NEW PROMISES AND GENTLE CARESSES
august 1st

(  she cried for the day he would come to her with no hesitation, yet that day would never come  )

"I don't trust these doctors. I still think we should go back to Chicago, they were smarter there." Her mom complained once again, judgment clear in her tone. She was still beyond upset over being told to leave for a couple hours, which had turned into the next day.

Alice had been resisting the urge just to allow sleep to take over her once more. She was exhausted from the tests, from all the questions, she just wanted to sleep now.

"They are all stupid, mom." She mumbled incoherently.

Her hand was rubbing her chest softly, each breath caused the pain to flare up. It had been bugging her since last night, practically keeping her awake till the sun rose.

Her mom scoffed from annoyance, her eyes narrowing judgmentally at Alice. "You couldn't even sleep last night, it's all this place's fault." She gestured around the small room, which she had also complained about; saying how it's too small in size to be comfortable.

Alice shook her head, dismissing her complaints with an exhale. "I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe well." She corrected, her words slurred from exhaustion.

Her eyes felt heavy, being kept open out of anxiety for her results. She could feel herself swaying in her spot, her free hand pressing down on the mattress to keep her upright.

"They should've given you something to help you sleep. A good doctor would know when their patient needs help." Her mother retorted, her tone sharp with frustration.

She found herself twisting on the bed, her left cheek hitting the pillow softly. Her gaze was trained on the cracked door, partially hoping the doctor would come in and tell her mother to leave again.

Alice could distantly hear her mother going on about the unfairness of this hospital, spouting out complaints after complaints.

She found herself cutting her mother off, "What if I'm dying again?" Her voice cracked with unease, the sentence causing the pain in chest to halt for a moment. Her expression remained neutral, no hint of sadness nor fear was evident.

Her mother froze in her seat. In her peripheral vision, she could see her mouth falling open and closed till she exhaled, preparing herself for the 'you will be okay' speech. One she had grown accustomed to.

"It's probably just a flare up. You've had those before and they just sent you home with better medicine and then you were better. Don't automatically imagine the worst possible scenario." This speech was the same as the rest, a little more mature due to her age.

Her last flare up was when she was twelve, she could remember the way her eyes burned when she cried herself to sleep that night. Clutching onto her doll as her breathing sped up to the point where she thought she would die that night.

She lived through that night, finding out the next morning it was a panic attack.

"And if it's not a flare up?" She questioned, speaking even though she could barely get the words out.

The silence that filled the room was her answer.

Alice could feel her anxiety rising at each passing minute, the noises outside of her door were the only thing she could focus on. Her mother had gone quiet, creating a silence that had Alice squirming in her place.

The results were clear in her mind, she had cheated her death once; it was bound to catch up with her again.

A welcoming knock pulled her out of her thoughts, immediately seeing Doctor Greyer with papers in his hand.

"Good morning. I apologize for the tests taking so long, I wanted to run a few more just to be sure of some things." His tone was gentle. The smile on his lips didn't quite reach his eyes.

He was not carrying good news.

Alice had slowly pushed herself up, giving the doctor a slightly pointed look when he had seemed to try and help her up. Her eyes had fallen towards the papers clutched between his tensed hands.

He glanced towards her mother before he twisted to attach the papers to the board behind him.

"Originally in the first three tests we did, they were an exact comparison to some of your older results. In these scans, it shows your lungs which aren't in the condition they should be." He gestured to the charts, comparing the four scans, each showing the same results. He glanced at Alice with a sorrowful gleam in his eyes before he continued, "In the extra tests I requested, we took some scans of your heart and brain to just check some things." He placed the magnet on top of the four new pictures.

Her lips fell agape in a silent gasp, her hand shooting up to land on her chest. She could barely feel herself breathing, it was like she had no oxygen left to breathe.

"Both are slowly failing. I thought maybe your scans looked like these before, but these are drastically different." He bluntly explained. "I give you at least three months."

Tears sprang to her eyes, her vision being blurred by the stinging substance. She could barely breathe, her lungs were burning.

"I'm so sorry. We request that she stays under our supervision, maybe something will change between now and then." He continued to speak despite seeing how each word made her cave into herself more.

"Is there anything new you are going to put her on? To lessen the pain in any way. Or is there anything that'll help slow it down once again?" Her mother seemed unfazed by the news, immediately jumping into action.

Unlike Alice who was frozen in her spot, she could distantly hear his response. Unable to register it in her mind past her shock.

She had known the news wouldn't work in her favor, yet seeing it through her own eyes.

She had three months.

Alice cut the conversation off, "Can I take a walk?" She winced at the vulnerability in her voice, a sniffle following her words.

Sympathy was shown on the doctor's features. "Of course. Just be back within the hour so we can discuss some things with you."

Before her mother could interfere or detest, Alice was pushing herself off the bed. Ignoring the way her legs wobbled as she pathetically limped out of the room.

Alice was dragging herself along one of the walls, her tear filled eyes trained to the ground. Her chest felt tight, the pain was dull, almost unable to breathe past her panic.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." She murmured, voice breaking once she found herself in a secluded corner.

Her back made contact with the wall, her hand laying flat against her chest as she slid down. Her forehead made contact with her knees once she landed on the ground.

Her lower lip was caught between her teeth, attempting to conceal her cries. Tears soon began to wet her sweats, shoulders shaking from the intensity of her cries.

The grip she had on her lower legs, had her fingers turning white from intensity. Another way of keeping her grounded, reminder that she was alive in a sense.

Alice's sobs subsided, her throat felt raw as tiny hiccups passed her now parted lips. Her cheeks were stained with dry tears, cheeks flushed a soft pink. 

"That's the 'I just found out the worst news in my life' type of cry." A boy spoke from beside her, his voice sounded rough, as if he was struggling to speak.

Alice slowly raised her head, green eyes connected with the deep brown above her.

Her eyes were drawn to his messy curls, soon flickering over his appearance. He was wearing grey sweats with a 'the wallows' tee. His wrist had a white band around it, indicating he was a patient.

She brought a hand up to fiercely wipe at her cheeks, desperate to get rid of the evidence. "More like long awaited news." Alice replied. her voice low from the inability to raise it any higher, due to the burning sensation.

"If you were suspecting it, why are you crying?" He questioned with curiosity in his tone. His brows were furrowed, eyes staring down at her with open emotion.

Alice only shrugged, the corner of her lips tipping into a half done smile. "I don't know." She said honestly.

His eyes finally fell from hers, landing on her shirt with a raised brow. "I'd be crying too if i was wearing a justin bieber shirt." His voice was judgy, yet it had caused her to release a laugh.

She felt grateful that he changed the topic. She glanced back up at the boy, gesturing to her shirt. "What's wrong with jb?" She questioned, mocking offense on her features.

"What's wrong with jb? You, just asking me that offends me." He replied with disgust, glancing down at the floor before sliding down beside her.

Her body was quick to shuffle away, grateful that he paid no attention to it.

Alice angled her head to the side, "I don't like him as a person, but his music is good." She excused, lips widening at his scoff.

"His music is ass." He replied bluntly, his features twisting into pure disgust.

She rolled her eyes, the palm of her hand coming to wipe away the last of her tears. "Despite your terrible liking for justin bieber, I guess you deserve to know my name. I'm benny thomas." Only shifting his body just a bit with a tip of his head.

"I'm alice livingston and again, just his music." Her cheek fell against her knee, a gentle smile played on her lips.

Just as his lips parted to say something else, a nurse happened to walk by. "Benny. You were supposed to be in your therapy minutes ago." She scolded, glaring at the two accusingly.

Her brows furrowed quickly, "It was my fault, I asked him to stay here for a couple minutes." She excused, attempting to not recoil when he nudged her shoulder gently.

"Mhm sure it was. Come on, Benny." The nurse said, turning to walk in the direction she came from.

"She's always ruining my plans." He grumbled, using a hand to push himself up with a slight cough. His eyes fell on Alice's figure, sympathy crossing his features. "I'll see you around Alice, hopefully by then you'll have a better music taste."

He started to walk away before he snapped back around, "Did you hear about the attack that happened here yesterday?" He questioned, seemingly a bit concerned.

She shook her head, completely oblivious to what he meant. "No. I was asleep cause of tests most of yesterday." She said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with not knowing what happened.

"Apparently some kid went crazy and hurt another patient. I wouldn't be worried though, weird things happen here all the time." He glanced back down at her, leaving her with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Her eyes watched as he skipped down the hallway, bringing his headphones over his head to block out noise.

She had felt off as he left, almost regretting that she allowed him to tell her what happened. Had the kid that came in yesterday got hurt? Who had gotten hurt? Was she almost hurt? Those questions made her feel uneasy as she slid back up the wall.

Alice glanced towards the direction she came from, a sigh falling from her lips. She quickly wiped away any proof of how much she cried, preparing herself to go to her room.

...

Her mother was currently signing the paperwork for her to live here, the medication she will be forced to take. The paperwork was something she was never allowed to even glance at, her mother says she doesn't need to. That she should learn just to trust her and the doctors.

Alice had been moved to a different part of the hospital, the area meant for live in patients. Her room was a bit larger than her last, they had even allowed for her to bring her own bedding.

She was currently unpacking her suitcase, clothes were messily covering the bed, some even ending up on the ground. Her bedding was already set, her medication cart as well. She had a terrible headache from unpacking so much, it had been hours now.

She released a frustrated groan, not paying attention as she threw the lavender hoodie behind her with slight anger. Not realizing how the door was now opened, with a figure standing in the doorway.

"What did the hoodie do to you?" Rang from behind her.

Alice whipped around, a surprised squeak passing her lips. "Scott." She breathed out, her shoulders fell as she relaxed. "Uhm, I'm looking for something but I can't find it." She explained, turning back around awkwardly.

"What are you looking for?" He questioned, carefully stepping over the fallen clothes to lay the hoodie at the edge of the bed. His eyes trailed around the room, his features were a bit confused.

She glanced up towards Scott, afraid he would judge her from her response. "It's a... It's a teddy bear. I take him to every hospital with me but I can't find him." She blurted out, wincing at the panic in her own voice. "I know it is a weird thing to freak out over but-"

He quickly cut her off, his eyes widening with mild panic. "No! It's not weird. I understand. Do you usually put him in your suitca- Every hospital?" He realized, brows knitting in confusion. His eyes flickered over the room once again. "Are you moving in here?" He questioned.

Alice visibly curled into herself, her cheeks blooming with a bright embarrassed blush. "Those tests yesterday was for how my sickness was doing and uh... it kinda got bad again so I have to move in." Her voice slowly faded out, shifting in her spot at his expression.

His eyes were studying her carefully, it was like he was staring into her soul. "Oh..." He murmured. His hands falling to rest on the bedding, a slight sigh falling past his lips. "So are you like stuck here?" He questioned.

She nodded slowly, "I mean I can leave for certain hours but yeah, i have to stay here so they can monitor me and if anything goes wrong." She slowly relaxed, moving to sit sideways on the edge of the bed. Shifting under his gaze with slight discomfort.

"So you don't go to school? Well I mean, public." He questioned, sliding to sit beside her, pushing aside her suitcase.

Alice subtly scooted back just an inch, his eyes falling to the spot between them before glancing back up.

"I used to, last time I went, I think I was twelve. Sadly I had to miss eighth grade and practically all of highschool." She humored, snorting softly at her own lane joke.

The corners of his lips quirked, "At least you didn't have to deal with that awkward stage between middle school to high school." He joked in return, easily pulling a smile on her lips.

"Jokes on you, I never had an awkward stage." She said proudly, her lips forming into a playful smirk.

He rolled his eyes with no actual venom, "So what? You were just always pretty?" His expression was one of surprise, clearly saying the words accidentally.

She glanced away, biting at her bottom lip to conceal her smile. Not giving an actual answer in response, finding herself unable to.

"Do you ever want to?" He questioned after many moments of silence.

Alice laughed softly, looking back at him with a raised brow. "Do I ever want to, what?"

He shrugged, his gaze finally leaving hers. "Be able to live a semi normal life?" He asked, the question weighing heavy.

She found herself pausing, not expecting a question quite like that. "Of course I do." She finally responded, her voice quiet. It felt wrong just to even admit that she knew her fate; she just never wanted her fate.

The answer didn't seem to surprise him, only seemed to pull him deeper into thought.

Many moments passed of him staring at the floor, forehead creased as he put great thought into whatever he would say next.

Alice just watched him cautiously, praying he didn't prepare some kind of 'Itll be okay' type of speech. She has had too many of those in these types of conversations.

"What if you could have a semi normal life? He questioned, his gaze snapping to hers so quickly it almost scared her.

"What?" She breathed out, an awkward smile gracing her lips.

He scrunched his nose as he waved his hand, "I mean, what if you could go to school, games, go out with friends yet still get the treatment you need."

Her eyes narrowed, a scoff passing her lips before she could contain it. "It isn't possible. I'd have to have someone there who would know what to do if something went wrong and I get sick easily so... it would just be a hassle." She explained- excused.

Scott smiled gently, his hand moving dangerously close to hers on the bed; she could practically feel the warmth radiating off of him. "And if there was someone there you know you could count on, would you risk it?"

Alice felt off edge, the question sounded too real to be fake. It brought her slight fear, fear of unknowing what he was gaining from this. "I mean in a perfect world where that would happen, then yes." She found herself responding.

That only made his smile grow, "Well, my mom is the head nurse. She would tell me what I would need to do and I could help with whatever treatment you need."

Her face scrunched with complete obliviousness, "What are you trying to say?" She asked. A warmth spreading throughout her chest.

'Was he trying to find a way for her to leave?' She wondered, that thought alone made her the most nervous and excited she's ever been.

His teeth caught his lower lip, releasing another deep breath before saying the one thing Alice had never been asked. "I'm saying, would you like to experience a semi normal life with me?" He asked with no caution.

This time the warmth stayed in her chest.

┇AUTHOR NOTE┇
- remember when i said this wouldn't be slow burn?? yeah i meant it 🧍‍♀️ my girl is on limited time as you can tell. finding out she's dying and all smh, like alice get it together smh. also i'm sorry this took so long to update, i also need to get it together! anyways i love all of you sexy beings. please read and comment! it gives me motivation (don't be a ghost reader pls) KK BYE MUAH