Then
1 year later (11 BBY)

Azel remembers a time when she would have done anything to see what a tree looks like with her own eyes. The holobooks could never capture the true beauty and pigmentation that the leaves hold. Nothing can compare to the way they dance in the wind, the colors they change during different times of the year, or the white noise they make when brushing together in the breeze.

Now she wants to be as far away from them as possible.

Don't get her wrong, she loves the way the Force moves in nature, and the trees and wind are a part of that. It reminds her a lot of her training on Coruscant and those memories are near and dear to her heart.

No, she loathes the trees of Yavin IV for an entirely different reason.

"Miss Skywalker?"

Azel turns and sees none other than the bane of her existence, Mon Mothma, donned in her daily robes (white today) and daring to look peeved, an expression Azel has become all too familiar with on her face.

Azel only gives her a glance before returning to her lightsaber forms, that doesn't stop the woman though.

"How many times must I tell you, you cannot practice your weapon training on the landing tarmac?"

Azel pauses, looks around to see she has a few curious engineers and mechanics attention, and then up to the sky where there is no X-wing in sight.

Azel shoots a glare over her shoulder before going back to her forms.

She can feel the older woman sigh just as another person joins her.

"Ah, maybe you can talk some sense into her."

"Relax, Mothma." It's Bail Organas voice. "The tarmac isn't being used at present."

Mon Mothma huffs. "She missed the briefing," she grumbles.

Senator Organa says something that Azel can't hear but she can sense Mon Mothma leaving with her irritation following closely behind. Azel ignores how she swings extra hard on her next few airstrikes. The Senator waits for her to finish, and when she does, Azel relents and powers down her weapon. She uses her sleeve to wipe sweat from her brow.

"Are you going to tell me I should be more respectful towards her?"

"No." Bail says and comes up beside her. "But you probably shouldn't test her."

Azel scoffs. "I'm the most powerful here. It's why she hasn't tried anything and never will."

Bail stares at her, Azel can't meet his gaze. She knows how she sounds, but it doesn't make it any less true. "The Jedi were never about being the most powerful. They've never been invincible." He pauses as if debating if he should continue with his next words. "You're treading dangerous waters, you should take care with how you speak and act."

Azel shoots him a glare. "Why thank you, Master Organa, I'll keep that in mind while I try to uphold the outdated conditions of all the dead Jedi." Azel holsters her brothers' weapon and turns back to the entrance of the hangar.

"Azelynn." She freezes before she reaches a second step. They rarely use first names for each other. Ever since she went to him for help a year ago it's always been Skywalker and Organa, so hearing her name from his mouth is startling and feels out of place. She doesn't like the way her stomach rolls with his tone as if she disappointed him. "I understand you're hurting and I cannot even begin to understand how much, but please listen to me, if not for me or anyone else here, then for him."

Azels grits her teeth, she is only thankful he didn't say his name.

"I am doing this for him," she growls. "I'm out of patience, Organa." She peeks over her shoulder at him and finds he is watching her with the patience she is out of. "It's been a year of nothing. All this running around on missions make no sense when we know where the Death Star is at all times. These people--" she gestures to the base at large, "are wasting time." She draws back to run her fingers over her face and into her hair, tugging none-too-gently at the darkening strands, and holding on tightly. The lack of consistent sun exposure really makes a difference in color, she barely recognizes herself these days.

"I have to save him," she whispers, and it comes out more broken than she ever intended.

Bail places a hand on her shoulder, but she turns and drops her forehead to his chest instead. His arms wrap around her and she is reminded of the very first time she did this. It wasn't long after losing Obi-Wan, and she couldn't find guidance through the Force or Master Yoda, so she went back to Alderaan. He was peeved at first about her taking a ship under false pretenses, but Bail Organa is a forgiving man--more than Azel feels she deserves.

The best help he could offer was within the Rebellion, which is how she, Arrin, and Han ended up here. The boys found their place quickly, but Azel couldn't. Bail was always there, trying to help her, still with more kindness than she deserves. She avoided him for as long as she could, but he kept trying to talk to her, be her friend, it was irritating.

He pushed her and pushed her since then, getting under her skin, seeing her pain despite all the walls she put up to everyone, including Arrin. She hated him for it, she made it clear. He was pushing her one night, nothing unusual, telling her things he notices, telling her about his own past and what helped him, and she jabbed at him harsher than normal. She remembers the look on his face, one of surprise but resolution. He walked up to her and pulled her into a hug. Azel tried pushing him away but it was only half-hearted because she immediately started crying. It's my fault, she cried over and over.

Since then, she could say they are friends. She doesn't fight him anymore, she accepts Bail trying to get through to her on the basis of what it is: genuine compassion. Something she's been needing without even realizing it. It might not be the Jedi or Force-related guidance that she needs for the bigger, physical problems at hand, but it helps keep her from lashing out at strangers... for the most part.

She found an ally in him, amongst the idiots of the Rebel Base. He is one of the few that tolerate her impatience and attitude. Arrin does, but he is so starstruck with the Rebels that it's hard for her to talk to him these days. Han is just a kid and at a separate facility where the kids train, so it's rare when she sees him.

Bail on the other hand understands. He is essentially her best friend at the moment.

So dropping her head to his chest feeling defeated is nothing new.

"You will," is what he responds with. "We will," he concludes.

He pulls back and holds Azel at her shoulders to level his eyes with hers. "I worry for you," he admits.

"Why?"

"I fear this path is only going to consume you."

"It's a little late for that," she whispers.

"Senator Organa." The pair look over to see General Draven asking for him. "Sorry to interrupt," he shoots Azel a look that makes her think he's not sorry in the slightest. "But you're needed in the war room."

Bail nods. "I'll be right there." The man nods and leaves.

"Come by this evening, before the mission that you know nothing about." It's teasing, but Azel knows there's an underlying disappointment in the words.

"Sir, yes, Sir." She mock salutes him.

Bail rolls his eyes and bops her nose with a single finger. Azel lets out an argh, scrunches her nose, swats him away, and shoots him the dirtiest look she is capable of. Bail is completely unperturbed by the reaction. "Try not to steal a ship while I'm gone, Skywalker."

After that little charade, she is tempted, but she remains stoic and says, "wouldn't dream of it, Organa."

--

It's not until later that Arrin arrives back from his mission. Azel has been waiting to see him all morning. Their relationship has been complicated since joining the Alliance. He sees them as the be-all-end-alls of the galaxy, Azel thinks they're severely lacking. It's made things tough, but they are friends and have been since childhood. It will take a lot to break a bond like that up.

Azel has to remind herself of this when Arrin lectures her about not going to the briefing over lunch.

"Why do you keep testing them? They're trying to help us."

"I don't trust them, Arrin, something about this all feels wrong."

Arrin reaches across the table and takes her hand. "You haven't trusted anybody since last year."

"I trust you," she counters, "I trust Han." And Bail.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. You gotta be more open to life here. We're safe, Han is safe in his pilot's academy, and we are following all the leads that could possibly get us to the Empire undetected. Until then, you have to work with them."

"Like you?" She snaps and pulls her hand away.

Arrin stares at her. "They're not the enemy, Azelynn, and neither am I."

She shakes her head and rubs her face. "I know," she says, finding the words to be true. She meets his gaze. "I know. I just--I don't know how to explain it. I told you before I feel helpless getting sent on missions that do nothing for us or the galaxy."

Arrin's lips form into a thin line. Azel knows how he feels about her opinion on the matter. He believes in the Rebellion, and that's fine and great for him, but she has her own agenda to fulfill. "This was part of the deal," he reminds her. "We help with missions, and they house us, take care of Han, and give you any and all information that involves Vader."

She nods in agreement. "I just didn't think it would take this long. They're pointedly working against the Empire and have been for years. We know where they are at all times, yet nothing is done about it."

"We don't have the numbers, not yet anyway. It's a work in progress."

"Well, all this work is having no progress. I'm never going to get him back, Arrin." The sudden realization hits her like a Tuskens gaderffii stick. It's taking too long. They don't know how long someone can live in carbonite. There is a good chance that if she ever manages to find him, he could be--

"Stop that," Arrin demands and gives her a stern look. "We will find him and we will get him back. All in one piece, and hopefully a destroyed Empire behind us. You cannot let yourself spiral, it will lead to no good."

Azel sniffs. "You're right. I've just... I've made so many mistakes and I've been so blind. I don't want to be that way again. I have to make this right."

"And you will," he says, before amending, "we will."

It's not put past Azel that this is the second time she's hearing that today. "How long before you're sent out again?"

"I have until tomorrow."

Azel nods and gives Arrin a once-over. His curly hair is disheveled from the flight helmet, all flat on top and poking out in every way around his neck and ears. His brown eyes are far more tired than usual, and the orange of his flight suit somehow accents it. Probably due to long nights awake for missions and all the training in the flight academy. Being a part of war takes a toll on people. Arrin is no exception, and Azel hates that for him.

"You should sleep," she tells him. As if on cue, Arrins body slumps and a yawn forces itself out of his body. He props his head on his hand.

"'M fine. It's date night."

"Ah."

Arrin has been seeing someone in the flight academy. They hit it off almost instantly according to Arrin. Azel was the one who suggested he ask her out, and then it was Han that completely blabbed to her about Arrins feelings back when he was visiting from the youngling academy.

But, the feelings were mutual. Thus launching the pair into a disgustingly romantic relationship. Full-on PDA whenever they're together. Azel is glad Arrin is happy but... get a room.

Han would laugh about it when he is around, and Azel would have to cover his eyes for him. He's gotten tall in the year they've been here, he is up to her chest now, so she doesn't have much of a reach to hide his eyes. He's smart too, one of the smartest in the kids' academy, and Azel couldn't be more proud of him. He's growing up fast.

Azel tries not to think too hard about Han. He's able to visit once every couple of weeks and it has to be enough. She remembers when they first arrived and they told her Han would be staying elsewhere. Of course, Azel put up a fight about being separated but it was little use. Han's grip in hers was so tight and his eyes were teary when she looked down at him that she almost walked away, but one look from Arrin had her agreeing to the terms.

Arrin, whose blinking eyes are becoming slower each time he flutters them.

"Sleep now, date later. You want enough stamina, don't you?" Azel resists cringing as she says it, but the question seems to trigger Arrin into wakefulness.

He hums. "Good point. I'll see you later," he stands and then looks back at her. "Be safe on your mission, and please be nice."

"I'm always nice," she winks.

Arrin rolls his eyes.

—

Azel meditates after her talk with Arrin. She does so every day, and every day it goes like this:

Azel finds the peace she needs to connect with the Force, she reaches out to Qui-Gon just to be ignored, and then reaches out to Yoda and is also ignored. Master Yoda is and always will be a long shot ever since she showed up at his doorstep after everything with Obi-Wan and he told her that she has too much darkness within her and that "the fate of Master Kenobi is a tragedy". In which, she got angry and further proved his point that she is too in her emotions and "clouded by attachments".

Yet, she needs guidance. Jedi guidance. She can only imagine Qui-Gon is angry and ignoring her, but she knows for sure Master Yoda is doing exactly that. Even so, every day she reaches out to them both with the hope that something will come of it.

And when it doesn't, she feels irritation and then anger which clouds her connection to the light side and makes the dark side more prominent. She knows because she can feel the raw strength coming from the negative emotions and they build up and fester to the point where she has to do something with them and it's too difficult to just let them go. She has to release them somehow and it ends up in aggressive lightsaber drills which she hates because she's certain that's a dark side fighting strategy and feeling hate is part of it too--everything is confusing and too much.

Now, she sits in the darkness feeling all of this once again until she is abruptly pulled from her meditative state by a loud thump. Something was thrown across the room, and it was because of her.

Which only serves to make her angrier. This is exactly her point.

Azel glares at the object--just her pillow. It makes her think of Arrin the night before she left him to find her mother. That feels like a lifetime ago, and she wishes she could go back to those simpler times. Back when she actually had hope that her mother may still be out there.

Her pillow landed next to her desk. It's not far, the room isn't all that spacious. The Rebels gave her the necessities but much like her life on Tatooine she doesn't have many material objects. She has the two lightsabers that aren't really hers. One she uses as her own, the other she refuses to touch. She doesn't deserve either of them but she has them anyway. It seems that her life has become a constant battle of right and wrong, peace and anger, light and dark. She always believed that there should be a balance of all things, but this isn't quite what she had in mind.

The holopad on her desk is blinking red, an indication that she has a message, possibly more than one. Azel knows it's a notification about the briefing, along with some grumbling comments that she cannot skip the meetings and that it's very irresponsible of a girl with her reputation.

Azel ignores the voice messages in favor of reading the attached document:

Location: Hoth - forty-third quadrant

Mission: Reconnaissance - do not engage

Details: There have been reports from our scanners within our hidden base of Imperial stirrings in the northern hemisphere. TIE fighters have been disappearing in the mountainous ice regions and coming out appearing to deliver to the Imperial Cruisers back in orbit.

-See Mon Mothma for further details and partner assignments-

Azel deletes the message.

This is the kriff that nearly sets her off. They are the irresponsible ones. What do they care about low-level Imperial workings when they should be focused on the big picture? Taking out the Emperor and Vader. Mon Mothma isn't putting her people to proper use--plus they have Azel. A practiced Force-user. If Azel came at those two with an army behind her they wouldn't stand a chance and the Empire would fall and all the galaxy's problems would disappear.

But the woman won't do it. Instead, she is wasting Azels time and potential on kriff like this.

When Azel leaves her room it's with the intention to walk into the war room and fight with Mothma about her ridiculous mission, but her feet take her past it and she finds herself standing outside of Bail Organas office.

Azel is surprised he is there but he is not surprised to see her. That's when she remembers he asked her to come by in the evening. It's evening.

"Azel, come in." Another man was in there with him and they were discussing something they probably think is relevant about taking the Empire down but realistically is probably something that won't even come close--

"Please sit."

Azel plops down on the chair in front of his desk. She sees the other man send her a disapproving glance before bowing to Bail and exiting as proper subordinates do. She resists rolling her eyes.

"I can't do this, Organa."

Bail gives an inaudible sigh and levels her with an unreadable expression. "Do you want a drink?" He eventually asks. Azel shakes her head and Bail is up and walking to the tall table he has in the corner where he keeps an amber liquid in a glass bottle and two average size glasses next to it. He pours himself a drink.

"Tell me, Skywalker, what do you propose we do instead?"

"We go to them." He lids the bottle and walks back to his desk without looking at Azel or breathing a word. Azel shifts in her seat. "We know where they are, we hit them. I go in and take down Vader and Palpatine, the Rebels handle the troopers and TIEs. We can do it."

Bail sits back down at his desk and looks at her. He doesn't say anything for a long time. He twirls his glass around, and Azel follows the liquid as it makes its way around the sides.

"There will be many casualties."

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do."

Azel resists scowling. "Necessary sacrifices for a greater good."

"For Obi-Wan, you mean."

Azel hisses and glares at him. "Don't."

"You've gone long enough trying to hide from his name. Now you are going against what you believe, and what he believes because you are desperate to get him back. He would never agree to this."

"It doesn't matter what he would agree to because he is not here." Azel jerks out of her chair and starts pacing with hands on her hips. "It's a hoax, Bail. We know where they are all the time and yet we do nothing."

"Alright. Hypothetically speaking, what happens if you storm in and neither Vader nor Palpatine is there?"

"Then, I free Obi-Wan, we take the station, and wait for them."

"And if you lose?"

"Then I lose."

"You understand that if you lose, we all do. None of us would stand a chance against two Sith Lords and then the Rebellion would be lost."

"Then I guess I can't lose."

"And if you can't find Obi-Wan?"

"I'll find him. He will be there, I know it."

"How?"

She hesitates. "Doesn't matter. I just know where he is. You need to convince Mon Mothma to attack. They won't even see us coming! We have the element of surprise. It's foolish that we haven't tried."

"No, you are foolish to believe we could." Azel freezes and stares at him. Bail cringes, recognizing his outburst. He stands, circles around the desk, and places himself in front of Azel. When he speaks, it's gently like coaxing a tiger. "Even if Mon Mothma agreed, all of the Rebel Bases combined would not be enough. We do not have the numbers to win."

Azel can't look at him. She stares at the blue collar of his robes and lets the irritation simmer just beneath the surface. How is everyone so quick to lose hope? Aren't rebellions built on it?

Bail pulls Azel in for a hug and rubs his hand over her scalp like he would his own daughter. Azel glowers but wraps her arms around him anyway.

"We will find another way. We will get him back."

The words aren't comforting.

--

The truth of the matter is, she made her decision before walking into Bails office. She doesn't have much time before Mon Mothma comes searching for her for the mission she isn't going on, so she has to make it quick. Luckily, she really doesn't have anything to take with her except the two lightsabers she keeps under her bed.

She decides to leave holomessages... and then realizes she needs to leave a few.

The first is for Han, and just before starting it, she wonders what the hell she is doing. She presses record before she can consider it and steps back so she can speak.

"First off, I want to say how absolutely proud I am of you and the person you are becoming. You have grown so much and you are so smart, I have no doubt in the universe that you are going to be the best pilot in the galaxy.

"I want you to know that sometimes in life you are faced with challenges, and those challenges are going to test you and make you question everything you think you know. Oftentimes, you will have people in your ear telling you not to do what you know is right. The most important thing you can do in this life is to follow your own path, your heart, your intuition. When you do, you will never be lost.

"I'm sorry to say that I have to do that now, and that means I'm going to be away for a while. Maybe permanently." She pauses, trying to ignore the stinging in her eyes. "I don't want that to scare you, kiddo. I promise this is what is right for me, and what is right isn't always the easiest.

"Trust in your feelings, Han, look to the Force and you'll always find me there. I love you."

Azel clicks off the recording and wonders if it's even worth sending. She knows she will, but she can't shake the feeling that she just made a suicide message for a kid.

The next is to Arrin, thanking him for his friendship, hoping he will forgive and understand her, and promising that he will always be her family.

The third is to Bail, and while that is a little more composed and apologetic, it is also a list of instructions. Someone needs to know about Luke if everything fails, but if she manages to save Obi-Wan and not herself, she needs his lightsaber returned to him. She doesn't know why having it bothers her as much as it does, but she absolutely cannot have it. She stashes it in a cubby that's hidden behind her desk and tells Bail this.

The fourth message, she's hesitant to even record.

This one is for Obi-Wan if for some reason he makes it out alive and she doesn't. She needs him to understand, to know that everything he did... she forgives him.

This one breaks her heart.

She sends all of the holomessages directly to Bail, trusting him to distribute them discretely and when appropriate. The second she gets the confirmation that they're sent, she's running.

Not quite literally, she needs to act like nothing is wrong, which she does. Nearly everyone is at dinner at this hour, which gives her the perfect opportunity to get on the tarmac undetected and jump into the nearest X-wing.

She tells herself this isn't stealing, it's merely borrowing from the organization she works for, but she still hears a voice in her head that sounds a lot like Bails saying, try not to steal a ship while I'm gone, Skywalker.

She lifts off and is gone before she can second guess herself.

The last known coordinates of the Death Star haven't changed for a solid day, and Azel makes it a point to memorize them each time they do. She puts them in the navpanel and calculates the jump to hyperspace.

It's an hour's ride in hyperspace to reach their location. The Mustafar system. Figures.

The space station is in view the second she drops from light speed. It's big, looming, and intimidating, hovering over a firey moon and a larger, cloudy planet.

She was quick to gain attention. "X-Wing, identify yourself."

She's alone, they had time to figure that one out. She is coming up to the station quickly. She can see the hangars now.

"Tell Vader his sister is here."

Silence. Static. And then, "hangar 52-8 prepared for landing."

"Copy that," she grins.

When she is directed to which hangar is 52-8, she lands with only a few people inside the hangar, Vader being one of them. She's almost offended that there aren't more around to apprehend her.

She powers down the X-Wing mechanically, staring at Vader across the way. His presence nearly consumes all of the hangars, even inside the comfort of her fighter.

She looks down at her brothers' lightsaber clipped to her belt, and thinks that it was in vain, and maybe she should've left it behind.

Vader is moving, and so are the five stormtroopers that are with him. She opens the cockpit and climbs out.

Guns are pointed at her the second her feet hit the ground, but no one does a thing, even as she comes to stand before the dark figure with just feet separating them.

His modulated breathing is the only indicator that something is alive in that suit.

"I'm here for him." She states. "And I will have him, or I will die trying."

Vader laughs, he outright laughs. Azel tries not to let that deter her. "Foolish girl. Your plan was to walk in and take him back?"

"Uh, well, yeah." She shrugs.

"Cuff her."

A Stormtrooper moves, and she instantly draws her lightsaber and slices him down. The other troops move in but it's only seconds before they are on the ground with the first. She points the blade at Vader.

"Take me to him."

More Stormtroopers rally in the hangar, several actually, nearly an army starts to form. Now that's more like it.

However, outwardly, Azel scoffs. "Need your A-plus shooters to protect you? Really?"

Vader uses the Force to pull the lightsaber from her hands and turn it around, pointing the blade at her neck. He draws her blaster from her thigh holster and tosses it across the room for good measure.

"Cuff her," he demands again, louder this time. Two stormtroopers, these are in all black, approach and cuff her hands in front of her. Vader powers down the weapon and attaches it next to his own blade, before pulling something from his belt and wrapping it around her neck. Instantly, she feels cold. So cold, and lost. Disconnected. Her knees go weak and she crumples.

"What--"

"Force-suppressing collar. I will remove it when you've sworn yourself to the Empire."

Azel glares up at him. "I will never."

"We'll see. Take her away." Vader waves his hand and Azel is lifted from the ground and nearly dragged from the hangar with feet that are struggling to move.

As she stumbled along, trying to keep her knees from collapsing again, all she could think is, what have I done?

--

A/N: Welcome back everyone! Sorry this one took so long, I'm still making sure that my outlines for this section are going to align hehe a big shoutout to stilinskithetomato for making the newest story cover! It's beautiful and I love it <3 this chapter is for you, my friend.