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| Winter, Year 851 |

The warmth of the freshly baked bread spread through your palms as the mahogany-haired female handed it to you. "Thank you so much, Sasha." You smiled, you'd somehow managed to get her into stealing food for you every now and then, because you still couldn't put your pride aside and eat with them. "I owe you again."

"Don't mention it." She waved you off, but then an idea popped in her head, yet she kept quiet.

"No, seriously." You insisted, "You stitched up the cut on my arm a week ago, and you've been getting me food ever since-"

"Talk Nicolo into cooking me special meals!" She blurted out before slapping both her hands on her mouth. There was a moment of silence, the breeze of the cold air hit your skin as your eyelashes fluttered in confusion.

"That's it?" The mahogany-haired girl nodded to your question, "I guess that can be arranged."

A grin formed on her lips as she bent over to hug your sitting form, "Thank you, (Y/n)!"

"I'm the one who should be thanking you.. and Mikasa." Since you'd met them, you had received nothing but kindness from them.

The girl pulled back and stared at you again, noticing how red the tip of your nose had become. "Don't you want to come inside?" She asked, "It's getting pretty cold."

"I'm fine here." You answered her honesty as you shook your head, "Besides that, I got a couple of medical books from the library."

"Alright, don't be shy to ask if you need anything!" She smiled and you nodded in understanding, "Well, I'm heading inside."

"Sure."

For several minutes you sat there, looking into the book in your hands and taking a bite of your bread every now and then. You were focused on the book until you heard slow yet steady footsteps approaching you. Your head snapped upwards, causing a few strands on you (h/c) hair to fall into your face.

Your gaze met with the one of the red-headed male in front of you, your orbs dilating at the sight of the twig snapping beneath his boots. Bile and dread inched up your throat as you immediately shoved the bread inside your mouth, and if anyone thought that Sasha's table manners were horrendous, they had to see you at this very moment.

You quickly swallowed the last bite as he stopped right in front of you, your jaw was already hurting from the excessive chewing. "Got lost?" You questioned him, your eyebrows raised, "Or are you here to make up for the lack of arguments in the past week?" He was dressed in his usual Survey Corps uniform, and your eyes didn't miss the rifle in his hands.

"I've been assigned to guard your leader." The red-head rolled his hazel-brown eyes, clearly annoyed by your defiance. "What's her name again... Elena? Helena, Milena... Jelena?"

"Yelena." You cut him off, causing the male to nod approvingly after you pronounced her name correctly. "Well, do I look like Yelena to you?"

"No.." He replied, his annoyance growing by your cockiness, "but I've talked to commander Hange, told her that you're more in need of a guard than she is, because quite frankly," He took a slow and deliberate step towards you, his eyes piercing through yours, "I don't like that attitude of yours."

"Are you some kind of a sadist?" You asked, confusion was written all over your face, although even he seemed to be taken aback by your question. "Although I should be flattered, that you see me as a possible threat to your kind."

"Don't flatter yourself." It was blatant that he wasn't enjoying being in your presence, and yet something about you drew him to you like a moth to a flame. "I'd take you down before you'd even think about harming anyone."

A chuckle escaped your lips, "Is that a challenge?" You were mistaking his statement as a simple joke, yet the male in front of you was anything but in the mood for jokes.

"However." He tried to change the topic, "I've been going through your files today, found out some interesting things about you."

"Files?"

"Elena gave away some of your private information to commander Pixis."

"Yelena."

"Whatever."

You were wondering why Yelena would even do such a thing in the first place, the thoughts devoured your mind as you remained there, wondering.

"What'd you find out?" You asked, putting the book aside on the bench you were sitting on.

"Ah, well." The red-head sighed as he sat down on the bench next to you, putting his rifle aside in the process. "I've memorised some things, but not all."

"Just tell me what you know."

"(MM/DD/834), your birthday, isn't it?" He smirked and you felt like nothing else but to wipe that shit-eating grin off his face. "According to what I've read, your family is wealthy, which didn't surprise me.. considering how spoiled you are."

"Uncalled for, but continue."

"Also I could not believe how an air-head like you wanted to become a doctor." His smirk grew as you hissed. "That's pretty much it."

"So now you're a spy, huh?!" You gritted your teeth together, still offended by his remark, causing you to stare daggers at the side of his face.

He turned to face you now, his smirk was replaced by a frown, "How the hell does that make me a spy?"

"You're a spy in every sense, you even told your captain about my injuries, which I have to say, flattered me."

"Oh?" He cocked an eyebrow in amusement, the smirk was back on his lips again, "I only told him what kind of a violent brute you are, he figured out the rest."

You scoffed and turned away from him, crossing your arms and legs as you watched the sunset, it was just below the watery horizon, and for a moment you were captured by the beauty of the scenery in front of you, and apparently so was the male next to you, "Beautiful, isn't it."

"Yeah," You smiled, "It looks like a diabetic grandma easing into a salt bath."

A chuckle escaped the male's lips before he asked; "Diabetic?" Yet for some reason, you didn't feel like associating yourself with him, so you kept quiet.

From the corner of your eye you saw him picking up one of the medical books next to you and go through the pages. Silence lingered in the air as he looked through the pages, sometimes you heard a humming come from him, like he was trying to process the information in the book.

"... Restless leg syndrome.. is a real thing?"

You broke into a full-blown laughter as you faced him, "Yeah, it is! Took you quite a while to figure that one out."

He grunted in annoyance, his hazel eyes narrowing at you ominously, "It seems like I'll have to carry a rope with me while guarding you, in case your legs get restless again and I'll have no choice but to tie them together."

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks, "What the hell?!" You shouted, "Not only is your blood defiled, but you're a spy and a pervert!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He heaved a sigh, "But it seems like you're not as dense as I thought you were."

"Wow," You said sarcastically, "That really makes me feel better about myself, quite the charmer you are."

Before you could realise what was happening, his cold hand wrapped around you wrist, sending chills down your spine. His middle and index finger pressed on your skin, feeling the pulse underneath. "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Taking your pulse. Apparently, according to this book the aorta can be-"

"Oh shut up already!" You shouted as you yanked your wrist away from his grip before rubbing your wrist with your other hand.

"Your heart is beating surprisingly fast." He remarked, a chuckle erupting from his lips, "Scared of something?"

"Yeah.." You scoffed, "I have dumb-people-phobia."

"What's that supposed to mean now?"

"It means I'm terrified of stupid people.. and one is staring right at me!"

"Cry me a river, Marleyan scum."

"Give me that, stupid Floch!" You hissed, snatching the book from his hands, "You're insufferable, you know that?"

"Same goes for you." Now he was smirking, he was messing with you and it only infuriated you more, yet for some reason.. you could get used to his smile rather than his rude behaviour.

"Why are you crying, (Y/n)?" The concerned ravenette asked you.

You tried to block her out, the only sound you heard were cries. Cries that came from you, and you didn't care if it would wake up everyone around the bonfire.

"I've.. just remembered something.."

"You.. (Y/n).. just sleep already." The female suggested, a frown making itself visible on her usual stoic face, "We need to be well-rested for tomorrow to be able to get the ship.."

"I can't.." You sobbed, letting the tears stream down your face. "I don't want to fight him anymore."

You hugged your knees closer to yourself as you stared up at the female in front of you. "I don't want to fight either."

The tension in the air was sickening, "I wonder.. what Sasha would've said now." Your voice was strained, the lump in your throat was getting heavier. "Knowing her, she'd ease up the situation somehow."

You tried to dismiss the pain, yet sometimes you wondered if the old him was still there in the depth of his mind. You'd caught glimpses before, gestures that made you believe he was still there and it was those rare moments of him being affectionate that kept you holding on.

Yet you knew, you knew that every excuse he made, every promise, all those false emotions, all those attempts of being compassionate; it was all a lie.

He was far too gone, chasing after an ideology that would cause nothing but pain and suffering. Every bit of 'I have to do it.', he'd told you, yet he'd say it so many times that the phrase had permanently etched itself into your mind.

He had to do it.

He would never change, not until their goal was achieved. Yet you constantly tried to protect him. You knew what he was and yet you still smiled at him.

He wasn't a hero in your eyes, he wanted to get rid of your race. He was heartless, cruel. Someone you constantly made excuses for. You couldn't see it, and you didn't see it until it was too late.

You didn't see him the way everyone else did, and they knew, it wasn't a secret anymore, no matter how much you had tried to keep it one. The way you'd always defend him in front of everyone, the way you still tried to see the good in him gave away your true feelings.

So what kept you with him? Love. The word crawled under your skin, the love you felt burned your heart like acid. You weren't supposed to feel anything for him, yet it was true. There was a figment of you that couldn't deny it.

You loved him and yet since the very beginning, since you'd started to look at him through rose-colored glasses, from the time it all had started, you had been terrified of the outcome, you'd always been.

"I gotta say, you Survey Corps soldiers are very brave." You admitted after a long period of awkward silence.

You'd expected him to take pride in your comment, yet for some reason Floch avoided your gaze. "Not all of us are."

"Oh really?" You cocked an eyebrow as a smirk formed on your lips. "I've heard quite the opposite."

"What are you talking about?"  The red-head now faced you again, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion.

"I've heard lots of things from Zeke and Reiner.." You started, not knowing to what a mess your words could possibly lead. "Apparently they charged at Zeke, knowing that they would die, can you believe that?"

You continued without noticing how his facial expression had changed into a solemn one, his eyes narrowed. "I'm pretty sure you haven't been in the Survey Corps for long, but those poor bastards.. it's a shame they had to be born Eldian."

He'd blocked you out completely as he was captivated by the combination of emotions suddenly consuming him. He sat there nebulously, re-living the moment.

"Floch?"

His stomach was doing somersaults, he felt sick. He wanted nothing else but to fall to the ground and sob, those actions were hopeless though as he couldn't even utter a word. Although his memories were hazy, the emotions it made him feel were not. Yet just when he was about to confront his opponent, your words were ringing in his ears, asking him to come back from the darkness.

This wasn't real. It wasn't real. It was over, and he was safe. He wasn't in that gruesome battlefield all over again, he wasn't walking through the field that was soaked with the blood of his fallen comrades. This was just a figment of his imagination. It was a trick.

"Hey, stupid.."

You put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back into reality and out of the abyss of his nightmares. Frantically, his hazel orbs searched the remnants of his surroundings, distorted from what was real and what was just a part of his imagination. Then his eyes landed on you.

"What's wrong..?" You asked, almost sounding a little too concerned for your own liking, so you tried to mask your feelings, "Not that I really care, but is there something bothering you?"

"Huh.."

"...what is it?" Your voice suddenly softened at his confused state as you felt a surge of sympathy wash over you.

"It's.. nothing." He muttered as he turned away from you and heaved himself up, slowly picking up the rifle he'd set aside and putting it over his shoulder. "Excuse me.."

"What?" He ignored you and started walking away slowly, yet his distressed aura still lingered in the air.

"Where are you going?!"

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