𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 . . . jang :: hyejin

tw // indirect mention of sh/suicide ( through an ed )

JANUARY 2018
WORD COUNT: 1k
THIRD PERSON

to put it simply, hyejin was losing her mind.

the company forced her to go to the hospital after she fainted. the doctors blamed the incident, as she liked to call it, on malnourishment. they forced her to stay for a few nights.

tonight was her first night back at the dorm. every time she closed her eyes, she saw the ceiling of the hospital. the bright lights that were now burned into her corneas became a visual she'd picture constantly. her head began to ache just thinking about it.

she laid in her twin bed, her body unable to adjust to the mattress after getting accustomed to hospital mattresses. her thoughts got interrupted by her door opening with a large creak.

"haven't you heard of knocking?" she asked, thought her voice had no edge to it. her question fell upon deaf ears as seon spoke, "i need to talk to you." she sighed, rolling over to face him, who was now on his knees to be eye-level with her. he took this as permission to continue.

"why do you do this to yourself?"

once again, she had nothing to say. she studied his face, the way the city light's reflected the raw emotion, worry, in his eyes.

he too, studied her face. the way her bottom lip trembled slightly, how she caught it with her teeth. the way unshed tears began to well up in her eyes. the way, by just hearing his question, she began to sob.

the sound of her broken cries was all seon needed. he lifted her into his arms, softly rubbing soothing circles on her back. he whispered words of reassurance into her ear as she continued to wail.

her frail body felt weak in his arms, her shoulders had sunken from the baggage she was carrying, there was no life in her eyes, her nails gripped onto his back but he felt no pain due to the weakness of her limbs, her hair frayed at the ends- some strands much shorter than the others.

what had happened to hyejin?

suddenly, her shoulders stopped shaking. her breathing became even. her eyes finally opened. her voice was hoarse, but she spoke nonetheless. "i don't know, seon. i just don't know." he opened his mouth to speak but closed it once realizing his words would most likely fall short.

"i don't know what's wrong with me," she whispered so faintly he almost asked her to repeat herself. he breathed in. deeply. he watched as her eyes looked everywhere but his. "hyejin-ah, look at me." she did.

"you don't need to know everything right now. fuck, you don't need to know anything. it's okay to be lost and scared and confused. we'll figure it out together, okay?" he waited for her to nod, to agree to his help.

hyejin finally really looked at him. she saw the surface-level worry, but deep down she saw the desperation. she couldn't reject his help, something she'd done so easily all her life, after  standing face to face with an emotion like that.

she nodded, stiffly, at that, but still a nod. when she did, he continued. "just promise me one last thing, yeah? take care of yourself. please." she swallowed, "i..." "no," he interrupted. "do you know how much it hurts for me to watch you slowly fucking kill yourself? and not be able to do anything about it?"

she didn't answer that. she avoided his gaze, feeling the weight of both his words and his stare. "i promise," she mumbled weakly and he felt the grip he had on her shoulders loosen ever so slightly.  she untangled himself from his arms, crawling back into the comfort of her bed.

his eyes followed her, her defeated posture now engrained in his mind. "hyejin-ah," he called as she got up off the floor and headed to the door of her bedroom. she hummed in response, making eye contact. "i love you." she smiled a small smile, pulling the covers over her frigid figure. "i love you, too."

and with that, he left her to fall asleep.

the next few days felt like a blur. she was going through the motions of her everyday life, but she wasn't living. she guessed it was better than dying. she realized she had become more mindful of her own demise once seon pointed out how much damage she did to herself. but did she even regret it in the end? no.

now, she was starting to regret it.

her foot nervously bounced up and down, her fingers drummed on the arm of the chair, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes everywhere but the man directly in front of her.

she looked at the trinkets on his desk: a photo of his family- his wife and two sons, she assumed. a stack of files laid next to it. the photo served as some reminder of why he was doing all this. for them.

she suddenly got pulled out of the narrative she was painting for this man. this man, meaning the ceo of biggie entertainmen. meaning, the man who determined if she was worthy of her dream coming true.

"we've discussed it for a while, hyejin-ah, and we've decided to cut you out of our upcoming girl group. i'm so sorry. you're a very talented girl and...."

his voice turned to static in her mind as a loud ringing suddenly pierced her eyes. he droned on and on, but she didn't pick up a single word. not after he crushed her dreams like it was nothing. how horrible was she? she began to reflect.

"however, we have an offer for you. one you might not wanna pass up on."

she snapped out of her trance once processing this sentence. "what is it, sir?" he smiled kindly, softly, before breathing in.

"a place on our upcoming survival show."

LANA SPEAKS . . . !

hey guys... so so sorry i haven't updated in so long. i won't get into it but my mental health has been very rocky lately and it's been affecting my work ethic quite heavily. also been super busy and just haven't had time to write.

speaking of, i hope you loved this chapter. i haven't written in so long so i feel like my skill has diminished in some way? i'm not really sure how to put it.

anyways, i missed you guys and im glad to be back. as always, let me know if i missed any triggers.