Chapter 7

بِسۡمِ ٱللَّهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ ١
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. (1)

ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَٰلَمِينَ ٢
All the praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists). (2)

ٱلرَّحۡمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ ٣
The Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. (3)

مَٰلِكِ يَوۡمِ ٱلدِّينِ ٤
The Only Owner (and the Only Ruling Judge) of the Day of Recompense (i.e. the Day of Resurrection) (4)

إِيَّاكَ نَعۡبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسۡتَعِينُ ٥
You (Alone) we worship, and you (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything). (5)

ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ ٦
Guide us to the Straight Way (6)

صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنۡعَمۡت عَلَيۡهِمۡ غَيۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ ٧
The Way of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not (the way) of those who earned Your Anger, nor of those who went astray. (7)

Closing The Quran carefully I touched it with my eyes and covered it with cloth. It was the only thing that was keeping me sane these days. It had been a month since Azferene started teaching me Islam, but because of her busy schedule she could only take out time to teach me. We couldn't talk about her life all this while. But today I planned to. And I won't leave her without telling me.

Her past was everything but peaceful, she has suffered a lot...I can say this contemplating as far as I have known her story. But I wanted to know more. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know the level of patience she endured to reach where she is standing now.

Quickly tieing niqab around my face I shoved my legs in my shoes. Yes! I started doing Niqab because my Allah commanded me to do so,

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”. [Al-Noor 24:31]

Today we were meeting at her parent's house. It would be the second time I would be going there, that too because her parents behaved weirdly with me although Azferene told me many times that they wanted to meet me again.

Another thing that was weird was my intuitions about SH being alive were becoming stronger day by day no matter how much I ignored. If it goes on like this, I may soon need a psychiatrist cause I myself feel going into a frenzy. I can't even take his name without my tongue shivering and body sweating. Uff!

I was about to knock on the door when I realised it was already open. Even though my mind gave me warnings of not going inside without permission , my heart had its own excuses.

So I did the thing I regretted the most later...I stepped inside.

There were voices coming from the living room. I was about to enter and say my salam when I heard my name in the conversation. Mr. Wajahat was chanting my name, as if he didn't know how to complete the sentence.

"Dad...what is it? You are scaring me now…" I could sense the impatience in Azferene's voice. But the next sentence Mr. Wajahat uttered threw me in a pit hole, my thinking capability vanished as my breaths came in short spans and the next thing I knew, my vision blurred and then disappeared.

The only thing I saw before fainting was Azferene's horrified face running towards me.

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"Where should I wash my hands?" He asked her getting up to shield her height.

Upon much insistence, her parents stopped them for dinner. He was adamant, but one look at her, he knew she wanted to stay. So he did. For reasons unknown to him.

"You can use my room to freshen up." She gestured upstairs with her hand extended towards the stairs.

"And where is your room?" His tone held a teasing which anyone could decipher. Crimson hue spread across her cheeks at her own stupidity as she told him to follow her.

Allah shukar! Her father and phupo already left them alone and her mother was still in the kitchen.

Handing him a fresh towel she opened the bathroom's door opening the lights for him and stepped back to let him use it.

Reading the dua for entering the washroom, he stepped inside with his left foot after thanking her.

She sat on the bed waiting for him, when her gaze fell on her cupboard. Azferene's cupboard consisted of the clothes every girl dreamt of even though she didn't fancy it ever. Her clothes consisted of every top brand. Gucci, Prada, Hermes, Burberry, Zara, Armani...and the list goes on.

Half of her closet was filled with handbags...lots and lots of them. She loved collecting handbags.

They were all collected for her first marriage! The marriage that didn't even last for a year!

And now...Haroon didn't want her to wear anything close to branded. Every dress her in laws gifted her was of cheap material...her skin being sensitive was easily affected by it but she didn't complain neither her parents. They believed everyone has their own choices and it shouldn't bother us ever.

Azferene didn't realise how much time passed as she began going through her old things until she felt someone's presence behind her making her stiff.

She turned back only to have him close down at her as she backed away.

"We...we...should go down...they are waiting for us." She barely smiled and began shutting the closet door when he kept his hand in between.

"Are these all yours?" Haroon asked, astonished. She didn't bother to reply neither did he was expecting one.

He traced the soft material of the fabrics in trance. How will anyone believe that the girl in front of him was habitual of wearing these branded clothes? If it was someone else in her place then she would have thrown that cheap clothes on his face rather than wearing it. And the girl in front of him…

If she would have wanted, she would have worn any of these dresses at her wedding and still looked beautiful as ever. But she didn't.

"If you want you can take them to use." He whispered, making her eyes widen.

"I can?" She asked, bewildered and happy at the same time.

"You can." He smiled looking sideways at her radiating face for the first time.

"Thank you." She smiled, flashing her teeth with gratitude.

When a wife smiles at her husband, Allah orders all of the paradise to open for her to enter. He prepares such a place that has never been prepared before and bestows such a blessing that has never been bestowed before.

Why does Allah almighty bestow such blessings?

It is because when a wife smiles at her husband, she takes away the whole day's trouble from his shoulders and it creates love between both of them, from her heart to his.

Love is the reason to continue family life. If there is no love, the family separates. Therefore, Allah loves smiling faces. It is a simple thing but very important. Allah never likes hatred between husband and wife or between believers.

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When I opened my eyes, all the memories rushed back to my mind gradually...even though I didn't want to remember that. But as they say, some truths are bitter yet sweet.

But this thing left a bitter taste on my tongue...for I assume to be forever.

I couldn't believe what I heard...how could I? How could they? How could she?

The door clicked open and in came Azferene, her expressions said it all about what she was feeling. Her nose, red due to crying, I could see the turmoil she was going through.

"Alhumdulillah! You are awake. You scared me badly." Even in this situation she managed to plaster her beautiful smile on her breathtaking face. But I looked away from her. After what her father told, I couldn't look at her the same way as before. I just couldn't.

"See. I bought my special juice for you. Here, taste it." After sighing dejectedly, she again tried to bring me to speak. But I just couldn't, I felt like my voice died down long back and was not willing to come back soon.

"I believe you heard everything." Keeping the tray on the bedside table she sat beside me. "Are you okay? You can talk to me Ilhaam. This is new for me too." She pressed on my hand as if to tell me that I am not alone.

"Why? Are you certified now to hear my problems?" Her face scrunched with hurt at my taunt.

"What is my fault? I was as unaware as you, Ilhaam." Her words shivered with the hurt she felt. "Or maybe our meeting, our friendship was not accidental but a coincidence. A beautiful coincidence." She was trying hard to make me understand. But my mind was hazy. Hazey with the revealed truth. Why did it happen to me? Why did it have to happen with me only? My mind was running miles without break and my tongue had its own mind, so I said whatever came into my mind. But I was too hurt to realise how it will affect me afterwards. How many hearts I broke through my tongue. How much sin I did by breaking my Parent's heart. How foolish I was to break my sister's heart.

"BEAUTIFUL COINCIDENCE? YOU CALL IT BEAUTIFUL COINCIDENCE? IT IS AN UGLY NIGHTMARE FOR ME! AN UGLY NIGHTMARE. YOU AIN'T IN MY SHOES TO FEEL WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW SO BETTER NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I WAS STUPID! I WAS STUPID TO TRUST YOU! TO BELIEVE IN YOU. I GOT A FRIEND, A FIRST BEST FRIEND IN TWENTY TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE, AND YOU SNATCHED YOURSELF FROM ME AZFERENE! YOU SNATCHED YOURSELF FROM ME. I DON'T WANT A SISTER! I NEVER WANTED A FAMILY AFTER  COMING CLEAR WITH THE IDEA THAT I DON'T HAVE ONE! AND YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND THIS CAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVER HAVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, YOU DIDN'T EVER HAVE TO WORK IN THE AGE OF EIGHT, YOU DIDN'T EVER SLEPT EMPTY STOMACH. I DIDN'T SUFFERED SO MUCH JUST TO DISCOVER AT THE END THAT MY FAMILY THREW ME ON THE STREETS! I DIDN'T SUFFERED SO MUCH JUST TO HAVE MY FRIEND TURN INTO MY SISTER AT THE END! DON'T YOU REALISE HOW WORST I FEEL?" And I went on and on about the cruelty of my life, forgetting the verses I recited just before coming here. Forgetting that Allah was the Al-Rahim, he was testing me and I failed. I failed in my biggest exam, because I didn't do sabr and I let it out all on someone as innocent as me.

In my shouting I didn't realise when, nurse came inside followed by the couple who claimed to be my parents and gave me anasthasia. And for a moment, I was thankful to them for putting me to sleep and praying to the Almighty that I may never wake up again.

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"Aman...right?" Her back stiffened at his questions. It was both humiliating as well as awkward to talk about her ex-husband with a present.

"Ye...yes!" She said looking outside the window as tears stung her eyes. So he heard everything her Aunt said!

"Why did he leave you?" He was so casually asking that Azferene felt that he should beat her up but stop talking about Aman.

"I...I...do...don't...kn...know…" It was getting hard for her to even breathe.

Why was he asking anyway? Didn't Sanober already inform him about her tragic past? Or he was enjoying seeing her in pain?

Haroon wanted her to spill anything about her past. Because as far as he noticed, she had all buckled down everything in her heart! And he wanted her to cry her heart out to him. Even though they didn't share a perfect husband-wife relationship, he wanted her pain to lessen. He wanted to be the one who she relies on when in pain after Allah.

He wanted to be her sabr, her safe heaven.

But this all was too good to be accepted by his own self.

He didn't ask anything after that knowing she was getting uncomfortable.

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It had been two days. Two days since I left the Wajahat House without meeting or informing anyone. Since the moment I woke up, I have been drowning in guilt. In guilt of shouting that nonsense at Azferene. In guilt of making her the victim of my anger and hate.

I didn't even go to my apartment because Azferene knows where I live. I was living in an orphanage and I was thankful that Mrs. Khan, the owner, didn't ask me any questions.

And now I was contemplating what to do? I can't be hidden forever. And I will have to face them today or tomorrow. I just needed some courage to face them after what I have done with Azferene. She must have been hating me right now.

Taking deep breaths I entered the mall, the same mall where I met him for the first time. I myself don't know why I was even here, but since the moment I left the orphanage to breathe in fresh air, my feet itself brought me here.

I stood in front of the same gift shop for I don't know how long, just staring at it. My mind plays our moments again and again. And now I saw Ilhaam and Safdaar going towards the parking lot and I followed them while in reality I was following just empty air.

It was maybe a wanting or needing of anyone who would care for me for a moment or maybe I was really missing him today too much after a month cause after I started practising Islam with all my heart, I never let myselg remember him. Whenever I felt my thoughts going towards him, I would just busy myself with chores or the other thing I came up with to distract my mind was writing, writing about anything, a poem, a story, or just anything and it did help me a lot.

My niqab was getting soaked due to crying while seeing an illusion of Safdar pushing Ilhaam inside the car. But this time the driver's door opened, bringing me out of my day dreaming. I looked around to realise where I was and without looking at who was in the car I turned around to run but it was already too late.

Someone blocked my path, making me halt. Even if I didn't want to, I had to look up and my world freezed at the sight of him. Zafar Abdullah.

I felt terrified. Last time, Safdar sacrificed his life for me. Zafar Abdullah wanted to kill me to make Safdar suffer, but it happened the opposite. And now, I was scared more because if he came to know about Azferene being my sister and her parents being my parents, he won't spare them. And even though I don't want to accept them as my family, I couldn't change the truth.

"What do you want?" Even though he couldn't see my face, he knew U was scared from the annoying smirk at his face.

"You." His one word sent chills down my spine.

"Go away Zafar. I don't have anything to do with you. You already killed Safdar even though we weren't mar...related." His eyes flashed with something but he masked it off.

"His death was meant to be by my hands." His words were infuriating me more than scaring me.

"I hate you." I said with such hatred that his eyes turned dark with anger.

"I tried to be lenient with you. Now bear with me." Saying someone grabbed me from behind and injected something in my neck and before I could see what was going on, my vision blacked out.

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28.12.2021.

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Love,
Nabiha.