the official butterfly playlist : made by me <3

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐞

"My pretty bird. Fly, fly far away. I know I'll find you again someday."

That's the song your mom would sing you all the time. She wrote it and you kept the songsheet she wrote it on. Your mom's voice was always smooth like silk. That was before she died. Now she is just as silent as she used to be whenever she took a nap after preparing Sunday dinner. You remember the day she passed so vividly.

She was laying in her bed so peacefully. The two of you had just got done watching Moesha reruns on the janky hospital tv she had in her room. Her frail hand never left yours. She stared at the window, repeating how much she loved you and looking at whatever the view from the hospital bed allowed her to see. It was a Sunday in spring. It had been warm up until that day and when you thought it would've rained, it ended up snowing. Maybe it was a sign, that your mom was now a snowflake.

But, the moment she took her last breath a blue butterfly along with a bluejay came to the window. Now there was no real way of telling which one she reincarnated to but when you left the hospital in shambles, a whole flock of bluejays passed by you, one landing right next to your foot. Now there was no doubt. You tried getting into your car but the bird followed you. It freaked you out a little, especially when it hopped into your car, riding passenger. And now, you have a pet bluejay.

Beside that, the loss of your mom took so much out of you. Instead of going to college, you wanted to jump head first into your music career. It was you and your mom's dream to have her feature in a few songs with you. A mother-daughter duo. However, you realized studio fees and getting a team together did cost money. So you began stripping. To everyone else you were a sex symbol but you knew deep down, you were just another broken girl dancing on a metal pole. It made good money though, especially for someone who looked like you. You managed to buy your own apartment and car, still having money to pay all of your bills and fees.

With that being said, you were grateful to have friends like yours, especially Jean. The rest of your friend group would be there for you but Jean went as far to stay with you in your apartment for damn near a month when your mom passed. He knew how much she meant to you and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't heartbroken too. Jean, Connie, Armin, Mikasa, Eren, and Sasha, used to be over your mom's house everyday since middle school and up until she went to the hospital. Your mom took them as her own, helping to raise a few of them since you were the only child and some of your friends didn't have the best home life.

Jean stayed up with you all of the countless nights, you'd lie awake crying though he had to be up early that morning to go to his classes. Luckily your apartment was really close to campus so he didn't have to travel to far out, running on basically no hours of sleep.

Whenever it was time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when he was there, he would cook for you and sit with you until you got the strength to finish at least more than half of your meal. Whenever you were restless, just wandering around the apartment, he would take you to a location and have you sit and watch him take pictures for his portfolio that was due for whatever job he was applying to. That or he would sit you down in your living room and paint with you. You were never any good at it but he still helped tweak your painting as much as he could, without altering what you wanted.

You would think the two of you were bound to fall in love with all the time you spent but no. The feelings you felt for him were unrequited, though he really didn't know about it. But to be fair, you had liked him since freshman year. And since freshman year you had saw him go from girl to girl. You fucked with him heavy, that was gang for real, but he was kinda.. promiscuous. Power to him but it still hurt. The only people who knew were Connie and Eren, maybe everyone was too oblivious or busy to notice.

"(y/n)..(Y/N) !"

You snapped out of your daze, looking up at your manager and agent, Hange and Levi. "We need you to be focused (y/n). We don't have all day," Levi said with an attitude.

You took a moment to look around at your surroundings and you quickly got yourself together. It was six in the evening and you were at your photoshoot. That's right, you were at a photo shoot. For what you might ask ? It was for your cover art for your new album that would be hitting the streets soon. It's been in the works for a while but came into even higher demand when your friend, Connie posted him dancing to a snippet of one of the songs on the project onto TikTok. Everyone loved it and was begging for you to release it. That's when you shot from 10k followers to 856k. It was almost too good to be true but it's what your team and you have been waiting for for the past year. So when it came, you didn't think twice about it.

"Sorry," you said lowly before getting ready to readjust yourself.

"Actually we got enough pictures in this outfit. We'll take a break and then you can change into your next look," Hange reasoned. "We'll meet back at eight everyone."

You walked off of the set and silently walked back to your dressing room. "(y/n) everything okay ?" Eren called, walking next to you.

"Yeah just uh.. lost in thought."

You turned into your dressing room and took a seat. Eren threw himself onto the small but comfortable couch that was in the room. "You've been daydreaming a lot recently," the brunette said tossing one of the pillows that were on the couch up into the air before catching it.

"Do I ?" you question, already starting to zone out. It wasn't on purpose but as you neared the anniversary of your mom passing, your mind found it harder and harder to stay focused.

"You do." You turn to the new voice that added itself to the conversation and it was Connie. Your friends usually came to your shoots because they had stuff that they wanted to learn about the industry. Connie helped you to produce music, Eren wanted to learn the ropes for management, Sasha wanted to learn how to get better at being a makeup artist, Mikasa and Armin were damn near your personal stylists, and Jean wanted to get better at photography and even try shooting some things for you. Usually they would all be here but Sasha had a previously scheduled makeup appointment and Mikasa and Armin had a project due for one of their classes. However, they did send you outfits to wear. So, tonight it was just going to be you, Eren, Connie, and Jean.

"What's up homegirl," he said, coming over to your chair to wrap his arms around your shoulder.

"Hey," your reply.

"You good ? Why aren't you out there ?" Connie said, worried about his friend.

"Yeah we're just on a break."

"Til' when ?"

"Til' eight," Eren answers.

"Damn, all that time ? Wanna go out to eat or somethin' ?"

"Can't she has to start getting ready at around 7:00," Eren once again answered for you.

"You're not her manager yet relax," Connie side-eyed him.

There was then two knocks on the outside of your dressing room door. "Sorry I'm late."

There he was. The boy of your dreams who only thought of you as a friend. And he'd never know but was a muse for a lot of the songs on the album. His hair was in the same mullet as it always was, his hair looking fluffy.  He had on a pair of jeans and a black graphic tee and in his hand he had McDonalds for everyone but a separate bag just for you, since he knew that you liked to eat the fries at the bottom of the bag. He laid your bag onto the vanity that was in the room before tossing the food onto Eren's lap. The drinks, he placed on a small coffee table in the room. "Why aren't you out there ?" Jean asked, leaning in for a hug. When he got closer, you got a waft of his vanilla scent. It filled your nostrils seeming as though to raise your serotonin levels.

"We're taking a break," you answer.

"A break ? Why ? Are you okay ?" Jean questioned, letting go of you to look at you through the mirror.

"I'm fine," you answer.

"Where were you Jean ?" Eren asked.

"Getting McDonald's."

"Y'know Levi is gonna be mad you're giving her junk food," Connie sighed.

Jean shrugged his shoulders. "So what ?"

"Wait you mean to tell me it took you this long to get McDonald's ?"

"Oh I was also out with.. Mia," he replied, nonchalantly. He was waiting for the backlash he was going to get for his answer.

And it was well deserved too. Mia was a girl that has had an on and off fling with Jean for the past three years. Now whenever they weren't "together", Jean would have his fair share of women but when they were he was loyal. Which was stupid. Dumb as hell. It's one thing if they were officially dating but she would always tell Jean she didn't want a relationship. And like an idiot he would stay with her, hoping she'd change. At least he would stay until she said she wanted to "work on herself" but she would really just go sleep with someone else for a few months. Then she would see Jean starting to do well financially and it just so happens she "found herself." Jean says that he won't let her back in but your whole friend group knew what would happen eventually.

"Just come right out and say it guys," Jean said, starting to hang his head low.

Eren and you shrugged, not having anything else to see that he hasn't heard yet.  That's when Connie spoke. "Jean. I've known you since we were little."

"Right.."

"And through all these years, I don't think I've seen you do something this fucking stupid."

"Relax. I'm not going to let her that close. Just hookups at most. Plus she's just lonely."

"How can a hoe like that be lonely-Oh shit I didn't mean to say it out loud. Honest," Eren said, laughing because he was honestly surprised that his intrusive thought managed to slip out.

You cupped your hands over your mouth in attempt to hold back a laugh. Jean's eyes narrowed. "Real mature. And (y/n) ?"

"Hm ?"

"I'm sure you have something to say about this ?"

As a best friend it was your responsibility to protect him but like your mom always said, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

"I mean I don't like her but if you think you won't get hurt this time, then it's fine by me."

You just might have been the best liar to ever walk the earth because he smiled at your answer. "Thank (y/n)."

"Jean. If you want to help with the shoot, come here !" Hange called in a sing-song voice.

"Guess I gotta go over some things. I'll catch you guys," Jean said before exiting the room.

"You, (y/n), are a liar." Connie squinted his eyes at you.

You put on your way confused face and answered him in a sarcastic tone. "I have not a clue of what you are speaking about Constance."

"You like Jean. Yet you tell Jean to follow his heart."

"I didn't say to 'follow his heart'-"

"You mind as well have," Eren added.

Soon after, your substitute glam squad came into the room and pushed the boys to sit on the couch in the back of the dressing room. They were disturbances at times, with Connie not being able to keep still and Eren agreeing to play whatever silly game Connie comes up with. So the makeup artists wanted them as out of the way as possible. When they finished, it was 7:45, giving you enough time to finish getting ready, only the accessories Mikasa and Armin disclosed for you because this part of the shoot you would be nude.

Nothing you weren't too unfamiliar with since you stripped for a living, however you at least had something covering the goods. A skimpy bra and spandex bottoms but it was still something. You put on a robe for until you were ready to actually take the pictures. Connie and Eren, out of respect (though they saw you at work countless times) turned around while you put it on.

It was then time to head back to your shoot. You walked out of the room, Eren and Connie following close behind you. But that's when your heart sank to your stomach. Jean was about to see you butterball ass naked. Like the rest of your friends, they've seen you strip at the club but this is a whole other level. Your body is beautiful but you were still scared.

"(y/n) dear ! Feeling better ?" Hange asked, walking up tp you with a steaming cup of green tea and honey. "Want some ?"

"I'm good Hange," you reply.

"Alright. Well Jean is waiting for you over there."

Hange pointed to the cloud themed set. You walked over, managing to stumble over air at least once. Eren and Connie took their stances next to Jean as he played around with the camera's adjustments. "Hey (y/n), ready ?" Jean asked, his eyes trailing down. He quickly realized he might've been staring and looked you in your eyes, offering you a half-smile.

Okay (y/n) don't make this weird, you think to yourself. "Yeah. Very ready," you answer, awkwardly. Great now it's weird.

He followed you over to the pieces of cotton and different props of the set. "So whenever you're ready just take your robe off and we'll get started," Jean directed.

You nodded your head and sat down on the cold floor. You removed the robe, tossing it off to the side. For the first few pictures you laid your back and on your stomach, adjusting your body's position so that full tit and vag wasn't out. Jean directed you to switch positions when he felt like you had enough pictures in one. At one point he wanted you to sit up and freestyle it. But you had no clue what to do so you ended up looking awkward. Levi loved you like a daughter but he was on your back about how you looked. "(y/n) you have to get your head in the game. You've been off all day," Levi commented.

"I think she knows that." Connie defended you.

"Alright alright," Jean left the camera to jog over to you. He slipped off his crocs so that he could come next to you and crouch down, without getting the setup dirty. "You've been out of it," he said.

Instinctively, you covered your body. "I know. Everyone keeps reminding me."

"It's okay. Wanna hang out later ?" He asked.

"If I can make it through this shoot."

Jean looked around at the props as his creative mind raced. "Here. Let me help you." He handed you pieces of cotton and adjusted the ones around you to cover you up from the bottom up, pretty much creating a wall. "Okay and put your hands..like this." His hands were cold, making you shivered. But nonetheless you allowed him to take each hand, crossing your arms over your chest. For a final touch he cupped your chin into his hand and slightly moved your face away from his. He was slow and careful, making sure to not make you uncomfortable. "There. Picture perfect."

You chuckle. "I'm far from it."

"You're not (y/n). And if you feel out of it again, let me know. You know I got you. Okay ?"

You smile and nod. "Okay."

"Great." He runs back to the camera and wastes no time snapping more pictures of you. A few of them later, his jaw dropped. "(y/n). (y/n) come here real quick."

"Oh. Okay."

Connie runs to give you your robe so that you didn't have to walk around naked. You made your way over to the camera where the boys, Levi, and Hange were gathered around. They were marveling over one picture. Jean tilted the screen to show you and you understood why they were so happy about it. This was it. This was your album cover and the photo you would use for promo. And it was all thanks to Jean.

Shortly after, you headed back to the dressing room to change and gather your things. While he waited, Jean edited the picture so that you could waste no time to post it.

𝗺𝗶𝗸𝗮𝘀𝗮_𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 : so sad we couldn't style u in person :(. it looks amazing tho babes, keep following your dreams💕!
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : y'all still had me looking fly 😩 ! u & @cariterarmin are the best fr
└ 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻 : cough cough we been knew

𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻 : loving the outcome 😍.i love you, you amazing woman !
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : i love you more 💕💕💕💕

𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗵.𝘁𝗵𝗲.𝗺𝘂𝗮 : gorgeous as always😩 (even though i wasn't on the beat) 🥲
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : i missed u for the shoot😩😩 pls be there next time
└ 𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗵.𝘁𝗵𝗲.𝗺𝘂𝗮 : of course !

𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗶𝗻 : we're the dynamic duo 🤞🏽
└ 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 : duo ?!?!😵‍💫
└ 𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗵.𝘁𝗵𝗲.𝗺𝘂𝗮 : right mf there's a whole TEAM🤥🤥
└ 𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻.𝗷 : right....
└ 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻 : get a load of this guy 😂
└ 𝗺𝗶𝗸𝗮𝘀𝗮_𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 : smh so fuck us huh ?💔🫥
└ 𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗶𝗻 : sorry guys 😞 y'all right. we're up next !!

𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻.𝗷 : GO GIRL ! LOVE YOU BRO.🥺💙💙💙💙
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : I LOVE U TOO MR J

𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 : WE GOING UP FR !! GO MISS MF (Y/N) MF DIAMONDS.
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : THEE CONNIE SPRINGER. thanks for coming tonight 💕

𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻 : great shoot. proud of you for pushing through (y/n).
└ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀.(𝘆/𝗻).𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 : thank you Levi 💙

𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

Connie and Eren had went home, leaving just you and Jean up to your devices for the night. The two of you decided to just head back to your apartment so you guys can catch up on Grand Army on Netflix. The series was cancelled but the two of you have been meaning to watch it for a while now.

The two of you were sitting on the couch, Jean laying his head onto your shoulder. "Bro she's pissing me off," you said, referring to the Leila character.

"She's just a little lost. That's all," Jean replied taking the bag of chips from your hand so that he could get some.

"No Jean she's annoying. Finna make me turn this shit off."

He sucked his teeth before laughing. He let a moment go by where the two of you just continued to watch the screen until Jean spoke again. "So. The shoot. What was with you ?"

"What do you mean ?"

"Apparently you were out of it the whole time. And you've been zoning out a bit." His hazel eyes scanned yours to try and look for an answer to his questions through any changes in your facial expressions. Even if it was a small change.

You sighed. "Well. I dunno. Things have just been weird with the music and then my mom's date. Just can't keep my mind on one thing for too long, you know ?"

Jean put his arm over your shoulder and pulled you closer. "I understand. Go ahead and vent."

You and Jean stayed there, him listening to your troubles. You felt at peace in the moment and after you were done, it was like you were ten pounds lighter. All you needed was someone to listen, though you were sure your other friends would, it felt good talking to Jean.

He made you feel safe.

happy first chapter <3

how are u guys feeling ab this ? personally I like it better than cam girl

(let's pretend this dropped on my bday)