When you woke, it was to a mild ache in your head, and the knowledge that your mind wasn't fully there. The walls were white, yes, and there were people in there- white coats, normal clothes- but it took a moment for your brain to catch up with your senses. 

You surprisingly couldn't remember much of what hospitals smelled like before reincarnating- transmigrating- possessing-whatever one wanted to call it. But it smelled clean, but in an overwhelming way; like if you sniffed a container of cleaning wipes. 

It only took a bit longer for you to focus on to the two boys in your hospital room. Tetta was leaning against Shinichiro in a chair near your bed. Your hospital room was fairly small, and you were probably just put in there in the likely case that you'd gotten a concussion and that you'd probably needed stitches. And, as the coffee table that had been slammed against you had been partially glass, some glass pieces might've injured you, too. 

Your brain was still a bit too muddled to put together many sentences, so all these observations were more like Concussion? Stitches? Ow. But you could see the red under Tetta's eyes, and the furrow of Shinichiro's brow, and it-

It scared you? Why- why did it scare you? That's not right; this had never scared you before, but-

Here you were, terrified of these implications. You knew Tetta worried for you, but just-

It was the knowledge that you might've messed everything up. That just maybe, you fucked up the plot, and your knowledge would disappear. How could you help Tetta if you didn't know when to save him-

You'd always been a martyr. Willing to sacrifice your life so easily. It came with the stress and constant subtle want to give your life away. You'd never strived for survival, despite enjoying living. 

It's what made you save your older sister. It's what made you endure those years of suffering under the pressure of being the "eldest", of being the most responsible, because being responsible meant being in pain. It's what led to you never doing all the things you wanted to do out of spite, like acting just like your sister, like being the younger sibling for once.

You made each sacrifice. Giving away a bit of yourself each time; your selfishness, your self-worth, your laughter, your freedom- you'd handed it all away, each time. You got a "respectable" job, so your siblings wouldn't have that pressure on them.

You shouldered that weight, and then you were crushed under it, and it was all you ever knew. 

You couldn't change that about you; that sacrificial part of you wouldn't disappear so easily. You had to be the one under pressure, in pain, not them, anybody but who you care about, because-

Because it was habit. Because it was normal. Because it was your responsibility, and you had always been a responsible person.

And here in the hospital, Shinichiro had saved you- was it out of a sense of responsibility, too? 

You didn't know, and it scared you. Your only "control" was your responsibility. Your sacrificing. The only chess piece you controlled was yourself, and you'd be willing to sacrifice your piece if it meant protecting the "King". 

Eventually, your fear had to stop as you soon dozed back out. Shinichiro must've said something to you, but you couldn't remember it to save your life.

--

By the time you were really awake, you were cleared from the hospital and had to pay no bills. What did scare you was the possible legal proceedings that you'd expected. However, none of such happened- was it because you were in a poor neighborhood?

When you were cleared and fully conscious, Tetta burst into tears. All you could do was rub soothing circles on his back. This had probably genuinely traumatized him. Who wouldn't get some issues, watching their mother hit their older sister with a coffee table, with an aim to almost kill?

You couldn't help but wonder if- if an "original" version of you existed, once before, then had the same thing happened?

Had the same thing happened, but-

You could imagine it playing out so differently, while comforting Tetta with a hug while Shinichiro stood somewhat awkwardly to the side.

The Original would have met Shinichiro and, not knowing who he was, would've just accepted his apology and moved on with her life. She wouldn't have run away- wouldn't have gotten Shinichiro's 'interest' like so. And then.. events would play out, but without Shinichiro's interference.

And the Original had likely died there, bleeding out to death, her mother in hysterics, and Tetta too in shock to call for help.

Then- did that pain follow around Tetta every single day? You-

You both wanted to not dwell on canon, and also wasn't sure where to go. You didn't know how to protect Tetta while also giving Takemichi his heroic story. You didn't know how to get Takemichi to return to the past without having Tetta be a villain.

Somedays, you wonder why you're taking all of this- this weight. There's no point, is there? You just-

You're so used to that weight, that you're scared of what you'll do when you're finally rid of it. Just barely, you remember a time when you were free and a kid. You remember the feeling of flying-

Just as vividly as you can remember the feeling of falling. The crash to the ground and the healing it took just to get to where you'd been, and then that weight somehow became your anchor to the ground; a reminder to stay on the ground.

Before you'd known it, though, in your efforts to keep from falling, you were close to breaking. 

But you didn't know what would happen should you fly once more.

And so you took on this stress; told yourself it was for the greater good.

You-

You'd be fine, right?

--

Your face was blank with only a faint hint of dismay when Shinichiro opened his eyes.

You barely knew him, and in truth, he barely knew you.

Yet something drew him towards you. It- it confused him, and he searched for any reason, but couldn't find one. Not quite. 

You were pretty, yes, but not unrealistically beautiful. Although he might've preferred 'pretty' over 'beautiful', it wasn't any romantic feelings that really drew him to you. Yes, you were his type (strong, pretty, stubborn, occasionally funny, caring-), but he wasn't just looking after you for a date. Maybe.. it was respect? He had a general respect for people in general, and he for sure wouldn't have let anybody he knew get abused when he could possibly help them, but he hadn't immediately stepped in. 

He didn't know why. His emotions were always strong, and it took himself time to analyze them himself. He barely knew what his emotions were in the moment.

But right now- staring at your face that looked as though you didn't care you were in the hospital, he found himself angry. 

"Why?" he found himself asking.

You turned to blink in surprise, eyes looking over him once more before you..nodded? 

"I'm glad you're alright," you said truthfully, "I'm..sorry you got caught up in all of this. What do you mean by 'why'?"

"I'm asking why didn't you ask for help?" he frowned. He'd seen why some didn't leave abusive situations, and you weren't close to him, but- he wouldn't understand.

There was an awkward silence, you feeling slightly interrogated, and Shinichiro struggling to understand your emotions.

"I.." your brows furrowed for a moment, "They would've taken Tetta from me."

That was your answer. He couldn't understand. He knew he wouldn't like it if either of his siblings were taken from him, but-

"What about you?" 

"What about me?"

"You were being hurt. Why- Why didn't you call the police-?"

"Because they'd take Tetta from me. I can't- he's my brother, and we both know the police here only care for the gangs in the area."

Shinichiro winced, "But- I don't understand-"

You frowned once more, before deciding that since he'd helped you, you should at least give him the truth. Pay back your debt as soon as possible so that- maybe, when you leave, he'll forget about you. Get rid of that attachment between the two of you.

So you tell the truth; "He was more important than my safety. And..I'm a minor. Chances are, we'd be put in the foster system, then separated. I..don't think I could handle that."

He fell silent, and you looked away.

A/N: going on vacay for a week! no updates here for about a week or more, although uhh I'm pretty slow w updates. Might sneak in another one, but no promises besties!!!