Genre: Supernatural Comedy | Chaotic Found Family | "Who let them touch the Latin"
Cast: &TEAM as modern-day roommates dabbling in the occult with no adult supervision

🔮 The Premise

All they wanted...
was better Wi-Fi.

Jo: "The router's possessed."
Nicholas: "We've tried rebooting it five times."
Yuma: "We could just call the company—"
Taki: "OR WE COULD SUMMON A SPIRIT OF CONNECTIVITY."

No one stopped him.

📖 Step 1: The Ritual Book

They borrow (steal) a dusty old book labeled:

"Rites of Reach & Realms of Signal"
from a very cursed-looking antique shop. Maki asks zero questions.

Inside? A spell promising "uninterrupted connection to the other realm."

Fuma: "This seems fake."
Taki: "So does Wi-Fi. And yet it works."

🕯️ Step 2: The Setup

Salt circle? ✅

Ethernet cable tied around a candle? ✅

Harua wearing a tinfoil crown? ✅

The chant, read by EJ in his "serious voice"? ✅

Yuma plugs in the final wire and yells, "NOW."

They chant:

"Signal, spirit, ghost in the stream,
Lift our lag and grant the dream."

"By the speed of light and data flow,
Bless our bandwidth—LET IT GO."

💥 Step 3: Immediate Regret

The lights flicker.
The air hums.
The router levitates.

Nicholas: "WHY IS THE COFFEE MAKER GLOWING."

Jo: "There's a notification on the mirror—"

K: "Did anyone consider this might not summon Wi-Fi, but an actual ghost?"

Yuma: "Too late. I hear dial-up noises in my brain."

The TV turns on. Static.
Then a voice:

"YOUR CONNECTION HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED. PLEASE ENTER YOUR SOUL TO CONTINUE."

🚨 Step 4: Summoned Entity Enters

A figure crawls out of the router.

They are glowing. Hovering. Slightly pixelated.

They say:

"Who dares summon me for... streaming speed."

Nicholas, panicking: "Sorry. We just wanted to watch season 2 of that one show."

The entity blinks.

"You wasted my ancient power... for Netflix?!"

Yuma: "It's a really good show—"

⚠️ Step 5: The Bargain

Taki tries to offer snacks.

Jo offers a Spotify premium trial.

Harua bows and offers... the tinfoil crown.

Finally, the entity points at EJ:

"You. You seem competent."

EJ: "Do not lie to me like that."

Eventually, they agree on a deal:

"You leave us functioning internet, and we stop summoning you on accident."

The entity nods, mutters something in binary, and disappears into the toaster.

The Wi-Fi bar goes to full.

Everyone cheers.

The coffee machine bursts into flames.

The Wi-Fi works now.

But the mirror sometimes says "buffering" when they walk by.

And no one's allowed to chant near the microwave again.

The Wi-Fi Ritual: Member Reviews

Rating system: ⭐ out of 5 stars
Review site: TotallyRealSpells dot com

🧃 Nicholas — 2/5 stars

"Wi-Fi works now but the ghost installed adware in my dreams.
Also I still can't connect to Bluetooth.
Docked points because my iced coffee boiled itself mid-chant."

🎧 Jo — 4/5 stars

"Didn't panic. Didn't scream. Just vibed.
Mirror glitched and showed me what I would've looked like as a 12th-century knight.
Kind of hot.
Would summon again with supervision."

🍜 Yuma — 1/5 stars

"I sneezed mid-ritual and now my phone only types in emojis.
Also I think the ghost subscribed me to an ancient forum.
Pretty sure I have an account on GeoCities now???"

🐱 Taki — 5/5 stars

"Would 1000% summon again.
The entity called me 'a glitch in the code' which was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also I got a 5-bar signal in the basement. Basement."

📚 Harua — 3/5 stars

"Mixed feelings. My roses are glowing and my cat speaks Latin.
On the plus side, my notes now auto-scroll in the air.
On the downside, my shampoo plays elevator music."

🎂 Maki — 0/5 stars

"I left for ONE second to frost a cupcake and came back to a cursed router and Nicholas reciting code backwards.
Absolutely not. My cake imploded."

📺 EJ — 2.5/5 stars

"Wi-Fi's better.
But now the toaster sings when I'm sad."

📦 Sequel: "Delivery.exe (K.exe Has Crashed)"

Plot: K tries to magically summon a food delivery driver. Accidentally opens a portal to 1997 instead. Everyone suffers.

🚪 The Setup:

K's hungry. The delivery app won't load.
Nicholas suggests ordering manually.

K: "That's barbaric. I have a spellbook and ambition."

No one stops him. Again.

💻 The Ritual:

A triangle of sauce packets.
A hoodie as the ceremonial robe.
Chanting with one AirPod in.

"Bring me one who brings the feast—
From screen to door, from west to east."

A delivery portal opens.

But instead of pizza...

They summon 1997.

📼 The Chaos:

Jo's phone transforms into a translucent pager.

Fuma walks in and says: "Why is there a Tamagotchi screaming in the fridge?"

Nicholas finds a Blockbuster membership card in his pocket.

Taki downloads AOL via dial-up out loud.

EJ appears in a windbreaker he doesn't remember owning and just mutters, "I've been here before."

📞 The Visitor:

A glowing man in a visor and rollerblades skates through the portal.

He's holding:

"One large supreme. Cash only."

Yuma pays in pogs. The man bows, gives a Windows 95 error noise, and evaporates.

💬 Final Line:

They got the pizza.
But the microwave now plays Y2K countdown music every midnight.

And somewhere in the vents...

Clippy is watching.