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Pathetic.

That's what I am.

Roaming on the terrace, talking to myself all day and night, not giving a single fuck about people who gave me those disgusted looks knowing that no one likes to be near me, just because I am some type of bad luck to them.

People who were close to me in any way will always be dead the next day they came into my life. Why is that? I don't have any fucking clue.

Now people are frightened to be with me, they are even afraid of my dark shadow.

I scoffed at myself. What a life!

Standing on the top wall of the college building is always tremendous to me, no matter how much people believe this as terrifying but for me, it's the most wonderful sight in my life.

How satisfying is it to think that just after one step of yours will lead you to the most beautiful escape, death!

This is the smallest step we ever take and it will lead you to heaven where you can be happy, away from your miserable and depressing life.

The soul of mine is hungry for this, it is thirsty for pain, eager for becoming something which I never think I wanted to become.

But now I liked It. Like to be a monster who doesn't care about anyone's feelings. Like to the one who doesn't listen to what others say.

But is it what I am really as a person?

I think no!

'I don't give a fuck about anything' is just a phase for me to run away from reality and wanted to hide my weak self.

Yes, weak. I am so fucking weak.

I wanted to end my life just by taking this one step but I am scared, scared to leave sometime.

No one is here with me to tell me that I am worth living. Not a single fucking soul is here for me to tell me that I need to live for them. I gave happiness to them.

'You are our happiness. We are happy that you are born. We are lucky to have you in our life.' That's what parents say to their children, right?

Fuck this! What if no parents are there to tell you these sweet talks? What if you didn't even know how your parents look like? What if you never know if your parents want you? Or you are just broken-

Even if no one is here I don't want to die.

Dense, right?

Oh, I know I am a dense person.

I heaved a heavy sigh and simply sat on the wall, people who were screaming for me to not jump are now relieved that I didn't commit suicide.

Don't act like you care, bloody fools!!

This happens every day. It's not anymore new and thrilling to me. But I don't know what I need in my life. I am so confused about my future. Is there any future for me?

I don't know even if I am in college.

The wind is blowing harshly as if slapping my face.

"Oh thanks for the motivation, I needed this so much," I sarcastically mumbled and rolled my eyes.

I tuck my skirt a little up to see something fascinating.

Fresh is always gorgeous.

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