𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 . . . txt's :: sakura

ONE?!

sakura was trying her best. she really was. she was trying her hardest to change for the better like she promised. to confront the demons inside her mind and tell them to just shut the fuck up. to stop telling her stupid lies.

but every once in a while they took her down. they made it impossible to even roll out of bed in the morning, let alone look in the mirror to brush her teeth. today was one of those days.

but she wasn't about to deal with another scolding by a staff member for being late. she already had been scolded way too many times, and assumed the next time she did, she was going to get some sort of 'detention.'

it took all her effort to make her way to the recoding room, but she eventually did. she got there a few minutes early too! if that wasn't something to celebrate, she didn't know what was. she took a seat and waited.

recording was over and practice was next. it would only be two hours today, which she was happy to hear, but she already felt wiped out from recording. it felt like the world was on her shoulders at this point and it was just waiting for her downfall

she wanted to cry tears of joy when practice ended, trudging her way out of the room. she took a nap the entire car ride home, letting the fatigue get the best of her. she hoped that when she woke up she would feel better, but it was the exact opposite.

she felt a million times worse. like all the light inside her just suddenly died. she wasn't quite sure when she got inside the dorm, let alone leave her room and make her way to kai's. she just knew her feet were taking there.

with permission to rant from him, she did. he almost instantly responded. "i'm proud of you, zuki. it takes courage to try even when it hurts, and you have that courage. it takes a lot to confront the haunted things inside you. and i really wish i could tell you when you'll begin to feel better, but healing isn't something i could time on a clock. things will start to feel lighter as you learn to forgive the things inside your head and your past self. so keep trying, zuki. you are getting closer to becoming the happiest version of you every single day you try, even when it doesn't feel like that even in the slightest."

TWO?!

the japanese girl was anything but a good painter. her mother was, but she did not have that talent. so that's why she was so confused at the canvas in front of her. kai wasn't a painter either, why the hell were they doing a painting night?

seeing her clueless state, he scolded her. "paint something! it doesn't have to be good— you only have five minutes and then we're switching!" oh right. she forgot they were doing that.

unsure of what to do with the small timeframe, she began to pain mountains. she was really only painting triangles with some squiggles on them, but it was an attempt. that was all that mattered to her. after all, as kai said, she didn't need to be good!

as soon as the five minute timer started, it went off. she groaned, handing over her half-mountains. he gave her his painting, and she stared at it in surprise. she had not one fucking clue what he was trying to paint.

with no hints at all, she began to paint lily pads on his large blue blob. she assumed he was trying to make some sort of lake, considering there were trees in the corner as well. she scattered the green circles all around and was about to put a few flowers on them when the timer went off once more.

she was about to explain what she wanted him to do, but he cut her off. "that's cheating," she whined in response but didn't try to bargain. she took the painting from his hands, happy that he recognized her mountains.

he had added a path so she worked on the sky in the back. she made it a mix of blue and purple. it wasn't a gradient, it looked more like space. but she began to rush after figuring out that this would already be the last room. the sky wouldn't dry fast enough, so she added stars and a moon on wet paint. it began to smudge, but she refused to care.

she let out a relieved sigh as the last timer went off, suddenly realizing how stressed she was. he turned his painting around to reveal a not-bad-not-good lake scene. she let out a hum of appreciation before turning around hers. in her opinion, it wasn't that bad. but to kai it was the complete opposite. "that's so fucking ugly..."

THREE?!

sakura had never been this bored before. she had already scrolled through all her social medias, watched at least five youtube documentaries, and couldn't find a single good show or movie to watch on any streaming service.

she hoped somebody else in the group was in a similar state, but it didn't seem like that. yeonjun was on the phone with wooyoung, soobin was playing a card game with beomgyu, taehyun was out, and kai was... kai wasn't doing anything!

she made a beeline for the youngest's room. choosing not to knock as usual, she simply walked in. he flinched in his spot on his bed but laughed immediately after. "you fucking scared me!"

"do you want to tie-dye shirts with me?" she asked, ignoring his scolds. she had thought of the idea hours prior, but wasn't about to do it on her own. he rolled his eyes at her ignorance, obviously saying yes.

the two found old white shirts and made their way outside. she had bought fabric-dye years ago for some reason, bringing them along outside. she set them on a table, which already had a cold bucket of water as well as rubber bands.

she watched in a daze as her best friend easily tied his shirt into a ball with rubber bands. she struggled with it, eventually giving it to the boy to do it for her. she ignored his teasing remarks, snatching it from his hands when he finished.

starting to apply the dye, she decided to go with a cool-color theme, kai was doing a rainbow theme. she didn't expect it, but he was honestly pretty good. she finished before him and she watched as he worked diligently. once he finished, they left to let it sit.

they came back a day later, rinsing it in cold water. he convinced her to reveal hers first. she hesitantly undid the rubber bands, taking it out of its scrunched-up state. it honestly was pretty bad. she watched as kai went through the same process. he took his out, and she could only gasp. "how the hell is yours so good?!"

FOUR?!

kai didn't know what to do. he wanted to be nice, that was all. his main rule when interacting socially with anybody ever was to treat them with respect and love, no matter how rude they were speaking.

but it felt like he wasn't doing that anymore. a few days earlier, a passerby said something rude and he mumbled a curse in response. he felt his heart harden. he was disappointed in himself, how did he let himself go?

he prided himself on being an "angel" to those around him. how could he say that when just yesterday he had to force himself to not insult someone back? he never had to force himself to do that before, not even once.

he didn't know how to explain the feeling, he was disappointed and insecure with himself, but still
somehow not too upset. the thought of being unkind was a nightmare to him. it took over his mind, but it didn't make him that upset.

okay, maybe it did. but he would rather die than admit that. that's what he told himself at least, but seeing sakura's pleading face made him break. "please, ning, tell me what's wrong." the situation felt weirdly familiar, but this time the roles were reversed.

he was reluctant to speak, but he eventually did. "do you think i'm," he paused for a moment, "like, nice?" she almost let out a giggle at the absurdity of his question, "i think you're the nicest person alive."

he sighed, "no, not like that. it's just, i feel that the world is basically against me right now. people are so mean and, i don't have the heart anymore to deal with it." she frowned, upset he felt this way, but happy he told her.

"you know, ning, some of the kindest people i've met had lived in an environment, no, world that was anything but kind to them. some of the nicest people i know have dealt with insane things, but still love others with their whole heart. some people are this way because they don't want to make other people feel what they've felt. and that's- that's you kai. you're that person. and, i'm- i'm in genuine awe of you for it."

LANA HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!

LANA DOUBLE UPDATE?? FOR LIKE THE FIRST TIME EVER?? SLAY ‼️

y'all... this book is so close to ending i can actually feel it,,, like there are two more extra chapters (unless someone requests smth) and then the epilogue and then farewell neverland is OVER