TW: attempted suicide and Dissociation.

i looked up at the night sky through my window staring at the beautiful white dots covering the black 'background' behind them.

 my eyes dropped back down to the pocket knife sitting neatly against a lamp on my bedside table, 

I picked it up contemplating whether or not I should end it, the pain would be all gone, I wouldn't be remembered, and I would be left in a paradise gone from this living hell

"Fuck it.." I whispered with a shaky voice as tears ran down my cheeks, I picked up my phone and had put it on my bed and sat on the floor pulling up my sleeves

I ran my fingers down my recently healed wrist and began to cut, every little cut was longer or shorter than the other, I started to tear up but if it Means bleeding out I could happily ignore it.

 god I hate this world its lonely and hard to push myself to live in it without having a shitty therapist and or coping in ways one usually wouldn't 

I eventually ran out of space so I switched arms, admiring the Crimson Liquid dripping down my hands

I had heard a door opening and immediately hid my arms  the blood now seeping into my jacket as I looked up to see a short female with a 'Y2K/grunge' style from across the room

I sat besides my bed so she couldn't see.

She held her hand to her mouth and continuously apologized for accidentally walking into my apartment

"Its okay really!" I forced a smile and felt my wrist but jerked back and mouthed an ow 

"I- are you okay? Thats not my concern but you just.. Nevermind Im sorry I'm going to go" I looked at her and dropped my fake smiled and watched her stare me up and down "Im fine!"

She began to speak as i started to feel light headed, "why is there a red tint on your jacket? Are your sure.." She hesitantly walked towards me after shutting the door and her smile dropped as she saw my hands

 "fuck" she whispered as tears ran down her eyes Im not sure why but I guess she's sensitive "Im sorry.." I stared down at my hands and mouthed the words

What the fuck have I done?.......

The girl Started to speak with a shaky voice "Im sorry but I'm gonna call 911 i-" she reached for her phone and Dialed A number, she gave the operator an address and information

 Before walking over to the kitchen looking for bandage She put her phone on the counter and finished the call, she finally found some and grabbed a towel and wet it

 "This might hurt but if it does tell me." She pressed the towel on my wrist and held it there until it stopped significantly, she did the same with the other one and wrapped them both in bandage

I winced at the pain as it began to grow even more, I passed out almost every minute until the last time I had passed out I stayed that way.