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She has been quiet ever since the truth is out. It hurts me to see her like this but I have certain issues that I can't overlook. But that does not in anyway justify my actions.

The second half of the school was perpetual and so is the wait for the tuition to end. At least I could clear somethings out with her.

Things are not how I wanted it to be now. I didn't want to let go off Nandini but then life is too unpredictable. Sometimes you have to let go off of the most precious things of your life in order save it from the same destruction you have faced. In my case, I didn't really want to let go but now that I think of it, I feel like the earlier the truth would have come out the better it would have been for Nandini. And this truth came out like really early.

I loved her. I mean I still do so it was hell tough for me to digest the biggest loss of my life, my Nandini. But I don't think she loved me. If she would then I guess she would have said the three magical words the day she asked me if we could be like together. Don't get me wrong, in my sense that's how a normal proposal works. Although she did say she liked me, I just hope she didn't love me, or do I?

Argh I am so damn confused myself. All I am trying to say is that it would be better for her if she just liked me and not loved me.

Nonetheless, me and Nandini sat together as usual but she didn't spare a single glance at me. In fact, she was too much into her book and very much focused to what the tutor was tutoring.

Me, on the other hand, had my gaze continuously fixed on her. I didn't and still don't know if she knew that or not. Well how could she? She was too much into studying.

I just hope the 'confrontation' goes well.

*****

As promised, I didn't divert my concentration from studies. I could control my emotions pretty well in school but I knew it would be a bit difficult to do that at the coaching centre because the cause for my devastated state would sit right next to me.

Throughout the class I felt that somebody's intense gaze was fixed on me. Okay okay, I knew that I had Manik's gaze on me. Nevertheless, I didn't show it on my face and 'tried' to focus on what the tutor was saying.

Soon after the lecture was over, I walked straight out of the door of the class.

Good going Nandu. Just go with the plan. No talking. No glancing. Just walking.

"Stop," oh not again. That same familiar voice which I apparently 'loved' called out on me. Maybe I'm just gonna ignore that and walk straight ahead. Yeah that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Keep walking. My heart told me. Maybe because it knew that talking to him would hurt me more than I already am.

Face him. That's what my brain said. Because it knew that the more I run from him, the more it will get tougher for me to face him later on.

So I decided to listen to my brain this time cause clearly the opinions that my heart provided didn't work quite well. Why should I run when it is him who should run?

I turned back to see that Manik was taking long strides in order to reach me. I stood there looking at his innocent face. How stupid of me right? I still think he is this little innocent kid.

"Hey," he greeted.

"What do you want now, Manik?" I replied ignoring his greeting with a stern face, not wanting to show him how I actually felt. Whether I am sad or heartbroken or angry.

"I umm just wanted to say sorry. I know what I have done is not pardonable and maybe you don't even want to see my stupid face right now but all I want to say is I never meant to hurt you," he apologized with his head hung low.

"You know right your sorry won't fix anything? The damage is done. And what do you mean by 'I didn't mean to hurt you'. While doing all this what did you think you were doing?" I couldn't control my anger anymore. But more than anger, I was hurt deep inside which I covered up by showing that I was angry.

"I am sorry. I had some reasons," here we go again. What reasons?

"What reason, Manik? Can you justify lying to me directly about you not being in a relationship? Or justify about why you two-timed on me? What reasons tell me," I was yelling now.

"I can't tell you. Sorry."

"Fuck this sorry. What do you think ha aise hi mujhse khel loge? And you know why you can't tell me the reasons? 'Cause you don't have any fucking reason to do all this. It doesn't make any sense. Why would you accept me when you were already in a relationship with Soha? Okay chalo maan liya ki you were already in a relationship and accepted me too. But then why would you hide it from me? Were you ever going to tell me about this?" I asked clearly frustrated.

He just shook his head in a No.

Kamaal hai bhai. Ye banda hai kya?

"Okay maybe you were gonna break up with her soon that's why you didn't tell me but then why didn't you open your mouth today when the truth was unfolding? What were you planning to do?"

No answer. Fantastic man.

"Why would you enter hand in hand with some other girl in class or wait. Am I the other girl for you? Maybe you weren't cheating on me with her but with me on her. God. Is that what you were doing? Answer me damn it," my voice started to break in the end. I could feel my eyes were tearing up. The grip of my hands on my sling bag became tighter.

"Wha- No! You are getting me all wrong," he tried justifying.

"Then tell me what's this all about," I asked him one last time. My eyes staring into his amber ones, looking for answers to all my questions.

"I can't."

Fuck me man. Okay Nandini calm down. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.

"Okay Manik listen to me now. I know how it feels but you just can't play with two lives. You are cheating on me as well as Soha. Exams are nearing and I don't want you in any kind of dilemma before that. See, you have to take a decision as soon as possible. If you love her. Choose her. But take a decision. Don't think that I will feel sad or she will feel bad. You know when we will feel bad? When after a long time you will finally be ready with your choice but it would be too late because the other girl would already be in love with you," I explained him the whole scenario in the most polite way possible in that situation.

"So who do you love Manik? Me or her?" this is the moment of truth. I crossed my fingers behind my back so that Manik couldn't see it.

"I love.. Umm.. Soha," he replied.

To say that I was hurt would be an understatement. I was beyond hurt. I was tormented. I was anguished. This was purgatory, worse than anything I had faced before in my life.

There was a moment of silence between us before I asked him,"Are you happy?"

He simply nodded. It was as if he was in a spell of something which was making him do everything which was against his will. He had no energy left in him. His face was pale and his hair was uncombed. Nothing felt right.

"Could we still be friends?" he asked, his voice too low.

"Were we ever 'just friends' Manik?"

"Umm I don't know."

"Because we were never 'just friends'. And I don't think I will be able to be friends with a person who has a highly unpredictable and unreliable personality. Moreover, I would never know when you stab me in the back again. So according to me precaution is better than cure, I wouldn't like any kind of association with you or your girlfriend or your friends," I said what was on my mind. I am very clear in life in these kind of things, I don't like fake people so fake friends toh matlab door ki baat hai.

"I understand but I want you to know that I will always be there for you if you ever need me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I can't say much but you need to know that I am not what it's coming out to be like," he again tried to justify.

"Maybe, but there's no way you can prove it, right? As you said you can't say much. So, all the best for your future with Soha. I am happy for you," sarcasm was dripping from the words I spoke except for the latter part.

"Don't say like that na," he was guilty I could feel it but there was no way in hell I would melt by that sad face of his. What he did scarred me for life and somewhere down the line I have lost my faith in the 'True Love' thing now. Which is a big deal for me.

"What do you expect me to ha, Manik? After all that you did you can't really think that nothing will change. Sorry to burst your bubble if you thought so. A lot has changed now. Our equation will never be the same again. Goodbye," with that I left from there not wanting to listen to anything more.

As I got home I dialled up Navya.

"Hello Nandu? Are you okay?" she asked me from the other end of the phone. Her voice held only care for me.

"Yes I am okay. It's all over now. I got my closure. Apparently there is some reason he did all this which he can't tell me. He never meant to hurt me but he also said that he loves Soha not me. He was very much guilty. I have broken all ties with him," I told her everything I could remember at the moment.

"It's okay, Nandu. But I have a feeling there is more to it. You sleep I'll figure it out," she assured me.

"Hmm okay. Good night. I love you for always being there," I genuinely told her.

"I love you too. Good night," she wished me back and cut the call.

I changed my clothe, ate whatever was available. It was not something I liked though. Today was a terrible day.

I couldn't sleep till it was two in the morning as the Manik's words were just not ready to leave my mind.

I am sure I'll get dark circles tomorrow.

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Edited version.

Published On-13/2/2020