The pristine white walls of the room served as a canvas for Raelle. Her vision was partially obscured by her locks - which fell in dark curls of celestial waves and starlight, but she still managed to let her art take life on the wall.

Her fingertips were sore, filled with abrasions. It, however, didn't reflect in the listless smile on her face, as though the pain had been just a whisper of her internal monologue. 

Small drops of blood tainted the wall as she continued, still boasting that imperturbable smile. She winced, as she hummed under her breath.

Following the meandering drops of her own blood, she smeared it across the wall. In languid patterns. Occasionally pulling apart her healing skin, so she could contrive her sanguinary piece of art.

Her off-key hums and the scraping sounds she made conflicted with each other. An ethereal song, coalesced with something akin to scratching on a rough sandpaper never seemed bright enough. 

Raelle heard the familiar footsteps across the hall, firm and calculated. Though the sound rang in her ears, echoing within her mind, she simply continued on with her task. Humming and scratching against the white wall, besmirching it.

“Oh my god, Raelle,” she heard. The gravelly tone she'd been so used to felt like something worth ignoring. So that was what she did. Ignored it.

“Raelle, stop,” his voice cut through the haze of her concentration. His hands grasped at her fingers, as his eyes flickered back and forth between the haggard woman and the streaks of blood on the wall. “Let's get your fingers treated.”

Jude set aside the tablet in his hand, as he inspected her wounds. He noticed her vacant smile and the distant, unfocused look in her eyes. She showed no signs of having been hurt and he felt the dagger of woe twist in his heart.

He tried to mend the minute cuts scattered across her fingertips; and looked at her intently. Those dark brown orbs reflecting the sole beam of sunlight into the room and the freckles scattered across her skin brought a painful wave of nostalgia. Each small mark seemed like a ghostly echo of his sister - Judith. With each day that passed, he was starting to see Raelle as more than just his patient. More as his sibling who needed his care.

As he gazed into her eyes, Jude was reminded of an utterly fragmented past that he hoped would lessen in pain over the years. He clung to it, like a moth attracted to the flame, Judith’s face becoming a blur day by day. 

In Raelle, he found a semblance of the connection he had lost with Judith - with her vitality having been stripped off when she'd still been wet behind her ears. Pity was what he received. Never consolation.

As his hands worked a band-aid against her calloused skin, she winced and yanked her hand out of her grip. The vacant smile was now gone, replaced by an anger that stemmed from fire-seeds within. She grunted, turning her back to Jude and laying back on the bed she had been sitting on.

He paced around the sterile room, noticing the small dark beads of her blood tainting even the bedsheets. The stark white of the room, now marred with streaks of red augmented to his worry. “Raelle,” he whispered, picking back the tablet and stuffing the remnants of the band-aid wraps into his pockets. “You need to let me help you.”

Raelle's back was turned to him, her nails still scraping against the wall. “Hmm,” she hummed, and suddenly turned and sat right up. She didn't utter anything else, just sat there in brooding silence, almost as though she'd been waiting for him to continue.

He reached into his pockets to deliver the pills that she had to take then, and slowly approached her. “Here, Raelle. Don't you want to go meet Whiskers?” Jude reminded her about the calico kitty that she had taken a liking to, and her face immediately lit up.

Her eyes seemed to shine, mimicking the burst of jouissance.“Whiskers!? He's here?” She asked, her hands going forward to accept the bitter white pilules.

He shook his head, but added, “No, but if you take these little gems, he's going to come and give you a visit. It's been so long since you've seen him.”

---------------

Judith,

I find myself writing to you again, despite knowing you won’t ever be here to read it. It’s strange how even after all this time, you’re still the person that keeps me grounded.

You know how I mentioned that new patient in Wing C? Raelle Howe? Well, she’s warming up to me now. She had been so apprehensive in the beginning; now, she seems to trust me and listens to me. It’s odd how interactions with her always remind me of you. You were like that in the beginning too - always so apprehensive. I remember how, as a baby, you didn’t like me at all. It took us time, and putting effort with Raelle really brings you back alive.

There’s something oddly comforting about these parallels, you know. Every time I look at her, I see you within her. It’s almost like I actually am taking care of my baby sister. I take my time with her;  Raelle’s progress compared to day one, is simply outstanding.

She’s calmer now, eats better and she has an amazing voice. Just like you. I taught her your favorite song, you know - ‘Beauty Within’. The first time, she sang it exactly like you did. And I really wanted to tell you then, that your voice was the most beautiful… But I didn’t and I regret it now. Regardless, I miss you, Judith. Be happy, wherever you are.

Love,
Jude.

Katopark | September 2024