tw/cw: murder plus mentions of alternate-timeline-yn going a tad bit insane i think. stay safe!! if u want a chap summary i'll make one <3

--

[Sometime, after Future-Takemichi goes to the past...]

Your mind had been fractured for a while. That, you knew. Like memories were drifting past you like water. How long would it take, for your past to change?

It was a struggle, to try and remember what exactly had shattered the glass of your mind. When exactly had it been? At what moment did you truly make the decision to follow the plot without guilt?

What moment killed off any emotions for others except for your little brother?

What moment killed off any qualms against becoming a murderer?

You'd always been a slightly disturbed kid in your old world. Your mind itself was already 'tainted' with thoughts of blood and death. Curiosity lead to a discovery that killed off the innocence of a child and instead brought far too much violence in your own mind. Even more so, you had always been an angry child. An angry person. You hid it fairly well, hid it well, tucked away the violence best you could. Your life had enough violence, and all you ever saw was people dealing with their anger violently. The only thing restricting you from acting out had been the repeated mantra of I will never be like my older sister, but that oppressed anger went somewhere, went deep into you, and the anger seeped into everything. To your actions, to the world, to your imagination. 

Anger. It controlled your life more than you wanted it to, but still it remained, barely let free, and in this universe where you were everything you once where and everything you could be, and yet someone new all at once, you had no clue where your morals laid. In this universe where violence was normal and murder happened even between teens, in this universe centered around these violent gangs, centered around Takemichi and death and Hinata and Mikey, who embodies death-

In your world, you'd never found out whether or not you would care if you killed someone. 

In this world, you did.

The answer was no. That, no, you would not regret killing somebody. 

(You raised that shattered coffee table, ignoring the glass that had your blood on it, raising the damn weapon used against both you and your brother-

And you slammed it against Her, over and over and over and over-

She would never hurt you or him ever, ever again.)

Your morals were ruined. The old laws of your world had broken in that moment.

Alone, you laughed. You laughed, and you also cried. You laughed and mourned; mourned the death of a you that had been lost, and cried for the pure hope that maybe- just maybe - you could be happy.

That you could fix your mistakes.

(That the you that you missed could return.)

--

[Future's Past: Year XXXX. First Year you had entered the body of Tetta's sister.]

In truth, you didn't really know how to interact with Shinichiro. How does one talk to somebody who will die? 

You do not know, you do not ask, you wait and wait and-

You wait too long.

You look away as Mikey sobs-

(Something in you breaks.)

--

[Present Time,  Year XXXX. Future!Takemichi has now gone to the past.]

Sometimes, just sometimes, you'll remember the pure pain of your death. It wasn't a quick death. You had laid there for what seemed like far too long, unable to completely breathe, and your body not in enough shock to block out the intense pain.

Those were the nights you got up, gasping, quietly leaving the bed to walk around. To stare at your leg and try to associate yourself with this being your reality. You would stare at Tetta and wonder if he was real-if any of this was real.

Or if your past was real.

It would take an hour until tiredness wore your brain down to stop thinking about the revival, and to just sleep.

(You hated to admit dying affected you as much as it did. Lots of people died. Who knows which ones, if there were any others, got a chance to live again. It made you feel selfish. You had this second chance for a..

...for a reason.)

You were, of all things, the most shocked to meet Takemichi in your hospital room.

Turning to Tetta and Shinichiro, you asked them to leave the room for a moment and bring you some tea. Shinichiro turned to look at you curiously, but you just looked away.

Looked away with a sense of dread, realizing that this was because you had messed up in the future.

Why else would Takemichi come for you?

--

Takemichi had been extremely confused by the lady's requests. Go back in time..he'll know everything..? It hadn't made sense.

When one of the neighborhood kids- Hinata's best friend, Kisaki T-something, came to the park looking absolutely in grief, Takemichi wondered if that was it.

When Kisaki Tetta (Takemichi soon found out) turned out to have an older sister in the hospital, Takemichi asked if he could bring flowers from his garden to her.

Kisaki-kun said yes.

Now, here Takemichi was, staring at a younger version of the woman he'd seen just moments ago. There she was, but she was- different. There was no unimaginable grief with a hint of insanity in her eyes. She looked vibrant; a far cry from the concerning way she'd appeared sick and pale to him at first. Despite sitting in the hospital, she looked calm and peaceful. So, so far from the woman he'd seen in the future.

In fact, he almost wouldn't have believed it, if not for the blue eyes shared between the lady's past and future selves. 

The brilliant blue that despite all odds, held such large hope in them.

"Hi, I'm--"

"Takemichi-san," she greeted, and her face was calm and blank but her hands shook, "I know who you are."

"I figured," he shrugged, looking away awkwardly. It's so..silent. The hospital walls are white, and the lady seems like the only burst of color.  The air conditioner is a buzz all too loud in Takemichi's ears, but the lady looks unbothered.

For a bit, Takemichi hadn't believed that lady. She'd come to him, frazzled, sick, and looking near-insane, and told Takemichi he could time travel.

But then it had worked. 

And here he was, staring into the sane eyes of the lady.

The silence lasts for only a moment more before the lady breaks it. "What did you come here to change?" she asks.

Takemichi pauses-wants to ask how she knows-but decides to answer, "Your future-self sent me here to tell you something."

It sounds awkward. It is awkward. Gosh, why is Takemichi messing up so badly, so horribly?  There's so much he messes up on. So much-

"Relax," she says with humor in her eyes.  How did she know he was panicking..?

She huffs a laugh, "You were mumbling to yourself."

For just a moment, Takemichi calms.

Then, she grins, eyes calm but bright and powerful. 

When her eyes aren't full of insanity, they are scary.

She looks at him like she can see through him, and Takemichi does not doubt it as she asks serenely, "So what did I do?"

Takemichi doesn't even know if he needs to answer that question. Her gaze feels all-knowing. 

He gulps, because he is scared, but there is a future he does not want, and he is stubborn above all else. 

So he tells her what future-her had told him, and her gaze barely changes, a mourning joining her features.

Her smile is just as calm and yet nothing at all when she waves goodbye.

Takemichi runs to the playground he met Hinata, where Hinata's mother holds Hinata's baby-brother and he fumbles his way through everything and he is so scared. The lady had been so scary.

Before he knows it, he returns to his time.

Those same, all-knowing eyes stare down at him with amusement.

A chill runs up his back.