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| next day, 9:03 AM

Junho wakes up when he feels a weight on him. Momentarily, he thinks maybe he had too much junk the past week. He squints his eyes open and gasps, seeing his sister, rolling up his body and then down, as if it were a slide.

What is she? A toddler? 

"Ouch," he groans when Jinha elbows his stomach. Jinha sheepishly giggles and continues her mission: Annoy the shit out of your brother, just because you can.

He abruptly sits up and Jinha yelps, falling back on the mattress. She smiles innocently at her glaring brother. Seeing the mischievous glint in her eyes, Junho instantly starts tickling her stomach sending Jinha into a fit of giggles, "You little peupeu, will you trouble me more now?"

Hearing her giggles, Jungkook, who has just woken up and is walking around half asleep— unknowingly smiles. It's been so long he has heard the brother-sister banter and he never realised how happy them playing like this could make him. 

He looks up at the clock hanging on the wall. You don't have a day off from the work . . . that means Jungkook is left behind with the kids.

| 10:28am

"Jinha, just wear this, will you?" Jungkook exasperates, feeling his patience running thin. 

It's been thirty minutes of him trying to get Jinha dressed but the little girl wants to wear everything of matching colours. It so happens to be the case where Jungkook doesn't know where her things are kept so he can only randomly pick some clothes and accessories for her.

"Papa! This is blue and this is red!" Jinha whines and points at her clothes. She starts kicking when Jungkook forcefully traps her little frame in his arm, slipping in the red shorts. Jungkook hardens his gaze when a kick hits his stomach and Jinha stops, pouting. 

After having an intense discussion on how wrong he was in dressing her in different coloured clothes by his little one, he finally manages to get her ready. He seriously respects you for not losing your patience when you do this on a daily basis.

After he's packed all the stuff that Jinha /might/ need, Jungkook knocks on Junho's door and opens it the very next moment.

"Why knock, if you won't bother waiting for me to open it?" Junho mumbles under his breath not loud enough for his dad to hear.

"Wear your coat, we are going out," Jungkook says and closes the door. Junho makes a face, imitates his dad's 'I-am-trying-to-be-strict' expression before doing what he was asked to do so.

The car rides are always filled with Jinha asking the most embarrassing and random questions. "Why is the moon called the moon?" "Why does my class teacher have a beard under her arms?" (which almost made Jungkook and Junho snort)

Junho and Jungkook occasionally catch the other one looking in their direction and immediately avert their eyes. It sure is very awkward, but thanks to Jinha, at least there is no deafening silence to make things worse.

They reach the tall glass building with 'Hybe ' written on it and Jungkook parks his car in the designated place.  Jinha runs towards the lobby as soon as she gets off the car because she is so excited to meet her uncles, especially the plump-lips one who buys her sweets or maybe the one who lets her poke his dimples. Jungkook sighs and runs behind her. Oh, it is going to be a long day.

Junho follows them with his hands hidden deep inside his pockets and bows to everyone who is greeting him. He has been to the company before. But contrary to the beliefs that he would frequently visit his parents' workplace, it has been almost two or more years he has been here. 

And this time it is different.

This time, he notices all the different people in different offices, walking up and down corridors, all doing different jobs, just to make music. It fascinates him, gives him chills to think how much work is required behind the scenes of that one particular piece of music.

"Jungkook?"

"Dimple Uncle!" Jinha cheers as soon as she sees who called for her Dad. Wriggling out of Jungkook's hold she runs to him and is immediately lifted up in the latter's arms.

"Hi munchkin," Namjoon says, poking her cheeks. He looks at Jungkook and walks towards him before shifting his eyes to the boy, who reminds him of the little Jungkook. It makes his heart warm.

"Oh, Junho! You have grown up so much boy. Your eyes resemble that of a deer, just like your dad," Namjoon says. Junho smiles and politely greets him. He hears that, always.

"Don't you have a day off today? Are you here for Y/N?" he asks Jungkook. Junho furrows his eyebrows. Did dad not have work? Why are we here then?

"No, I had some work," Jungkook says nonchalantly, earning a look of confusion from his Hyung.

"Alright then. . . I can spend some time with the kids, if that's okay?" Namjoon says. Jungkook glances at Jinha, who is for sure ready to give a hard time to Namjoon and then at Junho whose eyes roamed around the whole company. Sure, they'll be fine with Namjoon, right?

Jungkook nods, whispers a few ground rules and bribes to Jinha so that she doesn't cause much trouble and walks towards his studio, leaving the three behind. 

"Uncle, how about some french fries?" Jinha says.

Namjoon chuckles, "Sure," and then he turns to Junho. "Would you like to have something? Let's go to the cafeteria,"

Junho agrees and walks with him to the cafeteria. The smell of freshly baked bread is tempting him ever since he entered this area. He's hungry, he could use a treat. 

But hunger is all forgotten when he looks around. The whole interior of the building is mesmerising—especially the posters of his dad and Uncles. 'Korea's pride, BTS'.

His eyes trail around a few more images on the LED screens, listing their huge achievements and the other groups too. Namjoon starts speaking something about not taking pressure about the studies when he notices that Junho's not beside him. He looks over his shoulder to see the boy staring at the screen and smiles. He walks up to him and pats his shoulder, "Have a look around, we will be here at the cafeteria," he points at the door in front.

Junho nods absent-mindedly with his lips parted and eyes not leaving the LED. Namjoon smiles and walks away with Jinha jumping around, trying to pose with different Tiny Tan figurines. Namjoon finds her so adorable that he would like to fit her in his pocket. 

When the LED switches to some random information about stocks, Junho gets shaken out of his trance and he turns around. People, mannequins, screens . . . . that is all he can see and suddenly he wants to hide. He feels so small. 

The building is huge with tall ceilings and shops scattered around. Who is he here? 

He walks slowly, taking small steps to the elevator, admiring everything he can— trying to fill in every little detail of his surroundings. Every now and then, he spots posters of BTS and can't help but think how his dad hasn't changed much in these past years.

He still looks handsome, charming and admirable. He still scrunches his nose when his (Junho's) mom kisses him. He still shows his bunny teeth when he laughs. Junho finds it fascinating.

Then he walks into a crowded elevator and flinches when the alarm starts ringing. He turns around and everyone is already looking at him. "It exceeded its weight limit, you need to get off," he hears someone speak.

He doesn't think twice before walking out and the elevator closes behind him. He looks down at his feet and then up towards the plain ceiling. He wonders if he has always been this small.

He wonders if the world has always been so big. He wonders if his presence ever mattered in the world.

He sighs and decides to take the stairs to the next floor. The next floor has loud music blasting, so loud that the floor beneath him vibrates with every beat. He figures out that it must be a group practising and walks towards one of the rooms. He tiptoes to peek through the little glass gap on the door and spots a few boys around his age, dancing.

His eyes pop out at the vigorous but excellent dance moves. He is astounded by the clean and synchronised moves. The song is familiar to him. It is one of his favourite tracks of all time 'Idol'. He still remembers the tweets (the ones which had people simping over his dad's man bun and chest) which he had accidentally seen while looking at the performance his dad did at Jimmy Fallon's show. He loves seeing the old videos of his dad perform.

He sees the group stop and drop to the floor, exhausted. One of them picks up a remote and pressed a button making a screen lit in front of them. It is a dance video of his dad and uncles performing the same song. He sees how the trainees hold admiration in their eyes as they watch the video. "They are so good!"

"I know right! Jimin sunbae jumps so high up . . . "

"Jungkook Sunbae's moves has always been so clean. . . look !"

Junho stands straight and walks away, shoving his hands in the pocket. He sighs and sits on the bench at the reception area. The building is so big, he is sure to get lost in it. The LED in front of him is showing the first Grammy Award BTS won, how they all are overwhelmed on that day.

It is like he realised something. That being an idol was much more than he had thought.

It is beyond being just talented at something.

He had thought it was not so difficult. . .but easy. The training is hard, the dancing is, the diet is but since he liked being an idol— he wouldn't mind right? 

Maybe like pouring juice in a glass, flowing and tasty. That easy. Something you can do without thinking. And then suddenly he remembers standing on a kitchen chair, younger than Jinha is now, trying to fit his chubby hands around a bottle of apple juice.

It slipped the second he tried to lift it. Junho felt his dream of standing in between thousands, singing his heart out, slip and shatter.

|Junho's POV

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and I take it out to see who is calling. The screen flashes with 'Mom calling', making me sigh. I accept the call and place the phone near my ear. 

I hear a 'hello' from the other side. "Yes Mom," I say.

"Dad took you both out? Where are you? It's pretty loud," she asks.

I look around before speaking, "Yes, we are at Bighit,"

"He's there for work?" she sounds . . . surprised.

"I don't know, he said so . . ."

When he lets out a sigh, a sudden thought strikes in my brain. I shake it away, but my brain keeps coaxing me to let my thoughts out and it seems to trust my mom to fulfil its curiosity. So, I do.

"Mom . . ." 

The other side remains silent. Mom . . .say something or I can't speak further, it is suffocating.

"Yes, baby. . . ." she speaks in her soft and gentle voice. It almost brought me to tears.

"How was it like . . ." I gulp, "to be an idol. . .?"

It is silent for some time and my heart dropped. "It was good . . . and tiring as well,"

"Why was it tiring?" she doesn't speak for a few moments again as if she's contemplating on what to speak or what not to. It's not like I don't know what could be tiring, I just want to know what they think will tire me out.

"Just . . . there's the pressure of performing well in front of people and other such stuff,"

"Other such stuff?"

She hums.

"Do you then, ever regret it?"

She doesn't speak. "Mom . . . "

"I have some work Jun. I am not in the company at the moment or I would have shown you my studio, see you later," and she hangs up. I lean back in my seat. 

I feel so lost right now. I don't even know what I want to do anymore or more like what I should do.

I flinch when a hand taps my shoulder and I look up to see Namjoon Uncle standing there. He smiles before taking a seat beside me. Jinha's screeching voice from a distance reaches my ears and I peek behind Uncle to see her sitting in the open game area. What a carefree life she has . . .

"So, how have you been Jun?" Uncle asks, letting his hand rest behind me.

"Quite good," I reply. And then I realised that maybe, just maybe Uncle is someone who would answer me honestly. I hesitate but speak, "Uncle, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, anything," he answers.

"How was dad . . . during his debut days?"

He lets out a chuckle and then shakes his head, probably at the memories that rush in his brain, "He was hard-working. Too much at that," he says. "Your dad had joined at a very young age and yet he managed to remain strong throughout those difficult years. He was shy when he first joined and it was difficult for him to talk about what was troubling him. His talents were endless and he kept on exploring himself. He still aspires to become a better person even now. You know, it isn't easy to keep that determination and passion for years . . . "

I look at him. His eyes hold the same admiration that those trainees had, the nostalgia and love which I have seen even in dad when he talks about his days. They somehow seem bittersweet.

"Did you all have too much of a hard time?"

He looks at me before answering, "It's not easy being an idol. We had days where we didn't have food, had to practice till late at night and come back home with nothing. It was frustrating,"

"So it's not easy to stay in the industry?"

"There were a lot of ironies and contradictions in the industry. Initially , I felt like I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But later I felt like I don't know anything at all,"

I look down at my feet. "So did you feel like giving up?"

"Sometimes that thought did pass through our minds. We thought we were gaining nothing after our hard work, we won't make it . . . so yes we did feel like that. But thanks to the members, we fought through it," he says with a proud smile. "And ofcourse, the fans,"

I look up at him. He smiles slightly before patting my back. "There were some days I thought my hair was turning white. I could not write good music but music was my job. It was like a responsibility to those who put their trust in me, so I needed to get through it and make it big, together with the group,"

"What happens to the ones who don't make it?" I ask, raising both my eyebrows.

"Umm . . . there's so much outside the music industry. Whatever keeps them happy, is what they do. Sticking to one thing which eventually drowns us in anxiety and no gain doesn't help. Moving on does, just like life goes on,"

"So once you become big and reach your goal, it's all good?"

"When we grew globally, there were new problems. We weren't recognised as artists, appreciated for our music but . . . we had our fans,"

His eyes sparkle at the mention of their fans. I guess all of them love their fans so much. I have seen the same gleam on dad's face when he talks about ARMY.

"The thing is, we didn't want regrets. We tried to be happy with the little we had or did because having everything and feeling nothing is worse." 

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