"𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗼𝗻"
-𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗨𝗻𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗻

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𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗧𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲 - 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱𝗯𝘆𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿

It's been two months now since Valentina had broke down in Aaron's arms and only four months until James and everyone else gets back from tour. The Bau were in between cases and hadn't been assigned a new one yet so Val decided to catch up on some well needed rest. But the nightmares had different ideas.

"Enemies sighted at 12 0'clock, I repeat enemies sighted at 12 o'clock" Valentina heard Private Miles Pearce voice over the comms.

"Roger that, Pearce. Engage at will!" Val shouted over the gunfire as she moved closer to the target building while firing at whoever she could.

"Has anyone got eyes on Malik?" Val asked as she went behind a concrete post, her grip on her gun tightening.

"Not seen"

"Not seen, boss"

A few moments later, and Miles spoke again "All call signs, second floor clear"

Valentina fired a few more rounds before going back behind the concrete post when Pearce said "Suspected IED on rooftop" And that got her attention.

"Pearce get out of there-" But the woman didn't get to finish her sentence when the sound of a phone beeped "GET DOWN!" She shouted at her team just as an explosion went off.

High pitched ringing was all Valentina could hear in her ears as she clumsy stood up and ran as fast as she could to where Miles was "Miles! Miles!" She dropped down to her knees beside her friend.

"Wood, enter through left of courtyard! Lopez, front entrance!" Owen Ramirez shouted while the rest of the team stood around Valentina and Miles, their guns drawn and ready for any threat.

They watched in horror as Valentina started cpr on the fallen soldier "Come on Miles, come on!" She cried, giving him two breaths before going back to chest compressions "Don't you fucking die on me!" He had a family to go home to, a loving girlfriend and a baby on the way. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

A piercing scream left Valentina's mouth as she sat up in a frenzy, all the blood rushed back to her brain making her realise it was all just a nightmare and she wasn't back in Afghanistan.

"Your okay, your okay" She whispered, climbing out of bed and going to the kitchen to make herself a pot of coffee because she knew she wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon.

Pouring her coffee into her favourite mug when she jumped from her phone ringing causing her to spill the hot brew on her hand "Son of a bitch" Valentina mumbled, going to grab her phone before running her hand under the cold tap.

"Agent Ortiz" She greeted.

"Hey Val it's me" Ophelia Adam's broken voice spoke through the phone and that's all it took for Valentina's life to change forever.

Noah had been hit very badly in Afghanistan during the capture of Raheem Malik. Ophelia had done everything she possibly could, being the medic on tour, but even when he got transferred over to the professionals, they still couldn't save him. Luckily, Captain James had him sent over to the hospital in Quantico when he was finally stable.

When arriving at the hospital, Val's legs felt weak as she rushed over to the reception desk and demanded the number for Noah's room. She needed to see him, one final time.

Noah was hooked up to many wires and he was still on life support, the only thing keeping him alive, until his parents made the decision to turn it off. And speaking of his parents, they were gonna be heart broken and Gabriella, she wouldn't have a big brother to look up to anymore. Valentina had promised her that Captain James was gonna bring him home in one piece and now that promise was broken with no way to repair it.

Trauma changes everyone because there's no such thing as 'getting over it.' The five stages of grief model marks universal stages to learn to accept loss and it starts with denial were it's hard to believe that someone important is not coming back, you feel numb to the world and just pretend that nothing ever happened. Then you have anger where sometimes you feel mad at them because they died before their time or even at yourself for things you did or didn't do before their death.

Next is bargaining. When you are in pain, it's hard to accept that their is nothing you can do to change things so you start to make deals with yourself to believe that if you act in a particular way you'll feel better. Then the worst of it all, depression. The pain of grief can come in waves over months or years. At one point, life may even feel like it no longer holds any more meaning because of that certain person's death.

And finally, you accept. You somehow accept what has happened and the pain may start to ease but in reality, it's so much bigger than that. A major life disruption like a soldier not coming back from his tour, leaves a whole new normal in its wake. So forget the 'I'm back to the old me' because you are different now and no one can say otherwise.

However, it's not all negative. Healing from a trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy you didn't even know you had. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in effort to preserve or present things as normal.

It's to acknowledge and wear your new life because yeah, you may never 'get over' the death of that one person but you can learn to live again and if it's not for you then live for them. Live the life that they never got to finish and maybe, just maybe you'll find it in your heart to keep going because that's all they would've wanted for you.

But Valentina had no clue how to feel or what to think as she sat on the chair next to Noah's bed, her warm hand holding his cold one with his goodbye letter, that James had brought with him, in her other hand.

Valentina,

I know you said if I ever buy the farm on a mission, I better not leave my death letter to you. Well, I am, so get over it.

The thing is Valentina, there is no one else. Even after we broke up I knew you were the only girl I'd ever love and I'm alright with that.

About the dying part, I am gutted and all that and I hope you can make sure my parents are okay for me and look after Gabby while I'm gone but, I do hope it was quick.

Vee, when I gave you that ring it was a promise to you that I'd always be there and if you're reading this letter, then that means I broke my promise and I'm sorry about that.

But there was also another reason why I gave you that ring and it was a promise that I'll always love you. You have shown me what love is and what it feels like to be loved and I could never be more grateful for that.

You were the person I knew I could always turn to when I needed help, or to smile or even just a hug. And I know you didn't just impact my life, you impacted Gabby's life too. You were the big sister she always wanted and my parents, well, you were the daughter they never had. Also, I think we all know they liked you a little more than me. Just don't tell them I said that.

I know this is going to sound really depressing, not like this letter doesn't already but, there was always them tours that you didn't come with us so I had this photo of you and Gabby and I put it over my bed so you could both look over me when I slept. I guess now it's my turn to watch over you both while you sleep and keep you safe in your dreams.

Valentina, I really did love you with all I had. You were everything to me even if I didn't always show it.

I don't wanna take up too much of your time so I'm just gonna finish it off here and say, remember me. Remember that guy way back when and maybe, just maybe if anything good happens, think that it might just be me and Miles having a word with God, sorting it out for you. I love you Vee, never forget that.

- Corporal Noah Wood