"I love you, Amir." She whispered, her voice softer than I ever imagined, soft lips, brushing my earlobe as she pressed a soft kiss to it. She leaned back, looking me dead in the eyes, coldness and warmth, coexisting in those orbs of hers. "You're the one I want."

She was sitting on me as I lay on my bed, her chest to mine, ass on my crotch. Those cold, scary eyes, blazed like a thousand icy fires.

My hands banded to her waist, pulling her even closer to me. I loved the feel of her smooth skin against mine. "Yeah?"

There was a wide grin on her lips, so different from the cold look I was used to receiving from her when the others were around. "Yeah."

"You wanna prove that?" I murmured, lips, finding hers as I tasted sweetness on her lips. Not wanting it to end. Eever.

Her hands touched my naked chest and my breath stopped, when she inched lower and lower, teasing the skin on my abdomen, just a few inches from the waistband of my sweatpants.

Her touch was burning. Teasing. Destructive. Thin fingers, tracing wildfires on my skin until I shivered in pleasure. Tightening my hold on her.

"I dunno, Amir." I liked the way she called my name. The curve of her lips. "Is it necessary?"

I gulped, longing, lacing my words. "Absolutely."

She pressed her lips to mine...

Suddenly I gasped, sitting awake and staring around my empty room in shock and confusion.

The truth was all around me.

She was never here.

Fuck!

I groaned, rubbing my face and sighing into my palms, my entire body, convulsing from the pleasurable dream I just had. The dreams I have of her, every night.

Bad dreams.

Wet ones.

Ripping the covers off of me, I stumbled into the bathroom to take a much needed cold bath, her words from this afternoon, stinging me like icy needles.

How do I get rid of you? She had screamed at me, eyes spilling over with ice and venom. Don't you understand that I don't love you? That I can never?

God! You're just a goddamn pest.

I flinched as the cold water pierced through my skin, remembering everything she said just this afternoon.

Gripping the wall, I doubled over in pain. Couldn't tell if it was coming from my soul, my heart or my body.

I felt like sobbing as I grabbed my head in my palms.

Get out of my mind. Get out of my mind. Please. Please.

I love you.

But she loved another. My best friend for that matter.

Fuck!

I could never have her. That was fact.

I dressed up in a hurry, knowing the others will be worried out of their minds if I decided to ditch the party.

I was just pulling on my sneakers, when the call came in.

I stared at my phone, the unfamiliar number flashed on the screen. My heartbeat pounded, knowing I'd regret answering the call.

But i answered anyway.

"Little brother."

"Khadija." I kept my voice clipped. Cold. "What do you want?"

"I've been trying to reach you since forever, 'Mir, let's catch up."

Anger bristled within me. "I've got nothing to say to you. Go to hell."

She only clucked her tongue, undeterred. "I see you're still holding on to all that hate. That's not healthy for you, little bro."

Her voice. The sound of it. So familiar and yet, so not. It sent cold poison, pumping in my veins. Curdling my blood to absinthe. "I don't hate you. I loathe you! I fucking despise you!"

"Listen, Amir, I didn't call you to have all this toxic crap thrown at me. I'll be coming to see you in a few weeks. I'm broke at the moment and I have no place to crash. You have to let me in."

"Fuck you, Khadija! There's no place for you anymore. You knew that before you left. You left your own twelve year old brother to take care of himself. What older sister does that?"

"Don't give me that crap, Amir. You had a choice. I didn't. Baba wanted you back. I could go to hell for all he cared."

This same excuse. All the fucking time.

"Don't even think of showing up in my face."

"Amir," she whispered. "Family, remember?"

"I burned that bridge a long time ago." I told her coldly.

I could hear the smirk in her voice. "I'm sure mum would love to hear you say that."

Fire engulfed my insides, heating up my blood to boiling point. "You have no fucking right to talk about mother like that!"

"Amir-"

"Fuck you, Khadija!" I growled, hanging up.

My heart was beating was out of control, emotions a muddy mix, chest, heaving, breathing ragged. I felt like screaming, the walls were constricting around me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Anxiety setting in again. Burgeoning shame, wrapping around me like a thick blanket.

I sank to the ground, holding my face in my hands, reminding myself that I needed somebody...

Anybody.

It was in this position that Dave walked in on me, whistling and shuffling without a care in the world.

With how big this house is, it was easy to forget that I was living here at the moment with my closest friends. Kam, Dave, Jordan, Lola and Osahon.

And that... Witch; Asa, and her best friends; Kosi and Jemi.

Kam had booked us a holiday getaway in the fanciest state in the country, to kick back as a gang and relax from all the stress from school.

Kam had this superhero complex that made him want to help 'damsels in distress'.

Asa was no damsel in distress. But Kam didn't understand that.

Asa was the self acclaimed Ice witch at school, the one that was rude and caustic to everyone. The one everyone talked about in a bad way and had rumours, circulating about her. Kam was the golden boy, the one everyone loved because he was cool and nice with an energy you couldn't resist getting sucked into. He practically oozed confidence and charisma and I particularly didn't like him when he first showed up at our school.

The girls came. The crowds came, everyone, offering him a spot in their clique but he had found a spot among my group of friends. I won't lie, I hated the guy at first. There was something about him that was too perfect. Too happy. Too hopeful. Like nothing bad could affect his mood. His unending sunniness was something I couldn't relate with. It made me want to strike at it. Squash it... Poison it.

He reminded me of just the kind of kids I hated.

Spoiled. Entitled. Over-privileged. Clueless about real life. Shielded from reality and wrapped in a translucent haze of luxury and vanity.

But I was wrong. I was so wrong about him...

Infact, nothing I had thought about him was true.

We had bonded over beer, wine for me, and pizza, swapping stories of our parents and childhood...

Specifically... His mum.

"She fell sick once. He had said. It was bad. She lost so much weight in weeks and the doctors thought it was cancer."

"Was it?"

He had shrugged, a vain, wistful look in his eyes. "No". Was what he said. "It wasn't."

"Then what was it?"

"I don't know. I don't even want to know. She's fine now and that's all that matters."

I loved Kam. I really did. He quickly became my best friend in the group... But then, he started seeing Asa.

Asa, with her tight scowls and eerie beauty. Those cold eyes that reminded me of bitter shots of espresso on a cold day. Asa, who everyone said had tried to kill her own brother. She was the witch in school. The one everyone said to stay away from.

...The one I had a hopeless crush on.

The first time she looked at me, it felt like she sucked my breath away and consumed me whole. Reducing me to nothing but ashes and dusts.

That shit scared me. Just looking at her, I suddenly lost my ability to breathe and I had looked away, scared shitless.

It was easier staying away from her when we had different friend groups. When she was the social outcast, it was easier pretending that I hated her... And to an extent, I did. I really did.

And then, she swallowed Kam's star and the rest is history.

I watched as they got closer and closer, all the while, their relationship, killing me slowly.

At the back of my mind, I knew Kam would be over and done with her, soon enough. His relationships never lasted long...

Booking a getaway from school was supposed to help us relax a bit as a group and have fun.

But so far, all I've felt is pain. Immeasurable, indescribable pain that choked me up every night and reduced me to a mangled, sobbing mess.

Every fucking night...

And it was only getting worse as the days went by. Seeing them together everyday. Seeing her with him everyday, and trying to pretend like i didn't care.

"Guy, I need to borrow your Balenciaga." Dave was saying, stopping short when he saw me in my compromising position.

"Hey, you cool?" Eyebrows, furrowed in earnest concern, a comforting hand, placed on my shoulder.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm cool?"

He looked like he didn't believe me, dark dark eyes behind thick rimmed designer glances, worriedly furrowed at me.

"You sure?" He asked.

No.

"Yeah." I rubbed my face tiredly.

He casted me another disbelieving glance. "I don't believe you, bro. But okay."

He was already walking into my closet.

"What did you say you wanted again?" I called out.

"Don't worry, I got it!" He called out, walking back out, with my big black boots.

"You always wear things that are bigger than you.".

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that your coveted way of telling me I'm scrawny?"

I laughed.

I always laugh when I'm with Jordan and Dave. And that was why they've remained my closest friends for so long.

Dave clucked his tongue accusingly at me. "I get enough of that from Lola, abeg. Don't even go there." He grunted, sitting on the floor and trying to lace up the thick soled boots.

"Speaking of Lola, when are you going to tell Osahon?"

Dave, Lola and Osahon had a complicated relationship. One I didn't have the patience to unravel completely.

All I knew was that Lola had cheated. Dave found out about it and now he had to carry around the burden until Lola was ready to come clean to Osahon.

I only knew part of the story because Dave had confided in me.

He sobered up immediately. "I don't know, guy. I have to man up and tell him. He's my best friend afterall. But Lola wants to do it herself." He rubbed the back of his head. "It's not her fault, you know? I don't want her doing it alone but I don't want to complicate things either for them by being there. You feel me?"

I nodded.

"I don't have beef with her. I just wish she'd come clean so I don't have to carry all this shit with me."

He sighed and remained silent for a bit, whistling and tying up the shoelaces.

It was quiet between us for a while. Me scrolling through my phone and him, looking for something else in my closet. A comfortable silence, resting between us, like a soft, warm blanket.

Until he laughed, all of a sudden.

I looked at him in confusion.

He was holding his stomach and doubling over, hysterically. "But guy, I can't believe you o!"

"What?"

He pointed at me. "You na! You made it so obvious this morning."

I froze, already knowing what he was talking about.

My dramatic exit from the dining room.

Kam and Asa had walked into the kitchen, already four hours late for breakfast. They were giggling, holding hands and mashed up together like puzzle pieces.

I didn't need a big brain to know that they had slept together that night.

And then Kosi had said, snarky, "we're just gonna pretend like we don't know what you two were up to last night."

Jordan, that idiot, had guffawed. "Probably runs along the line of shmake-up shmex."

Thankfully, Dave had smacked him upside the head, before glancing at me worriedly.

I had nodded, discreetly telling him that I was fine. He had been the first to notice my stupid crush on that witch, and he had felt bad for me, ever since then.

I would have been okay with everything, but then, Kam had kissed her.

Kissed her like he wanted to taste her soul.

That shit got to me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had stormed out, not caring what the others would think.

I just needed to be away from them... Away from her.

"Forget it. I don't need you reminding me of that." I said quietly, heart hurting, turning back to face my phone.

The entire gang had congratulated Kam and Asa for getting back together after days of not talking to each other.

The entire point of the trip had been fulfilled. He had fucked her.

A couple more times, and she'd be out of his life.

I gritted my teeth angrily. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much. I had told her how I felt. She didn't feel the same. They're back together. I should let it go.

I wish it was that easy.
*

The girls were taking forever to dress up.

I watched Kam pace around worriedly as he waited for his girlfriend to show up. Like cancer, a mixture of envy, guilt and regret was eating me up from the inside. Slow poison, turning my blood to something sicker. More toxic.

I should never have kissed her. She belongs to him. And he's my best friend.

Yet, I knew that if she'd let me, I'd kiss her again. Multiple times. And probably even go further with her and not regret it... If she'd let me.

But she'd never.

The first time she willingly kissed me was at Kam's place, back home. Back when they had a fight and I thought I stood a chance.

At that time, I had promised to back off if she felt nothing for me... A promise I wasn't even sure I could keep.

That was the only reason she had kissed me back... And she had felt something. Obviously not as much as she felt for Kam, but there was something... I saw it in her eyes. The fear, the horror, the realization, that if she wanted, she could fall in love with me.

She had gotten even more defensive, ever since that day. Guarding her heart with acid and poison, so I'd never get close again.

I couldn't forget the feeling of her in my arms even if I tried. The feeling of her lips against mine, soft. Hesitant. Sweet.

More...

I sighed, shaking my head to clear my thoughts.

What was taking them so long?

Time went like a blur, and suddenly, I saw Kam stop in his tracks, looking up in awe, like he was staring at the creator.

I followed his line of vision and had to take a double take, mouth dropping at the sight of her.

Asa.

There she was at the top of the stairs, looking so beautiful... So innocent. And yet so sinful.

The dress she wore was sinful enough to send any soul to hell.

But, Hell's inferno was nothing compared to what I felt for her. I realized, it was possible to burn with need for another.

I wanted her. I needed her.

But she loved another. And he had probably had her in his bed, in more ways than one.

The realization snapped me out of my train of thoughts, cold anger, whipped my heart until I trembled from the pain.

She had let him fuck her.

I was only kidding myself.

"You can stop staring, right now, Amir." Somebody said beside me.

I turned to look at Lola, who had a sad, wistful look on her face. "She's not yours. The sooner you accept this, the better it is for you... For all of us."

"Go away, Lola." I muttered, standing up and stretching.

I needed a nap.

"Kam would freak if he finds out what you did."

I glared at her. "Osahon would freak if he finds out what you did."

She trembled, evident fear in her eyes, as she contemplated the fact that I could spill at any time.

Of course, I'd never do something like that. She needed to come clean to her boyfriend on her own.

She folded her hands, growing defensive. "T... that's... That's none of your business, Amir." Couldn't keep the stammer from her voice.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I could say the same to you, Lola."

She bit her lip and looked away from me. "It's different and you know it."

I shrugged. "Then you wouldn't mind coming clean about the whole situation?"

She frowned at me, enforcing anger in her voice, completely ignoring my question. "You better tell him you kissed her. Or I will." She said, before she walked away, angrily.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I knew I had to confess to Kam, sooner or later. And I knew Kam would freak and probably punch me in the face, but I needed to come clean to him... Maybe if I did, the guilt would go away.

Then, I could envy him in peace.

A/n

I'm shaking oo. This is the first chapter. How do y'all like it? I'm falling deeper in love with Amir, just writing from his pov. The feedback will help me continue and work on other chapters❤️. I'll be releasing as the spirit leads me.