Elka Alastair. 

The one who had been letting insanity take over me. The one who constantly reminded me of how right was my decision, the decision of moving here. The one who still surprised me by opening the doors that had been kept locked by her, day by day. The one who was meant for me.

Those curly locks that would be hiding behind a messy bun but still stood out had never failed to make me look at her as if there was no tomorrow, to which she got annoyed and started bickering. And it took every iota in me to not glide my fingers through her locks when the wind kissed her loose hair. 

How much I wanted to be the wind that moment.

Her eyes that shot death glares when someone annoyed her and those very same eyes that lit up when food was served in front of her. The way she closed her eyes and savored every bite she took. And not to mention her coffee addiction. Even if the test reports showed that her blood type was B+ve, her closed ones knew that it was untrue. It was coffee that ran through her veins, all day, all time. Just like she ran through my veins, all day, all time.

Those cheeks that I wanted to squish every single time she pulled a long face, that button nose I wanted to bop from time to time, those ears that wore small diamond studs from the day I met her, still had a lot to hear from me that remained unsaid.

Those lips that got between her clenched teeth when nervousness crept her, invited me every single time she talked or pouted. 

Those curves that were sculpted by a sculpture that kindled me to hold her close by her waist were always camouflaged with big hoodies and shirts which was her style, and that too, only black ones.

Only God knew how self-mastery I became after I met this girl. 

The way she got annoyed by the name 'Shorty' was always entertaining for me. But I knew that her shortness of height didn't matter as she was a girl that could touch the sky above by her heart that no gold could match.

"You have got a beautiful smile." 

These were my first words to her. And I found it quite surprising how she called me a 'Barbarian' and later gave me the nickname 'Barb' instead of thanking me for the compliment. 

Her smile was the most beautiful thing I had seen that made the corners of my lips curved up natch when she smiled. Her smile was like a rainbow that manifested after several cloudy days, bright colors giving life to a dull and dark place. That much was the possession she took on me with just a smile. 

Her attitude, her sassiness, her cold persona that can make someone either judgemental or fascinated. Well, I was obviously the latter one. I was whipped whenever she gave me the cold shoulder. 

The cute and vivacious Elka that could be seen only if you were lucky enough. She could also be clumsy with forming a coffee moustache that became my job to wipe it off, which I accepted gladly and could do for aye.

She was a bold girl that knew what her stand was and what she wanted and deserved and wouldn't compromise this attitude with anything. She may appear as selfish for some whilst I address it as self-respect and self-love. 

One must be careful about their actions and words to her as she was a madcap and a daredevil who would not think twice about biting their head off just by her words that were as sharp as a poniard. But once she gave you a place in her beautiful heart, she would be the sunflower in your life. And yes, she was the sunflower in my life. She was my sunflower that could kill you with bare hands.

Behind that annoying, hotheaded girl was someone that would go to any extent for her friends. The selfish Elka could be selfless for them in a twinkle of an eye. The way she kept them close to her heart, being a shoulder to lean on and an ear to hear them out and having their back always in this twisted world made her an angel. A precious gem that her friends treasured than anyone and anything in this world. She was the apple of their eyes while for her, they were her lifelines.

Not talking to her for a few days made me go round the bend. How much I missed her, her presence, her face, her voice, her laughter, her smile, her musk and floral scent, her pout, her bickering, her annoyance, the name barb... She really took a toll on me.

I would have done anything to get back to what we were. I would have plucked the stars from the night sky and put it in a glass jar for her, even if I knew that I would get a cringe and to be called sappy by her. She wasn't a romantic person at all while I was the exact opposite. But I knew that somewhere deep inside existed a romantic Elka who would make her man think at least seven times a day how lucky he is to be blessed with a girl like her. A girl who was one in a million. That was the Elka effect. 

Seeing her after a month of not having any contact, made my world stop for a split second. But as the moments of her eyes being filled and running away from me when I said I liked her flooded my mind, it took every muscle in me to avert my gaze from that irresistible charming face of hers. I felt a pang of pain when I looked back to see her petite figure fading from my sight, as if she was slipping from my hands. 

I wasn't ashamed to admit that I was desperate to catch a glimpse of her. I had been missing her for a whole month. How couldn't I be wretched? How could I be in my sanity when she literally ignored me and didn't give me a chance to say what my heart was longing for? I was so desperate that I actually stalked her, all the way to the library from her class and faked with a pile of books in my hands, to see her with her friend that was in tears. Getting an answer that she was fine from her friend and not even a glance from the person for whom I was there for, I took my leave. But something that I overheard made me stop in my tracks. I heard Elka saying, "I need time Amy. This is like the first time after that incident I'm liking a guy as a man."

And those words lingered in my mind that urged me to dive into her life and seek for what she meant by that.

But as much as she could hold grudges to a person she hated, she could easily forgive the people she considered deserving. And that was all we needed to get back to what we were. 

Asking her out and she accepting after keeping me on the threshold of breaking down was the best move I made in my life. Even if I had to wait for a whole month to hear that soothing voice of hers telling me we could date, I felt I was in seventh heaven. I dreamt of that moment to transpire and it made me realize that God had never turned a deaf ear to me.

I had been to many dates to pass time that ended up on a bed. But I never saw my date with Elka that way. Not even once. I never wanted to touch her without her consent as I knew how highly strung she could be. I could wait. I would. 

It was her first date. I was her first date. And I wanted her to give the best of best memories that she would ingrain in her heart. Her laughs and smiles that I saw throughout our date proved to me that I succeeded in what I intended. 

But I never expected Elka to open up to me on that day, about her worst nightmare. The truth that was haunting her from the day we met. Under the strong, vibrant girl was a Elka that was scared to fall in love. She was philophobic. A girl that deserved the world, taking her last breath without someone that cherished for who she was beside her, couldn't be digested in any way. My mind was filled up with questions that beseeched for answers. 

I noticed how teary her eyes were from the moment she started to tell her past. The past she was trying to forget but couldn't. The way she was bullied, tortured, neglected and abandoned because of love. The first boy she fell in love with gave her bitter memories instead of euphoric ones. He gave her the worst memory of love and that made her believe that this strong feeling of affection was her demon. And then, I couldn't be any more stunned when she said that her own parents were also a reason that made her shake out of fear to the word 'love'. She was still dwelling in her past and never found solace until she opened up to her friends who were hell bent on making her overcome the fear. And now, I was also single minded about helping her to forget her past and move on with her life that awaited. 

Hearing her story made me realize one thing. She was a strong girl that no one could drag her down. Even if they did, she was able to twist and break the hand that pulled her down and stand again on her feet. 

The tears that she was holding up with every fibre of her being couldn't be kept back anymore as I reminded her that it was fine to let our tears go. Tears are meant to let go. I didn't want to see her in this state and it hurt me as well to see her shaking frame and crying her eyes out. 

She could shed tears as much as she wanted, she could scream and yell all she wanted, she could take all the time she wanted to step into light from darkness. All she wanted was someone that would be there to hold her when she felt her world was flipping over. All she wanted was someone that made her eyes open to the actuality that she deserved to know what love was and how it was to love and to be loved. And I was going to be that someone. I just wanted to kiss away her pain, kill it!

But, I needed her as much as she wanted me. Hearing her open up made a part of me open up about who I was and what I was to her. The other part barred me from doing so as I was scared of losing her. 

What if she walks away after hearing my story? What if she leaves me when she gets to know that I wasn't the same Danish before coming here? What if she blocks and kicks me out of her life, locking the doors that showed me sun rays? 

All these questions made me feel it wasn't good to let her know my past. Still, I wanted to be honest, at least to her. I decided not to tell her and when the time comes, I would reveal my past without any second thoughts as I wanted her to know every single thing about me.

From strangers to date, from shorty to sunflower, Elka never failed to amaze me. She came into my life and gave me a reason to live and be happy, just like the summer came like cinnamon, so sweet. I wanted to protect her from her demons. I wanted to show her how much of this feeling of love can make us ecstatic and high. I wanted to make her feel as the blessed one by being there for her, holding her small hands, caressing her tousled curly hair, kissing her forehead while she would be sound asleep, brewing her coffee in morning, getting her chocolate ice creams for movie nights, taking her on dates to Whoopee. 

Taking her into my arms and locking my lips with her small rosy ones and being lost in that sweetness was all I needed and all I wanted to give her. She was my anchor, my silver lining, my happy place, my escape, my bliss. She was the one for me. My Elka Alastair.

Then you're left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower
I think your love would be too much