This chapter has mentions of attempted suicide and implied rape, if that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter

18 MILES OUT
JUDGE, JURY, EXECUTIONER

Me, Lori and Maggie were cutting food

"Rick say anything to you about Glenn when they got back from town?" Maggie asked Lori

"Just that it had gotten pretty bad" Lori said

"He's not the same" Maggie said. I cut the cucumber

"Give him some time" I said

"He said he froze. Blames me. Says I got inside his head" Maggie says

"What a dumb-" I was cut off

"He came back- that's what matters. Men have to do certain things- you know that- and they're either gonna blame the little woman as the reason they do 'em or the reason they don't. I'll tell you something- what happens out there, happens out there. And we- we're just trying to keep it together till they get back" Lori said

"Things were good. Maybe I-" Maggie was cut off

"Glenn's an adult. He makes his own choices. I mean, do you- do you have anything to apologize for?" I asked as Lori ate a cucumber. Maggie shook her head

"Tell him to man up and pull himself together. Just don't say, 'man up.' It never goes well" Lori said laughing. Smiles appeared on me and Maggie's faces

"Let me just get this to Beth" Maggie said

"You go on. I got it" Lori said grabbing the tray and walking away

"I'm gonna go" I said

"Where to?" Maggie asked

"I don't know, climb a tree or something. I'm bored" I said

"Oh, ok.. just be careful" Maggie said

"I will be" I said as my head began hurting worse. I walked outside and found a nice tree. I began to climb it. The bark on my hands. I was sure I'd have scrapes and cuts by the time I was done, and if I was really unlucky, I'd have splinters too. The tree wasn't too high but it wasn't exactly close to the ground either. My shoes helping me stay on the tree as I climbed. I grabbed onto a branch and pulled myself up. It was like this tree was made for sitting. There was this part to it that was curved as if it was the back of a chair. A spot to sit right infront of it. I moved there and laid my back against the branch

The sound of the wind blowing the leaves soothed my soul. It gave me the desperate calmness I craved. I felt at peace with myself. I knew how I was feeling was only temporary, but I planned to take advantage of it. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep

—————

Me and Maggie were looking for Beth. Apparently they had been keeping an eye on her because she was suicidal. I wish people kept me in the loop. And they wonder why I spy on them. We heard Beth sobbing

"Beth?" I asked as we came to the door

"Beth?" Maggie asked. We then heard glass shatter. My eyes went wide as Beth sobbed. Maggie hit the door as she tried to get in. I began to get worried

"Beth?" She asked

"Maggie?" Lori asked coming in there

"She's in there. I heard glass" I said as Maggie tried opening the door. Lori walked over

"Beth, you all right?" Lori asked

"Don't do this, Beth. Don't do this. Open up, please" Maggie begged as the sobbing continued

"Come on.. let's talk" I said

"God, I left her with Andrea" Maggie said as she began looking for something to open the door with

"Where's the key?" Lori asked

"I don't know" Maggie said as she went through the drawers. I began kicking the door

"Beth, honey, please open the door. I'm not mad. I'm not mad, Beth" Maggie pleaded. Lori walked away and grabbed something. She then came back with a crowbar

"We don't need that" I said with a serious look. Maggie and Lori stepped back as I got into position

"Hang on" Lori said I kicked the door open. Beth was sobbing as we ran in. Beth turned. Her hand was all bloody as she covered her wrist

"I'm sorry" Beth cried. Me and Maggie hugged her

"Hey, hey, hey.. it's okay" I said running my hand through her hair. Me and Maggie took her out. We took her to Hershel. He bandaged her up. Him, and Patricia were watching her. Me, Lori, and Maggie had just walked outside. We saw Andrea running towards us. I glared at her because she was supposed to be watching her

"Where were you?" Maggie asked as Andrea stopped infront of her

"I heard. Is she all right?" Andrea asked

"She would be if you had stayed with her. Where were you?" Maggie asked

"How bad is she?" Andrea asked

"It wasn't deep" Maggie said. Andrea sighed in relief

"She wants to live. She made her decision" Andrea said. I gave her a look as if she was crazy

"I'm sorry.. what did you just say?" I asked

"She tried to kill herself" Maggie said

"No, she didn't" Andrea said

"My father is stitching her wrist right now" Maggie said

"She'll live" Andrea said. She tried to go inside but Maggie blocked her

"Stay away from her. From both of us. Don't you dare step foot inside this house again" Maggie said. Andrea looked at me and then at Lori. Andrea nodded and walked away. We went to go inside when Lori spoke up

"I'm not gonna say she was right but Beth has made her choice. She wants to live and now she knows it. And sometimes you have to cross the line" Lori said. Maggie opened the door and me and her went inside. Lori staying outside

—————

I was with the others. Lori was pouring herself some water

"So what you gonna do? We'd all feel better if we knew the plan" Lori said to Rick

"Is there a plan?" Andrea asked

"We gonna keep him here?" Glenn asked

"We'll know soon enough" Rick said. Footsteps approached. We turned to see Daryl with blood on his hands

"Boy there's got a gang, 30 men. They got heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna- they're gonna wish they were" Daryl said. I understood by the blood on his hands he probably tortured the boy to get him to speak

"What did you do?" Carol asked

"Had a little chat" Daryl said. Carol walked away

"No one goes near this guy" Rick said

"So, what are you gonna do?" I asked

"We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat" Rick said

"You're just gonna kill him?" Dale asked

"It's settled. I'll do it today" Rick said as he walked away. Dale followed him

—————

Me and Andrea were in the RV. Dale had walked in as Andrea looked for the guns

"I need a favor from you two" Dale said

"Did you move the gun bag?" Andrea asked

"Yeah" Dale said. He bent over and pulled out the gun bag. He put it on the table. We walked over

"I need you to guard Randall, protect him" Dale said

"Why?" Andrea asked

"Rick's given me time to talk to the others, try and talk some sense into them. But if Shane finds out-" Dale was cut off

"You think he'll just shoot the guy himself?" Andrea asked

"No, he definitely would" I said

"I mean, you know killing the boy had to be his idea. Are you both with him on this?" Dale asked

"I am.. but if you want me to do something.. I will, I owe you that much for listening to and believing me" I said with a smile

"I mean, he's a threat. Tell me this isn't all the ammo" Andrea said digging through the duffel bag

"You're a Civil Rights lawyer" Dale said to Andrea

"Was" Andrea said

"You fight with words, the power of ideas. Using a gun, that's his way" Dale said

"You really want to debate about saving a guy who will lead his buddies right to our door?" Andrea asked

"That's what a civilized society does" Dale said

"Who says we're civilized anymore?" Andrea asked

"No, the world we knew is gone, but keeping our humanity? That's a choice" Dale said. Andrea didn't respond. I took a handgun as Dale pushed another handgun to Andrea. She took it

"I'll watch your prisoner. But not because I think you're right" Andrea said getting up and walking out. I followed in suit. We both walked to the barn

"So, what did you mean earlier when you said he listened to and believed you?" Andrea asked me

"If I told you, I doubt you'd believe me. I mean Rick doesn't, I'm not sure Lori does either" I said

"Tell me" She said. I sighed

"If you insist. Shane is dangerous, when we were at our first camp, I was in the woods looking for food. I saw Shane pull his gun on Rick and kept it on him for a while. Rick wasn't aware. He was too far away. Shane found out I had seen that, so at the CDC he tried to silence me. He tried to kill me and failed. He choked me and he was ready to kill me. The only reason I'm here is because I pulled a gun on him" I said. Andrea stared shocked

"And you're not lying?" Andrea asked. I scoffed

"Why do I even bother?" I asked as I walked ahead of her. We got to the barn. The boy was straining as he tried to get out of his cuffs

"Hello? Hey. Can I get some water? Please? I'm very thirsty" He said. Me nor Andrea spoke

"They're gonna kill me, right?" The boy asked. We turned and looked at the barn doors. Neither of us responding. Andrea had gotten up. Shane walked over. I got up and put my hand near the gun that was placed in the holster around my waist. Shane looked at us and chuckled

"Dale, huh? What, he put you two on death watch? Let me ask you two something- say I wanted to go in there right now and I just wanted to take care of this, you gonna stop me?" Shane asked as Andrea walked closer to him

"You shouldn't ask me such a question if you already know the answer" I said with a cold look in my eyes. He chuckled

"Classic Y/n, so what about you, Andrea?" Shane asked

"I had a good teacher" Andrea said

"So what.. you buy into Dale's sob story?" Shane asked as he kneeled down

"I told him I was with you on this" Andrea explained

"Mmm. You're just still here for him, huh? That's cute. See what's happening don't you? These guys ain't gonna go through with this. I'm telling you, they gonna- they gonna pussy out. And if they do, we gonna have a big problem on our hands. Let me ask you something- every time we have a problem around here, who do you think's behind it?" Shane asked

"Some might say you" Andrea said subtly hinting at me. I rolled my eyes as Shane chuckled

"No one listens to me. I say it's the guys that make up the rules, the ones that always have all the answers, even though their answers always prove wrong" Shane said playing with a stick

"So what are you gonna do? Rick's the leader of this group. It's Hershel's farm" Andrea said

"Maybe we oughta change that" Shane said

"What, are you gonna lock 'em in a room and take their guns?" Andrea asked. Shane just looked at her

"I don't know. That could get out of hand" Andrea said

"No, no, it won't. Okay? I won't let it. Listen, I don't- I don't want anybody to get hurt, okay? Rick's my friend, Hershel- he's all right by me" Shane said

"What about Dale? Or Y/n?" Andrea asked. Shane looks at me

"Dale got a big mouth, but he's harmless, and Y/n.. she can't do anything.. she ain't got the balls. Look, I just- I wanna know what it's like to sleep without keeping one eye open. Ain't that- ain't that what we all want? The ball's in their court. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm getting all worked up over nothing" Shane explained

"Ugh.. all this bullshit you're spewing out of your mouth.. God.." I said. I heard talking inside the barn. Randall was asking for a key. I opened the barn doors. I saw Carl

"What are you doing in here?" I asked as I walked over and grabbed his hand, pulling him away. Shane and Andrea walked in.

"What the hell are you doing in here? What did you say to him? What did you say to him, huh?" Shane asked as he pulled out his gun

"I didn't say nothing" Randall said as Shane grabbed him by the throat and pointed a gun at him. He slammed Randall to the wall

"I will shoot you where you sit" Shane said

"Mmm, this scene seems familiar" I said with a cold look

"Shut the hell up!" Shane yelled as he put the barrel of the gun on Randall's forehead

"Okay, Shane, not now" Andrea said

"Open your mouth" Shane said as he tried to get the gun in Randall's mouth

"Shane" Andrea said

"God damn it, watch Carl" I said as me and Andrea switched spots. I walked over and yanked Shane back by the collar

"Get your hands off of me!" Shane yelled pointing the gun at me. A sly smirk fell on my face

"What? You gonna shoot me? With Andrea and Carl as witnesses? For no valid reason?" I asked. His lips twitched in anger. He then looked at Carl and walked over to him

"Get your ass out this door. Let's go" Shane said dragging him out. We all walked out. Carl broke away from Shane

"What the hell you doing?" Shane asked

"Please don't tell my parents" Carl said

"Carl, that ain't cool, man. You could've gotten hurt in there" Shane said

"I can handle myself" Carl said

"Let me tell you something- you do not go near him again. Do you hear me? Damn it" Shane said as he walked away

"You won't tell my parents, will you?" Carl asked. Shane turned around and walked back

"Carl, man, it ain't about getting in trouble, okay? A guy like that, he will say anything to you. He will try to make you feel sorry for him. He'll try to make you get your guard down. You let your guard down out here, people die. Now, just- do me a favor, man. Go find your ma. Go on" Shane said. Carl began walking away

"Carl, quit trying to get yourself killed, man" Shane said. Carl had stopped to listen. He then walked off. Shane walked off shortly after

—————

The sun was setting. I was walking to the house, Carl following me. We were deciding Randall's fate

"Let's gather up" Rick said as the others went inside. Lori looked at Carl

"Come on, Carl. I want you to stay with Jimmy" Lori said as I went to walk in. I went in and saw the others inside. We were all here except for Carl, Beth and Jimmy. The door had shut as Lori walked in

"So how do we do this? Just take a vote?" Glenn asked

"Does it have to be unanimous?" Andrea asked

"How about majority rules?" Lori asked

"Well, let's just see where everybody stands then we can talk through the options" Rick said

"The way I see it, there's only one way to move forward" Shane said. I was about to speak but Dale was quicker

"Killing him, right? I mean, why even bother to take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing" Dale said

"Well, if people believe we should spare him, I want to know" Rick said

"Well, I can tell you it's a small group- maybe just me and Glenn" Dale said. Glenn looked up at Dale

"Look, I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time, but this-" Glenn was cut off

"They've got you scared" Dale said

"He's not one of us. And we've- we've lost too many people already" Glenn said

"How about you? Do you agree with this?" Dale asked Maggie

"Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?" Maggie asked

"Just another mouth to feed" Daryl said

"It may be a lean winter" Hershel said

"We could ration better" Lori said

"Well, he could be an asset. Give him a chance to prove himself" Dale said

"Daryl's already beat the shit out of the kid. There's no way he won't try to escape if we give him a chance" I said

"We could put an escort on him" Maggie said

"Who wants to volunteer for that duty?" Shane asked

"I will" Dale said

"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy" Rick said

"He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up" Patricia said

"We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor" Andrea said

"Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men" Shane said

"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt? If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization" Dale said. Shane rolled his eyes

"Oh, my God" Shane muttered

"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?" Hershel asked. Lori shook her head

"You barely came back this time. There are walkers. You could break down. You could get lost" Lori said

"Or get ambushed" Daryl said

"They're right. We should not put our own people at risk" Glenn said

"If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?" Patricia asked

"We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck" Shane said

"Fucking sadist" I muttered to myself

"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane" Rick said

"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" T-Dog asked

"Hold on, hold on. You're talking about this like it's already decided" Dale said

"You've been talking all day, going around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?" Daryl asked

"This is a young man's life and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill somebody because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?" Dale asked

"We all know what needs to be done" Shane said

"Shut the fuck up, Shane. All you think about is kill, kill, kill, like some robot" I said

"Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility-" Rick was cut off

"So what's the other solution?" Andrea cut him off

"Let Rick finish" Lori said

"We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could" Andrea said

"So let's work on it!" Dale said annoyed

"We are" Rick said

"Stop it. Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please, decide- either of you, both of you- but leave me out" Carol said

"Not speaking out or killing him yourself- there's no difference" Dale said

"All right, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance" Rick said. There was silence. After a minute Dale finally spoke up

"You once said that we don't kill the living" Dale said

"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us" Rick said

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were- the world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's.. harsh. It's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in and I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please. Let's just do what's right" Dale said

"Isnt there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?" Dale asked. I took a deep breath

"You know, maybe he's right. Is it really necessary that we kill this boy?" I asked. It was silent. I looked at Dale, who had tears in his eyes, and he gave me a grateful look

"They're right. We should try to find another way" Andrea said looking at Shane

"Anybody else?" Rick asked looking around. No one responded. Rick looked at Dale, who shook his head

"Are y'all gonna watch, too? No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. Whoa. I won't be a party to it" Dale said as he walked away, but not before putting his hand on Daryl's shoulder

"This group is broken" Dale said before leaving. We heard the door open and then close

—————

It was night. We were all waiting in the camp. They were gonna kill Randall. We saw Rick come back with Carl

"We're keeping him in custody for now" Rick said. Andrea got up

"I'm gonna find Dale" Andrea said with a smile. A smile on my face too

"I'll come with" I said as we both walked off. We heard screaming. Me and Andrea ran towards the source

"Dale!" Andrea yelled. I was panting as I ran as fast as I could

"Help! Over here!" I heard Daryl yell

"Where? Where is he?" Andrea asked

"Help! Run!" Daryl yelled. We got closer

"Who is it?" I asked. We finally made it. I saw who it was and I felt my heart ache as I stared at him

"Rick!" Lori yelled as Rick got down to look at Dale

"Just listen to my voice" Rick said. Dale was gasping. His chest was ripped open. I really liked Dale. Why did it have to be him? Why not Shane?

"Listen to me, all right? Just listen to me, all right? Okay, hold on now. Get Hershel!" Rick yelled. My head dropped as I stared at the ground

"Listen to me. Come on, just listen to my voice. All right? Please. Hershel! We need Hershel!" Rick yelled

"What happened?" A voice had asked. I knew it was too late. Dale was going to die, and we couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't differentiate who was speaking

"Dale, it's gonna be okay" another voice said

"Can we move him?" Someone else asked

"He won't make the trip" someone said

"You have to do the operation here. Glenn, get back to the house" Someone had said

"Rick" A voice said

"No!" Another yelled

"Oh, God" another breathed out

"Oh, Dale" someone cried

"He's suffering. Do something!" Someone demanded

"Come on" another voice said

"Oh, God" someone said

"Sorry, brother" a voice said before I heard a gunshot

(3926 words)
11/14/21

Edited: 07/08/22