OIKAWA REO

mesmerizing the view beside me, i sigh as i can't divert my attention to the lessons being discussed. nothing passes through my head, just clouds of thoughts and sadness.

as the bell rang, i flopped my head onto my desk before turning my head to the right, where kei was seated.

"what in the heck are you doing?" kei the dinosaur asks as i was staring at nowhere in particular. he must've thought that i was looking at him.

my mind is flying and i can't seem to focus to what was happening because of the news that i have heard. it feels like my soul had left my body and now, i feel as weak as an ant being stepped on for no reason at all. it was surely shocking and... well, sad.

"shouldn't you be happy about the news, though? isn't he your childhood friend?" yamaguchi asks out of the blue as he pulls up a chair and sits in front of kei and i, handing us some pork buns for lunch.

"and didn't you actually had feelings for him from the start?" yamaguchi adds, making kei widen his eyes and stare towards me.

"don't tell me this is about kageyama courting that transferee because to be honest, my ears bleed everytime i hear that topic." kei sighs out of annoyance, shaking his head in disbelief as he understands the situation.

"this friend of ours did have feelings for the king, too bad she didn't get to confess. it's your fault, anyway." kei scoffs as he diverts his attention to the book that he was reading.

"tsukki, play nice."

"that's the thing. that's why it hurts, like, double hurt!" i whine, frowning.

"that is not even a word. this is why i hate it when you get sad. your vocabulary meets its endpoint when you do." kei sighs, closing his book and diverts his attention to the conversation.

"but isn't it too fast? like, the girl just transferred a few days back, right? how come kageyama's courting her already?" yamaguchi asks in confusion and we answered him with a shrug.

"and i was supposed to tell him today." i pout, looking at the sky and i sighed afterwards.

"here i am again with my stupid insecurities." i smile sadly, munching on the pork bun, which left the two silent but the attention is still on me.

"well, the girl is pretty, you can't deny that." kei says, only earning a light smack on the arm from yamaguchi.

"try to be nicer! reo-chan's sad."

"no, he's correct."

my sentence caught their attention once again.

letting my long hair down, i sigh.

"she's pretty, unlike me. for sure, she's the one the fits kageyama's' standards." i smile, flopping my head on my desk once again.

"it hurts. i've never felt such feeling before." i tell them, tearing up.

"it's okay not to feel okay from time to time. it's part of living, reo." kei says, and to be honest, this is the very first advice that i have heard from him since i met him. it's kinda new.

"yeah, thanks." i say, out of energy to talk at all.

a long silence has filled the three of us and the conversations of our classmates kept on fading away, until all of them had left the classroom, but i refuse to raise my head with heavy tears on my eyes.

"we're going out to buy some drinks, reo-chan. wanna come with?" i hear yamaguchi ask, but i shook my head as a sign of a no. i refuse to walk around campus with a heavy heart.

"just buy me a banana milk, please."

with that said, they left and here i am in our classroom, alone.

i raise my head, staring over the horizon before sighing.

i'm such a coward, aren't i, nii-san?