𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 . .  . txt's :: sakura

TW : deprecating/intrusive thoughts, anxiety, panic attack
( if i missed any, please tell me! )

italics = thoughts.
big space in between paragraphs = time skip

WORD COUNT: 1.6k
THIRD PERSON
ANGST / FLUFF
SOMETIME IN 2016

"YOURE GOING TO MEET THE LINEUP," sakuras heart dropped, she was excited, of course, but she knew she would make a fool out of herself. she knew she wasn't the best socially. "you have time to prepare yourself, you'll be meeting in an hour."

though she had time to memorize something to say, she was just as nervous as she was beforehand. the japanese gulped and managed to croak out, "okay. thank you, sir."

a staff member escorted her out of sihyuck's office. and with a quick thank you, she was alone once more, walking to her usual practice room. it was quite far away from the other ones, but she preferred that. the chances of someone walking in on her were much lower.

okay. let's think of something to say, that's easy to do. hi, i'm sakura suzuki. you could call me sakura or kura. please take care of me. no, no, no, that's too cheesy, let's think other introductions. the girl gulped once more, maybe this wasn't going to go as smoothly as she thought.

sakura was panicking, she had thought of nothing, and she was going to meet the lineup in less than half an hour. think, think, think! god you're so pathetic, sakura. you can't even think of how to introduce yourself, such a simple fucking thing. you're fucking pathetic.

she knew from the start that at one point her thoughts would become intrusive. it always happens, it becomes normal when you aren't good enough. hi, i'm sakura. nice to meet you all. no that's too simple! hi, i'm sakura suzuki. you can call me sakura. nice to meet you all. that works. good enough, sakura.

the japanese girl could only mumble under her breath a tiny "fuck," when she heard a knock on the door. her time was up, she was going to meet the lineup.

walking to the practice room ( that was luckily on the other side of the building ) with a staff member, she attempted to calm herself down. it's okay, sakura, don't be nervous. you'll be fine- her thoughts were interrupted by the accompanying staff member saying, "did they tell you it was all boys?"

the japanese stopped in her tracks, her heart racing even faster. "w-what? i'm sorry ma'am, th-they never told me that," "oh, well, now you know." all the girl could do was nod.

the staff member escorting sakura knocked on the door. sihyuck-pd had opened the door, five boys behind him. "ah! here she is! you guys, here's your new member. mind to introduce yourself?"

with trembling hands, she had managed to say "h-hi, i'm sakura suzuki. you can call me sakura. nice to meet you all." obviously you had to fucking stutter, you can't even manage to get a full sentence out. you fucking dumbass. "i know you!" one of them said, out of the blue. sakura made eye contact with said person. beomgyu.

"ye-yeah, hi, beomgyu." the boy smiled. "ah, well it seems you guys know each other, that's great. i'll get going now, thank you for your time." sihyuck-pd spoke. they all bowed, the staff member and sihyuck leaving the room.

more nerves bubbled up in the girls chest, she could feel her breathing speed up, but she ignored it. you disappointment, you're having a panic attack because authorities left? you're so fucking pathetic, just ignore the panic attack and act natural. she promised herself she would stop listening to the voice in her head some day.

"it seems like you and beomgyu know each other, that's great! anyways, i'm yeonjun. the oldest so far, depending on your birthday." choi yeonjun, bighits legendary trainee. it made sakuras nervousness increase, she was in front of somone of such high standard, what if she fell short?

"i'm soobin, i'm set to be the leader. i'm the second oldest. nice to meet you!" the girl had seen him around before, but the two had yet to talk. "well, you already know me, but i'm beomgyu!" she nodded.

"i'm taehyun. it's a pleasure." the boy was quiet, and looked mature, kind of like her. she smiled. taehyun smiled back.

"alright, we'll, i'm hueningkai but everyone calls me kai, kamal, or huening! i have a quick question, if you don't mind?" he was loud, sakura didn't like it but she couldn't do anything about it. "go ahead," she softly replied. "are you from japan? i had to ask since your name is japanese.." he trailed off. she resisted the urge to chuckle. "y-yea, i was born there."

"okay, let's do birthdays, for honorifics," yeonjun stated, "i was born september 13, 1999, the only one born in the 90s out of the five of us," soobin nodded and added on, "my birthday is december 5, 2000."

sakura nodded, was she going to be the youngest? she couldn't be - there we three other people. just the thought of being the youngest made her nervous, maybe it was because those older than her scared her? she didn't know. scared of everything, how pathetic are you?

"i was born march 13, 2001, right in the middle!" beomgyu had said, taehyun immediately following with "february 5, 2002." simple and to the point, like her. "and i'm the youngest! i'm born august 14, 2002!"

"so, when's your birthday?" soobin had asked, "uh, i was born july 7, 2001.." she trailed off. god you're so awkward, sakura! you can't do anything right!

after the honorifics discussion came to a close, taehyun had asked, "so, what was your life like in japan? what was it like growing up?" fuck. "i-it was go-good, uh, yea.. haha," "why are you stuttering so much? were you not actually born in japan? go in to detail about your childhood!" beomgyu joked. once processing what the boy said, sakura felt like a knife went right through her chest. "i-i'm sorry, i have to go to the bathroom, i'l-i'll be right back."

before she knew it, she had locked herself in a bathroom stall, trying to get herself through a panic attack. breath in, one, two, three, four. breath out, one, two, three, four. she repeated that until her breathing had slowed to a normal pace, but that didn't stop her hands from shaking. the feeling of dizziness didn't go away, either.

she knew she had to go back there, but she couldn't bring herself to. sakura, you're so pathetic that you can't even make up a lie about your childhood? you run out and have a panic attack? look at how pathetic you are! you won't become an idol acting like this! and all the boys think you're a fucking loser. she wanted it all to stop. she wanted her thoughts to stop. so fucking badly. but they wouldn't, no matter what the japanese did.

as if nothing had happened, she walked back into the practice room. all the attention immediately went to her, she backed up a bit, as if that would stop everyone from looking at her. soobin had nudged beomgyu, beomgyu hesistanly walked up to the girl and said, "i'm sorry for joking around like that- i think i might've joked about a sensitive topic for you and i want to apologize. i'm so sorry and i really didn't know, i hope you can forgive me."

the apology was terrible, everyone in the room knew that, but she forgave the boy nonetheless. he let out a breath, "thank you," sakura let out a confused noise, why was he thanking her? "oh, for like, forgiving me," he retorted. "oh."

an uncomfortable silence filled the room, what had she done? great, sakura, you made things even more awkward! they all hate you, i mean, who wouldn't?

"well, let's get to know each other!" kamal spoke, trying to ease the tension. it was a nice gesture, sakura appreciated it, more than she would like to admit.

"so uh, what are your hobbies, sakura?" yeonjun had asked, "well, uh, i like to play the violin. and uh, i like to dance too." can't even speak a simple sentence without interrupting yourself, no wonder you were in the adoption center for so long.

"violin? that's so cool, they sound so elegant, i've always wanted to play violin!" it was a sweet reaction, taehyuns, but she couldn't bring herself to respond, all she did was smile.

everyone was on their phones, silence filled the room, until someone knocked on the door. sakura presumed it was a staff member, most likely notifying them that they should probably go back to their homes. the japanese was right, it was, in fact, a staff member telling them to go home.

sakura took the chance, she wanted to leave the tension-filled room so badly. "well, it was nice meeting you all. but, i've got to get going.." the girl trailed off, bowing. the boys stood up, bowed back, and soobin said, "nice to meet you too, see you tomorrow!"

the girl felt more nerves bubble up in her chest, tomorrow? they're meeting tomorrow? "ye-yea, see you then," and off the girl went. at least the five boys seemed to like her.

LANA HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!

sakura awkward and angsty teen!au jk jk
obviously she gets closer with them over time lol
i think i made it seem like kura hates the boys, but she doesn't!!!

anways this chapter is ass, deal with it </3