An one shot of Finn's thoughts before the episode of Dangerous Liaisons. Aka before Esther came up to him.

Warning: Nostalgia

******

Finn was feeling numb. He did not know what or how to feel. The pesky dagger that was stuck in his chest was finally removed by his little brother Elijah after 900 years. After aeons of mental torture, he is now free. And what was his greeting? Revenge on Niklaus. Kol and Rebekah were thirsting for revenge on Niklaus and oh he did too at first. After all he did stab him. It had filled him with satisfaction but now....now he was not sure.

Did his siblings really miss him? Or did they forget about him? Was he such a bore? Questions ran in his mind. Elijah could have pulled out the dagger from his chest. Rebekah, or even Kol! Yet they didn't. Or did Niklaus really scare them off? Why?

Maybe they didn't care about him.

Finn closed his eyes at the thought. The mere thought of it caused him pain.

They all changed. Just as he feared. He still remembers how they all were, before they became abominations.

His younger brother Elijah, the moral chivalrous one, the one who was very maiden's dream husband, mother's pride and joy.

Kol the mischievous one who used to love magic so much. The boy who used to worship the ground he walked. Memories of a younger Kol made him chuckle. Kol had always favoured him and Rebekah over their other siblings, mostly because Finn had magic and the fact that Elijah was more immersed in Niklaus to pay any attention to Kol.

Rebekah, oh his sweet brave sister who used to believe in love and willing to fight and do anything for her loved ones.

And Niklaus- Nik Finn corrected himself for Klaus and Nik were different, the sweet little boy who plucked berries and flowers and made paint. The artist of the family he was. Even though Mikael did not think of it as a 'manly thing', Finn had always encouraged Klaus to paint.

His poor brother Henrik, the bright and curious child, who brought smiles to their faces.

And Freya... Thinking of his elder sister always brings him pain. Those times when Mikael was a good father, those days were Finn and Freya used to climb on trees and made their mother shout in panic.

Losing Freya had changed something in him. He closed off and his mother began to pay more attention to him.

The coming of baby Elijah did sooth a bit of his pain. His father after Freya's death, started changing. He became more cruel and angry, unleashing his ire on them frequently.

Finn quickly closed off that part. He did not want to relive those memories.

The only thing they had to fear those days were the beasts in full moon and Mikael's temper. Everything was good and simple other than that.

Most of all he missed his magic. Like Kol, he had lost his magic, when their mother had changed them to vampires, unwillingly. But unlike Kol he did not show it. Magic was a big part of him, a living energy. Losing it almost made him mad. He lost a part of himself. Yet no one noticed.

Not even Kol, Finn thought bitterly. One would think that he of all their siblings would know the feeling. Or even Niklaus.

Maybe they did not care? After all Always and Forever only applied to Niklaus, Elijah and Rebekah. Not to Finn or Kol. They were always outsider's. Kol the black sheep and Finn the suicidal vampire.

Always and Forever. Finn scoffs at the thought. He was bitter, he missed a lot. 900 years, he wondered. So many aeons. The pain of having an active mind but incapable of movement. Finn would not wish that on anyone.

He was tired, mentally and emotionally. The new era overwhelmed him. Seeing a metal box moving on its own and no horse's. A lot did change.

Not that his siblings bothered to teach him about the new century. Kol was busy with feeding and making himself at home. Elijah was busy with their mother.Niklaus and Rebekah were in their own world with their problems.

Finn was too prideful to ask for help. He tried to do everything on his own.

Speaking of problems.

He did hear the word doppelganger from Rebekah. Finn did not understand this fascination of his siblings towards doppelgangers.

He had enough of Tatia stringing along his younger brothers and Rebekah's jealousy. The Petrova doppelgangers were beautiful, but in all honesty he could not understand the fascination.

At least Kol was sensible enough not to fall for a doppelganger. And Elijah and Klaus did not fall for the Tatia look alike again. That was a relief.

Thinking of his brother's love life made him remember about his. She must have died too, or moved on, he wondered. Maybe she had not? But he quickly crushed that hope. Of course she had. It has been nine centuries.

Yet a small nagging was there. Maybe she had not. But if she had, was he willing to take the risk?

No, Finn decided. He will not try to find Sage.

Before he could give a thought to it, his mother entered the room. Standing up from the chair he was sitting, he greeted her politely. He did not want to be a neanderthal like his siblings. He still had his manners. Finn smirked a bit at that thought.

During the times he had been daggered, his only company was mother. Eternity bored him. He did not wish to be like this.

Aimless and meaningless. Wandering everywhere, never fitting in. The good thing of this century was that Mikael was dead and would not hunt down his siblings.

His mother sat down on the chair, opposite of his. She explained her plans and how she needed his help.

A glint entered his eyes. Maybe there is hope for him? He can finally be at peace if her plans are successful. No more. He will not be a monster anymore.

Besides, he was angry. He wanted revenge.

If his siblings did not care for him, at least his mother does? Smiling a bit he nodded.

Maybe he can find peace at last

*****

Finn had always given me an impression of a person who is loyal but not self confident enough. Like it is like he is living for others and not himself on tvd.

Originals showed me otherwise tho. But that's me :)

Until next time.