl how to make a noose. She didn't look impressed by the man's actions at all as he smiled.

Raven sighed softly as he walked towards the duo "wanna take me for a walk?" Finnick stopped his words when he caught sight of Raven. The man smiled "what about you Raven? You gonna take me for a little walk?" he tugged on the rope around his neck and chuckled.

"Why don't you leave the girl alone Finnick, she's clearly not impressed and quite frankly I'm not either, why don't you go find some fishes to swim with?".

Finnick smiled as he patted Raven's shoulder lightly "still a jokester huh? Raven. Don't bore the girl to death, your humor isn't that good".

He walked away and Raven watched him with a sense of comfort, how was he going to kill Finnick? They hardly spoke whenever Raven was forced to be present at the capitol, yet he felt guilty.

Would Finnick kill him? When that arena is full of nothing but weapons and death, would Raven be able to actually kill Finnick? A man who was close with Johanna, who had helped Raven whenever he was terrified inside of the capitol walls.

"You're Raven? From district seven" he blinked away his thoughts as he looked at Katniss. She held weakly onto a rope as she waited for his answer.

"Yeah, but kinda surprised you even know that, most people pretend I don't exist when it comes to victors, apparently it's not really important". He smiled weakly as Katniss looked at Johanna "you volunteered for her didn't you? So she wouldn't be alone".

He pressed his hands together "it just happened, as much as I hate the games and the capitol, I just couldn't see her leaving all alone. Blight didn't deserve to even come here, he has a family and people who would actually miss him, I don't have anyone".

Katniss looked around like she was being careful of what she said "but you have her, Johanna. I can tell you're close, even if you don't want people knowing".

He leaned into the table letting his fingers run along the ropes along the edge. "She's as good as dead either way, it's just better being... hidden, not everyone can just fake a relationship and have half of the capitol begging for updates. You and Peeta don't even know the definition of love. You're lucky because Snow wants you to do this, he's practically begging you at this rate, I'd give anything to be able to be in your place... to not be scared for Johanna".

Katniss let out a soft breath "why can't you? You really think snow would kill her if you told everyone? He can't stop you, we're all dead anyways".

Raven chuckled "you're so caught up in your make believe world you don't see the big picture around you, I mean seriously look around, this shit is real. We're going to die inside of that arena, nothing matters anymore, begging for the games to stop won't save you either, snow wants us dead and he'll do it regardless if it's in the arena out where we stand. If you're smart, don't hesitate to kill me in that arena, because I won't for one second hold back if it helps Johanna see another day".

He walked away sitting back down, he watched as Johanna took a drink of water. The ax in her hand resting along the ground, he licked his lips in frustration as he stood up off the ground.

He walked along the edge of the room, grabbing the ax off the table and approaching the lit screen. He made sure to type in the right weapon before pressing begin, and as he walked inside of that little room.

He felt his body grow tense as the world around him shifted into the woods. He gripped the handle of the ax as the bright orange holograms began to form.

He felt sick as each one looked just like the innocent children he killed. He let out a shaky breath as he felt the dirt and blood coating his flesh. He could hear the screams and cannons as he ran forward.

The ax collided with the first hologram and as the pieces turned into particles he felt a sense of paranoia. He couldn't afford to shut down inside that arena, not for Johanna's sake. His vision was blurry and he felt his hands shake as the room grew smaller and smaller. He couldn't breath as he let the ax hit the arm of the next hologram, it screamed back at him.

He flinched as he tried to relax his muscles, to tell himself he wasn't inside the arena. He was inside a room, with nothing but technology and himself.

He let out a heavy breath as he straightened his posture, he eyed each hologram as they approached him. He twirled the ax in his hand to ground himself to reality as he watched each hologram run straight for him.

He pretended they were snow, the man was laughing at him and from the corner of his eye he spotted the one sneaking from behind him. He remembered every single second he spent hiding inside of the arena, every time he would cry as he tried to forget what happened. For once he let the rage overtake his entire body, let his mind go fuzzy as he entered back into the arena, and he was surrounded by predators.

They didn't want him dead, they wanted him and Johanna dead and that meant he needed to stop being a coward. He needed to prove to these other districts he wasn't going to hesitate to kill them, no matter how long it took, or how many hits he took, he would kill them, and prove he wasn't a scared little boy.

He must've blacked out, when he blinked Johanna was gripping his face as she looked at him with concern. "Why did you do that? Raven..." she was whispering and he let out a soft breath.

He frowned deeply and then winced when he felt pain spread on his arm. He looked downward seeing the ace sticking out of his arm, blood dripped down the fabric of his sleeve soaking into his pants.

He pushed himself upwards "don't move, someone's coming to look at it, you'll bleed out...". He ignored Johanna as he pushed open the door and walked onto the floor of the training room.

Everyone was gathered beside the doorway looking at him as he walked towards the table full of axes. Johanna ran after him "Raven!" he didn't flinch when he pulled the ax out of his arm. The blood splashed all over the ground, he let the ax fall onto the table.

He watched as the blood seeped into the blade, he ignored the pain as he chuckled to himself. "How the hell am I supposed to survive inside of that arena, if I'm blacking out and hurting myself".

He leaned into the table as he watched the blood flow out of his wound. He would think he'd scream, or show any signs of distress but he didn't, he didn't even remember doing this to himself.

"Raven, they think it was an accident. Keep it that way, they can't use this against you". He sighed as he watched everyone go back to training, they didn't care about him, he didn't really care anyways.

"What happened?" Johanna looked at the axe "you threw it at the wall, like really hard and then next thing I know, it's in your arm and you're just standing there. You failed the simulation, no one was paying attention... so we're lucky it wasn't serious".

—

  Raven remembered the last time he was on stage, the crowd cheered when his name was called, it was a reflex for them. He could see the audience whisper about him, see the way they hoped he died.

This time was different, the audience didn't cheer when he walked onto the stage, most clapped and pretended they cared about him. He wasn't anything special for these people, so why should they care if he survives or not? He felt lightheaded as he walked towards the front of the stage.

The lights were bright as they followed his every move, he stood up tall as the microphone squeaked. He winced at the discomfort it caused him "ah Raven, I do hope you have some inspiring words to tell us, most of the other victors so far have been upset, however Johanna was angry, would you say you feel the same as her? Angry?".

The man flashed his teeth as he leaned the microphone towards Raven's face. "Is that what I'm supposed to say?" he looked around at the audience. Everyone was whispering "I'm not angry, you can't be angry for something you can't control, what's the point? You think I'm gonna stand up here and cry? That I'll beg for the games to be canceled? If I'm angry enough maybe that'd do the trick?".

He grabbed the microphone harshly as he looked at the camera "if you want me dead so badly, do it your fucking self! he chucked the microphone into the crowd, ignoring the screams of protest as he walked off the stage with a smirk on his lips.

—
authors notes:
I really need to go outside or something, it's 4AM again and I'm here writing instead of sleeping. I mean seriously I need to stop doing this, but it's a vibe.