𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 . . . txt's :: sakura

BIG TW!!!! this chapter contains, su!c!de, su!c'dal thoughts, sh, and overall mental health issues. do NOT read this if any of these topics are triggering, put yourself first.

WORD COUNT: 2.5k
THIRD PERSON
ANGST
FEBRUARY 9, 2023

sakura didn't know when this feeling began, but it was starting to become the only thing she knew. the familiarity of the sadness was comforting, it was all she could turn to.

she didn't think she was too obvious about her
plans. she didn't look as happy, sure, but she didn't look like someone who was on the verge of collapse. like someone who craved for an eternal nothingness.

her anti-depressants were doing nothing, and she felt hopeless. if the meds weren't helping, how the hell would she be able to live? her own thoughts were enough for her to be prescribed meds, how was she supposed to just deal with that?

the members knew she was acting off, but it was hard to place what it was. she was still mostly the same old girl they grew to adore, but it was weird, she had become happier?

they were happy for her, of course. the five knew she had been struggling with her mental health, and she was finally taking steps to improve. they were immensely proud. but still, it would take some getting used to.

she wasn't happier, not at all. she was just happy she had come up with a solid plan, a plan that would end her life. she was content, she didn't need to make any new memories, she was honestly ready to die at any moment.

she didn't find too much of a fault in the way she was going about things. she would simply take a few pills too many, and hope whoever found her would be fine. not like they would care anyway.

she suddenly materialized her surroundings, learning that she needed to get ready for practice. she wouldn't want to get people angry at her for being late on her last day in this world.

she stayed unusually quiet the whole time, only ever speaking when being spoken to. she didn't think the boys would look into it too much, and she hoped they didn't. she didn't want to bother them more than she already has these past few years.

"what's wrong?" yeonjun asked, taking a seat next to her. they were on their lunch break. she wanted anything but this, "nothing," she brushed it off. he rolled his eyes. "bullshit. tell me what's up," he saw right through her.

she breathed in, "really, jun, it's nothing. i'm just tired." he looked at her, concerned. "come on, kura. i know you're lying. really, what's wrong?" she sighed, "just- just know i love you, always."

he raised an eyebrow, "i love you too... if you ever want to talk, you know i'm always here, okay?" she could sense the worry and hesitance in his voice, she still only nodded. if only he knew.

she noticed their leader and the eldest sharing worried glances. she couldn't tell what they were mouthing, but she didn't want to anyway. not like it would change anything.

practice went by slowly, the clock seemed to never move. when the event was finally over, she rushed to get her bag and leave. "kura!" a voice called out, and she subsequently stopped in her tracks.

she turned around to face whoever this was, but almost immediately looked down. it was hueningkai. she couldn't look him in the eye, how could she? she only hoped he wouldn't get too upset.

"what's wrong, kura? you were in such a good mood these past few days, you aren't yourself. i-i'm worried for you." a flash of panic went through her eyes, and she could tell he noticed it.

"i'm fine, really, ning. just, don't get too upset later, okay? i know it sounds weird but... it'll all make sense sooner or later," she paused for a moment. "you know i love you, right?"

"please, sakura," she could sense the desperation in his voice. "i love you, and i know you. there's something wrong, just let me know what. i would never judge you, please." she felt a pang of guilt cut through her heart.

it's not like she wanted to cause a loss to the people she loved the most, there was simply no other way to get that nothingness she oh-so wanted. "i'm fine," her voice wavered through her lie.

he frowned, but gave up on trying to pull the information out of her. instead, he brought her into a tight hug. "i love you so much," he whispered into her hair. "i love you too," she whimpered out.

the only thought running repeatedly through her mind was 'i can't do this, i can't do this, i can't do this.' she forcefully pulled herself out of his embrace and waited for the boy to leave.

she was surrounded by people who loved her, she had millions of fans. how could she hurt all of them? especially as a very lucky person in general? she swallowed down the guilt, it wasn't worth it. she's known people support her no matter what, why change things now?

with shaky legs, she brought herself to a random bathroom of the company's. she couldn't bring herself to go into a stall, and took the bottle of pills out of her bag. setting them on the sink, she took in a long, hard, breath.

she didn't recognize herself in the mirror. how did she let it get this bad? she brought the orange bottle and opened the cap. taking many more than the normal amount, her fingers clenched around them.

"sorry," she whispered. she didn't know who she was talking to, maybe her members, her fans, or even herself. she knew if she didn't bring the pills to her mouth at this exactly moment, she never would.

so that's exactly what she did. she waited for a while, she knew her body wouldn't react instantly. that's just not how it worked.

just as she realized how long it had been, she felt herself begin to sweat. her breath got labored, and she couldn't feel her body begin to shut down. she started to panic, did she really want this? no, no, no, this was a mistake. but it was too late.

her vision began fading, and a loud ringing continued in her ear. she slid down the wall, almost letting herself lay fully flat on the floor.

she heard the door creak open, and a loud scream. "holy shit, that's- that's sakura! f-from txt! call 119 right now!" then she lost consciousness.

just leaving from a boring meeting, hybe staff member hwang jihyun headed to the bathroom. she wasn't thinking too much, her mind was very much elsewhere. her surroundings materialized instantly once noticing the sight in front of her.

it was sakura suzuki of txt, barely breathing on the floor. she didn't know what to other than scream. and that's exactly what she did. she made another staff member call the hospital and ran to find her members, the ceo, anyone that could help.

she walked pass one person out of five she desperately needed, beomgyu. "mr.choi, mr.choi!" she called out. he turned around, confused. he looked at the staff member and took note of the tears and utter panic in her eyes.

"what- what's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed. "sakura is lying on the bathroom floor and she can barely breath and we think she overdosed and we need the members with her like right now so please get them this is an emergency," she blurted out through one breath.

he could only understand 'sakura' 'barely breath' and 'overdosed.' he felt his breath get caught in his throat. he ran to the bathroom, fumbling with his phone in the process.

he was in a similar state as the staff member when texting the rest of the boys what happened. nothing felt real, his surrounding were blurred. but everything came into focus as he took a full stop at the bathroom entrance.

he never would've expected to see this sight. he stood in shock as nurses placed her on a stretcher, pushing through him to run to the ambulance.

he didn't realize the other four were with him until he heard taehyun cry out, loudly. the boy fell onto his knees, and covered his face with his hands. his sobs were heartbreaking.

the group of five tried to get any information or sight of the girl. the only thing they learned made them feel much, much, worse. it was confirmed that she intentionally overdosed.

the waiting room was quiet. a cold, uncomfortable quiet. her family was all in japan and her friends were on the way. it was just the five of them. the silence would occasionally be interrupted by a broken sob.

a worker from the hospital entered the room, and everyone perked up. "we found these after inspecting her room, you should probably read them." they were handed letters, and the group immediately knew what they were.

every time a doctor would walk by, they were filled with hope. they knew she was okay, she had to be. they didn't know what to do if she wasn't okay, so the group simply refused to acknowledge the possibility.

after what felt like years, a worker finally came to update them. "the patient is okay, and has a high chance of surviv-" soobin stopped them mid sentence to sob out of happiness. the doctor awkwardly patted him on the back.

"once visitation starts, you five will all be able to speak to her one by one. thank you," the man finished. all they had left to do was wait.

yeonjun.

simply looking at the girl made his heart break. he didn't know what to say, and simply smiled softly he sat down next to her, grabbing her hand.

"hi," he whispered. she weakly smiled, "hi." he looked at the floor and then back at the girl. "i'm sorry." she was confused, and moved a stray strand of hair out of his face. "what for?"

"for not," he thought of the right word, "noticing." she frowned, "don't blame yourself, please." the conversation ended there. he was lost. he had so many questions but no way to articulate any of them.

after a minute of silence, he admitted "i love you," playing with her fingers. "i love you too." it wasn't awkward, not at all. there was just not much to say. "i'm proud of you, you know that right?"

soobin.

the constant sound of the wind was comforting, and the two sat in silence, just listening. eventually it was broken up by a quiet cry. her eyes softened as she took in his weak figure.

"don't cry," she pleaded, smoothing out his hair. "you're okay," he said through his sobs. she nodded, "i'm okay, i'm okay. don't worry." he attempted to smile.

"why? w-why'd you do it?" he asked after calming down. she breathed in, "i didn't like life, that's really it," he frowned. "why didn't you tell us? you know we'll always support you.... right?"

she nodded. "of course i know and i'm sorry." he felt his heart slightly break, "don't apologize. i'm sorry for asking." he paused for a moment. "i love you."
her smile was small, "i love you too."

a beat went by and he sighed. "if you ever feel, i don't know, like you want to... harm yourself, come to me. okay? i'm here for you."

beomgyu.

he couldn't bear to look at the girl. he was the one who saw her on the floor, getting carried into a stretcher. he knew he would never forget the sight. how could he?

it didn't feel real. nothing did. simply seeing her in a hospital gown made him replay the scene in his head. he didn't know what to say. how do you tell someone that you saw them half dead?

"hi, gyu," she greeted. he acknowledged her with a nod of his head. he continued to look down at his feet. he was physically there, but his mind wasn't. it had shut down ever since he saw her.

"i saw you," he confessed. "what do you mean?" she asked, genuinely concerned. "on the floor in the bathroom. it was only for a few seconds before you got whisked away in an ambulance."

she frowned. "i'm sorry you had to see that." only then did he look at the girl, and his eyes softened in endearment. "it's okay, it's not your fault. i still love you nonetheless."

hueningkai.

he sat quietly on the chair next to his best friend. the same best friend who wrote a literal song for him. the same best friend who said that she'd never leave him.

he wasn't angry at her for trying to kill herself, he was angry she hadn't realized how much he loves her, how much he would support her, how much they relied on each other. no sakura meant no hueningkai.

"why didn't you tell me? i did everything- i asked you how you were doing because i knew that you weren't okay. you had the opportunity, you didn't take it and  now we almost lost you," the youngest ranted.

she understood where he was coming from. hell, she would've said worse if he did what she did. "i'm sorry, kai. i'm so sorry," she whispered. he felt guilty for getting upset, and looked at the girl with a soft smile.

"don't ever do that again," he said through a sigh, "promise me you won't." she held his hand, "i promise."

taehyun.

the woman he promised he would marry. the woman he promised he would start a family with. that was the same woman who was sitting in a hospital bed. it didn't feel real.

"baby," he choked out. he cried multiple times already, and he didn't want to again. "hi, love." the sound of her voice was enough to ease the pain in his heart.

he took a seat next to her bed. he didn't know what to do. should he comfort her? sit there in silence? he decided to ask for the thing he was desperately craving. her touch.

"can i hold you? please?" hearing his weak voice made her heart soften, she put her arms out. his comforting and familiar scent overtook her, she didn't mind. god, she would've missed this.

"i love you," he mumbled, refusing to let go. "i love you so fucking much," the boy repeated. she felt his body shake and that's when she realized he was crying. stroking his hair, she pecked the crown of his head. "i love you more."

LANA HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!

only two more kura scenes....

anyways i'm gonna cry school is fucking ass i give up nothing matters anyway like i want to shoot myself i hate it sm